Autistic Women Assemble! #2

[Nepmarthiturn]

Helloooo lovely people, a new thread for a us to continue to chat and connect with other autistic women (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

As before, anybody newly stumbling upon this is very welcome to join us (even if still awaiting diagnosis). But we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please, like the NT man we encountered in thread #1. 🤣

Hi all,

Wondering if anyone can give me some advice/ a kick up the arse.... my Doctor referred me for asd and adhd assessment 6 months ago. I quite quickly got a load of questions through from psychiatry uk, for me and someone who has known me from before the age of 12 to fill in. I started this, but then got overwhelmed and it's hanging over me, like something I know I'll never do. Almost like I can't even help myself.

On top of that my mums the only family member I'm in touch with, and she always been very dismissive of me and my feelings, so I don't want to ask her. Also suspect she'll never fill the forms in too.

How do you ever motivate yourself to get diagnosed? Is there a different way?

Hi @Sonrien , I'm a lurker here, not diagnosed but I suspect I may have ADHD and/or autism.

I'm sorry I have nothing useful to say except to express my anger on your behalf that an assessment for ADHD should involve the very thing that people with ADHD struggle with - excessive paperwork!

I wonder what they do with older adults who no longer have surviving relatives who can fill the form in? Or those who are estranged from their families?

Perhaps you can explain that you don't have a good relationship with your mother so you don't want to ask her to fill in the forms. Perhaps you could find some old school reports that may help? Although I realise children develop coping mechanisms and teachers often don't spot the signs, especially in girls.

I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed, I often feel the same. I become paralysed when facing decisions. I find the longer I put something off the more difficult and insurmountable it feels. Perhaps set yourself the goal of answering one question a day and return the relatives form blank with a note attached saying there is nobody available to complete it.

Mid 50s. Was diagnosed with autism last year. It has felt very liberating. I can now explain away all my quirks with ASD.

I agree. I've had to train DP to give a clear answer to "would you like a coffee?" I can't remember what he used to say but I can clearly remember several times telling him in utter frustration "all I need is a 'yes please' or 'no thanks'".

Thanks everyone for being so welcoming (I’m now tempted to steal my dc’s Lego to build a little pistol). I also hate when people aren’t clear, I’m dreadful at taking hints!!

@Sonrien I guess it's a different process in different areas. I went to gp was referred to adult autism team who sent me a load of forms. There was some to be filled by a friend or relative, but I said I didn't have any one to ask. My family were emotionally abusive to me as a child I have no desire to know what they think of me as a person. And I didn't want to ask my husband or friends who have only known me as a adult as when ever I discussed autism as a possibility they dismissed it. It was the same with my appointments one was supposed to be with a relative but I did it alone. The did imply that your more likely to get it diagnosis if they get a third person view but I still got a diagnosis.

Definitely enough doughnuts to go around 🍩

I love donuts, wish I could share them online!

Argh.

Our village is remote, and a new business has started up which has received brilliant reviews.

It's curry. You order from a very limited set menu and on Friday and Saturday evenings, the food is delivered CHILLED to the shop, where you collect it. They go to Glasgow to collect it and bring it to the village.

Well anyway, I thought, what do I have to lose?

My sanity, as things turned out.

We received a very, very runny chicken korma, a meat bhuna, two chicken samosas with chutney, a naan bread, two poppadoms and some rice.

Bear in mind this was all chilled.

Okay - the first problem was that there were no instructions as to how long the food should be microwaved for.

The second was that the naan was like an old boot leather.

The third was that the poppadoms were limp (and I could not figure out a way to make them crisp again).

And in any case, trying to microwave all the food so that it was hot simultaneously was never going to happen. Can you imagine the disorder in my mind, never mind in the kitchen?

OMG. I had difficulty getting the korma out of the microwave and half the sauce slithered out on to the work surface, and clearing it up ENRAGED ME.

The pakoras were limp and tasteless. The korma was runny and tasteless. The bhuna was sour. The naan was inedible. The poppadoms were vile. The chutneys were disgusting.

All this for £25! And everyone else in the village, apparently, raves about how good this food is.

Well, I gave up and DH and I ate a small amount before binning it.
And then I made the error of visiting the village FB page to make my thoughts crystal-clear.

Reader, I was deleted and rebuked.

I am now trying to get the shop to refund my £25. Watch this space, because they are studiously ignoring my emails so far (I have sent four and intend to send more).

I suppose, if it becomes necessary, I shall go to the shop when everyone is collecting their chilled food next Friday, and elbow my way to the front of the queue, refusing to leave until I receive my £25 refund.

As I said - watch this space.

@TheShellBeach Im confused as to why a shop would sell a curry chilled!? Is it some kind of ‘cook’ style ready meal things but fresh if that makes sense. My bil always gets these ridiculously expensive cook meals when we go to his and I don’t have the guts to tell him it tastes like crap and the texture is all funny. Even my nt ds2 thinks it has a weird texture but people rave about cook meals.

They go 100 miles away to Glasgow to collect this vile food. It comes from an actual restaurant but at that distance it could not be hot food.

Can you imagine trying to heat up five different things and get it all on the table?
And of course the pakoras are like rubber.
How else would they turn out?

I'm really angry about this awful food actually.

That would really annoy me too. Surely if they are transporting food such long distances, they wouldn’t just cook it and let it turn to rubber so the customer has to reheat it? They’d freeze and put in the ice box to keep it fresh. Particularly if there is rice (I assume so with curry) as that could be quite dangerous. Cheeky buggers!

That's one of the things I pointed out to them.
I was really concerned about how to reheat the rice.

Things like this give me the rage, too! It doesn’t sound ideal to just chill a meat dish and transport it that far. Not all Indian food travels well. The oil will separate and be released as the food chills off, and yes, it can be very messy decanting it to re-heat. Things like samosas, I’d do in the oven on a baking sheet. Not sure with the wetter dishes, though perhaps on the hob?

A top tip to revive limp popadoms. Put them in the microwave on full power for about a minute - then check. If still a bit limp, give them about 20 seconds more and check again. They ought to crisp up, though a bit of oil will be released as they do.

A leathery nan is a said thing! You could sprinkle with water and warm through under the grill or in the oven. Bread can often be saved like that.

Would you be able to cope with seven different things, needing to be got ready to serve, in the oven, under the grill, in the microwave, and so on?
With absolutely no instructions?

And that's before we factor in the unpleasant taste of it all.
I mean, the chaos in my mind and in my kitchen was off the scale.

And they STILL haven't replied to my many emails.

I feel overwhelmed just reading about this. DH can't understand why I always end up in tears when I try and help him when he cooks a roast, it makes me feel so overwhelmed and ill trying to make sure everything is hot/ready at the same time. We rarely have a roast because even when DH does it all himself it sends me into a panic just going into the kitchen and seeing all of the pans and mess.

I was raging last week(and still am now lol), about that flipping team project, so our final scores we ended up being judged as a team and no amount of extra work, fancy code etc could save the shit show that was my team and so I was marked down overall as well. DH thinks I'm being harsh but it's the sheer lack of effort and terrible communication that has angered me.

My new project however is coming along nicely and it's so much easier being able to just crack on with it rather than asking people for input/feedback and then waiting a week to hear anything. There are lots of other projects I could sign up for but they all involve working in teams and I just can't face it again so soon, maybe in a month or so. I'm also mulling over whether to take up a place on a course I've been offered, it's not my ideal area of interest but I am still interested. I'm torn between just doing it because it's another certificate and it will give me some good insight into this particular field or whether to just concentrate on the stuff I'm enjoying right now.

Ugh. Am on all Inclusive holiday.
Pros: beautiful place
Nice food
Sandy beach ( no pebbles )
Can swim in sea
Pool lovely
Children (mine) all well catered for

Cons: people
Help.
I have told other people's children off today for wasting water/ making staff clean up after them when they do so.
I have NO personal space
I do not want to play "volley, volley, volley ball" despite stating this preference, they continue to harass me when I'm reading.

What are your holiday hates?

@AuDHD4Me that sounds like a nightmare. Luckily my dh is a massive introvert and ds1 is also autistic so we tend to go to quiet places on holiday. We do eurocamp every year (ds1 and I like the predictability of it) which ds2 moans about because he wants to Phuket apparently (if only we didn’t spend our money on kids, cars, houses and food that disappears as soon as I buy it). Eurocamp has filters like ‘quiet’, ‘lively’ etc so we always go for the small, quiet parks. Ds1 will only stay in the safari tents so that’s what we do. Sorry for my irrelevant waffle I’m half asleep and currently slightly tipsy as it’s just me and the dog downstairs.
My holiday hates are:
Drunk Brits abroad
Drunk brits abroad acting antisocial
Said spawn of drunk brits running around like headless chickens
Being stared at because I’m a woman in a bikini and clearly my saggy fits are eye food
Seeing my mother if we holiday in my home country
My likes:
No work colleagues pestering me (the fuckers still email me though)
No excuse not to have sex (TMI I’m sorry)
Being somewhere with different niche museums to get dragged to
Listening and talking other languages (I have a bit of a linguistics obsession)

This has made me realise how weird I am.

What is the point of going to a pebbly beach? You can’t even build a sandcastle or sunbathe because you have a million and one stones pressing against you.

I understand your issue with pebbly beaches. But with sandy beaches I tend to get sand everywhere on my body and I hate the scratchy feeling. Not so bad when the sand is wet, but when it dries, that’s when it’s painful.

Ha ha we are definitely not people-y people.
I do love watching and listening to other languages too. I speak a little Turkish, some German (love that language, they have a word for everything, Spanish and a little French. I have to say though, it's always the British kids that seem to be causing havoc.
It can get rather embarrassing

I’m interested by the responses to food, @TheShellBeach and @camelCase . It might be clear from my post (or not) but I love cooking Indian food (from scratch) and part of what I like is the ritual of doing the stages of preparation in a specific order, prepping the veg’ and putting it in containers, sorting out spices and so on. When I get to the cooking bit, I can just focus on that. I hate cooking with other people - just being there, never mind trying to help, which is usually like nails down a blackboard as they all do it wrong. 😆I hate feeling I have to talk and cook at the same time. Argh! As to ‘helping’ by washing up the wrong way or, the worst crime, binning my leftovers……

With holidays - I could not tolerate being packed in one busy place with lots of people and children. I prefer to be somewhere I can explore and enjoy in peace and quiet. I would love to have a solo holiday but I also have a partner who would regard that as the end of the relationship, so it’s never happened. Whenever we’ve done a self-catered stay, I have always bargained for time out to just potter on my own.

Am I the only one who doesn't go on holiday? The closest I get to that is visiting family and I hate doing it because it's a 4-hour drive and I can't really relax because I'm not home. I only do it once a year and even then I try and come up with a plausible excuse not to go.

I hate leaving the house in general and can't wait to get back home where it's safe. I'm so glad DD is all grown up now because I hated going on trips to theme parks, cinema etc. No matter where we used to sit in the cinema or how empty it was I would always end up with some little brat behind me kicking my seat.

I was so pleased when DD got to that teen stage where they want nothing to do with you😆Now we just hang out at home and play games together, our days out are going to the big shopping centres and that's maybe 2/3 times a year. She's not keen on going out either because of her anxiety, hers is worst than mine because of bullying at school and clubs(oh the clubs, hours sat waiting for her to finish, don't miss that!). That's a massive part of her EHCP that she can't be in mainstream because of trauma.