2 beggars having a go at me

[Notfallingforthatagain]

I know, I know, don't give money to beggars, I know that, but I succumbed to the yarn one was spinning me in a busy station, and he looked so unappealing I felt sorry for him. He said he was trying to get together £20 for a hostel for the night, and he only had £6 so far.

I believed him ( more fool me) and went to a cashpoint and withdrew £10 and handed it over - which I very rarely do, but like I said, he was so unpleasant looking I felt sorry for him.

He didn't thank me, and immediately stopped looking pathetic and started looking intimidating, firstly winking, and saying come on sweetie, you can do better than a tenner, and then got more demanding and assertive, so I walked away, and was immediately accosted by a second beggar who started berating me for giving my money to the first beggar instead of him, and going on about how unfair it was, and how I should be treating them equally, and he was really pissed off he had been begging for nearly an hour and only had a fiver, and this other guy had just turned up a few minutes ago and got the good punters.

I stupidly felt like I had to justify myself not returning to the cashpoint and getting more money out, but really, that was my food budget for this evening, so we just had egg and frozen chips tonight, not that I need to justify it to MN either...

Anyway, that was 6 hours ago, and I am still a but shaken up, not by their behaviour so much as my pathetic capitulation to the first one, and pathetic defensiveness to the second.

I should have said straightforward no to both

I once had a very unpleasant encounter with a ‘con artist’ in a mainline station. Went to the Transport Police after, who were very helpful. Basically these people work in gangs and are better actors than you get on tv or films!
if they want money for a fare, take them straight to the barriers - they’ll be gone in an instant. Any sob story, no matter how believable, offer to escort them to the staff and speak for them - again they will be gone. No every time.

Homeless people don't beg addicts do... I say this as someone who was homeless for 3 years. Homelessness is the result of two things

1. a failure in the system (in my case as a teen I was too young to qualify for benefits help etc...) &
2. pride (of course we COULD leech off everyone like a CF and take the piss but we don't)

You never 'see' actual homeless people, we blend in. Our safety depends on remaining invisible and not advertising our precarious situation to strangers who could be dangerous.

We spend our days staying warm in indoor public spaces (trust me its needed after a night out, it gets pretty cold). We don't have time or the luxury to sit in the cold rain looking pathetic etc... we don't have a warm bed to go to later so we don't catch our death.

I have known many beggers from that time in my life. All addicts of some form and all in far better living states with council accommodation and on benefits etc... believe it or not they make a FORTUNE to feed their vices out there begging.

I do believe it maybe be different in other countries like say third world countries or the USA where people can be bankrupted due to unfortunate medical issues (can't say I have only been homeless in the UK) but over here its always a scam.

Just walk on and ignore them... you'll be doing them good by not feeding their habit.

I know what you mean OP - it can be a horrible experience and they can completely take you in. I stopped giving anything to individuals or homeless charity about 6 years ago. I know they are not all con artists, but many are.

I just either ignore or say no and move on now. But lesson learned I guess, ignore from now on. If they get nasty get be nasty back - it's the only thing that works.

You need to adopt a strategy of "no sorry" to everything.
No to beggars, no to chuggers, no to anything on the doorstep.
It's sad, but it's the world we live in now. People are liars, cheaters and out for themselves. A good proportion of beggars are fake and yet every single day, there are people handing out banknotes (not coins!!) to them. Last time I was in the city centre with a group of four, a "homeless" man approached us asking us for hostel money. His clothes were a lot nicer than mine, he was also spotlessly clean. Someone in the group gave him a fiver - this person is not rich by any means.

I used to see the same beggars on my walk from the car park near work a few years ago. I used to feel really sorry for them, too. Until a day I went in early and saw & heard the 'beggars' in a group with a man directing to their patch for the day. That made me very distrustful and I still feel that way.

I'm not at all surprised you feel shaken up. You were duped and then intimidated by two men. Be gentle on yourself; you were being kind & generous, and none of this is your fault.

Sounds fucking lovely to me. Yum.

We get the door step ones recently... apparently it something the have to do as part of probation (they have to explain that and show you an official id card thing) but its harassment and basically daylight robbery. The irony is quite funny after the fact.

First time I was caught off guard, he offered to sell me a duster (literally just a single shammy cloth) for £20. Then got mad at me when I said no sorry I have no money due to the cost of living.

He got mad at me... for wasting his time... when he knocked on MY door. I could here him slagging me off to his mate from the other end of the street.

Got another one the other day. I went straight in with an 'I have no money' to which he responded 'I'm not begging, no... I'm selling things'. Like 'Ok, mate statement still stands, no money is no money' lol. He then proceeded to insult my home and how it would be improved if I just bought his good gardening good.

My garden is wilded on purpose because I lack a green finger, like wildlife and dont give a fuck about mowed laws and planted flowers but for the record I already own a shovel, weeder and pruner Mr. Conman.

OP just so you know, it's possible to claim benefits whilst being homeless, even on the streets. With no bills to pay they can spend the entire weekly allowance on food/water. If they've no bank account I guess they could get mugged and have nothing left. There'll be those who don't realise they can claim and those who don't know where the charities providing food etc are. But a lot of beggars will be people wanting money for drugs or alcohol.

I was once given a mouthful by a beggar for saying I had no change. Apparently because I had shopping bags, I was a fucking liar... So I told him to bend over and I'd swipe my Switch card (it was many years ago and I was a little more mouthy then)

I was quite pleased with my witty retort, him not so much, and threatened to stab me.

This. 100%.

Where I live (and I love where I live overall) they chase you to your car, intimidate you walking to and from the shop, and demand you buy them stuff.

I hate it, and shop out of area now.

And I do support a lot of beggars, and help run emergency winter shelters etc.

I'm surprised if you help run shelters that you've referred to these two scam artists as beggars. Maybe you could ask MN to change your thread title.

A beggar verbally racially abused me repeatedly and I was terrified for weeks and didn't want to step out of home. It was a horrible experience.
Iconically, I volunteer for Crisis, often give homeless changes, food and clothes/blanket if in winter - Unfortunately, not any more.

Ah, a Stepford Mum has arrived to remind us of the first rule of misogyny:

women are responsible for what men do.

Went to Tenerife a few years ago and there was a disabled beggar.
He was really aggressive in his approach because of language.
Saw him one night getting into a modified mercedes.
Speaking to the locals he lives in a big villa.

Ages ago I was on the tube ....a down and out type came up to me and asked the time. I didn't actually know the time and my phone was off. I didn't want to turn it on because it took awsbto power up and I know asking for the time is actually a way to start a conversation so I just said I didn't know. He became really annoyed and started questioning me and asking why I didn't have a phone on me and why wouldn't I just help him etc. It was horribly unnerving. I never ever engage with beggars...once they know you're willing to give to them, they see you as a soft touch and will often just attempt to get more from you. Hope you're ok...lesson learned I guess.

Also please remember..they are either professional beggars who will have a boss to answer to or they will be drug addicts who need money for a fix. Addicts will nick from their own mums purse.

My dad used to say

"No good deed goes unpunished"

@Fruitynutcase i said exactly those words to a better once and she screamed at me as I walked all the way down the road telling me to go to the cash machine and get some out! She was horrible. Stupid of her as DH used to walk past her every day and give her a quid but stopped after that.

Being homeless obviously isn't 'wonderful' but its not the hardest thing I have gone through by far... really wish it was the worst of my life story.

It actually is quite freeing, theres a freedom I miss since becoming homed although it is great to have my own space too. Honestly the worst of being homeless was:

A) cold long boring nights wandering around and trying to stay out of the way. Coldness isn't nice but its the bordom that drives you mad, I have befriended many a hedgehog just to have something to do on those nights.

B) the system, being forced to work 16+ hours a week by the jobcenter for less than £50 a week (not enough to live on let alone house yourself) then berated because you don't have the money for the bus fair to actually get there (work was an industrial estate in the middle of nowhere). Being told by the council you are choosing willfully to be homeless if you leave the hostel where you have been threatened with violence and rape even though your only 16 and shouldn't be forced to share a room with different sometimes aggressive randomers every night in a rat and roach filled shit hole. In comparison not having anywhere to go at night and just wandering around is easy.

I also mentioned homeless people being proud. Most are not addicts I have actually only known one who was an alcoholic (homeless due to alcoholism not vice versa, she was in a council hostel but thrown out for breaking rules around drink but she was a nice person).

As I said THREE YEARS homeless, including short term stays in many homeless hostel (which are actually worse than being on the streets, they weren't fit for humans. One was condemned and bulldozed not long after my stay).

Also I'm far from 'prejudiced' I have literally lived it and have years of first hand experience. There is a lot of naivety in your post talking about something you have zero real life experience of as a 'white knight' ready to be offend on our behalf.

Haha 😂 class reply . I'm going to use that one 😂

I tell them I have lost my debit card. Don't have cash and can't get it until new card comes through in a couple of days time.

Honestly I really wouldn't get into a long explanation....I don't think that's wise. I just look away or shake my head if asked directly

Because you trusted someone and they then turned on you.

That's frightening. You are maybe cross with yourself and worried about trusting your instincts.

Respect your feelings, they will.pass.