2 beggars having a go at me

[Notfallingforthatagain]

I know, I know, don't give money to beggars, I know that, but I succumbed to the yarn one was spinning me in a busy station, and he looked so unappealing I felt sorry for him. He said he was trying to get together £20 for a hostel for the night, and he only had £6 so far.

I believed him ( more fool me) and went to a cashpoint and withdrew £10 and handed it over - which I very rarely do, but like I said, he was so unpleasant looking I felt sorry for him.

He didn't thank me, and immediately stopped looking pathetic and started looking intimidating, firstly winking, and saying come on sweetie, you can do better than a tenner, and then got more demanding and assertive, so I walked away, and was immediately accosted by a second beggar who started berating me for giving my money to the first beggar instead of him, and going on about how unfair it was, and how I should be treating them equally, and he was really pissed off he had been begging for nearly an hour and only had a fiver, and this other guy had just turned up a few minutes ago and got the good punters.

I stupidly felt like I had to justify myself not returning to the cashpoint and getting more money out, but really, that was my food budget for this evening, so we just had egg and frozen chips tonight, not that I need to justify it to MN either...

Anyway, that was 6 hours ago, and I am still a but shaken up, not by their behaviour so much as my pathetic capitulation to the first one, and pathetic defensiveness to the second.

I should have said straightforward no to both

You learnt a lesson. NEVER give them money.. food and drink only.

no, in a hostel. A hostel is just a place you pay for a cheap bed. Normally in a dorm. Last time was £40 for 2 of us to have a bunk bed in a room with 3 sets of bunk beds. It was prior to a big marathon and most of the people there at that time were runners.

But there are many hostels in many places, and |I have no doubt many people beg for enough money for a bed

I am upset about what happened to me, but I don't really find it easy to explain why. I have no reason to think they weren't begging for hostel money. People do

That was always my policy, but most beggars don't need food and drink. I don't know what to do next time I am begged at.

I think you’re confusing a youth hostel and a homeless hostel, but anyway next time you’re begged at just shake your head and keep walking, they’re not your problem, you don’t need to feel guilty and by the sounds of it you’re in no position to be helping other people financially if that was your last £10.

@Notfallingforthatagain I am in the city centre every day so I just either smile, sometimes say sorry and keep walking

no I am not

youth hostels, and general hostels are open to anyone, and homeless people are allowed inside! and homeless people beg for the money to get a bed inside, that is what is happening when people are begging for hostel money.

There are also homeless hostels, they don't charge anything ( I help run several) - they are normally full - and they are frequently referral only, not only that but many don't take drinkers or addicts, hence why someone like that might be trying to get a bed in a paying hostel

You did something kind, don’t beat yourself up. I’m sorry this happened to you

I don’t give to beggars and I’ve been very lucky to never been harassed either.

The only time I did give to a beggar was when I had been in a shop and bought some dog treats. We passed by one who had a lovely looking dog, so I gave him the treats. He was very appreciative of it

“That was always my policy, but most beggars don't need food and drink. I don't know what to do next time I am begged at.”

Smile, “sorry, I don’t have anything to give you”, walk on.

I’m afraid I have been made cynical about beggars - I once got off the train at Liverpool Street one morning at about ten o’clock or so, and there was a chap in front of me with a backpack. I went to the nearby M and S, and when I came back, he was setting up on the pavement with a sleeping bag, pretending to be homeless! I shall remember the advice from the previously homeless poster on this thread, that real homeless people don’t bother sitting out in the cold all day.

I can't stand beggars. I think they are intimidating to loan women and begging should be illegal.

There is no excuse for people to be begging on the street in this country. They are there for a reason (alcohol, drugs etc) and so any money you give them will not be put to good use. There is help out there if they really wanted it. It's not your responsibility.

Lone not loan! 😂

The thing is, of the ten or so long term homeless that I see daily, they are not people who are going to respond to rehabilitation. Some of them are under Methadone clinics but they use heroin anyway to keep themselves 'topped up'.

A lot of them have learning difficulties, are in and out of prison for petty crime, or come from such chaotic backgrounds and abusive families that the possibility of clawing themselves out of the mess they are in is beyond them, beyond any help they can access ( where it exists, it's all been defunded) or pay for themselves ( with what?)

One guy recently had a windfall inheritance - £30K. He disappeared for four months or so, no one knew what had happened to him. He turned up one day, transpired he'd just pissed the £30K up the wall on drink and drugs. Because when you're an addict, even when the opportunity is right there in front of you to turn your life around, you don't take it when you are surrounded by other addicts and people enabling you (and robbing you blind).

What job are you going to get? Where are you going to live? Who will you surround yourself with when all you've known is crime, abuse and other hugely damaged people? These are people who don't turn up for meetings with their care workers because they haven't got a watch, or a phone, or shoes. Their whole lives are limited by needing to stay close to where their dealer is. They periodically have to go into hospital but discharge themselves as soon as humanly possible because they need to get back to their dealer.

The only long term respite they get seems to be when they are in prison - their meds are taken care of or they are put through a withdrawal programme, they have three meals a day. The people I have seen who get put away come back feeling much brighter - they look great, they are full of big ideas about staying off the gear - and within a week they are back where they started.

People who live like this on the streets have a life expectancy of about 5 years once they are in the grip of serious drink and alcohol addiction. They either overdose, die of liver cancer or the winter takes them out through repeated infections that antibiotics don't clear because - see above. I've worked where I am for about 15 years now and this cycle bears itself out.

So basically, giving them food achieves very little, money feeds the cycle but the cycle doesn't end if you don't give them money because they just go on the rob in Adsa instead. So you may as well give them money if you have it, and give money to food banks/ homeless charities as well.

That sounds so bleak @LadyOfTheCanyon I expect you're right.

So basically, giving them food achieves very little, money feeds the cycle but the cycle doesn't end if you don't give them money because they just go on the rob in Adsa instead. So you may as well give them money if you have it, and give money to food banks/ homeless charities as well.

Personally I'd prefer they go and rob Asda and get taken into prison. At least they won't be on the streets harassing people. And they'll be off the drugs for a least a short while.

Not nice for you OP, what an awful experience.

This is not an excuse for poor behaviour but i tend to see homeless people as being at rock bottom. When I was younger I would have probably judged them for using money to buy drugs over food and shelter, but I think I am beginning to understand that once you have reached that level then the hit from drugs or alcohol to block out the misery of your situation is preferable. I feel so sad for people who end up on the streets. But as others have said, probably better to give money to charities that with help rather than directly

Tell me you are in stoke without telling me you are in stoke

In Manchester we have backpacker hostels that the homeless try and get money to book into
I think a lot of homeless hostels are pretty unsafe
There are lots of professional beggars, there's a bloke who just does weekend nights by me, I've seen Romanian ladies pass their babies to colleagues for their shift at begging with it

When I was a teenager my mum used to tell them to piss off and get job if they asked her for money. I was always terrified that they would come after us.

They never said anything though. Probably the shock of being told off by a middle aged menopausal woman!

There isn't a single one of them without a horrific back story of abuse and neglect,

Thats the script.

The hostels for the homeless in my town are free to stay in but the beggars all say 'I need money for the night shelter / hostel'.
I once got abuse when i helpfully told a man it was actually free & now I just shut them down with 'I don't have any cash' even if I do.
There's one beggar who hangs around my area, when I said I don't have cash he said that's ok, you could do a bank transfer to my account!! I was like, no!! (Don't you need an address for a bank account??). Anyway it's very obvious he's an addict.

I anonymously referred a man in the winter to Streetlink who was sleeping in a local car park & begging, basically concerned he may freeze to death, but they emailed me back to say he'd refused offers of assistance which was a shame.

A major issue here is that the last 'wet' hostel for alcoholics closed a few years ago.
I do feel for those in the grip of addiction as i have an addictive type of personality myself, and have suffered similar issues.
I also recognise that they themselves need to want to be rehabilitated. And that giving them money for their habits isn't the answer.

You need an address to set up a bank account usually (although I think they have special ones now for homeless people) but back when I was homeless I already had a bank account.

My mam set it up for me as a child and the address was never changed from my childhood home, they likely had no idea I was homeless and frankly I never thought to tell them.

Jobcenter and council knew I was homeless but the pathetic £50 they paid me to live on (food, shelter, clothing and everything else) while forcing me to work 'volunteer' roles in dangerous jobs while underage went into my bank account without question.

My account worked fine and I changed the address years later when I finally got my own place.

Beggars do almost always do have council or charity association houses though, they are rarely in hostels as they get thrown out but they are excellent at milking the system.