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Original poster

When did mn get so unpleasant?

80 replies

NoEffingWay · 26/08/2023 19:52

Not exactly reinventing the wheel with this thread? Asked a related question on a thread to be told off and told to 'get a life' and get 'my own thread'.

I have been here for years, 13 to be precise, and I'm starting be nervous about asking questions like this one on mn. It used to be humour and kindness, and now it's become attacking and unpleasantness.

This is not a flounce but a sadness that women are using this forum to attack each other for innocuous and innocent comments.

OP posts:
Wisterical · 26/08/2023 21:19

I don't think it has, it's more that people have become terribly sensitive (and often demand in their opening post that posters #bekind).

Thinkbiglittleone · 26/08/2023 21:22

Yes, it has definitely become a nastier place. It's a shame because yes it used to be an honest and direct place which was great, now it's as if people don't understand that, and get that confused with just plain rude and aggressive, it's a shame really.

@NoEffingWay I did read the link for the thread, and I really don't see how anyone can think you did anything wrong by asking a question ConfusedGrin

OMGitsnotgood · 26/08/2023 21:22

I've been on MN for about 16 years. I agree it's always been 'robust' as PP described it but I do think it has got nastier. I'm pretty tough skinned but have found myself starting to type things then deleting as I really could do without the extreme unpleasantness that is more prevalent now than previously.

Barbadossunset · 26/08/2023 21:25

or Tories are Wonderful posts.

You’d have to be a very brave or foolish poster indeed to past that.

LongTermLurker · 26/08/2023 21:25

I've been on here for 17 years and the tone had definitely changed. It's like some posters come on here just desperate to find criticism with others. The whole "nest of vipers" thing was more a reference to the lack of twee "hunning" found on other parenting websites. I was looking back at some of my earliest post and know I'd have got an absolute pasting if I posted then today. Instead I got the dry, humorous sympathy that made early parenthood more bearable.

<Edited a typo... Joy!>

BreadInCaptivity · 26/08/2023 21:27

I think it depends on what topic you post in.

AIBU has always been a bit "fighty" where people see to be contentious for the sake of it.

Chat by comparison is a lot kinder and also the more "niche" topics.

So I'm not convinced it's become more "mean girls" overall.

Been on here a similar time to you OP.

BumbleBee75 · 26/08/2023 21:27

You can ask the simplest of questions and there's always a few who spit venom. I've noticed it too. I brace myself for them before I post anything. It's a shame really, but the nice/helpful outweigh the nasty.

Wendysfriend · 26/08/2023 21:29

It's like reading the comments section of the Daily Mail some days on here, YES I read the Daily Mail, especially for the unhinged comments. 🤣

What I have noticed is, when someone rocks up with a comment full of bile, the op and other posters focus on these replies, ignoring the helpful comments. It's best to ignore and just pretend you haven't seen the comments.

I seen the Vinted post, tbh I don't think your post was out of order, I've seen threads been properly derailed. At least your comment was about Vinted. People post their own situations in nearly every post on here.

This is the problem with social media, a lot of people are only happy when they are bringing someone else down.

Hawkins009 · 26/08/2023 21:32

Been Here on and off since the infamous beaker thread.

I guess it depends on the boards as there are a mix of "vipers" at times especially over the years.

SemperIdem · 26/08/2023 21:33

I’ve been around since about 2010. Agree it’s always been fairly robust but have noticed recently it is less robust, or even heated, debate and more posters clambering over each other to show off their stunning lack of empathy.

I read a thread earlier where the op was clearly in an abusive relationship, was just about seeing the wood through the trees in terms of being able to see she should leave. Only for an avalanche of posters to pile in telling her she’s a terrible mother, useless person etc. It was just profoundly unhelpful.

Fraudornot · 26/08/2023 21:34

Been here 15+ years and can now predict whatever thread I would start will be punched on and make me feel worse than if I hadn’t posted. It wasn’t like this years ago but then again social media was in its infancy and there wasn’t the offloading of every internal thought in your head without thought to who might be reviving it. It’s definitely led to me being extremely cautious about what I post. And it was just more fun in the days where everything wasn’t pounced on.

SemperIdem · 26/08/2023 21:39

Even worse as one a while back where the op had had an arranged marriage, felt forced into it and was terribly unhappy with her resulting life, wanted to leave and start again. Some posters were just so awful, no cultural awareness or understanding as to why a (then) 17 year old wouldn’t have felt able to “just say no”, saying she was despicable for even considering life without her children, terrible human being, weak and so on.

It was a hard read, I wonder how that particular op is doing but understandably hasn’t been back to the thread for while now.

I am quite direct and if someone is just being a bit of a dick, I’ll say so. But so many situations are much more nuanced than that, and do require you to have the ability to apply both empathy and critical thinking skills if you’re going to add anything of value to a thread.

BreadInCaptivity · 26/08/2023 21:55

@NoEffingWay

Looked at the thread in question.

Can't see at all why your question was problematic and jumped on.

I'm on another Vinted thread (I'm not the OP) and have asked loads of questions as a Vinted newbie and nobody has had a pop at me (nor other posters asking questions)

Maybe join us over there and ask away...

I am loving vinted http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/styleandd_beauty/4869287-i-am-loving-vinted

Tinaforshort · 26/08/2023 22:04

I’ve been here since around 2009/2010 and I think it seems to go in peaks and troughs. Throughout the years there have always been times when you open a thread and it’s a bunfight left right and centre, then a few months later the same thread gets different replies.

I have found that MN has changed a lot since then as in it no longer depends whose replying as to the replies on the thread. There did used to be a group of posters that no matter what they replied it was the correct thing and they were amazing, despite several other posters replying exactly the same and being ignored because their name wasn’t one of that group. When threads were made complaining about this the chosen few were always the first to deny this was happening. You no longer seem to get that, but you don’t tend to see the same names anymore - I assume they left or changed their name and faded into the background.

I’m more of a lurker than a poster and I have recently changed my name.

SgtPercyTwentyman · 26/08/2023 22:05

Been here, on and off, since 2013. It's certainly not as light hearted as it used to be.

StarDolphins · 26/08/2023 22:10

I agree. The amount of bitchy ‘it’s on you, you’re a shit parent’ replies are awful. It’s like people come here just to be nasty. It’s the same ones all the time.

There are some really lovely & supportive people too though.

TaniaBania · 26/08/2023 22:23

Your post on the other thread was fine, OP. No idea why you were jumped on.

Worth remembering that a proportion of people on here are here just to cause trouble and upset deliberately , whether with the aim of posting it on Tattle or Twitter, or just for their own amusement. And that changes the tone of the boards for everyone and makes us all more likely to be spiky.

TooBigForMyBoots · 26/08/2023 22:23

I agree OP. I'm putting it down to end of summer holiday fatigue and trolls. There does seem to be a lot of trolls about.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 26/08/2023 22:36

Around six months to a year ago? It didn't used to be the case that the first 6-12 answers were nasty. Now you can almost guarantee it.

longestlurkerever · 26/08/2023 22:39

I agree. I agree it's less cliquey than it used to be but omg the sneeriness is another level. And the "your dd is a monster and it's your fault" pile ons. On a parenting site, what's that all about?

Hawkins009 · 26/08/2023 22:46

Tinaforshort · 26/08/2023 22:04

I’ve been here since around 2009/2010 and I think it seems to go in peaks and troughs. Throughout the years there have always been times when you open a thread and it’s a bunfight left right and centre, then a few months later the same thread gets different replies.

I have found that MN has changed a lot since then as in it no longer depends whose replying as to the replies on the thread. There did used to be a group of posters that no matter what they replied it was the correct thing and they were amazing, despite several other posters replying exactly the same and being ignored because their name wasn’t one of that group. When threads were made complaining about this the chosen few were always the first to deny this was happening. You no longer seem to get that, but you don’t tend to see the same names anymore - I assume they left or changed their name and faded into the background.

I’m more of a lurker than a poster and I have recently changed my name.

Is this partly to do also when certain posters would want specific Intel but then only want to request it of certain posters who others had given an air of expertise too?

moomoosaka · 26/08/2023 22:47

Covid

longestlurkerever · 26/08/2023 22:51

I think Brexit was more of a turning point than covid actually. Such divisiveness that has never really recovered. I assume it's reflective of the country as a whole and it saddens me

Maddy70 · 26/08/2023 22:51

I think it really has. Today alone. I've been trolled , belittled and bullied because I have a different opinion to someone else
I haven't been unpleasant in anything I've posted but some have been dreadfully In response. I do think the tien has ci e for admins to monitor more closely the vitriol

Maddy70 · 26/08/2023 22:53

Wisterical · 26/08/2023 21:19

I don't think it has, it's more that people have become terribly sensitive (and often demand in their opening post that posters #bekind).

But what's wrong with asking posters to be kind surely that shouldn't need to be said ?

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