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Original poster

2 beggars having a go at me

122 replies

Notfallingforthatagain · 14/08/2023 22:30

I know, I know, don't give money to beggars, I know that, but I succumbed to the yarn one was spinning me in a busy station, and he looked so unappealing I felt sorry for him. He said he was trying to get together £20 for a hostel for the night, and he only had £6 so far.

I believed him ( more fool me) and went to a cashpoint and withdrew £10 and handed it over - which I very rarely do, but like I said, he was so unpleasant looking I felt sorry for him.

He didn't thank me, and immediately stopped looking pathetic and started looking intimidating, firstly winking, and saying come on sweetie, you can do better than a tenner, and then got more demanding and assertive, so I walked away, and was immediately accosted by a second beggar who started berating me for giving my money to the first beggar instead of him, and going on about how unfair it was, and how I should be treating them equally, and he was really pissed off he had been begging for nearly an hour and only had a fiver, and this other guy had just turned up a few minutes ago and got the good punters.

I stupidly felt like I had to justify myself not returning to the cashpoint and getting more money out, but really, that was my food budget for this evening, so we just had egg and frozen chips tonight, not that I need to justify it to MN either...

Anyway, that was 6 hours ago, and I am still a but shaken up, not by their behaviour so much as my pathetic capitulation to the first one, and pathetic defensiveness to the second.

I should have said straightforward no to both

OP posts:

LadyKenya · 15/08/2023 18:52

ForThisPost1 · 15/08/2023 16:57

A beggar verbally racially abused me repeatedly and I was terrified for weeks and didn't want to step out of home. It was a horrible experience.
Iconically, I volunteer for Crisis, often give homeless changes, food and clothes/blanket if in winter - Unfortunately, not any more.

That sounds like a horrible, unsettling experience. It is sad to think that this one person has put you off doing your regular charity work though.

stayathomer · 15/08/2023 19:53

I once offered to buy a guy food had a guy tell me he’d just had food and felt bad saying he didn’t want any but people bought him food all day. I’ve had a guy help me up when I tripped when none of the crowd walking past helped, had an old man thank me over and over again when I gave him twenty quid one Christmas Eve, and a girl thank me and then put on a jumper I offered her that I’d bought in pennys for a fiver in the cold. I’d agree to never ever go to a cash machine with a stranger but I don’t think you should never give money to someone. I particularly roll my eyes when people say they won’t give someone money as they’ll spend it on drink as we walk through town on a night out on the way to pay a ridiculous price at an overpriced restaurant (they’re all overpriced imo!!) Sorry that happened to you though op, it’s awful

PeopleAreWeird · 15/08/2023 19:57

I once woke up a homeless person to ask if they could please move away from the front of the nursery i worked at as children would be arriving soon…

He started shouting at me , telling me to get a real job

People are weird OP
Move on

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 15/08/2023 20:00

Womanofcustard · 15/08/2023 15:47

I once had a very unpleasant encounter with a ‘con artist’ in a mainline station. Went to the Transport Police after, who were very helpful. Basically these people work in gangs and are better actors than you get on tv or films!
if they want money for a fare, take them straight to the barriers - they’ll be gone in an instant. Any sob story, no matter how believable, offer to escort them to the staff and speak for them - again they will be gone. No every time.

I was approached at Richmond Station and the pitch started 'Don't think I'm a beggar but...' I can't help thinking that if you don't want people to think you're a beggar then putting the idea into their heads from the get-go might not be the best sales pitch.

I've offered to buy people train tickets before now. Funnily enough they turned out to prefer the cash.

MyCatsSlave · 15/08/2023 20:07

LadyOfTheCanyon · 15/08/2023 10:12

I work at a London mainline station and beggars are off the chart. I know most of their stories and they are all addicts of one sort or another, be it drink, crack or heroin. Most of them have places to stay but because of antisocial behaviours some choose not to, and these are the ones you see repeatedly begging.

There isn't a single one of them without a horrific back story of abuse and neglect, and while I feel immensely sorry for them and angry at a system that has repeatedly let them down, they genuinely hardly ever want food. I see them day after day throwing away piles of food and drink that well meaning people give them. They literally throw it in the bin or leave it on the street. There are charities who come round daily with food, and they shoplift what they actually do want.

So if you want to help them, give them money. If it's morally repugnant for you to support drug abuse in this way, just make your excuses and move on, because otherwise you're just wasting your money.

This is the best advice I’ve seen on here re beggars. I used to work with the people who had been offered accommodation but didn’t want it and they didn’t even eat 5% of the food that they were given. The vast amount of food thrown away each week was appalling. They are begging for money to feed their habit and nothing else, but hungry and homeless on a sign looks so much better than money needed for crack/heroin.

Saschka · 15/08/2023 20:41

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 15/08/2023 20:00

I've offered to buy people train tickets before now. Funnily enough they turned out to prefer the cash.

Show quote history

I find beggars/street scammers take MASSIVE exception to being called beggars.

We have plenty near us (who are absolutely not homeless in any way) who bang on your door asking for £10 to visit their Nana in hospital/ask for change for two pounds/various other scams to get you to show them your wallet so they can grab it and run off, and without exception, saying “sorry I don’t give money to beggars” has resulted in them absolutely losing their shit.

Even when you point out they have literally just asked a stranger in the street for money, which is begging, they have 99 different excuses why it totally isn’t and you have mortally offended them.

winterchills · 15/08/2023 20:47

This is awful! Did you log it with the police? If not you should do.

Prescottdanni123 · 16/08/2023 17:09

@Comedycook

It's never done me any harm. It depends on the situation. I try to ignore them, but if they follow or pester for an answer I give them a firm, my card has been cancelled. I have no cash until I get the new one sent through.

TheThingIsYeah · 16/08/2023 17:36

This thread depresses me.

There's loads of people getting awful abuse and having food thrown at them and being spat at FFS, and others going yeah well I give money to them, have a heart etc. And that's the problem. People beg because others give them money. So when they don't get money, they get abusive. If no one gave them money they would piss off somewhere else. Remember, they don't want your kindness or your latte and an M&S sandwich - they want your cash.

Knocking on doors is particularly low. I've had it here a few times. Out of prison blah blah blah here's a laminate peddlers licence which means
jack shit then when I point them to the big sign next to the fucking doorbell that says we do not give to cold callers etc, it's oh I can't read I have a head injury. Answer for fucking everything. Then off they shuffle muttering expletives. But again, I guess they go through this charade because it's profitable. If people didn't give them money they wouldn't do it.

If I get them come up to me in the street I don't ignore them I go on the offensive, and it always throws them. I say "Hang on, wassup here? I've just given all my change to some bloke literally just 50 yards up the road" It's all bollocks of course, but you can see their brains ticking over as they mull over the fact there might be other beggars on 'their' patch that need investigating.

avonslea · 16/08/2023 18:08

Remember, they don't want your kindness or your latte and an M&S sandwich - they want your cash.

That's not true of all of them. I've been asked for, and bought, coffee before.

Though you're right about the majority I suppose. They must be desperate to ask, whatever the circumstances and motives behind it. I think it's also much worse this last couple of years. I'd never been approached for money in cafés (it was prêt à manger) before last year.

TheThingIsYeah · 16/08/2023 18:14

@avonslea

I was in Stratford (London) once and there were a couple of eastern European beggars that were outside Westfield with a table and a sign saying "collecting for vodka" . I didn't given anything of course but I appreciated their honesty!

Zodfa · 16/08/2023 18:15

A few incidents with violent beggars in the past seriously damaged my mental health. That said, unlike what some people on here seem to think, in my experience most will thank you if you give them money and most will go away without much trouble if you refuse. And by "most" I mean "the vast majority".

Of course it's still scary when you don't know what type of beggar they are.

Original poster

Notfallingforthatagain · 16/08/2023 20:05

Thanks for all your answers. I have been away from MN for a few days and have just come back and read them all. Thank you for answering

OP posts:

Iris1976 · 16/08/2023 20:21

I don't give to beggers only big issue sellers.

WhisperingHi · 16/08/2023 20:24

The reality is, if someone is clean and wants to move forwards in their life, there is ample support.

Most beggars are either addicts (and therefore can't access or engage with support) or aren't wanting to make a positive change.

It's fruitless to give a tenner. What's the point, they'll be struggling for a bed every single night. It's much better to give to charities who can target those who are ready to change and accept support.

CaramelMac · 16/08/2023 20:35

I’ve had the “I just need £20 for a hostel place” before and suggesting I go to the cash machine, it is intimidating but no hostel would charge them because that’s not how homeless hostels work.

As PP said they only beg because some people give them money, if everyone stopped they wouldn’t beg.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 16/08/2023 21:02

@Baldieheid , a dd had the same. Bought a Big Mac for someone with a ‘homeless and hungry’ placard on a very cold night. He told her to fuck off, he wanted money.

Terraria · 16/08/2023 21:16

I had similar experience, never again. Last beggar swore at me when I said "no sorry" to spare change. I think I just going to walk on next time.

Original poster

Notfallingforthatagain · 16/08/2023 21:31

CaramelMac · 16/08/2023 20:35

As PP said they only beg because some people give them money, if everyone stopped they wouldn’t beg.

well, I know of hostels that work like that, which is why I fell for it.

OP posts:

wizzywig · 16/08/2023 22:00

@JusthereforXmas hi, what you have described is a nottingham knocker. No way the probation service would encourage people to sell things door to door

avonslea · 16/08/2023 22:03

TheThingIsYeah · 16/08/2023 18:14

@avonslea

Really!

Though it was honest of them!

NorfolkSky · 16/08/2023 22:10

For the avoidance of doubt, hostels do not take money from homeless people. They can be referred to a bed. So this line will always be a lie.

Donate to Shelter via direct debit instead.

JusthereforXmas · 17/08/2023 09:22

NorfolkSky · 16/08/2023 22:10

For the avoidance of doubt, hostels do not take money from homeless people. They can be referred to a bed. So this line will always be a lie.

Donate to Shelter via direct debit instead.

One of the council hostels I was in at 16... it was 'suppose' to be free, that didn't stop the manager demanding money, threatening us and stealing our stuff.

Original poster

Notfallingforthatagain · 17/08/2023 09:57

NorfolkSky · 16/08/2023 22:10

For the avoidance of doubt, hostels do not take money from homeless people. They can be referred to a bed. So this line will always be a lie.

Donate to Shelter via direct debit instead.

hostels take money from anybody who has money. I have personally stayed in hostels for £15-£25 a night, it is quite common - you get a bed in a mixed dorm for that price in London, so not pleasant or comfortable, but a bed and cheap

OP posts:

CaramelMac · 17/08/2023 10:01

You paid £25 a night to sleep in a homeless hostel?

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