Please tell me batshit things about your work.

[TheLightSideOfTheMoon]

I am unwell and hunkering down with MN and TT for the day.

I’ve just started a new job (today is a day off), it’s all new, I’m not settling in as well as I’d like (I’ve gone from a tiny place to a HUGE one) and I’m kind of hyper-focussed on different work practices right now.

Funny stories will cheer me up.

I’ll start.

At my new work they use poly pockets/polywallets UPSIDE-DOWN!

They go in upside-down and they slide the paperwork upwards into it.

I find it so, so weird. Each time I look at them I’m like, WTAF?

Anyway, that’s mine. Please share yours. Entertain me with batshitness. I beg you.

I went to work in a client organisation and when they set up my IT account they sent me an email with my login details and password……except I needed those details to log into my email!

On occasions We have training events where people are a mix of the eyes or the rabbit's etc and we get tasked with gathering intelligence from different groups and role playing cover stories.
Sometimes it's good, mainly depends on the narrative at the event.

I was being micromanaged in a new job, very quickly cracked under the pressure. Took a few days sick leave, got forced to take 7 more weeks unpaid sick leave. When I got back to work they decided I could be managed by another linked organisation (which I was very happy about). However, I am the only expert in what I do for my employing company, I recently helped one of their teams propose and set up a new service. The managers kept trying to block my involvement by stealth a bit but the team ask for advice occasionally. Recently found out they made a big(ish) PR misstep which would have taken me approximately 45 seconds to notice if the managers had just run the product by me before release.

I should feel smug, but I honestly just feel deflated that they were so prepared to let the service suffer because (presumably) they couldn't bear my involvement.

We're Army so I get that you become institutionalised and the silliness of the Forces starts to wash over you, but surely you must see that calling leaving the base 'going ashore' is funny? To outsiders, it's grown ups pretending to be on a ship which is always going seem completely mad.

A previous poster's comment that it's so people don't get confused on ships is also funny. It conjures the image of sailors wandering off the edge of a boat because they've become bewildered by what 'going ashore' might mean.

I worked for one company that whenever a document was created of any kind, it had to be fully detailed in a ledger. I’m talking the date, my name, if a letter who to and what about, the drive the document was saved under followed by the name used.

I later discovered the husband and wife team running the business were so absolutely awful to their secretaries that they’d only last a week or so and then the new one would have no idea where to find documents, hence The Ledger.

I lasted 2 weeks before walking out and it felt good.

Oh I was also told to only wear knee length skirts as anything shorter would distract her husband. Who was more than twice my age…..

If I remember correctly it was her cv be star she was trying to get out of there and knew they regularly searched drawers at the weekends.

This is inane!

*insane even!

My boss cc's herself into every email she sends to someone else, seemingly unaware of the 'sent' mail folder in her email.

Does anyone remember Avid Merrion from Bo’Selecta in the 1990’s?
Well I was in a meeting today where someone (not a native speaker) asked in an Avid Merrion accent “What’s a dipstick?” and everyone burst out laughing. I’m still laughing 12 hours later.

A few months ago my manager was on holiday and there was a big issue w the heating. I work in a v small organisation and one afternoon I found myself in the boiler room FaceTiming the plumber while he instructed me what levers to pull, etc to try and get it sorted. No surprise that it didn’t work!!
Somewhere I worked a couple of jobs ago - my line manager was a bit of a character and you’d go in to her to discuss some work and have no idea what she was on about! I asked her PA if it was just me - was I being thick? Nope, you just had to nod and pretend you knew what she was harping on about. Lovely lady though, she retired and it went to shit.

I was once told that I had to come in for an organisational wide meeting on my day off, all staff required to attend unless leave was already booked. I had a friend visiting from the other side of the world arriving that day. I explained to my manager that I’d be unable to attend, she said I had to as I hadn’t booked leave. I explained that I wouldn’t have book leave as it was my day off, to be told you have to attend then as you haven’t booked leave. She relented and said I could just phone on sick on the day…

Did it begin with an R? If so hello ex-colleague.

I don't think there's anything batshit where I work now as it's mine.

Does anyone know why this happens?

Yes, clearly all the people astonished by this have never worked in places with large numbers of Asian staff. Very normal to have hose attachments on the toilets, and also drop toilets.

And lo....the cousin once removed of penis beaker was born....

We had a (brilliant) full time tea lady up until the pandemic and enforced WFH. She did a few rounds each morning and afternoon and arranged refreshments for meetings. Had everyone's order down from the day they joined and even left your favourite biscuit wrapped up in a napkin if you were away from your desk 🥲 It was my first job as a graduate so I presumed it was a standard office thing but apparently not!

Do people seriously not understand washing in the toilet for some cultures and religions?

E&D training needed by the sounds of it!

I'm no Navy expert but I think I read once that the Navy treats land bases as ships partly because it means they just need one set of rules and processes. Don't know if that's true.

Worked in a sandwich shop for a few months, the owner was a complete micromanager, everything I did he criticised (I was a trained chef in my teens at a top catering college). The bit that fucked me off was that he told me I had to put less filling in sandwiches that were for women and more in ones that were for men. Because women should be keeping their figure and eating less to look good for their men. Men work hard so need more food. I shit you not. Of course I ignored this sexist request and put equal fillings in, as of course they are paying the same price, however, any time he caught me putting the right amount of filling in a sandwich for a woman, he'd come along with his dirty hands that he never washed, stick his hand in it and pull out some of the filling and throw it back in the tub. I died of embarrassment every single day that I worked there.

We are all summoned to the kitchen for coffee break at 10.15 by the office queen bee who asks everyone in turn what they're having for dinner tonight, making nom-nom or gagging noises dependent on whether she approves of the menu. Even the senior managers go along with it and accept being infantilised by this ridiculous, and low ranking admin woman.

My company provided accounting, financial and commercial services to wealthy people. I am not going to quantify how rich.

We had one very wealthy person and sorted most things out for them, making their businesses run smoothly. Even their private life is run as if it is a business. They are totally legitimate.

They want us to buy everything in our name as a nominee. These are things that we did for them;

• We bought identical items of their choosing - eg a juicer, t-shirts, garden candles - for each of their homes. This makes sense because wherever they stay fits like a glove. The garden candles cost £165 each. We bought 45 one year. It took a lot of effort to find the right ones. Our invoice for finding the perfect candles was £5k. This was for each home so multiply by three including our invoices.

• The daughter needed the right sort of 2B pencils for her art. The final bill was about £60 per pencil and we procured 90 split equally and shipped to the three homes. The invoice was about £5,500 and the pencils cost about £400.

• A relative flew in and wanted to go to a particular English attraction. They wanted to go in a Black Cab and be photographed next to it. The cab driver got tipped £800.

Some details changed for anonymity. But these examples are tame.

Most people, including on MN have no idea how wealth is concentrated in so few people. No idea at all.

I worked somewhere where this was commonplace. It was a company that took great pride in its ‘amazing culture’, so anything that went against that was to be brushed under the rug. Staff turnover was high and they seemed to think people wouldn’t notice if they didn’t announce someone was leaving. There were times when someone who’d been at the company for years left and you’d only find out after they’d gone!

To be fair though most of the company worked remotely so you didn’t have those natural water cooler conversations where you found out people were leaving. But still, I found it odd, and there were never any leaving gifts etc, even for long-serving staff.

Omg that is truly batshit but also so controlling. !?!?!?! No wonder you're looking elsewhere. Good luck!!

😂