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Original poster

Water safety - family member with pond

105 replies

SOSWhen · 28/08/2023 23:18

Hi, my sister and her partner have just bought a lovely new house with a garden pond. Pond is completely unsecured. They don’t have children so don’t have any intention of securing the pond however I have a 10 month old who will soon be moving.

im already nervous about the pond and plan to of course watch my child closely if we ever visit but also human nature is that if we are there and it’s a big group of people (often happens as they hosted alot of gatherings and bbq etc in their old house) that myself or DH might get distracted.

any tips for keeping child safe or what you would do in this situation? I was wondering if I should buy those child rein things For when we visit and literally tie the child to me.

they can’t have kids and are super excited about cultivating the pond and enjoying it as a feature for their guests so I know they wouldn’t fill it in or put A big security mesh over it for child safety.

OP posts:
DinosApple · 29/08/2023 07:40

You just cannot be distracted, it's not an option.

But you watch your DC like a hawk once they start moving - one DC walked at 8 months, the other one was a later walker but crawled at 6 months.
It's exhausting - but you basically follow them everywhere in a new environment -baby proofed or not. You do get used to supervising them constantly so it is second nature, but it is still exhausting. (I had climbers.)

We had a pond in our family home until we moved when DC were 11 & 9.
It had a minimal cover on it to keep the herons off the fish, and if a child had fallen onto it they'd have got wet, but probably not fallen through.

They weren't left unsupervised in the garden until they were much older, so luckily that theory wasn't tested!

Morechocmorechoc · 29/08/2023 07:44

Reading some responses, they are bonkers. We have a big pond and two little ones. No cover or gates. You just teach them about pond safety from very young. Even as a baby crawling you take them to the pond and when they get close you tell them no. they need to know from very young not to go near the edge. Also you will watch him automatically as pp said. It's no big deal if you teach safety. The I wouldn't go comments are stupid. Would you not go to a car park or cross a road.

EthicalNonMahogany · 29/08/2023 07:46

Don't worry about it OP. I think as others have said you just haven't got your head round what the next 4 years are going to be like - you're out of baby stage into toddler stage.

Whether there is a pond or not, I'm afraid you have eyes on your mobile toddler all the time whenever you go everywhere. You don't relax and chat to family, for a couple of years.

It'll be OK - you will manage by tag teaming as others have said.

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Families
DinosApple · 29/08/2023 07:48

I'll add that I think any sort of temporary fence/ play pen may lead to the adults becoming complacent - it's just better to be fully supervising rather than rely on what could be a false sense of security.

Like I said my DC were climbers - and escapologists of the ninja variety so it was eyes in the back of my head for a good few years.

Seashellies · 29/08/2023 07:49

Morechocmorechoc · 29/08/2023 07:44

Reading some responses, they are bonkers. We have a big pond and two little ones. No cover or gates. You just teach them about pond safety from very young. Even as a baby crawling you take them to the pond and when they get close you tell them no. they need to know from very young not to go near the edge. Also you will watch him automatically as pp said. It's no big deal if you teach safety. The I wouldn't go comments are stupid. Would you not go to a car park or cross a road.

It's not bonkers to be aware that young children can drown in ponds in the blink of an eye. This includes children who have been taught from a young age not to go near it. You should be vigilant and not arrogant enough to think it won't happen to you, that doesn't mean not going somewhere but it does mean being aware and making sure they don't slip out of sight. It's one thing to have to encounter risky things through the course of a day like a car park of which you just get on with it, its another to willingly install a big risk with zero safety features in their home.

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 29/08/2023 07:55

I think you just need to have pact with your dh that one will watch the toddler for the duration, whilst the other has a drink. Never mix drinking with supervising and never assume someone else is watching the toddler. They are so much easier before they are mobile, and as pp said, barbecues are full of hazzards - fire, hot surfaces, sharp knives, you can't afford to get distracted. Drowning in a family pond is thankfully rare, but still not unheard of, and kids are are naturally fascinated by ponds.

Morechocmorechoc · 29/08/2023 08:09

@Seashellies I'm not being arrogant. But you can't expect every place you take a child to will be baby proofed. You watch your kid at the beach, so watch them around a pond. It's not hard. It is bonkers that some people are saying don't go, im sirry but that is a massive dramatic over reaction to a pond.

I don't know many people who don't have a constant eye on a 10 month old anyway

Original poster
SOSWhen · 29/08/2023 08:11

Thanks everyone for your replies. I think alot of you are right - I hadn’t thought about how the next stage is lots of watching and following toddler round as this is my first child and only starting to move. So it sounds like keeping an eye on them and keeping them safe from every thing becomes the norm so we will be used to it and then have extra vigilance for when we’re at the pond! Will definitely be doing a verbal handover to DH of who is in charge and when. Good idea!

OP posts:
Outwiththenorm · 29/08/2023 08:17

Perfect28 · 29/08/2023 07:31

We have a system your m, my m (m is child's name) you have to say it aloud and the other person responds so you each know who is responsible.

I read (I think on here?) of pilots saying ‘your airplane’ when they hand over controls. The other pilot has to acknowledge this by saying ‘my airplane’. Me and DH are trying this and all good so far.

minipie · 29/08/2023 08:18

Yep sorry, the stage from starting to crawl to about 2.5 requires constant watching pretty much wherever you are. Mine were able to turn any room into a hazard zone (tried to climb shelves, on furniture, opened every cupboard …) It’s exhausting!

BakingBeanz · 29/08/2023 08:20

Morechocmorechoc · 29/08/2023 08:09

@Seashellies I'm not being arrogant. But you can't expect every place you take a child to will be baby proofed. You watch your kid at the beach, so watch them around a pond. It's not hard. It is bonkers that some people are saying don't go, im sirry but that is a massive dramatic over reaction to a pond.

I don't know many people who don't have a constant eye on a 10 month old anyway

Exactly- the idea of not going seems oddly both over-anxious and not anxious enough. Yes, ponds can be a danger but it’s ok because you will be supervising closely at all times, as you would anywhere.

Good update, op. It will be second nature in no time.

Cheeesus · 29/08/2023 08:23

Yes, from now on, when you are at someone’s house who doesn’t have very young children, you will need to get used to watching them.

Mylobsterteapot · 29/08/2023 08:27

Do handovers between you and DH. You tell him “I am now watching DD.” He confirms. When you swap over, verbal confirmation happens again so both you are clear you is responsible at any given time.
During your time, you are only focused on DD. Not chatting to another adult, no looking at your phone, no reading a book.

SoupDragon · 29/08/2023 08:29

We had a pond when I was growing up. No safety features. As this was the 70s! The only time anyone fell in was when my older brother pushed me in when I was 7. I have fond memories of lying on the grass looking in at the tadpoles to see how their legs were developing. Ponds aren't all bad!

Supervision is key, plus teaching and reinforcing pond safety when they're growing up. I'm not sure mesh etc is necessarily a good thing as it gives a false sense of security. Not all water will be fenced or covered.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 29/08/2023 08:30

As well as vigilance you can also get alarm wrist bands which sound if your child falls into water.

Next summer is probably going to be the worst time, but I imagine they are not out in the garden all winter and by the following summer hopefully your dc will be a little less random. I wouldn't send them unsupervised (by a parent) until they are at least 4.

Truemilk · 29/08/2023 08:30

You won't be letting them out of your sight at all anyway, especially not when they first start moving around, you have to follow them everywhere

FoodFann · 29/08/2023 08:30

Aquamarine1029 · 28/08/2023 23:28

The obvious answer is that you absolutely cannot be distracted, ever. You and your husband are going to have to be highly vigilant, and when in bigger crowds, you can never assume that "someone" is watching your child. My husband and I dealt with this at one of my relative's home. It's just part of being a parent.

And this should be standard parenting everywhere. Not just in places where there is a pond.

WandaWonder · 29/08/2023 08:32

Cheeesus · 29/08/2023 08:23

Yes, from now on, when you are at someone’s house who doesn’t have very young children, you will need to get used to watching them.

If there was water around sure but I did not watch my child any different to at home or out and about or at other people's places, I was not glued to my child 24/7 neither was dh

BakingBeanz · 29/08/2023 08:34

WandaWonder · 29/08/2023 08:32

If there was water around sure but I did not watch my child any different to at home or out and about or at other people's places, I was not glued to my child 24/7 neither was dh

Show quote history

Really? Supervising toddlers closely in strange surroundings is hardly a new thing.

Fundays12 · 29/08/2023 08:35

MissHavershamReturns · 28/08/2023 23:25

I would not allow my dc to go to the house if I was not present myself and I would be physically with my dc at all times.

I wouldn't either. When I was about 13 one of our then neighbours 2 year olds got out of our house and garden, walked into our garden, around the side of our house and stood by our pond. Thankfully me and sibling were in and got her away asap. I was 11 before the pond was installed. I wouldn't want my own kids near them with anyone but me or my mum as she has a terrible fear of water and young kids to.

Poivresel · 29/08/2023 08:37

@SOSWhen we have a pool( with alarm).
When dgc visit we have a strict system where one person knows they are responsible for the dc and if they need to go inside they specifically handover to one other person who knows they are to watch.
This is the only safe way, it stops the ‘I thought you were watching.’

Look up Levi’s legacy for advice.

Cheeesus · 29/08/2023 08:38

WandaWonder · 29/08/2023 08:32

If there was water around sure but I did not watch my child any different to at home or out and about or at other people's places, I was not glued to my child 24/7 neither was dh

Show quote history

I wouldn’t let a toddler have free rein somewhere that wasn’t baby proofed.

Lonicerax · 29/08/2023 08:39

There will surely be other children there sometimes so not just you eyeing the pond. But socialising with a toddler isn’t great -I remember some very tedious weddings.
Perhaps get a babysitter.

Seashellies · 29/08/2023 08:40

Morechocmorechoc · 29/08/2023 08:09

@Seashellies I'm not being arrogant. But you can't expect every place you take a child to will be baby proofed. You watch your kid at the beach, so watch them around a pond. It's not hard. It is bonkers that some people are saying don't go, im sirry but that is a massive dramatic over reaction to a pond.

I don't know many people who don't have a constant eye on a 10 month old anyway

I didn't say not to go, far from it. Its different watching a child at the beach vs somewhere you live, unless you're saying your children are never in the garden without you or another adult?

Give0fecks · 29/08/2023 08:44

@Poivresel please could you explain how the pool alarm works? My parents have a pool and we would love to stay with them but it’s literally 6ft away from the French doors on the only living room area and my dad always leaves the door open.