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Original poster

Bullying - I'm in a white hot rage

64 replies

Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 18:41

I just got a phone call from a private number, asking if I'm X's mum (X is my DD14). Then saying she needs to shave her pussy. I put the phone down immediately. DD comes in very upset, she's had the same phone call. They said to her they're from a particular secondary school (not hers) and they have a picture. I'm so angry.

Firstly we've got a lot going on for us right now and it's literally the last thing she needs right now. Secondly, how did they get my number? I suspect it's kids from her school, there's one, possibly two girls that could have my number. The one I think is most likely is our neighbour. DD has had a cry on my shoulder and now she doesn't want to talk about it. What on earth do I do now?

OP posts:
Bodybop · 30/07/2023 18:43

Wow what a nightmare. Sorry for your DD. It's a prank call and abusive call.

this goes to school. In my experience contacting parents gets way f'd up

maybe 101 report too for the police

BlowDryRat · 30/07/2023 18:44

I'm sorry this has happened OP. I think I'd try to establish the facts before starting a course of action. Has your DD shared intimate photos with anyone, or has anyone taken intimate photos of her? Has she fallen out with any of her friends?

MansfieldLark · 30/07/2023 18:44

Do they have a picture?

GoodChat · 30/07/2023 18:45

You need to find out if there's any chance they do have a picture, OP.

Disgusting idiots.

AsterixAndPersimmon · 30/07/2023 18:47

Do you have tte number they used to call you/your dd?

Then do they have a photo? How would they have put their hands on it?

PurpleChrayne · 30/07/2023 18:48

Your poor DD.

Freely available pornography has turned society into an absolute cesspool.

Bodybop · 30/07/2023 18:48

They probably don't have a photo, sounds like sh*t talk from teenage chavs. Plenty of it in school where I grew up.

Cascais · 30/07/2023 18:50

Report to phone company

Mayhem3 · 30/07/2023 19:03

Does DD think they could possibly have a photo?

If so this is a crime.

If they ring again then I would tell them you know exactly who they are and you’re reporting them to the police.

If DD definitely knows who it is then I’d absolutely log it with the police and I’d email the school and give them a heads up for September.
The school will take it much more seriously knowing the police are involved.

freedome · 30/07/2023 19:04

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

Bodybop · 30/07/2023 19:12

even if there is not a picture, ringing up in this way is not ok and deserves a report

LakeTiticaca · 30/07/2023 19:14

Has she shared any intimate photos with anyone?
You should definitely report to the police

Original poster
Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 19:14

Thanks so much for all your replies, I'll try and answer the questions.

It was a private number for both of us.

Absolutely no chance whatsoever an intimate photo of DD is out there. I know people will roll their eyes but I promise you she hasn't shared anything. My thought was if there is a photo then it was taken in the school changing rooms. She wears cycling shorts under everything so it won't be an 'upskirting' thing. I agree with @Bodybop there's no photo.

My first thought was our neighbour's daughter, her mum has my number (and my spare key in case we get locked out, that's coming back to me tonight!). DD's first thought was someone she was friendly with in yr 6, I think she had my number when her phone was dying once. Otherwise no she's not someone who gets involved in drama, her friends are all very quirky and sweet natured and I know most of their mums!

Thanks this is really helping me get calmer.

OP posts:
ejbaxa · 30/07/2023 19:16

Going against the grain (I have a 15yo dd), I would ignore this completely. I would talk with dd a lot about it, but I wouldn't do anything further re police, wouldn't respond to any messages, and hang up any phone calls about this without speaking. I would focus on educating dd about bullies, social media etc.

If you think they have a picture of your dd's private area, then you could report to CEOP if you really want. But, I really wouldn't bother - I would focus on dd. There are bad people in the world and we need to learn how to handle them (ignore them, get away from them). Mostly, the police do not seem to enforce laws, for whatever reason. There is very rarely any "justice" with this type of thing, bullying etc.

GoodChat · 30/07/2023 19:20

It might be worth keeping a log and if it keeps happening then report it as harassment.

I think there's a way you can block any unknown numbers calling which you might not want to do in case you miss calls from doctors/recruiters etc but would be worth DD doing temporarily.

AsterixAndPersimmon · 30/07/2023 19:28

In that case, you might want to get that key back….

Id be uncomfortable knowing a potential bully has access to the key of my house.

Original poster
Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 19:31

@AsterixAndPersimmon 100% yes! I'm just messaging the mum to ask for the key!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 19:35

ejbaxa · 30/07/2023 19:16

Going against the grain (I have a 15yo dd), I would ignore this completely. I would talk with dd a lot about it, but I wouldn't do anything further re police, wouldn't respond to any messages, and hang up any phone calls about this without speaking. I would focus on educating dd about bullies, social media etc.

If you think they have a picture of your dd's private area, then you could report to CEOP if you really want. But, I really wouldn't bother - I would focus on dd. There are bad people in the world and we need to learn how to handle them (ignore them, get away from them). Mostly, the police do not seem to enforce laws, for whatever reason. There is very rarely any "justice" with this type of thing, bullying etc.

Yes I can see the logic. Realistically if we don't know who it is then what can they do? I'll definitely keep a log and if it happens again I will contact the school and the police. I am still shocked they called me, the bare faced cheek of it!!!

OP posts:
AnSolas · 30/07/2023 19:35

Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 19:31

@AsterixAndPersimmon 100% yes! I'm just messaging the mum to ask for the key!

Change the locks.
You don't want the risk of having a copy of your house key in the hands of little 14 yo pervs.
At 14 a semi-clever child would know better than to phone you and have just focused the bullying on DD.

Amy8 · 30/07/2023 19:39

Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 18:41

I just got a phone call from a private number, asking if I'm X's mum (X is my DD14). Then saying she needs to shave her pussy. I put the phone down immediately. DD comes in very upset, she's had the same phone call. They said to her they're from a particular secondary school (not hers) and they have a picture. I'm so angry.

Firstly we've got a lot going on for us right now and it's literally the last thing she needs right now. Secondly, how did they get my number? I suspect it's kids from her school, there's one, possibly two girls that could have my number. The one I think is most likely is our neighbour. DD has had a cry on my shoulder and now she doesn't want to talk about it. What on earth do I do now?

I'm so sorry - how awful ,
Is she on hols at present ? It's hard as summer now so you can't report to school

I'd send a message to the mums of daughters you may suspect it to be ( assuming you have their numbers), say your daughter and you received a malicious phone call all etc and you will be reporting to police and would request they speak with their daughters in case it was them

And for sure get the key back ! Have you told neighbours mum ?

Balloonhearts · 30/07/2023 19:47

Did you recognise the childs voice? I'd be on their doorstep, asking their mother if she thinks it's appropriate for her daughter to be phoning adults and asking about their child's private areas and doesn't she think its strange that her daughter knows so much about what others vaginas look like? Then stating that any further sexual harassment of your child will be reported to police.

I had similar at school. My mum followed the culprit home and spoke to his father who immediately demanded he explain himself and told him he wasn't going out with his friends if this was what he was getting up to and to get upstairs out of his sight if he wanted to sit in the next week.

He was mortified, very apologetic and assured us we would have no further harassment from his son. Kid never looked at me again.

Original poster
Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 20:01

@Balloonhearts your mum rocks! I didn't recognise their voices unfortunately.

I'm in 2 minds whether to mention it to the neighbour's mum. DD was going to message her friend at the other school to ask her if she'd heard about a photo but I assured her there is no photo! And now she doesn't want to ask anyone.

I don't see how any kids from the other school would have my number. I think it's someone from her school. There are a few mums I could message and ask if they'd heard anything or got any phone calls themselves. I don't want to imply it was their daughters.

OP posts:
TheWorldisGoingMad · 30/07/2023 20:01

Remember, if they have a picture, they can be from anywhere of anyone, and pretend to be your daughter out of malice. Your daughter is a minor, I would report it to the police. If they call again, tell them you've reported it to the police as they can trace the call. Just to make them think twice about calling next time. Never automatically assume your daughter has done this - shared intimate photos. Hopefully, she knows better. But this would be a good time to have that gentle non-accusational talk if there's doubt. It is a crime to share indecent photos, especially of minors. If you are friends with the neighbour who has your keys, I would go and have a chat with her. Depending on how you feel, you can mention you had a really vile phone call, which the police are handling now because your daughter is a minor. Don't give her any more details than that. Say the police said I'm not allowed to talk about it but apparently they can trace all calls. This way if she is involved, or her daughter is, it may scare her enough to take action and question her daughter.

gravitytester · 30/07/2023 20:02

Report to the police and tell them about the photo claims. They will have to take it seriously as it would be classed as child pornography (even if they are also children, they can be prosecuted).