Neighbour knocking about the shouting

[Woodward23]

Just had a knock on the door from the man next door to us, his heard lots of shouting and I was like yeah thats us and the kids a bit flabbergasted (after telling them 5 times to get into bed i shouted ,their dad also shouted)
He is fully aware we have children, he is also fully aware that there home in the holidays anyway them he starts going on how we should be teaching them love and peace and calmness ....... my husband then came down to apologise for the shouting and he then goes on to him don't shout we need to teach them peace and love. I could smell alcohol coming off him so his probably a bit drunk but seriously just who does that ? I can't explain how much of a weird neighbour anyway which made it all feel a bit weirder

Do a parenting course and keep redoing it as the kids reach new age groups. Invaluable tips and resources will calm your appraoch and thus, your household.

Everyone sometimes shouts but you should aim not to shout every night and you should have other strategies in place other than violent shouting.

The neighbour would have sat on his decision to knock on the door for a while (who wants to knock on neighbours door!) so know that you are being disruptive, disrespectful and could attract a visit from child safety.

Also, if the neighbour can hear you treating your children with violent outbursts rather than love then your children certainly hear you. Don't abuse your children.

Speak to them gently.

Your childten will model your behaviour on their siblings and on their own children. Do not start a chain of abuse. Start a chain of patient and caring parenting.

How do you behave at your children's sporting matches?
Do you coach from the sidelines and shout instructions or do you let the coach coach and reward good play from either side with applause?

You will feel better yourself if you calm down. The flow of adrenaline and cortisol will be lower and you will be nicer and less likely to become a bully.

I'm having a drink with the neighbour on this one.

I left my shouty ex. My life is now bliss and my daughter is a calm and happy kiddo. Learn to manage and express your anger better. If a woman came on here and said her husband was shouting at her for leaving the trash out etc she would be told to LTB and nobody needs to live with the abuse. Well, newsflash, your kids don't have the choice to leave the toxic environment.

My brother and I grew up with a shouty mum. We are now both very adverse to shouting and react badly to it. I've had to go through it with a therapist. It sticks.

of course parents sometimes need to shout at their kids! Bloody hell. No wonder British kids are so out of control and badly behaved if shouting is this much of a scandal!

Do you love your children and want them to love you?

If so why would you scream and shout at them?

Would you be friends with someone that treated you like that or would you steer clear of them?
Ditto a partner?
Or a manager at work?

Shouting at people isn’t acceptable as an adult and using your adult/ size privilege to shout at your children is also wrong.

I assume you don’t need to be shouted at to do things that need to be done or to ‘behave’. Kids don’t either. Trust me

There are lots of parenting courses and online advice that can help you find ways that feel better for your kids and for you too. This here is a good start for easy strategies

https://instagram.com/biglifejournal?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Quite!!

Constantly shouting at children becomes ineffective because they are so used to it. It means nothing to them.

I rarely shouted at my kids and when I did, they knew they had gone too far.

Ah right. So shouting and screaming sufficiently loud to disturb the neighbours is ok because the windows and doors are open. Obviously the neighbour wasn't drunk enough to think that shouting at children is good parenting. What's your excuse?

You must be the rough family in the street, shouting so loud your neighbour had to come around. Tacky.

Just stop shouting, it is not a solution to children not doing what they are told. No shouting would mean no neighbour complaint.

They must have a breakdown if their child gets told of at school 🤣

@Lookinbac teachers don’t shout at children. Because it’s wrong, unhelpful and not allowed

Oh I must have been seeing /hearing things then .

Also just asked dd she confirmed teachers shout .

There's a time to shout both as parents and teachers when kids need to listen and it's in their best interests. Honestly with views such as 'it's wrong to shout' makes me worry we have generation of snowflakes in the making. Goodness knows how they would ever cope in the military for example..

I'm not/wasn't a perfect parent, and I did shout. But if I was so loud and consistent that my neighbour complained, I'd be mortified and apologetic and take it as a wake up call.

That depends on the house though does it have good sound proofing? Is it open play . How much do voices carry. Are windows open etc .

I can hear my next door neighbours shout I'm in a new build so probably not build great. I can hear people in the flats opposite me shouting .

Teachers raise their voices and make them loud to get kids to listen yes, but they don’t scream at them to do things. And if they do, complain.

@Bunsandtophats you think that if you don’t shout at kids they turn into snowflakes/ wimps? Uhuh.

Indeed; we have at least one shouty teacher at my kids' primary school I guess they'll all need therapy now...

'Raise their voices and make them loud...' So you mean ....they shout' 😂
Also screaming at and shouting at are two different responses.

Shouting shouldn't be seen as a wrong act around children. Are we going to cancel this aswell? Fgs

Some people are shouty and see it as normal.

Some people are not shouty and see that as normal.

Both groups know which they prefer. And you’re never going to convince the other group that your way is preferable.

If people are happy shouting and being on the receiving end of shouting - knock yourselves out.

The non-shouters will also knock themselves out.

P.S. I’ve never heard my neighbours shouting. As ever MN is a window into a different world. For all of us.