Neighbour knocking about the shouting

[Woodward23]

Just had a knock on the door from the man next door to us, his heard lots of shouting and I was like yeah thats us and the kids a bit flabbergasted (after telling them 5 times to get into bed i shouted ,their dad also shouted)
He is fully aware we have children, he is also fully aware that there home in the holidays anyway them he starts going on how we should be teaching them love and peace and calmness ....... my husband then came down to apologise for the shouting and he then goes on to him don't shout we need to teach them peace and love. I could smell alcohol coming off him so his probably a bit drunk but seriously just who does that ? I can't explain how much of a weird neighbour anyway which made it all feel a bit weirder

Me to. I’ve had neighbours before who shout at their kids a lot, it’s horrible to hear

I’d love to know how many people on here who seem to have the opinion that you shouldn’t shout at children actually have children, how many and what ages and also the amount of time they actually spend with children especially during the holidays or do they just get tea and bedtime after spending all day in work and paying someone else to do the parenting for them.
That is not a dig at working parents but there is a big difference to only spending a few hours a day at home with them to being a full time parent and sometimes frustrations get the better of you and you shout.

It's 'he's' not 'his'. I think it all sounds a bit difficult and frustrating for everyone, but trying to achieve a quiet and calm bedtime would be so much better for everyone. Just apologise and move on, OP.

Had you had a drink too?

Mine are 19 and 20, do I qualify to comment? Of course we've all raised our voices to our children in extremis. However most of us realise that that isn't a good thing, merits an apology in most cases and should never become the norm. If I'd ever bellowed at my kids to the point of a neighbour coming to complain I would be mortified.

A lot more is understood these days about the long-term effects on children of being terrified by an aggressive parent. There's no excuse for shouting on a regular basis.

Oh, and I was a SAHM until they started school, then worked school hours and never had paid help. Not that it should affect the validity of my comment in the slightest, but since you saw fit to ask

What kind of shouting do you mean? Both adults in the same room as child shouting at their face? or yelling up the stairs "Come on now, I can hear you moving about, back in bed please!". I have often done the second but don't view it as shouting at my DS but maybe I'm wrong and shouldn't be doing that either 😬

Just because someone might shout at their children sometimes that doesn’t make them an aggressive parent or mean that the children will grow up terrified of them.
Also no mention of regular shouting in OP.
My children get shouted at at times and in the same way when they are frustrated they can also raise their voice, stamp their feet and let out their frustration. They are in no way terrified of me and 9 times out of 10 I only need to start counting to 3 to get them to do what is asked but when they are all playing up sometimes a raised voice is necessary if only to gain their attention.

I'm with the posters who think it's horrible for kids to grow up with shouty parents.

If you do reach the end of your tether and end up shouting because your dc have been pushing your buttons and you have snapped then I think the healthiest reaction is neither to shrug your shoulders and think that it's normal nor to really beat yourself up over it but to acknowledge that you have messed up and think about how you would handle things differently next time.

The defenders of shouting on this thread seem to think that anyone on here who doesn't like to hear children being shouted at must be:

a) a liar

b) a bully who hisses commands and has children walking on eggshells and living in a state of constant terror.

c) Some kind of hippy or caricature of gentle parenting. The tediously unfunny parodies are not as hilarious as they seem to think they are.

Or

d) Someone who hasn't got their own children and has no direct experience of parenting

Overly permissive non-parenting is bad for children (and those they come into contact with). So is authoritarian parenting.

But there is a middle way which is what I aimed for when dd was young and which I guess the other posters who don't like to hear children being shouted at also aim for.

There will be some children somewhere tonight whose lives would be made immeasurably better if only their neighbour was able to do something to help them.

I'm with you on this.

Shouting at kids to get them obey an instruction is horrible.

Shouting upstairs doesn't seem like shouting to me - the volume is louder than a normal speaking voice but the tone is completely different from when a parent is near to a child and shouts in anger.

If shouting at you dc is an everyday occurrence then it might be worth thinking of another approach to behavioural management.
If this is a one off, then I wouldn’t worry too much about upsetting the neighbour.

I didn’t say the comments weren’t valid, just trying to see how the way different people live makes a difference to their opinions in the same way as someone who has a very young child may never imagine raising their voices to them but people who have teenagers might see it differently.

The best bit of parenting advice I ever had from someone who had 6 sons - don't waste your energy shouting.

It never achieves anything. The fact both you and your DH were shouting shows how ineffective it is.

All the smarmy smug replies from the "perfect" parents on here 🙄. Im a shouty parent and my kids are not feral or timid or scared of me or any of the other things that the smugs on here suggest! Of course the neighbours can here in the summer...the windows are open!!! I would have told shouted at the neighbour to fuck off and mind his own business!

Terrible awful people shouting at their children, I gently tell mine go to bed (via the nanny), and they merrily skip to bed and fall asleep instantly, with no bickering. Which is just as well, I can't imagine how our nearest neighbours half a mile away would cope if they heard a raised voice. Then my children go to primary school, where the teachers almost certainly never shout.

I wouldn't worry too much, he sounds like he's has a drink and braved the courage to let you know how thin the walls are, in a drunken cringey way, but it sounds as though he was trying to be nice about it.

Now you know how thin the walls are, you ll have more motivation not to get so stressed, hopefully!

I suspect there is a correlation between parents who think not bellowing at children is "smug" and people who tell their neighbours to fuck off when they are told they are disturbing the peace 😂

This thread is bananas isn’t it

what was y'all shouting??
neighbour door knock to offer opinion tend never to be for nothin....
if its NOT him its you(ze)

It really is madness 🤣

My older kids have mobile so I can ring them from another room. If they don't answer. I shout up 2 floors. I swear the house shakes when I do.

There's a difference between shouted st abd shouted to.

You know that there's a fair bit of space between yelling to the point of disturbing your neighbours, and what you describe, right?

gettingoldisshit · Today 22:17
All the smarmy smug replies from the "perfect" parents on here 🙄. Im a shouty parent and my kids are not feral or timid or scared of me or any of the other things that the smugs on here suggest! Of course the neighbours can here in the summer...the windows are open!!! I would have told shouted at the neighbour to fuck off and mind his own business!

I feel sorry for anyone who lives in your vicinity. Were you never taught to communicate without having to resort to swearing at people?

First house DH and I lived in, you could hear every conversation had by the couple in the house next door when they were in certain rooms, their footsteps up and down the stairs, the radio, their arguments, everything.

I can definitely communicate without swearing and i can even use big words 🙄 i just love to swear, what can i say! Don't feel sorry for my neighbours, in between my shouting and their dogs barking or kids throwing very loud tantrums we rub along quite nicely thanks!