Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Do I get grandparents a gift for looking after DC whilst we're at wedding?!

102 replies

lovetoscroll · 23/08/2023 07:08

My in laws are coming over this weekend, travelling about 4 hours to get here- by boat and car. They do very little with the grandchildren, unless we go to them- which with 3 children 5 and under is a bit of a faff, it's far easier for them to come here.
This weekend we're off to a wedding and all of my family are going. In laws have been asked for months (since January) to come over to mind the kids.
My parents by comparison have the kids 3 days a week for us, very hands on. I'd never usually buy them a present unless it was something out of the ordinary.
Do I need to get in laws a gift for coming over and if so what kind of thing would you get?!

OP posts:
ohcrums · 23/08/2023 08:06

WtfHormones · 23/08/2023 07:17

My in laws are coming over this weekend, travelling about 4 hours to get here- by boat and car

I would class that as out of the ordinary.

I think it would be rude not to. Just because your parents do lots of childcare doesn't mean you can't appreciate it when your in-laws do it even though it's less.

I agree

Overdemanding · 23/08/2023 08:08

I feel uncomfortable about your attitude towards them, but isn't the gift issue one for DH?

ohcrums · 23/08/2023 08:09

lovetoscroll · 23/08/2023 08:03

Ok so my next question is what kind of gift? MIL has very expensive, designer taste. Do I get her Chanel perfume, is that OTT? FIL is a typical man and doesn't need anything, difficult to buy for. If I bought them a hamper of food they wouldn't eat it whilst at ours. No idea! So tricky.

FIL also just been over in July. I bought him some bits then to take back with him- wine, fancy tea towel, little print of where we live (they like the area), few other little trinkets to go back with. So feel like I've already done "little bits"

No, thats ridiculous. Just get her a nice box of chocolates and offer to pay for their travel

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General shopping Weddings
pleasedontplayfuckgLoveShack · 23/08/2023 08:11

DaddyPigMustDie · 23/08/2023 07:16

If they're travelling 4 hours to baby sit your kids, then yes get them some nice bits!

Don't compare them to your parents, just see this for the massive favour it is and try to enjoy it.

Agree with this at the least and yes, try not to compare. When DD was little husbands parents had her for a sleepover or babysat maybe 5/6 times a year and we know we were incredibly lucky. My parents, very rarely but hey ho. On the rare occasion they babysat I always made sure we had some nice treats in for their tea.

When your older looking after little ones is exhausting Grin

HalloumiHo · 23/08/2023 08:11

I think it would be a lovely gesture as they're coming such a long way to help out. Your DH should decide what would be an appropriate gift though.

ohcrums · 23/08/2023 08:12

I can't get my head around why you're comparing them to your parents tbh.

The distance and costs involved are different presumably unless your parents also travel the same distance for 3 days.

Let your DH choose something his parents will like. And as PP said you should consider a thank you of some sort to your parents!

cherrypied · 23/08/2023 08:12

I wouldn't get them a gift, like perfume or something to keep, but I would "treat " them to a nice meal and make sure there is some nice wine in the fridge and maybe chocolate cakes nice croisants

Assuming they are staying for the weekend? Just ensure that there's lots of nice things in the fridge for them to eat and leave some cash for them to go out and about with the kids so they can treat themselves to coffee and cake. Or leave a takeaway menu and cash to cover the cost?

Then i'd get a plant for them to take home.

borntobequiet · 23/08/2023 08:13

No, thats ridiculous. Just get her a nice box of chocolates and offer to pay for their travel

Sensible advice. There seems to be an unsettling undercurrent of resentment and antagonism towards the PIL here.

Greigewalls · 23/08/2023 08:13

I’ve baby sat into the late night for my step DD not even a cup of tea or a meal left for me, it hasn’t really made me want to do it again, I was starving all night. And it has made me less likely to repeat the experience.

NeedTheSeaside · 23/08/2023 08:14

SpunkyGibbon · 23/08/2023 07:44

Why not ?
They are doing @lovetoscroll a favour
You can get flowers from aldi for 2 quid

Show quote history

@SpunkyGibbon
yeah, but you can't buy flowers 3x pw every week. Then what?

I'd far rather just genuine appreciation.

Depending on both sets of finances, maybe a bit of money towards days out etc occasionally.

i wouldn't want or need presents for looking after my GC

Makemineacosmo · 23/08/2023 08:15

Far easier for you, yes, perhaps not for them. I would just leave some nice fancy treats for them while they're here. I don't think you need to go over the top.

blessedarethequichemakers · 23/08/2023 08:20

What about a nice framed picture of the kids to say thank you?

LadyEloise1 · 23/08/2023 08:20

Wilkolampshade · 23/08/2023 07:42

Of course you should! Why on earth wouldn't you?

This.

QualityCorner · 23/08/2023 08:23

Are you paying for their travel costs? I think offering to cover that would be a good place to start.

Then, plan all the meals and make sure you've got in good food that's easy to prepare. Cash for a takeaway for GPs, if that's their thing? once kids in bed.

Show gratitude sincerely, acknowledging the time and effort involved- in person or written in a card.

I would say those were basic expectations, then a small joint present as an extra- nice bottle of wine to take home? No need for separate birthday/ Christmas style gifts.

YourNameGoesHere · 23/08/2023 08:24

borntobequiet · 23/08/2023 08:13

No, thats ridiculous. Just get her a nice box of chocolates and offer to pay for their travel

Sensible advice. There seems to be an unsettling undercurrent of resentment and antagonism towards the PIL here.

Agreed there is definitely an undercurrent of dislike towards the in-laws and it's not even remotely subtle.

morag1234 · 23/08/2023 08:24

I would just get them some chocolates.
It shows you're grateful without having to spend a fortune.

SammyTam · 23/08/2023 08:27

I'm going against the grain and saying no gift is required because it feels like a transaction and surely they would want to spend time with their grandchildren without the need to be incentivised? I also think that if I were the child and saw this (and particularly the difference in treatment between one set of grandparents and the other) I would feel weird about it and wonder why one set have better treatment than the other...

NancyJoan · 23/08/2023 08:28

Send a thank you card and some flowers to arrive when they get home

there’s no point in comparing them to your parents; you chose to live close to your family, of course they are more able to help.

drpet49 · 23/08/2023 08:30

WtfHormones · 23/08/2023 07:17

My in laws are coming over this weekend, travelling about 4 hours to get here- by boat and car

I would class that as out of the ordinary.

I think it would be rude not to. Just because your parents do lots of childcare doesn't mean you can't appreciate it when your in-laws do it even though it's less.

This

Nemesias · 23/08/2023 08:32

SammyTam · 23/08/2023 08:27

I'm going against the grain and saying no gift is required because it feels like a transaction and surely they would want to spend time with their grandchildren without the need to be incentivised? I also think that if I were the child and saw this (and particularly the difference in treatment between one set of grandparents and the other) I would feel weird about it and wonder why one set have better treatment than the other...

The kids are under 5 they’re not going to care or understand

gogomoto · 23/08/2023 08:32

I'd leave nice biscuits/homemade cake/test baked meal they can reheat/wine or posh soft drink/box of chocolates (delete as inappropriate for them but something). 4 hours is a long way

SammyTam · 23/08/2023 08:39

Nemesias · 23/08/2023 08:32

The kids are under 5 they’re not going to care or understand

Show quote history

Yes they will, I would have observed the difference at that age, my own children would have seen it too. A lot of adults think children don't hear and see things and aren't able to understand, but they can and do and it does affect their perception of relationships.

Mumsmet · 23/08/2023 08:48

It'd be nice to invite your in-laws to stay for a bit before and after the time you need them there, that they feel like wanted guests and not just babysitters. Boats will be booked now, but something to consider another time. It also gives them time to familiarise themselves with the kids and their routines before suddenly being thrown in to looking after 3 kids under 5 years old. I'd want an induction if I was rusty!
Yes, get them a gift!

CurlewKate · 23/08/2023 08:51

"What about a nice framed picture of the kids to say thank you?"

🤣I remember my mother once saying that her good manners were never more tested that when she had to appear grateful for yet another framed photograph of her grandchildren!

Mumsmet · 23/08/2023 09:05

lovetoscroll · 23/08/2023 08:03

Ok so my next question is what kind of gift? MIL has very expensive, designer taste. Do I get her Chanel perfume, is that OTT? FIL is a typical man and doesn't need anything, difficult to buy for. If I bought them a hamper of food they wouldn't eat it whilst at ours. No idea! So tricky.

FIL also just been over in July. I bought him some bits then to take back with him- wine, fancy tea towel, little print of where we live (they like the area), few other little trinkets to go back with. So feel like I've already done "little bits"

Perfume is such an intimate personal choice, and at her age, your MIL will have one she already likes, either get the exact one or don't bother.
Why would it matter if they took their hamper back with them? Why should they eat it at yours?

Saying you've already bought "little bits" like a teatowel, wine and print of where you live doesn't mean you have explored all "little bits" options. But remember, they're family, therr to see Grandchildren they're not tourists wanting souvenirs.
You say they have everything you need. At that point it is unlikely they want gifts like the "I love xxxxxxxx" style tourist stuff. Get something classic prom a local Potter or something or buy local produce and make up your own hamper.

Also, treat your parents too, why should they be free babysitters 3 times a week?