Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

Even normal daft ideas parents have can cause OCD and CPTSD. They did in my case. Because my parents were religious and I have had OCD around religion. Therapist says it's trauma based . Because my parents had extreme ideas. And religion can be a form of trauma .

Thanks for acknowledging me. Bless you

Honestly, my mother suffered from horrendous anxiety but what can you do?

I want to add to my list:
Central heating (was for wusses)
Hot water
Comfortable furniture
Snacks
Drinking water
Sugar

Some of what they did and didn't do was healthy and environmentally friendly. Some was just ex post facto justification for not wanting to spend money, with what I suspect was a degree of depression thrown in.

Seen lots of shaving ones on here. My mum also didn’t believe in shaving. Because apparently once you start « you’ve had it! »

Err had what? What on earth did she think was going to happen? Absolutely bizarre behaviour. Did she honestly just expect me to stay hairy forever? Crazy.

I'm sorry it was me derailing the thread with my parents quirky ideas. I just wanted to be heard and I guess feel I'm not alone . I relate so much to what @honeybonbon posted about how parents ideas can cause OCD.

Mine is anxious too but she said to me it wasn't bad and I needed to stop making a fuss. She said to me he isn't actually beating me. It wasn't beating no, it was very low level. But it hurt.

Lesbians.

Bad mouth away! I have no contact with either of them now.

Yes, we just had to hold it. We lived in south wales and would visit family in the midlands so would drive for hours. I have many memories of myself and my brother close to tears with crippling stomach aches as we were desperate. No amount of begging would make my father stop. And we couldn’t complain because that would unleash his temper and children should be seen and not heard. My mother would just sit silently in the passenger seat.

Living together, unmarried.

Sex before marriage.

My parents were born in the 1920s.

@BrindleAbyssinianGuinea not at all, no apology necessary. I think the thread is all about not feeling alone with the stuff that went on in your own family, whatever it was. Your own truth isn't a derailment and you don't need to say sorry for it.

I think i share parents with a lot of people on this thread!!! Lots of familiar issues!

Overall I would sum it up as my parents not believing in children as autonomous beings. They are appalled that my children choose their own clothes, hobbies, friends and food preferences. It will make them "precocious" and "little so and sos" apparently.

But your parents didn’t just have normal daft ideas. You suffered a horrible sexual assault, and not only did your father disbelieve you and minimise it, he had a go at you instead of thinking for one second that the perpetrator was a criminal, a sex offender. He should have been furious and wanted to protect you. He failed you as a parent, badly. Please don’t believe you shouldn’t be utterly traumatised by this just because it wasn’t rape as defined. 💐

Bathing more than twice a week - Wednesday and Sunday.
Once a shower was installed over the bath- no baths at all.
Having your own make up. If I wanted to wear it, I had to use DMs. Who has a different skin tone.
Leaving any food on your plate, whether that's because your full or don't like it. 'There's kids starving in Africa' - with all due respect, me eating a full meal will not change that situation.
Food/drink upstairs. I do agree about food, to be honest, but couldn't take a glass of water to bed. As an adult I do this every night.

I think a lot of those stem from Victoria era especially not eating between meals

I feel a bit bad for moaning about how much I hated having strict religious but good enough parents when I read some of the stuff on here!

I still send by the belief that my parents having some odd ideas and being a bit quirky has given me CPTSD but I know really it wasn't that bad to have parents who were a bit religious .

sending kind thoughts to those on here who really suffered actual abuse from parents . I have no idea how you people have survived. I feel lucky but also very ashamed.

sending to you all. Sorry for derailing the thread . I thought it was a light hearted one !! Bowing out now.

My uncle won't stop on a journey and we lived about 6-7 hours away and you would literally have to cross your legs and probably wet yourself and then he would get annoyed.

Another uncle and aunt wouldn't stop but would take a potty that I had to share with my two older boy cousins if I was with them. It would fill up and it was a bit grim. This was early 70's and no seatbelts. One time it was getting quite full and they always made me go last so I wound down the window and chucked the wee out and it splashed all over the car behind. My uncle didn't realise what I was doing until he saw the wee covered windscreen and a rather shocked looking couple staring back at him.

Omg, I see my parents in these descriptions. I was never allowed a pain killer, even if I had really bad period pain. I once cycled to the shop and bought my own and made the mistake of putting them in the fridge. I had taken two but when I needed them again, they were gone. My mother has changed completely and if my daughter 20 needs a painkiller, she's offered two with a glass of water and no WARNINGS.

My mother never buys shower gel. When I lived at home, my dad would use mine, so I used to buy a cheap one for him and say, don't use the eau de givenchy shower gel dad! (it was the 90s, layering)

I remember buying my father some shower gel as a christmas present and he fell on it like a hyena on a gazelle, delighted he was. It's so crazy, on two levels, she could throw a budget shower gel in to the shop, but equally, he could say ''buy shower gel Mary'' but he never does.

One time we were going on a car journey and I'd had an upset stomach. My mother told me I was not to "dare be sick". So when I started feeling really sick I didn't dare tell her. Then I was sick. Oh dear.

@honeylulu
You are so right, the lack of being appreciated as sentient and autonomous! I actually notice this on the rare occasion my parents are around my kids. They don't include the kids in discussion, and talk about them like they aren't there in a weird kind of "othering" way that I don't see in how my own generation parents.

I was not allowed to eat in the street. Considered absolutely shocking behaviour!

Awful

Poor db was always being sick but they did stop

Mum was sympathetic as she was similar when younger.

Sitting on newspaper seemed to be a solution

Friends. My father was autistic and my mother is a psychopath. They didn't need anyone so we shouldn't either. Never ever allowed to have anyone round. Never had anyone over for tea. The thought of inflicting that on anyone makes me shudder.
Eating out. Never happened. We always had packed lunches on some rain soaked,wind howling bench.
Fun. Fun is not necessary. Being 'proper' was always of great importance. The boundaries of what was proper moved just to keep you on your toes.
Colouring your hair- that was for tarts
Nail polish on fingers - for tarts.
Nail polish on toes absolutely compulsory. No idea why one is okay and one is vile.

I am quite staggered by some posts, I am about the same age as your parents (see user name) My birth children are now 50+ and since birth have had daily baths, daughter had packets of sanitary towels. We were hard up but made sure they were well occupied when not at school. I wore contact lenses from 1972. And no we did not drag them to church.
Also got a microwave very early and for my 80th birthdayI treated myself to an Airfryer! Am still caring for 3 with Down Syndrome. Oh dear this sounds like a boast post🤡

A lot of these (the ones which are ridiculous rather than abusive) sound literally Victorian.

My late DM was born in 1941, her mother in c.1916, so her evil witch of a grandmother, my GGM, must have been born in the 1890s. There were many tales of GGM claiming that DGM letting DM have a pale pink lipstick aged 16 was the first step to a career as a common harlot, and that letting DM wash her hair at "that time of the month" would cause terrible unspecified damage.

That said, my DM believes that conditioner was a pointless affectation because it doesn't permanently change the condition of your hair - it just makes it feel temporarily smoother. My logical arguments that in that case lipstick, mascara and nail varnish are just as much of a waste of money, fell on deaf ears.

We were told off for eating in street in uniform by Headmistress

Does this stem from being seen to be poor and slovenly and uncivilised?

I must admit I don't do it apart from an ice cream or picnic

Parents weren't bothered