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Original poster

What’s your eternal hell cycle?

128 replies

ladyandthechocolate · 15/08/2023 07:08

On a long journey, we were talking about the idea of hell cycles (that is an endless scenario you find yourself stuck in for eternity that would really be your worst nightmare). But lightheaded obvs.

They had some really creative ideas (DD thought she’d be in a doughnut eating competition on the back of a moving float to the sound of crying babies whilst wearing clothes with itchy labels).

This was mine:

I’m in a busy soft play which is hot, loud and smells of grease and nappies. I’m looking after multiple children who all want something from me, or for me to crawl through impossibly tight spaces with them. I’ve got a hangover with a banging headache and wet socks from where I have trodden in something unidentified and I’ve got no other adults with me for solidarity.

What are yours?

OP posts:
ThreeRingCircus · 15/08/2023 07:46

I'm in a car dealership. The sales assistant keeps coming up to me despite the fact I've said I'm ok and I'll ask if I have a question. I've got an itchy nose and feel like I'm about to sneeze but despite staring at the overhead glare of the strip lighting the sneeze never comes.

Howtohideasausage · 15/08/2023 07:57

That soft play one is 👌

I’ll go for I’m at a theme park by the sea so it’s beating sun AND windy. Yes to the hangover. There’s loud music, long queues and a if my children are hungry and thirsty. I need a wee and the cuff of my sleeves are wet.

illiterato · 15/08/2023 08:03

You win with the soft play. The nappies need to be periodic whiffs though so it keeps taking you by surprise and you never get used to the horror of it. Also there is a coffee place there that was your saving grace but when you get there the machine is broken and all they’re selling is instant. Also there’s that bleach/ vomit smell where you can tell they’ve cleaned the whole place with a dirty mop.

Original poster
ladyandthechocolate · 15/08/2023 08:04

Good ones!
@ThreeRingCircus sounds like it’s based on a recent experience?!

My Ds said his was being starving hungry, at a banquet of amazing food where everything tastes of coconut 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
MaraScottie · 15/08/2023 08:05

I'm in hurry, trying to find my way out of an enormous supermarket that has so many aisles that it's like a maze and I keep going the wrong way. There's the drone of a football match in the background and also jazz music playing at the same time (double noise). My kids are whinging about something on repeat, I've a headache and leg cramps, and also starving, I've got really tight restrictive jeans on along with a very scratchy jumper and I'm sweating with the heat. There's a smell of anais anais everywhere.

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 15/08/2023 08:06

Sadly mine is a reality. Woken up every day at 6am by adults screaming across my street. For usually until nearly 9 am. 7 days a week. .
Sea swimmers...

Original poster
ladyandthechocolate · 15/08/2023 08:06

@illiterato yes!
also, the tables are sticky and the ceiling lights are full of dead flies

OP posts:
illiterato · 15/08/2023 08:06

You’re on a plane and you got the back row next to the toilet. The kids in front keep looking over the seat back and have snotty noses and the ones next to you are playing iPads without headphones. The entertainment system is broken. It’s a 10 hour flight. You’ve just been told it’s a 2 hour wait on the runway to taxi and there’s no aircon. Enjoy!!

Original poster
ladyandthechocolate · 15/08/2023 08:10

illiterato · 15/08/2023 08:06

You’re on a plane and you got the back row next to the toilet. The kids in front keep looking over the seat back and have snotty noses and the ones next to you are playing iPads without headphones. The entertainment system is broken. It’s a 10 hour flight. You’ve just been told it’s a 2 hour wait on the runway to taxi and there’s no aircon. Enjoy!!

And the ones in front keep throwing their weight against the seat in the front of you so it bounces and knocks your table around

OP posts:
PimpMyFridge · 15/08/2023 08:10

Ds says he trapped in a full bin bag that is full of rotting food, teabags, peel, chicken skin etc and he's got maggots, hairy spiders and centipedes crawling all over him. It stinks and is hot and dark and he can't get out.

PimpMyFridge · 15/08/2023 08:12

DD is on an endless big roller coaster with huge ups and downs and spins and loops, she has motion sickness and there's the sound of water making her feel worse. Her head is banging and she keeps throwing up.

WonderingWanda · 15/08/2023 08:13

Something involving bed bugs!

SquashPenguin · 15/08/2023 08:15

Having to shop in the Body Shop and Lush every day, and the staff never leave you alone.

PimpMyFridge · 15/08/2023 08:17

This has given us a fun good breakfast chat - thanks! 😁

illiterato · 15/08/2023 08:18

MaraScottie · 15/08/2023 08:05

I'm in hurry, trying to find my way out of an enormous supermarket that has so many aisles that it's like a maze and I keep going the wrong way. There's the drone of a football match in the background and also jazz music playing at the same time (double noise). My kids are whinging about something on repeat, I've a headache and leg cramps, and also starving, I've got really tight restrictive jeans on along with a very scratchy jumper and I'm sweating with the heat. There's a smell of anais anais everywhere.

Ooh- this is good- are they doing the whinging where they draw out the syllables for extra whinge value, so instead of saying “stop” they say “sto-puh”? Jeans are slightly too tight so the crotch falls down and also sweaty waistband

SusiePevensie · 15/08/2023 08:20

Open plan office. My desk is in the middle of the room. The people around me are all on different teams calls. There's no natural light. I'm on a deadline. Within arm's reach is a pile of (nasty, but I'll eat them anyway) cakes.

Switcherooza · 15/08/2023 08:21

In my hell I work in a busy office with a mountain of tasks that simply can't wait, all equally important so there's no way to prioritise. My manager is a shouty sort who hovers behind my desk watching me work constantly. As I'm trying to complete the very urgent tasks she throws random curveballs at me, tasks that are entirely non-urgent, almost like 'busy work' that she's invented to annoy me. She nags and nags, claiming these tasks are just as important as the really urgent ones.

The phone is constantly ringing, the manager judges me and berates me for not answering it continually but there's so much work to be done.

Colleagues constantly interrupt me with stupid chatter about the weather whilst the manager is breathing down my neck and the phone is on repeat. Tasks need doing!

My trousers are a bit too tight and digging in to my stomach. My knees are cramping from sitting in the same position and my neck muscle is starting to spasm but I can't get up and stretch as I'm too busy.

I'm constantly hungry but there's no time to eat. Rush, rush, rush!

My mobile is ringing. I can see the caller name is 'school'. It must be important, the kids must be sick. I can't answer it because the boss won't allow me. It rings on repeat along with the desk phone.

A tinnitus hum pierces my ears constantly.

This is actually my real life so I guess I've achieved hell already.

Cropout · 15/08/2023 08:23

I’m interested in how many of these involve slightly uncomfortable clothing!

CharlotteStreetW1 · 15/08/2023 08:30

I used to work in a job where just before 5.30pm on a Friday my otherwise lovely boss would without fail send out another quick dictation (that could be done in time but...) so there was never any Friday afternoon winding down and I was always very tense for those last few minutes.

So 5.20pm for eternity in that job would be mine.

Theroom · 15/08/2023 08:52

Hmm. I think I'd be trapped in a cave with rising water levels and no food. With my vile ex-MIL who would be telling me how it's all my fault and pointing out all my character flaws. My DC would be crying in an air pocket near enough that I could hear them but far enough that I'd be unable to get to them or see them.

More lighthearted - in bed, with a mystery electric device somewhere in the room that pings every time I start dropping off to sleep and wakes me up again.

papasmurfdontpreach · 15/08/2023 08:57

Ikea with people endlessly slow walking in front of me. Can't ever find the exit. I can smell the yummy meatball sauce but can't ever eat them. Can hear the buzzing electric light. Keep ending up in the same areas but can't ever sit on the beds or sofas and need to pee but can't find an actual usable toilet.

Great topic OP!

WombatCowgirl · 15/08/2023 08:59

I can imagine a variety of hellish scenarios, and in all of them my tights would have a toe hole

Original poster
ladyandthechocolate · 15/08/2023 09:08

I also think most of mine would involve having an itch I can’t scratch or a blackberry pip wedged in my tooth.

OP posts:
Groutyonehereagain · 15/08/2023 09:10

Mine is a real one. Food shopping. It just never ends.

BumpyaDaisyevna · 15/08/2023 09:22

I'm in a really dirty messy fast food restaurant with loads of feral toddlers for a kids birthday.

Some kids are having McFluffy icecream and it's going all over their faces and t shirts.

The tables are sticky there's food and old napkins on the floor. Some of the kids are in and out of the soft play covered in ketchup. Ronald McDonald is laughing inanely. There are bright strip lights, I have a pounding hormonal headache and I can't see how I'm ever going to round up all these kids and get them home.

Shudder!