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Original poster

What’s your eternal hell cycle?

128 replies

ladyandthechocolate · 15/08/2023 07:08

On a long journey, we were talking about the idea of hell cycles (that is an endless scenario you find yourself stuck in for eternity that would really be your worst nightmare). But lightheaded obvs.

They had some really creative ideas (DD thought she’d be in a doughnut eating competition on the back of a moving float to the sound of crying babies whilst wearing clothes with itchy labels).

This was mine:

I’m in a busy soft play which is hot, loud and smells of grease and nappies. I’m looking after multiple children who all want something from me, or for me to crawl through impossibly tight spaces with them. I’ve got a hangover with a banging headache and wet socks from where I have trodden in something unidentified and I’ve got no other adults with me for solidarity.

What are yours?

OP posts:
Original poster
ladyandthechocolate · 15/08/2023 09:30

I also think I have another one where I’m at a kids musical recital but they all take it in turns to play the same piece of music on a recorder. The hall is packed shoulder to shoulder, it’s hot and the person in front keeps farting silently but it’s noxious. My watch keeps buzzing with messages from my daughter who’s fallen out with a friend and is losing the plot about it. Oh and I think I’ve started my period and can feel it leaking through. Horrors 😬

OP posts:
HeidiWhole · 15/08/2023 09:33

When I read your thread title I immediately thought 'soft play' so I think you've nailed it for me, OP Grin

Kindofcrunchy · 15/08/2023 09:45

Mine is a fairground full of shouting people and kids, with an overpowering smell of doughnuts and cigarettes. I'm starving, need the loo and dehydrated to the point of feeling sick, the baby is grizzling because she needs a nap, but I can't leave because I'm supervising her 3yo brother on a bouncy castle (hurting and being hurt by other children).

That actually happened at the weekend.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 15/08/2023 09:56

I'm driving a hire car on my own in a country where I have to drive on the wrong side of the road. It's dark and it's a long route I've never driven before, on multiple motorways, ending in a section on single track winding roads, to an important appointment that I mustn't be late for. My phone has no signal. I'm already running late due to getting lost several times and I feel like I'm never going to get there. And I need a wee and I've forgotten to bring a drink.

MaraScottie · 15/08/2023 10:21

Addition of a drooping gusset has just added a supreme layer of hell to any of the above scenarios.

PimpMyFridge · 15/08/2023 10:33

ladyandthechocolate · 15/08/2023 09:30

I also think I have another one where I’m at a kids musical recital but they all take it in turns to play the same piece of music on a recorder. The hall is packed shoulder to shoulder, it’s hot and the person in front keeps farting silently but it’s noxious. My watch keeps buzzing with messages from my daughter who’s fallen out with a friend and is losing the plot about it. Oh and I think I’ve started my period and can feel it leaking through. Horrors 😬

Omg. Your hell designs are excellent, have you ever thought about infernal consultancy? 😆

PrincessHoneysuckle · 15/08/2023 10:38

I'm trapped in a lift with a big spider.If I want to get out of the lift I have to go and live with MIL.

Gruffling · 15/08/2023 10:48

Cropout · 15/08/2023 08:23

I’m interested in how many of these involve slightly uncomfortable clothing!

Me too. As an autistic person with sensory processing differences many of these sound like my day to day life.

It's interesting to hear that NT people can also imagine intensely unpleasant sensory experiences.

Due to my sensory differences, wearing shoes always feels uncomfortable, but is just something I have to put up with because it's a societal norm. I think it's probably the equivalent of an NT person wearing shoes a size too small and just putting up with it because there is no choice.

Original poster
ladyandthechocolate · 15/08/2023 10:56

@PimpMyFridge why thank you… I was looking for a side hustle. I may have found my thing!

OP posts:
TheSkull · 15/08/2023 11:31

A boring office doing boring work with people talking endless shit and drivel plus a pest who thinks I’m interested in the minutiae of their life bothering me on and off all day every day to go over the same subject endlessly then if I don’t come up with the right answer telling me I’ve upset them. Then after I’d listened to it all politely picked over every facet of my life and criticised it from what I wore to how I looked, what I ate, watched on television, listened to on the radio. The same pattern on repeat for 15 years. That actually was my life until I got the fuck out

lndnbrdge91 · 15/08/2023 11:39

This is very funny. Soft play would feature in mine, also alarms going off in the distance, so that you don't know what it is or why it's going off.

Ultimately though I think being in a slightly warm indoor pool, no windows; the hairs on the floor, plasters...waiting for the swimming slot to be finished. I am looking at the clock and people are screaming with joy because the wave machine is coming on. I'm anxiously watching my over confident child dipping under the water. I feel hot, my skin is itchy due to the chlorine and I keep getting splashed. My hair is getting wet and I wanted to keep it dry. I can see people at the pool cafe picking at steamy fries, with their perished and dirty pool fingers.

Ugh. In my eternal hell the clock would never move and I would be held in the pool forever more.

BovrilMartini · 15/08/2023 11:44

Mine actually happened. I was heavily pregnant with a 3 year old. So hot, fat and generally uncomfortable. The 3 year old threw a massive tantrum in the shop so we left without cake

My mother in law visits my house and sits next to me on the sofa. And she then sings the Rock Choir version of Leonard Cohens Hallelujah about 20cm from my face. While my child whines at my feet

notprincehamlet · 15/08/2023 11:45

Stuck for eternity on the Central line at rush hour with a carriage-load of handsy flatulent nose-pickers

tommyhoundmum · 15/08/2023 18:13

Mine would be making a roast dinner every Sunday for life when the person it's made for arrives very late. I left as soon as I could.

LlynTegid · 15/08/2023 18:22

Being at a Coldplay gig where I could not leave.

Sewaccidentprone · 15/08/2023 18:23

Being at work just answering queries all day, the aircon is broken and it’s incredibly hot out, so the office is really hot and close with no air.

scaffolding is being erected outside and the poles keep screeching and clanking together, the Tesco on the way to work was shut, so no milk for coffee or Purdy’s drink (the only reason I like going into the office). Not that want to drink a hot drink anyway. Canteen has soggy insipid sandwiches as usual and Tesco was shut.

wearing trainers instead of sandals, and a top which has metallic fibres running through it which begins to feel scratchy in the heat.

Sewaccidentprone · 15/08/2023 18:26

These have all happened individually, but in combination I think I’d have to hang around the fruit and veg section in Waitrose or M&S food hall to feel calmer and cooler (and fortunately on the way home too so could buy ice cream)

Rhaenys · 15/08/2023 18:26

Being on the first or second day of my period forever.

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 15/08/2023 18:34

Another vote for soft play, one of those greasy spoon -soft play combos where the grumpy waitreases are constantly frying food, with no ventilation, it's really hot your cheeks are red, your hairs gone frizzy from the humidty and both hair and clothes stink of bacon. Then your children get to the top level of the soft play and start screaming and being rough with each other, and ignore you and won't come down, and you have to find a way in and do assault course of shame to drag them out. Whilst the snot kid/or whooping cough kid keeps following getting way too close obvs.

shellyleppard · 15/08/2023 18:35

Stuck in a neverending traffic jam on the m5 with two grumpy dc, limited water and a banging migraine. Then find out the traffic jam we have been sitting in for over an hour is just the queue for the services......aaaaagggghhhhh!!!

ElizaWinter · 15/08/2023 18:41

Switcherooza · 15/08/2023 08:21

In my hell I work in a busy office with a mountain of tasks that simply can't wait, all equally important so there's no way to prioritise. My manager is a shouty sort who hovers behind my desk watching me work constantly. As I'm trying to complete the very urgent tasks she throws random curveballs at me, tasks that are entirely non-urgent, almost like 'busy work' that she's invented to annoy me. She nags and nags, claiming these tasks are just as important as the really urgent ones.

The phone is constantly ringing, the manager judges me and berates me for not answering it continually but there's so much work to be done.

Colleagues constantly interrupt me with stupid chatter about the weather whilst the manager is breathing down my neck and the phone is on repeat. Tasks need doing!

My trousers are a bit too tight and digging in to my stomach. My knees are cramping from sitting in the same position and my neck muscle is starting to spasm but I can't get up and stretch as I'm too busy.

I'm constantly hungry but there's no time to eat. Rush, rush, rush!

My mobile is ringing. I can see the caller name is 'school'. It must be important, the kids must be sick. I can't answer it because the boss won't allow me. It rings on repeat along with the desk phone.

A tinnitus hum pierces my ears constantly.

This is actually my real life so I guess I've achieved hell already.

I'm sorry you feel you can't answer the phone to the school. Flowers Your boss sounds evil.

This isn't normal you know. Have you thought about getting a different job?

xogossipgirlxo · 15/08/2023 18:43

Hungry, needing to wee, with blisters on my feet, staying forever in my parents’ house

spitefulandbadgrammar · 15/08/2023 18:45

CharlotteStreetW1 · 15/08/2023 08:30

I used to work in a job where just before 5.30pm on a Friday my otherwise lovely boss would without fail send out another quick dictation (that could be done in time but...) so there was never any Friday afternoon winding down and I was always very tense for those last few minutes.

So 5.20pm for eternity in that job would be mine.

I wasn’t sure what mine would be until I read this and remembered the job where the boss wanted everyone in the company to email him a weekly self-report on what they’d been doing that week, highs, lows, emotional takeaways, learnings (ugh). And we were always busy so it was one of those “oh shit it’s 5.28 and I need to write the fucking EMAIL” things.

So mine is it’s 5.28 on a Friday and I need to leave at bang on 5.30 for the nursery run and my phone’s ringing with nursery’s number and they leave a voicemail and I just KNOW it’s bloody nits again but meanwhile I’ve got to write the FUCKING email before diving onto the sweaty Northern Line and it’s a heatwave and I’ve got my period and no time to switch tampons, but ironically it was raining this morning so I’m wearing black opaque tights that have gone baggy so they hoik down around the waist and gape at the crotch, which is sweaty, and I’ve got nappy rash on my thighs as I finish the fucking EMAIL and race out of there with the voicemail still flashing and the clock ticking and my thighs clamped together to prevent tamponaggeddon only to discover the tube station is overcrowded and shut. Also my dress is viscose and I smell.

Georgyporky · 15/08/2023 18:46

I'm feeling really randy - as in any port in a storm.
Only available dick is attached to my selfish, incompetent, violent ExH

Justmuddlingalong · 15/08/2023 18:48

I'm reading a book and "someone" is doing tuneless breathy whistling that is never fucking ending. Please send help, I appear to be in mine!