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Original poster

When did mn get so unpleasant?

80 replies

NoEffingWay · 26/08/2023 19:52

Not exactly reinventing the wheel with this thread? Asked a related question on a thread to be told off and told to 'get a life' and get 'my own thread'.

I have been here for years, 13 to be precise, and I'm starting be nervous about asking questions like this one on mn. It used to be humour and kindness, and now it's become attacking and unpleasantness.

This is not a flounce but a sadness that women are using this forum to attack each other for innocuous and innocent comments.

OP posts:
fluffy2buffy · 26/08/2023 23:01

MN is a horrible place often. Some of the things I see written on hear make me cringe and think about how unhappy so many people are. Or I'm a freak of nature and generally want the best for people. Luckily there's still that small chunk of light and intelligent writing and quick wit to keep me coming back but no where near as much as I did.

FictionalCharacter · 26/08/2023 23:02

LindorDoubleChoc · 26/08/2023 20:09

Don't be so sure that all the most unpleasant posts are from women. Mumsnet is a regular target for incels, misogynists, bored stupid twats and all manner of trolls.

I agree. It’s been infiltrated more and more. A few years ago there was a wave of sneering on Twitter and Reddit by people calling MNers “Karens” and “Terfs” and other misogynistic insults. That attracted troublemakers, and trolling MN talk threads has now become a long term hobby for them. It’s easy to see at times, when a post is hit with mocking or vicious replies which are written in the same way and have the same tone.

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 26/08/2023 23:04

Maddy70 · 26/08/2023 22:53

But what's wrong with asking posters to be kind surely that shouldn't need to be said ?

Show quote history

No, posters need to be honest, OK, there's ways of wording it, but #BeKind is absolutely horrible, and only ever aimed at women.

Maddy70 · 26/08/2023 23:13

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 26/08/2023 23:04

No, posters need to be honest, OK, there's ways of wording it, but #BeKind is absolutely horrible, and only ever aimed at women.

Show quote history

So if a poster asks you to be kind. They are obviously feeling sensitive are you suggesting that posters just wade in?

You can be kind and honest at the same time

ALongHardWinter · 26/08/2023 23:19

After being told that 'maybe you should consider having therapy' for a pretty innocuous comment I posted on a thread recently,I agree!

Biscuitandacuppa · 26/08/2023 23:28

I have been here since 2010 under various names and had some really good advice and a lot of laughs. I have noticed over the last few years that there just seems to be no filter and often the OP is hounded off their own thread because of the vitriol spouted by posters, I read the winter fuel payment thread earlier and it was riddled with posts that were just awful. It’s a real shame.

Sugarfish · 26/08/2023 23:44

I feel like a lot of posters want to prove they’re intelligent, tough and won’t stand any nonsense. They’re probably the opposite in real life but can be who they want to be on here and it comes across as bullying a lot of the time. It’s definitely worse than it used to be. Could also be that life is more stressful these days and sometimes you can feel a posters rage even on the most trivial threads. I much prefer the posters who have a sense of humour.

I actually find tattle a more supportive place these days. I can see why they make fun of us though.

TooBigForMyBoots · 27/08/2023 00:31

longestlurkerever · 26/08/2023 22:51

I think Brexit was more of a turning point than covid actually. Such divisiveness that has never really recovered. I assume it's reflective of the country as a whole and it saddens me

Yep. Brexit brought a level of viciousness and vitriol that hasn't gone away.Sad

Calistano · 27/08/2023 00:41

Yup, it's banal and shitty now. Extremely dumbed down, I miss the mn of old.

Threenow · 27/08/2023 01:08

PatTesting · 26/08/2023 20:01

I’ve been on here for years and it’s always been pretty punchy. I do find myself getting more irritated these days with stupid posts though.

People asking dumb questions that it takes seconds to google, wide-eyed attention seeking, people who seem incapable of making any sort of decision without asking MN, people who repeatedly post the same thing thinking they might get a different answer, the ‘but I looooove him!’ brigade who constantly post about their awful DP but won’t leave, the weirdos and fantasists etc.

I feel exactly the same, in fact I am wondering if it might be better for me to step away from MN before my blood pressure goes through the roof. So much drama over the most petty things, and yes, posters who simply can't make a decision, and then there are those who ask for advice and then argue against the good advice they've been given and stick with what they want to do - which is fine, but why ask in the first place.

HaroldMeaker · 27/08/2023 01:20

I think it all went downhill when MN introduced the Hmm emoji

NoTouch · 27/08/2023 01:24

I've been on here a little longer, 19 years!

I think the answers have become more robust in response to posts becoming more entitled, lazy, do not take responsibility for their own actions, dont want to hear the truth, or take offence at the slightest criticism.

The robustness should not be seen as a bad thing, some posters need a good slice of tough love. I certainly dont want posters to massage my ego and just agree with me , If you have a different opinion tell me, that is the reason I post, and I will consider it or if it is shite will ignore it. Most of the problems is when people forget it is just a forum and fight to the bitter end to get the last word or insist they are right.

wayyour · 27/08/2023 01:30

Sugarfish · 26/08/2023 23:44

I feel like a lot of posters want to prove they’re intelligent, tough and won’t stand any nonsense. They’re probably the opposite in real life but can be who they want to be on here and it comes across as bullying a lot of the time. It’s definitely worse than it used to be. Could also be that life is more stressful these days and sometimes you can feel a posters rage even on the most trivial threads. I much prefer the posters who have a sense of humour.

I actually find tattle a more supportive place these days. I can see why they make fun of us though.

I agree. Also about Tattle which makes me laugh as they're so often spot on.

ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 27/08/2023 01:47

Furryrug · 26/08/2023 21:05

It only seems to take one person to make a snarky remark and it opens the floodgates for everyone else to pile on , then someone makes a nicer remark and everyone else follows suit.

This. It's like watching sheep being herded. They are swayed one way and then the other. Often someone will take a look from a distance, notice something really obvious that everyone else has failed to notice because they are following the flock and everyone will go off on that tangent.

This element of it makes the advice bordering on worthless on a large number of threads.

curaçao · 27/08/2023 01:50

LindorDoubleChoc · 26/08/2023 20:09

Don't be so sure that all the most unpleasant posts are from women. Mumsnet is a regular target for incels, misogynists, bored stupid twats and all manner of trolls.

Women are more than capable of biatchy posts too!

damsoncheese · 27/08/2023 02:18

PatTesting · 26/08/2023 20:01

I’ve been on here for years and it’s always been pretty punchy. I do find myself getting more irritated these days with stupid posts though.

People asking dumb questions that it takes seconds to google, wide-eyed attention seeking, people who seem incapable of making any sort of decision without asking MN, people who repeatedly post the same thing thinking they might get a different answer, the ‘but I looooove him!’ brigade who constantly post about their awful DP but won’t leave, the weirdos and fantasists etc.

It's hard, when you read a type of post you've seen a hundred times before, not at some level to react as if it's the same person posting it all over again. I mean obviously everyone knows it's not, it's just a similar type of person, perhaps, but when you feel like you've seen it a hundred times yourself I think part of your brain thinks well surely everyone has, so why does anyone need to ask this again?

I think I've been lurking and occasionally posting for about 15 years. It has definitely changed. Yes there were cliques that have gone away and probably for the better. But early on I think people reacted with more kindness and genuine interest to posts, and also often were genuinely trying to get to know each other. I think MN has become too big and public for the sort of private support and camaraderie it used to offer. There are still supportive posts and information that can be really good, but the feel is different.

damsoncheese · 27/08/2023 02:29

ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 27/08/2023 01:47

This. It's like watching sheep being herded. They are swayed one way and then the other. Often someone will take a look from a distance, notice something really obvious that everyone else has failed to notice because they are following the flock and everyone will go off on that tangent.

This element of it makes the advice bordering on worthless on a large number of threads.

Show quote history

I think this can also happen after the first couple of dozen replies on a thread if an OP doesn't specifically and clearly say she'll be taking the advice of the first replies (i.e. maybe she's quite reasonably still just listening to opinions).

You can see the tone of the replies shifting subtly down the thread - they start to reply as if the OP is being stubborn and refusing to see reason, even when they only posted two hours ago and the only reason there are actually 35 replies is just because everyone wants to have their say even if it's not original!

BreadInCaptivity · 27/08/2023 02:33

NoTouch · 27/08/2023 01:24

I've been on here a little longer, 19 years!

I think the answers have become more robust in response to posts becoming more entitled, lazy, do not take responsibility for their own actions, dont want to hear the truth, or take offence at the slightest criticism.

The robustness should not be seen as a bad thing, some posters need a good slice of tough love. I certainly dont want posters to massage my ego and just agree with me , If you have a different opinion tell me, that is the reason I post, and I will consider it or if it is shite will ignore it. Most of the problems is when people forget it is just a forum and fight to the bitter end to get the last word or insist they are right.

I broadly agree with you.

Also I think there is as much as people might perceive the responses as "nasty" I think an uprise in entitled expectations contributes to that.

What I don't like however are posts like one I have just encountered on a thread that just put the boot in.

Basically along the lines of "well you chose to have 3 kids so what did you expect?".

Absolutely no helpful response to the issues the OP was facing, just akin to "you made shit choices, suck it up buttercup".

I absolutely think on some threads a "robust" response is required.

I'm personally not going to sugarcoat the damage being done to children in an abusive household because mum "luvs him".

But that doesn't mean you have to be nasty whilst being truthful and also failing to offer constructive ways forward.

FiveShelties · 27/08/2023 02:41

I agree with you as well @NoEffingWay and I have no idea what you did which was so awful on the vinted thread.

ItstimeToMoveagain · 27/08/2023 02:43

There was nothing wrong with what you posted on that thread. Some posters are oddly aggressive for no reason

Fifireee · 27/08/2023 05:10

There is a lovely helpful thread in higher education and even that has attracted the odd spitefilled comment. It's just so odd.

daisychain01 · 27/08/2023 05:36

PatTesting · 26/08/2023 20:01

I’ve been on here for years and it’s always been pretty punchy. I do find myself getting more irritated these days with stupid posts though.

People asking dumb questions that it takes seconds to google, wide-eyed attention seeking, people who seem incapable of making any sort of decision without asking MN, people who repeatedly post the same thing thinking they might get a different answer, the ‘but I looooove him!’ brigade who constantly post about their awful DP but won’t leave, the weirdos and fantasists etc.

I so agree with you.

there's real life and then there's a load of made-up stuff on MN. When it's very difficult to discern the difference between those extremes, and we're meant to take everything on face value "just in case" I find myself feeling like the only threads I can trust and want to invest my time in, are Gardening and Yoga. Everything else is pot luck and just a wind-up most of the time.

Abhannmor · 27/08/2023 07:07

Yes @longestlurkerever , Covid / Lockdown , Trans but - especially- Brexit seems to have made everyone quicker to anger?

SammyScrounge · 02/10/2023 17:44

NoEffingWay · 26/08/2023 19:52

Not exactly reinventing the wheel with this thread? Asked a related question on a thread to be told off and told to 'get a life' and get 'my own thread'.

I have been here for years, 13 to be precise, and I'm starting be nervous about asking questions like this one on mn. It used to be humour and kindness, and now it's become attacking and unpleasantness.

This is not a flounce but a sadness that women are using this forum to attack each other for innocuous and innocent comments.

Perhaps the guilty parties aren't women are all

bemorebernard · 02/10/2023 18:59

I think it's just become a competitive bitch fest to see who can kick a poster the hardest these days .

I'm searching out other forums .