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Original poster

Bullying - I'm in a white hot rage

64 replies

Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 18:41

I just got a phone call from a private number, asking if I'm X's mum (X is my DD14). Then saying she needs to shave her pussy. I put the phone down immediately. DD comes in very upset, she's had the same phone call. They said to her they're from a particular secondary school (not hers) and they have a picture. I'm so angry.

Firstly we've got a lot going on for us right now and it's literally the last thing she needs right now. Secondly, how did they get my number? I suspect it's kids from her school, there's one, possibly two girls that could have my number. The one I think is most likely is our neighbour. DD has had a cry on my shoulder and now she doesn't want to talk about it. What on earth do I do now?

OP posts:
TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 30/07/2023 21:11

LaDeeDa123 · 30/07/2023 21:10

Personally I would message all the parents saying ‘just to warn everyone there is someone making malicious calls of a very unpleasant and criminal nature. I am currently speaking to the police in order to identify the culprit but I wanted to let everyone know in case this happens to your child too.’ Cue conversations with their dc and a sleepless night for the culprit. Hopefully they’ll learn their lesson and not repeat their behaviour.

Oooh, that's an excellent message to send

Original poster
Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 21:11

TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 30/07/2023 20:57

It could be anyone.

For example, DS didn't have his phone about a year ago, but needed to contact me and knows my number off heart, so used his friend's phone to call me from the school bus.

About 9mths later, some twatty teenager kept calling on a withheld number "Is this 'John's' mum?" with a group of teens sniggering in the background. I was getting increasingly pissed off as I was waiting for an important call, and about ten of these prank calls came through.

DS came home and I asked him who he'd been giving my number too. No one, he promised, just 'Dave' like a year ago, when he used his phone. He immediately phoned Dave. Who confessed he had been boasting he had my number, and to prove it, passed my number on to Bob, who didn't have the balls to call himself, but passed it on to Paul, who was the one prank calling.

Show quote history

Urgh! Teenage boys can be such idiots! I know people won't believe me but I really don't think there's a photo. DD spends her free time on her computer and with her super geeky friends. There's no posing on SM, no sleepovers since before COVID, no going shopping with friends, her friends are mostly the gay, non binary, autistic crowd. But I take the point, my phone number could have been passed on to anyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 21:15

madamovaries · 30/07/2023 21:02

I’m so sorry for you and your daughter - this is awful. Personally I would alert the police but I’d focus after that on your daughter. My guess is there is no photo, but talk to her about bullying, being sensible in not sharing images and so on. More trivial than the rest of it but also tell her pubic hair is normal! Why on earth would anyone think a 14 yo (or anyone else) ever needed to shave down there?

I know! She said through her tears "I don't want to shave!" I immediately said you don't have to and moved on.

OP posts:
meridian37 · 30/07/2023 21:15

Another example of why I don't answer withheld numbers

If somebody wants to talk, they can leave a message

AnSolas · 30/07/2023 21:18

There could be a photo, of the caller by the caller.

However as the creation of an image is a criminal offence in and of itself, I would log a call with the police about the claim.

YukoandHiro · 30/07/2023 21:19

agree with police

There is no photo, but if there was they are commuting an illegal act by viewing or disseminating it. It's possible the police will follow up with a severe warning which will scare these little shits into next Tuesday

Original poster
Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 21:21

LaDeeDa123 · 30/07/2023 21:10

Personally I would message all the parents saying ‘just to warn everyone there is someone making malicious calls of a very unpleasant and criminal nature. I am currently speaking to the police in order to identify the culprit but I wanted to let everyone know in case this happens to your child too.’ Cue conversations with their dc and a sleepless night for the culprit. Hopefully they’ll learn their lesson and not repeat their behaviour.

I like it! I'm feeling calmer now and DD says she's not thinking about it, she seems over it. It has helped A LOT hearing everyone's thoughts, thank you. I'm no longer in the white hot rage thank goodness! I had feared I was going to uncover a big can of worms with loads of bullying messages on her phone. We've got a lot going on and I was very worried it would send DD into a worse place. @Soapyspuds I suspect you're right, it'll be a one off. If not, then I'm definitely going to the police.

OP posts:
KingOfThieves · 30/07/2023 21:21

I’d also report to the police. If an individual was going around saying their had photos of my underage teen daughter I’d take it extremely seriously. As pp have said, even the words are enough even if there is no picture

YukoandHiro · 30/07/2023 21:21

"She said through her tears "I don't want to shave!" I immediately said you don't have to and moved on."

Oh poor love. I'm sure there is some stuff online about going natural. Can you find some feminist body posi stuff to help move her emotions towards feeling full of fucking rage at these arseholes rather than upset and worried?

Doggytastic · 30/07/2023 21:24

Disgusting! Your poor dd. Apologies if someone has already suggested this but add the contact and go to WhatsApp to see if they have a photo as their profile picture. It doesn’t cost much to hire a private investigator to find out a name for the phone number.

Original poster
Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 21:24

meridian37 · 30/07/2023 21:15

Another example of why I don't answer withheld numbers

If somebody wants to talk, they can leave a message

Good point! At the moment my DH has private number setting on his phone because of work, I'll get him to change it so I don't have to answer again. I've looked into recording a call on an android phone, it's not hugely straightforward. A voicemail would be perfect!

OP posts:
GoogleMeNot · 30/07/2023 21:32

Oceanus · 30/07/2023 20:13

Well, there's an old saying in Portugal: you throw them green to see if you can pick them up nice and ripe.
Your gut's telling you it's possible it's the neighbour's kid. Well you go over tell her you've lost your house key so you need her one. You're a bit nervous because somebody called your daughter and said very disgusting sexual things so now you have to go to the police station because you called and they said it was a serious crime. You've made an appointment with them next week, you're seeing experts.
Unless this kid shows up and apologises they're going to be getting a criminal record because the police are worried such an image might have been taken at school, so more kids might have been caught in this. They're going to actually it a super priority. On the hush tell her about that cousin of yours who works in the police, who's going to be making some calls to speed it all along.
So, basically you throw a little lie at the them and see what comes back.
You daughter should spread the same story around at school, even to her friends (particularly to her friends). I wouldn't be surprised to hear somebody takes the bait.

This is clever !

JudgeRudy · 30/07/2023 21:47

I hate to say this but has she shared sexual photos of herself with anyone? You need to establish this first. If you get another call ask for evidence. Its possible she's been tricked or someone's betrayed her trust. If this has happened it's a matter for the Police. They take 'sexploitation' very seriously. The school will have a Safeguarding Team so keep them in the loop.
If your certain this isn't the case (hoping not) you can go one of two ways. Encourage her to take the mature response and ignore,or come up with a few quick witted responses she can respond with. Luckily it's the summer holidays do hopefully she won't need to be around these people.

IcedBananas · 30/07/2023 21:48

I’d call the phone company and then police. if these kids have a photo of an underage girls vulva (regardless of who it is of because it could be anyone and they’re just saying it’s your DD) a crime has been committed - probably by the person who took that photo and definitely by anyone who shared it. The phone company can trace a number regardless of number being withheld, they will provide it to the police. How stupid of these kids to call 2 people and say they are committing a crime and not expect a visit to check if it’s true!

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