Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What’s your eternal hell cycle?

128 replies

ladyandthechocolate · 15/08/2023 07:08

On a long journey, we were talking about the idea of hell cycles (that is an endless scenario you find yourself stuck in for eternity that would really be your worst nightmare). But lightheaded obvs.

They had some really creative ideas (DD thought she’d be in a doughnut eating competition on the back of a moving float to the sound of crying babies whilst wearing clothes with itchy labels).

This was mine:

I’m in a busy soft play which is hot, loud and smells of grease and nappies. I’m looking after multiple children who all want something from me, or for me to crawl through impossibly tight spaces with them. I’ve got a hangover with a banging headache and wet socks from where I have trodden in something unidentified and I’ve got no other adults with me for solidarity.

What are yours?

OP posts:
JusthereforXmas · 15/08/2023 20:41

I trying to compose something important and need to think but my kids are rambling at me non-sensically while jumping up and down, squealing at each other and throwing things. The cat sqreeches in my ear headbutts me while biting my arms because he wants petting. The noise from every direction is like nails on a chalk board. I need to refrence something but the internet is down even though the hub says its working. Its winter so its cold and my fingers barely work to type and are swollen from the cold. I have a migraine at the point where my eyes start to glitch and I can't focus on the screen. I'm also hungry but theres nothing to eat in. My phone may also start ringing to add to the circus.

This actually just sounds like most normal days... maybe I am in hell.

fluffyguineapig · 15/08/2023 20:43

Mine would be that I'm running late to an important meeting, I'm trying to find a parking space in a multi storey car park which is absolutely rammed. I can sometimes see empty spaces a few lanes over, but by the time I've crawled through the traffic they are always filled. People are getting annoyed, honking and revving. Sometimes a space opens up but I always stall in my excitement and someone forces their way in while I'm flailing. My radio is on but the signal isn't very good so the music is cutting in and out. It's very hot but the air con is broken, and I need a wee very badly.

JohnofOxford · 15/08/2023 20:57

"Brian will be here soon he is always the life and soul of a party". Brian starts off with: "Did you hear the one about the. . . . .
I have heard them all before, some when about 14, he goes on and on with a new 'joke' for everyone he meets. It lasts 45 mins and is on repeat. repeat,repeat.

NameChangeEmbarressed · 15/08/2023 21:00

Sat in a hot stuffy bus where I can smell wet dog, male BO and canibis. The background track would people chewing with their mouths open, people slurping drinks / gulping drinks really loudly and someone snoring incredibly loudly

PumpyMum · 15/08/2023 21:02

Pretty much every time I don't wfh - hell for me is not being able to let rip whenever I want, walking round with an ever distending belly that gets more and more uncomfortable... having to go to the loo to trump but not being able to time it properly and so just returning to sit at my desk without the sweet relief of farting in peace. Anyone else...? Just me...?

fluffyguineapig · 15/08/2023 21:04

Northbright · 15/08/2023 20:20

Trying to claim a refund from an airline based abroad and being redirected to a website contact email, then an automated phone, back to a website, back to phone on and on repeat and telling the same story each time and not getting a reply from a single human but only computer says no AND the whole time someone poking me firmly in the upper arm.

Oh my goodness I love this one. Extra hellish if the automated phone insists on collecting verbal responses rather than "press one" and it never gets it right, and you're in a quiet public place so every time you speak it disturbs everyone else! And some of the decision tree options lead to an automatic message which disconnects your call at the end, so you have to keep trying to remember which options are dead ends and calling back.

PalominoUK · 15/08/2023 21:04

I'm house hunting, find the perfect house, ticks all the boxes. Move in, and within a few months it smells of stale man, like a dirty hamster cage, because OH has incontinence (so do i, but I wear pads and don't expect family to throw themselves to the floor to get out of my way when I need to go, ) and youngest son lives eats sleeps in his south facing bedroom with one small window open but door firmly shut.
Find another house, and it repeats itself adinfinitim...
😢

Oops, no, sorry, that's my real life😡

JaneFarrier · 15/08/2023 21:11

Okay, I don't think I can beat the soft play.

But we are trying to leave to get somewhere else, and someone will be annoyed with us if we're late. It's raining outside. Older child is refusing to put his shoes or coat on, and I have a large bag full of important items and sentimentally valuable cuddly toys that keep falling out. My jeans have a hole in the thigh which is chafing painfully. Older child has poured milk over us, including my socks, and toddler has had a nappy disaster.

The only baby change is filthy and has a very loud hand dryer that cannot be turned off, so older child screams at the very thought of entering. After we change the nappy, the toddler puts her hand in the remains of a melted ice lolly on one of the tables and lovingly wipes it in my hair. While I'm dealing with that, the older one takes off his shoes and runs back into the play structure...

(Thankfully those days are past.)

reddingweddy · 15/08/2023 21:20

It's my first day at a new job and I'm wearing the wrong sort of shoes.

Axolotlrulestheworld · 15/08/2023 21:23

I'm driving to work, country road and I'm behind a large mobile home on a lorry, a tractor and a police car with a dickhead driving up my bum. I'm listening to an audio book, it's the penultimate one in a series and it's very exciting. Then as I get to the roundabout to work it all starts again!

mamaandbabas · 15/08/2023 21:58

Being trapped in a room, in the dark and birds flying all around me.

Halo8 · 15/08/2023 22:25

I’m on a compulsory work ‘team bonding’ day. It was a long rush-hour drive to get to the venue after missing breakfast and getting the kids to school and there’s no sign of the promised coffee and cake delivery.

I’m crammed into a too small meeting room next to my boss. He’s wearing his most vile aftershave again and is already starting to sweat through his polyester shirt.

I try and distract myself by staring out at the bright, late spring day, there’s a flowered lawn sloping down to trees and a lake, just ideal for a lunchtime stroll, and I can hear birdsong through the open window and feel a pleasant breeze.

Abruptly the organiser strides over and slams the window, closing the heavy blackout curtains and plunging the room into a sickly yellow gloom. Numbly we endure a two hour slide presentation.

Lunch is brought to the room, sad sandwiches of uncertain origin and the missing, weak and lukewarm, coffee. We aren’t allowed out and the curtains stay closed. This afternoon we will be role-playing…

queenofthebongo · 15/08/2023 22:27

PimpMyFridge · 15/08/2023 08:10

Ds says he trapped in a full bin bag that is full of rotting food, teabags, peel, chicken skin etc and he's got maggots, hairy spiders and centipedes crawling all over him. It stinks and is hot and dark and he can't get out.

I have just utterly shuddered at this. My whole body convulsed with disgust. 😭🤢

JaneFarrier · 15/08/2023 22:31

@Halo8 that does sound pretty awful! I would be struggling to stay awake and focused in the dim room as well and of course I wouldn't be able to do anything with my hands to keep me going...

NameChangeEmbarressed · 15/08/2023 22:41

Halo8 · 15/08/2023 22:25

I’m on a compulsory work ‘team bonding’ day. It was a long rush-hour drive to get to the venue after missing breakfast and getting the kids to school and there’s no sign of the promised coffee and cake delivery.

I’m crammed into a too small meeting room next to my boss. He’s wearing his most vile aftershave again and is already starting to sweat through his polyester shirt.

I try and distract myself by staring out at the bright, late spring day, there’s a flowered lawn sloping down to trees and a lake, just ideal for a lunchtime stroll, and I can hear birdsong through the open window and feel a pleasant breeze.

Abruptly the organiser strides over and slams the window, closing the heavy blackout curtains and plunging the room into a sickly yellow gloom. Numbly we endure a two hour slide presentation.

Lunch is brought to the room, sad sandwiches of uncertain origin and the missing, weak and lukewarm, coffee. We aren’t allowed out and the curtains stay closed. This afternoon we will be role-playing…

Actually feeling I'll just reading this

tt9 · 15/08/2023 22:46

I need the loo and the only available bathroom is disgusting....

Halo8 · 15/08/2023 22:48

@NameChangeEmbarressed

Sadly it actually happened. I’m still traumatised.

Dragonfly97 · 15/08/2023 23:06

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 15/08/2023 09:56

I'm driving a hire car on my own in a country where I have to drive on the wrong side of the road. It's dark and it's a long route I've never driven before, on multiple motorways, ending in a section on single track winding roads, to an important appointment that I mustn't be late for. My phone has no signal. I'm already running late due to getting lost several times and I feel like I'm never going to get there. And I need a wee and I've forgotten to bring a drink.

Omg I had this dream last night; got roped in to taking dh's neice's kids somewhere, in a car I couldn't drive, in the dark, with poor eyesight, the place had an ominous feel, old abandoned petrol stations, no lights on the roads, horrible. I managed to get us to our destination safely, then neice appeared and told me I was babysitting her kids all day 😫

transformandriseup · 15/08/2023 23:08

My current one is any car journey which involves sitting in traffic on the A30 while the bypass is being built. Just a few miles takes up to an hour with nowhere to turn off.

I just imagine being stuck there for ever.

Maternityleavelady · 15/08/2023 23:09

I am an Uber driver going round and round tricky 4 lane roundabouts in rush hour and everyone is hooting at me when I try to change lanes as I am always in the wrong lane and my kids are screaming in the back and throwing crisp dust around and I didn’t get any sleep last night and I am so tired I can’t find the exit and I have terrible hayfever and I am starving hungry

otherhalves · 15/08/2023 23:11

Walking in circles around IKEA. Forever.

NumberFortyNorhamGardens · 15/08/2023 23:18

Mine is a version of the labours of Sisyphus: stuck with a never-ending pile of ironing in a featureless room with Tipping Point or similar on telly and various bad cover versions of late Cliff Richard/James Blunt songs going round and round my head, progressively losing, with each iteration, any traces of accuracy or tunefulness they may have originally possessed.

BadlydoneHelen · 15/08/2023 23:27

Stuck at a dining table between people who smack their lips as they eat

HedgingMyBet · 15/08/2023 23:34

I have to say you’re all horribly good at hell. Well done?!?!!! But I have also spent time thinking about this…

Mine is coming home from the shops after a baby group on a late winter’s afternoon. The children are small enough to fit into a double decker buggy but the pavement is sloping and the buggy tyre has a puncture, meaning it keeps sliding towards the kerb, as it’s weighed down with two kids and shopping.

The gutter is filled with icy slush and drivers are rushing towards you, splashing your ankles and occasionally your children with freezing water. Of course you’re wearing jeans so the wet heavy fabric is rubbing on your legs. It’s getting dark and the car headlights are blinding you.

The toddler on the front seat is whinging and writhing around, threatening to squirm out of his straps and fall into the road. You’re pretty sure he has an ear infection and you really want to stop and comfort him, his crying is piteous: Mummy, mummy, it hurts! I’m cold mummy!

The baby is also crying and needs feeding, her nose is blocked with snot but you can’t wipe it because you’re carrying a heavy plastic bag of shopping, the handle of which has been digging into your wrist for the last fifteen minutes. Your phone is going, it’s your mum and you know there’s been an accident and you need to answer, but you don’t have a spare hand. You’re wet through with sleet and your hands are red raw with cold. Your nose is running. You need a wee really badly.

A smartly dressed lady with an umbrella and perfect make up tuts loudly at you for not making enough room on the narrow pavement to let her past.

The road never ends.

Gumptionesque · 15/08/2023 23:34

I’m in Sports Direct, it’s in the basement so there is no natural light or air. DS is looking at football boots and despite asking the disinterested shop assistant for his size in every boot in the shop, they don’t have any that fit him. The smell is teen BO, and the sound is conversations on mobile phones held via the speaker. I am hungover and accidentally left a cup of coffee in a travel mug on the table at home after only one sip. My hair has gone frizzy and I have a spot on my chin. I’ve forgotten my glasses, so I can’t read the tiny labels on anything or my phone.

Swipe left for the next trending thread