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Original poster

Do I get grandparents a gift for looking after DC whilst we're at wedding?!

102 replies

lovetoscroll · 23/08/2023 07:08

My in laws are coming over this weekend, travelling about 4 hours to get here- by boat and car. They do very little with the grandchildren, unless we go to them- which with 3 children 5 and under is a bit of a faff, it's far easier for them to come here.
This weekend we're off to a wedding and all of my family are going. In laws have been asked for months (since January) to come over to mind the kids.
My parents by comparison have the kids 3 days a week for us, very hands on. I'd never usually buy them a present unless it was something out of the ordinary.
Do I need to get in laws a gift for coming over and if so what kind of thing would you get?!

OP posts:

Peony654 · 23/08/2023 07:14

Assuming you are hosting them, I’d just leave them a few treats in the fridge for whilst they stay.

SpunkyGibbon · 23/08/2023 07:14

That would be polite, perhaps give a little something to your parents everytime too ?

DaddyPigMustDie · 23/08/2023 07:16

If they're travelling 4 hours to baby sit your kids, then yes get them some nice bits!

Don't compare them to your parents, just see this for the massive favour it is and try to enjoy it.

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WtfHormones · 23/08/2023 07:17

My in laws are coming over this weekend, travelling about 4 hours to get here- by boat and car

I would class that as out of the ordinary.

I think it would be rude not to. Just because your parents do lots of childcare doesn't mean you can't appreciate it when your in-laws do it even though it's less.

bladebladebla1 · 23/08/2023 07:20

SpunkyGibbon · 23/08/2023 07:14

That would be polite, perhaps give a little something to your parents everytime too ?

A present 3 days a week 😂

borntobequiet · 23/08/2023 07:26

Why wouldn’t you get them something nice for coming so far to do you a favour?

Regarding them doing very little with the grandchildren unless you go to them - at yours they’re out of their comfort zone in an unfamiliar place, having made a significant journey to get to you. At their home they’re able to plan suitable activities in familiar surroundings. It’s hardly surprising.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 23/08/2023 07:29

I'd get them a nice hamper of bits n bobs to eat whilst there there and bring back flowers

Overdemanding · 23/08/2023 07:30

I don't know if a present is necessary, a genuine thank you and making sure they're well looked after in the house might be better, but goodness, your attitude to them compared to that towards your parents needs some work.

They're travelling 4 hours to stay for a weekend with 3 children under 5!

Overdemanding · 23/08/2023 07:31

I bet your parents have the DC at their house, don't they they?

googledidnthelp · 23/08/2023 07:35

Have you covered the cost of the boat? If so as others have said maybe some nice treats and food. If they have paid themselves then I'd suggest a more substantial thankful.

toomuchlaundry · 23/08/2023 07:37

Do you pay or ever treat your parents to look after 3 5 and under children 3 days a week, as that is a big ask

Overdemanding · 23/08/2023 07:38

FWIW my parents were very hands on with DC and would have loved to have DC for a weekend, but there's no way they'd have done it in our house. We'd have had to either take DC to them or they'd have gone away elsewhere for the weekend. Your ILs sound like stars to me.

IfYouDontAsk · 23/08/2023 07:40

My in laws are coming over this weekend, travelling about 4 hours to get here- by boat and car.

Why would you even consider not getting them a gift for doing the above?! They’re travelling a long way and looking after three small children for the weekend, which will be exhausting for them. They’re doing you a really nice favour. It would be incredibly rude and ungrateful to not buy a gift or treat them in some way to show your gratitude.

I presume that you treat your own parents in some way every so often in recognition of the regular childcare they do for you?

Wilkolampshade · 23/08/2023 07:42

Of course you should! Why on earth wouldn't you?

SpunkyGibbon · 23/08/2023 07:44

bladebladebla1 · 23/08/2023 07:20

A present 3 days a week 😂

Show quote history

Why not ?
They are doing @lovetoscroll a favour
You can get flowers from aldi for 2 quid

MuggleMe · 23/08/2023 07:46

Yes get them something, based on their interests. I've done a plant, gardening gift voucher, national trust voucher etc with a heartfelt card. It's a big deal, if they didn't do it you couldn't go.

yogasaurus · 23/08/2023 07:46

Yes, I would. Something they’d like, or a nice bunch of flowers and wine.

AgathaMiss · 23/08/2023 07:47

You're lucky your parents live close enough to see DC so often and that they can manage three very young children. If your IL moved next door I suspect you wouldn't really want them looking after your DC 3 times a week.

I'd get in treats for them and make sure there is easy food for them to make for DC, or offer to pay for them to take DC out to eat or for a takeaway. I'd send something to their house after they're back there to say thanks - my MIL loved flowers, cream teas or treat food.

YourNameGoesHere · 23/08/2023 07:49

Absolutely get them a present three children under 5 for thr whole day, plus a 4 hour journey including a boat is absolutely above and beyond!

I'm also amazed you think they should come more often and do more with the children, not even sure when they would be able to do more with your family having them 3 times a week every week. They also deserve a bloody gift too to be honest, they sound like saints.

Karatema · 23/08/2023 07:59

I'll tell my DDiLs and DSs that I expect chocs and flowers the next time I travel 4 hours and 12 hours to babysit 🤣
They're family! They are going to look after their DGC. I look forward to childsitting. With the distances involved I don't see my DGC enough.

It's a lovely thought though. Do what you feel comfortable doing 😀

pickledandpuzzled · 23/08/2023 08:02

I'd be more concerned about them coping than about whether to get them a gift.

But yes, it's a massive favour family or not. Well stocked up with treats and a gift.

BCBird · 23/08/2023 08:03

Nice treats and food and also an experience/ voucher would be good I think. It's a big ask. It's not something I would do unless an emergency.

Original poster

lovetoscroll · 23/08/2023 08:03

Ok so my next question is what kind of gift? MIL has very expensive, designer taste. Do I get her Chanel perfume, is that OTT? FIL is a typical man and doesn't need anything, difficult to buy for. If I bought them a hamper of food they wouldn't eat it whilst at ours. No idea! So tricky.

FIL also just been over in July. I bought him some bits then to take back with him- wine, fancy tea towel, little print of where we live (they like the area), few other little trinkets to go back with. So feel like I've already done "little bits"

OP posts:

CurlewKate · 23/08/2023 08:05

I don't really understand the question-it seems very strange to compare like that.

Bobbybobbins · 23/08/2023 08:05

What about a voucher for somewhere naice that they might shop- Harrods or something?

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