When did mn get so unpleasant?

[NoEffingWay]

Not exactly reinventing the wheel with this thread? Asked a related question on a thread to be told off and told to 'get a life' and get 'my own thread'.

I have been here for years, 13 to be precise, and I'm starting be nervous about asking questions like this one on mn. It used to be humour and kindness, and now it's become attacking and unpleasantness.

This is not a flounce but a sadness that women are using this forum to attack each other for innocuous and innocent comments.

I don’t think it has. I have been here a similar amount of time and I remember thinking it was very robust when i started. To the point I was here a few months before I even made a comment.

As you said, this thread is anything new and I read them when I first joined. People have been saying it forever.

I found views a lot less diverse and I felt that anything expect the mainstream views made you fair game. Where as now I think there’s a bigger range of views and not all different views get attacked. Or maybe I am not as sensitive. I also found it funny, interesting, informative and so on. Then and now, I find it far more positive than negative. It’s made huge difference in my life that have been very positive.

I think anytime you get a group of people together there are going to be those who You disagree with or you find harsh. I don’t think that’s changed here. It’s always been a group of people, some will (naturally) be harsher than you.

But also you will have changed in that time. So maybe MN hasn’t changed that much. But it’s changed and so have you so the change feels bigger but it’s not MN itself where the big change has occurred.

I’ve been on here for years and it’s always been pretty punchy. I do find myself getting more irritated these days with stupid posts though.

People asking dumb questions that it takes seconds to google, wide-eyed attention seeking, people who seem incapable of making any sort of decision without asking MN, people who repeatedly post the same thing thinking they might get a different answer, the ‘but I looooove him!’ brigade who constantly post about their awful DP but won’t leave, the weirdos and fantasists etc.

Gransnet is much more civil and fair minded

Don't be so sure that all the most unpleasant posts are from women. Mumsnet is a regular target for incels, misogynists, bored stupid twats and all manner of trolls.

I think there's been a big seachange in the demographic over the years. Things change. And, like it or not, there's no going back. If you look at threads from, say, 2005-2010, I'd say that was MN's heyday. Robust, challenging, provocative, funny, angry, supportive, heart-warming - and that could be contained in the first 5 threads you opened. Political party leaders fgs came on to do webchats the two days before a GE. That's not going to happen again anytime soon.

I've been here since 2004 and whilst it used to be "robust" and if you acted like a twat, you were told you were acting like a twat, now it's almost as if posters join just to be aggressive. Of course, it's also troll central which doesn't help.

I hope in a certain sense that that's true.
Because some of the posts full of hatred for other women and lack of respect for women's boundaries can't (in my head) have been made by women.

It's always been "robust" but I think people can be more aggressive and more likely to dehumanise each other.

My sense is that people's behaviour more generally has hardened since COVID - eg it was normalised to go on the attack about people's perceived shortcomings in following lockdown rules. People were frightened for a sustained period of time and became very adversarial and aggressive.

But all that aggression about lockdowns has probably worn down people's tolerance to let similar behaviour wash over them now.

The demographics have massively widened, for better and for worse. It used to be horribly cliquey - if you were in the in crowd you could be breathtakingly rude with abandon

The number of black and white, dog with a bone-style posters has increased to a ridiculous degree.

I agree op . It's just nasty these days . You can't say Jack shit without
Some twatty response

Is woke af so you use any slang like bonkers or bitter and you're ablist

I was watching nish kumars latest standup where he refers to himself as a "man of colour " but use that here and you are racist

Try to get advice about anything and you're called a troll
Try to elaborate on something you posted and you're accused of not taking the advice here like it's compulsory

It used to be robust but not downright nasty . It is now . I have a really pressing issue I'd like advice on but I darent ask .it's hostile and off putting like it never used to be .

I know what you mean. I decided I'd read it all when someone was calling a poster out for using the word "stupid". Apparently you're not allowed to say that one any more

I'd kind of agree. Except for the fact that I was just on that thread, and you were royally p**ing me off too. You were derailing someone else's thread, making it about you, and insisting on having what was, really, quite a nasty row with someone. You should have started your own thread.

I also tend to think that if you have to put the word LIGHTHEARTED in caps to signpost a humourous thread, it’s not going to end well.

’It’s all very well for you, OP, that your child encouraged your cat to shit down the back of your sofa. My cat died and I’d give anything to have him shit on a cushion again.’

5th September 2014.

@Devonshirelass

I was thinking this. I was wondering what kind of thread doesn't attract some vitriolic response. Even a seemingly normal post will get some unnecessary nasty replies.
It's very odd.

I'll often start reading something, and the first few responses are well balanced, and then it descends into the whole 'you are a useless, horrible human being who really should declare yourself to social services' over something very minor. I usually sigh deeply and move on to something else.

As an adendum, if someone feels it's okay to have a dig about my personal characteristics on a thread, I will defend myself because if someone is willing to have a go, I'm more than likely to let them know what I think, but if you wanted to look back at my thread history you'll more than likely find I'm not after a scrap!

Mumsnet made me laugh through the baby and toddler years, got me through my divorce and has been a source of knowledge, sniggering humour and wisdom. I've had my arse handed me on a plate when I've deserved it too!

Same.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4881244-is-this-normal-vinted-etiquette

here's the thread

The first time I ventured here back in the Dark Ages, I got ripped into and called all manner of things for something innocuous that I was worried about - full on, personal attacks from multiple original posters.

I didn't come back for years. Came back and it wasn't anywhere near so spiteful. Still have some who will take offence at every autocorrect or failure to be able to read the miniscule text on the app/not having an iPhone, but on the whole, it was alright.

Sometimes people still go off at the deep end or a mildly critical post gets deleted, but I think it's more robust in a good way - there's not so much crying and shaking or Tories are Wonderful posts (although the latter could be because they have clearly demonstrated their general crapness in recent years).

Not a fan of the disordered stuff littered all over the place or the picking on women who might not have five Doctorates for their spelling and grammar, but there are still women in abusive situations getting help, support and advice,

Oh the irony of having posters come for you on a thread where you are expressing dismay about that exact situation 🙈

Time for a large gin and to contemplate the circular nature of MN

Yes I totally second this! It doesn't matter what you write, someone will jump on and say something nasty and make everything your fault. The classic "well if that's your attitude I'm glad I do t know you" pops up on every thread I've seen. I got called a cunt on a thread for asking what to do about work bullying!!

I think it's possibly men with an agenda to ruin the site.

It only seems to take one person to make a snarky remark and it opens the floodgates for everyone else to pile on , then someone makes a nicer remark and everyone else follows suit.

I've only been here about 4/5 years and always found it to be a bit of a cesspit. Definitely not what I expected when I first joined.

QED