Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Bullying - I'm in a white hot rage

64 replies

Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 18:41

I just got a phone call from a private number, asking if I'm X's mum (X is my DD14). Then saying she needs to shave her pussy. I put the phone down immediately. DD comes in very upset, she's had the same phone call. They said to her they're from a particular secondary school (not hers) and they have a picture. I'm so angry.

Firstly we've got a lot going on for us right now and it's literally the last thing she needs right now. Secondly, how did they get my number? I suspect it's kids from her school, there's one, possibly two girls that could have my number. The one I think is most likely is our neighbour. DD has had a cry on my shoulder and now she doesn't want to talk about it. What on earth do I do now?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 20:03

Remember, if they have a picture, they can be from anywhere of anyone, and pretend to be your daughter out of malice.

That's a good point @TheWorldisGoingMad

OP posts:
Original poster
Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 20:05

@AnSolas
At 14 a semi-clever child would know better than to phone you and have just focused the bullying on DD.

I know, right?!? Mind boggling!!

OP posts:
Pancake678 · 30/07/2023 20:05

It's malicious communications. Report to police. They'll get the number that called both of you and a little door knock will follow.

Merapi · 30/07/2023 20:06

I agree, this needs to be reported to the police.

Original poster
Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 20:10

Pancake678 · 30/07/2023 20:05

It's malicious communications. Report to police. They'll get the number that called both of you and a little door knock will follow.

Even with a private number?

OP posts:
Oceanus · 30/07/2023 20:13

Well, there's an old saying in Portugal: you throw them green to see if you can pick them up nice and ripe.
Your gut's telling you it's possible it's the neighbour's kid. Well you go over tell her you've lost your house key so you need her one. You're a bit nervous because somebody called your daughter and said very disgusting sexual things so now you have to go to the police station because you called and they said it was a serious crime. You've made an appointment with them next week, you're seeing experts.
Unless this kid shows up and apologises they're going to be getting a criminal record because the police are worried such an image might have been taken at school, so more kids might have been caught in this. They're going to actually it a super priority. On the hush tell her about that cousin of yours who works in the police, who's going to be making some calls to speed it all along.
So, basically you throw a little lie at the them and see what comes back.
You daughter should spread the same story around at school, even to her friends (particularly to her friends). I wouldn't be surprised to hear somebody takes the bait.

Oceanus · 30/07/2023 20:14

The fact it was a private no. means they probably used a known number to your daughter instead of getting a new SIM card...

catzrulz · 30/07/2023 20:18

Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 20:10

Even with a private number?

Show quote history

Absolutely the police can and will be able to trace the number.
Call them tonight on 101, get things moving, hopefully a knock on the door will stop them going any further.

Mariposista · 30/07/2023 20:28

TheWorldisGoingMad · 30/07/2023 20:01

Remember, if they have a picture, they can be from anywhere of anyone, and pretend to be your daughter out of malice. Your daughter is a minor, I would report it to the police. If they call again, tell them you've reported it to the police as they can trace the call. Just to make them think twice about calling next time. Never automatically assume your daughter has done this - shared intimate photos. Hopefully, she knows better. But this would be a good time to have that gentle non-accusational talk if there's doubt. It is a crime to share indecent photos, especially of minors. If you are friends with the neighbour who has your keys, I would go and have a chat with her. Depending on how you feel, you can mention you had a really vile phone call, which the police are handling now because your daughter is a minor. Don't give her any more details than that. Say the police said I'm not allowed to talk about it but apparently they can trace all calls. This way if she is involved, or her daughter is, it may scare her enough to take action and question her daughter.

Agree with this. They could say it's her and she is hardly going total her clothes off to prove it's not. Ughh so sorry OP, what vile little imbeciles. Hope they get found out.

BMW6 · 30/07/2023 20:32

Police 100%. Disgusting shits.

longtompot · 30/07/2023 20:37

You can go to the police about this, and they should take it very seriously. I wouldn't let it go as it could escalate if they think they've got away with it.

https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/bullying/cyberbullying/what-is-cyberbullying#:~:text=Threatening%20behaviour&text=a%20criminal%20offence.-,It%27s%20against%20the%20law%20in%20the%20UK%20to%20use%20the,a%20complaint%20to%20the%20police.

Original poster
Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 20:39

Well I got my key back and my neighbour had just taken her DD out, they'd left about an hour after the calls so I'm wondering if her DD was probably at home then, possibly not her. It would be so weird if it was her, we're all quite friendly as neighbours.

I'm wondering if it's the yr 6 friend, she had a younger sister who was a bit....odd. It's not a very bright thing to do, call someone's mum, I could potentially see her doing that. She was bullied herself when she was younger.

OP posts:
Pancake678 · 30/07/2023 20:44

@Jackieweaverishere

Yes even a withheld number.

Oceanus · 30/07/2023 20:45

Go to the police but, in the meantime, start telling people about your cousin who works in the police... Your daughter shouldn't chicken out but tell all her friends theres a possibility sb took pics of them at school so they should be extra careful while "the police investigate". Tell them they can also tringulate the place where the call took place and the criminal record for this can be a serious thing, they want to make an example out of someone.

EleanorRavenclaw · 30/07/2023 20:50

One of the sad things about anonymous and malicious communication is that it makes you question anyone and everyone. Please contact the police they will at least create a log for future reference. Hopefully it’s a nasty one off like pp have said from little shits bored in school holidays but take control and take some action and try not to let it eat you up thinking about who it could be.

Mayhem3 · 30/07/2023 20:53

DD was going to message her friend at the other school to ask her if she'd heard about a photo but I assured her there is no photo! And now she doesn't want to ask anyone.

Why are you assuring her there’s no photo if she’s worried there is??

Are you sure there’s no chance of their being a photo?
You’ll be shocked how many young kids are coerced into taking photos for their friends.
There have been a few posts on here about it and I’ve heard about it in my profession too.

If there is a picture it takes it to the next level as that’s serious.

It does sound like a very immature thing to do and say and it’s a shame you aren’t sure who it is.

What you could do is text all of the parents that have your number and say you are texting all of the parents who have your number (so you’re not accusing anyone) and explain what happened and that the police are involved so please can they check their child’s mobile for outgoing calls at X time and if it was then to check their camera roll.

Mayhem3 · 30/07/2023 20:54

If you have are part of a school Facebook group that has all the suspects parents on there you could write a message on there.

If my DD was prank calling people and bullying them like this then I’d be devastated and I’d want to know.

TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 30/07/2023 20:57

Jackieweaverishere · 30/07/2023 20:01

@Balloonhearts your mum rocks! I didn't recognise their voices unfortunately.

I'm in 2 minds whether to mention it to the neighbour's mum. DD was going to message her friend at the other school to ask her if she'd heard about a photo but I assured her there is no photo! And now she doesn't want to ask anyone.

I don't see how any kids from the other school would have my number. I think it's someone from her school. There are a few mums I could message and ask if they'd heard anything or got any phone calls themselves. I don't want to imply it was their daughters.

It could be anyone.

For example, DS didn't have his phone about a year ago, but needed to contact me and knows my number off heart, so used his friend's phone to call me from the school bus.

About 9mths later, some twatty teenager kept calling on a withheld number "Is this 'John's' mum?" with a group of teens sniggering in the background. I was getting increasingly pissed off as I was waiting for an important call, and about ten of these prank calls came through.

DS came home and I asked him who he'd been giving my number too. No one, he promised, just 'Dave' like a year ago, when he used his phone. He immediately phoned Dave. Who confessed he had been boasting he had my number, and to prove it, passed my number on to Bob, who didn't have the balls to call himself, but passed it on to Paul, who was the one prank calling.

Oceanus · 30/07/2023 20:58

OP, do go to the police because if your daughter has been anywhere for a sleepover or to the mall with friends or to a friend's house... the possibility this picture is real, though unlikely because I had this picture and I were a nasty teenager I'd be sending to everybody. Don't dismiss the possibility this call came from a "very close friend" of DD out of jealousy.

madamovaries · 30/07/2023 21:02

I’m so sorry for you and your daughter - this is awful. Personally I would alert the police but I’d focus after that on your daughter. My guess is there is no photo, but talk to her about bullying, being sensible in not sharing images and so on. More trivial than the rest of it but also tell her pubic hair is normal! Why on earth would anyone think a 14 yo (or anyone else) ever needed to shave down there?

madamovaries · 30/07/2023 21:03

Also if there is a picture - which I don’t think there is - then obviously anyone who has shared it has shared an image of child pornography and has committed a criminal offence.

Soapyspuds · 30/07/2023 21:05

In your situation I would be downloading a call recording app in case they phone again. Then if they phone back try to engage them into conversation to gather as much evidence of their voice as you possibly can.

Soapyspuds · 30/07/2023 21:06

The other scenario is that this was a silly double dare and you will never hear from them again. Teenagers can be complete idiots and not think about peoples feelings.

Oceanus · 30/07/2023 21:06

Oceanus · 30/07/2023 20:58

OP, do go to the police because if your daughter has been anywhere for a sleepover or to the mall with friends or to a friend's house... the possibility this picture is real, though unlikely because I had this picture and I were a nasty teenager I'd be sending to everybody. Don't dismiss the possibility this call came from a "very close friend" of DD out of jealousy.

obviously I don't have this picture, if I did I'd be sending it to everybody is what I meant! Again the possibility it exists is real but unlikely.

LaDeeDa123 · 30/07/2023 21:10

Personally I would message all the parents saying ‘just to warn everyone there is someone making malicious calls of a very unpleasant and criminal nature. I am currently speaking to the police in order to identify the culprit but I wanted to let everyone know in case this happens to your child too.’ Cue conversations with their dc and a sleepless night for the culprit. Hopefully they’ll learn their lesson and not repeat their behaviour.