I can't drive and it's pathetic

[Yuluml]

Just that. I'm 36 years old, can't drive. Grew up in London so never needed to drive there, then we moved away (though I can still get by where I live now with public transport), then I thought I'd better learn once I had DC 8 years ago. No go. I've done manual, I've done automatic. I've failed four tests now for pretty minor things basically out of nerves but I'm grateful I failed because I literally do not feel safe on the road. I cannot judge distance. I can't park because I don't understand how to judge space. I can't read a map properly either and wonder if I'm missing some sort of fundamental part of my brain, because I'm not stupid - I have two degrees, I hold down a fairly high level professional job. How is that that I cannot master this basic life skill?! People tend to assume it's just nerves or anxiety but it isn't - I feel like I fundamentally lack a component of my brain that would enable me to drive competently.

I feel I've tried everything at this point and I just don't want to do it any more, lessons are £40 an hour where I live and I just feel done with it. Even if I passed my test and was able to do small local journies there's just no way in hell I'd ever be able to drive on the motorway or anything, because I can't judge distance safely enough to merge or to overtake and so on.

Just wanted to rant about it TBH because I feel pathetic - everyone else can do this, why can't I? When I tell people about this IRL they say oh just go for an automatic license, any idiot can drive an automatic! Then they don't believe me when I say I've already tried and I can't.

the manoeuvre was always pull up on the right which is easy

I failed on this 😂

Haha sorry! If it's any consolation my first test I failed because I forgot to turn off my indicators, something I'd never ever done before in a lesson.

I think it's pretty shoddy tbh that in all 4 tests the manoeuvre was bloody pull up on the right - for all the instructors knew I couldn't park for shit (newsflash: I can't!).

I would consider myself an intelligent person, which means I am very aware of the fact I am probably not safe driving and no one wants me on the roads 😅.

I passed my test 10+ years ago (on my 6th attempt), did my Pass Plus, and have not driven since.

Legally I can drive, but my spatial awareness was and remains shockingly bad (I regularly walk into things and doing that in a car doesn't bear thinking about). And I don't see that improving. I have considered starting to drive but I am not sure I want to risk hurting someone when I know it is not something I can be good at. Would you honestly want me on the road knowing that I am incapable of judging distance? I don't think that is something you can learn. My reaction time is also hideous.

My reaction time on the road is also awful. If something unexpected happens I go completely blank and panic.

It's funny because in other situations I am actually brilliant in a crisis and react quickly.

Am 40 and never learned for similar reasons. A colleague is 45 and ditto. My boss is 50s and never learnt. My mum passed at 17 and hasn't driven since. It is what it is.

I am exactly the same. I am really calm and don't panic about anything, but when something sudden and unexpected happens my 'reaction' is to freeze and take time to process it before doing anything. Which probably would not translate well to driving

I wouldn't worry about putting other road users at risk, you develop a sixth sense for drivers about to do something that would put you at risk and a lot of accidents are caused by speed or alcohol.

It’s not pathetic you can’t drive yet. It’s a learnt skill not an instinct.

I'm so glad I came across this thread. I am now doing driving lessons again at 36. I've failed my test twice in a manual many years ago and I've recently decided to go with automatic thinking it'll help.
Honestly it doesn't. I also have no spacial awareness, I also grip the steering wheel too tight because I'm nervous, my driving instructor is a Saint.
I'm desperate to learn because it'll make my life so much easier. Be able to have more options for work and be able to take the kids places on my own.
My husband also does nothing but moan at me because I can't drive. It gets me down and makes me feel stupid.
I think its too much pressure on myself and after all the lessons I've had I wonder why I'm still a nervous wreck while driving.

My husband also does nothing but moan at me because I can't drive

I think mine is secretly grateful tbh, he doesn't want to admit it but he doesn't want me driving his car! He's never even had a parking ticket, let alone a scratch or accident of any description.

Hi OP, 41 here and can't drive either. Failed 2 tests in late teens and not sat one since. I understand how you feel, when I see everyone else making it look effortless including friends teen kids who passed 1st time it's hard not to feel a bit shit that I seemingly can't master this. And whilst generally I have my life arranged so I don't need a car/to drive day to day I do think it would make things easier/give me opportunities I don't currently have. With the exception of my sister, family and friends are sympathetic and helpful but I do feel guilty on times when I accept lifts as I can't reciprocate.

I am currently debating whether or not to have one last attempt but lessons are so expensive and I have very limited time available to take them.

People have said the same to me , " what about work " ? . What about it , I have my own business and work from home and I love walking . I had motorbikes but just hated driving it was just something I didn't want to waste my money on and couldn't afford at the time so I didn't bother I prefer to spend my money on my horse so I won't ever bother now .People do seem to give a weird look when I say I don't drive .

You are absolutely not pathetic at all.

Plenty of people do not take naturally to driving and I am one of them. I can drive, learned when I was 17. I passed my test just short of my 18th birthday (I'm 57 now). I don't like driving at all though and I stick generally to my local patch. I particularly don't like long distance driving and have largely stopped doing it in the last few years.

I'm the sort of person who would lose sleep over having to do a longer distance drive, or to drive an unknown route. It's why I now always get the train when I go to visit my elderly mother who lives a three hour drive from us. At least I can relax and read my book that way and I am not a total basket case.

Do not call yourself pathetic. You aren't at all. It's completely up to you whether or not you can face continually trying to pass a driving test but it probably shouldn't become the be all and end all of your life. If you have reasonable public transport which makes things manageable then just accept it if you would be happier that way rather than continually living under the pressure of trying to pass.

Non-drivers are not failures despite what some people on here and in real life would have you believe.

As someone who also has 2 degrees and took 6 attempts to pass (also grew up in London, learned when I was 22). Keep going. Driving is FREEDOM. I'd be lost without my car. I do prefer driving an automatic.

You also sound like you could be dyscalculic like me, I also struggle with spatial awareness and parking. My car has parking cameras which are a god-send.

Also emphasise (although I did pass my test eventually on the third go… haven’t actually driven for about five years now though). I didn’t mind motorways so much, but find width perception on normal or narrow roads really difficult, looking through the windscreen it never looks like there’s enough space for two cars to pass each other.

In such situations I obsessively look in my wing mirrors to check I’m in the lines but in the countryside half the roads aren’t even marked.

Frequently when I'd be having lessons my instructor would go "drive in a straight line!" and I'd be like, huh?! Am I not?! I genuinely couldn't see that I wasn't.

If it makes you feel better I've spent £1000's on lessons, theory tests etc and have never even been competent enough to even take a single test.
I just cannot concentrate enough, end up zoning out so I don't react quick enough to the instructor leading to making way too many mistakes and I find being told what to do makes me really agitated which doesn't help.
I hate it and feel ridiculous not being able to drive but it's probably safer if I don't.

I get this! "And mind that car", didn't think I was anywhere near that car but oh well. Then when I'm nearer to the middle of the road I'm told, "we drive on the left"
Hang on, I'm trying not to hit all these parked cars 🤣 I honestly come away feeling thick. I feel like my head is full of other stuff aswel. I can't just concentrate on driving. I think, if I was just left to it, by myself, I'd figure it out eventually by trial and error. But obviously that's dangerous 🤣🤣