Are there things you always want to say on relationship threads?

[CurlewKate]

Mine are "No-don't move in with him until you have actually seen the divorce papers and know for a fact that he has made proper arrangements for his children" and "Use absolutely rock solid contraception controlled by you until all the ends have been tied up and you're as sure as you can be that this is for the long term."

Ffs start looking for work and save some money for driving lessons so you don't spend your life tied to a complete bell end.

This with bells on. So many women are stuck with abusive and shit partners because they can't afford to leave. Financial independence gives you options.

Why did you make promises that you were committed until death and now want a divorce because DP leaves a mess in the kitchen, or snores?
Why would you marry and not share everything 50/50?
Why would you believe that someone who didn't keep their marriage vows the first time would take them seriously in subsequent relationships?

"Skipping a day isn't a contraceptive failure/accident pregnancy."

"Leave him now or else your children will think this is what a normal relationship looks like."

Do you think the op would need you to point that out?

50/50 also applies to housework if you both work full time

Absolutely this

And another is 'is there an adult who can actually put the children first'

And 'whatever your partner says about an ex can be said about you in the future'

You're an adult and have agency. Use it.

"Marry someone who adores you."

It's a lot less glib than it sounds.

Why on earth did you have a child/another child with him when you knew what he was like?

He is NOT a good dad. In every thread where a woman posts about her relationship difficulties and then says "but he is a good dad" - he is never a good dad.

I am also fairly skeptical about the number of contraception failures - as in poster was on the pill/coil but got pregnant anyway. I know it happens but I don't quite believe it when posted about multiple pregnancies. I would never post that though.

Stop snooping on the phones/social media! You're only going to hurt yourself, if you're at the point you're snooping the trust is gone so just leave them.

This!!

Stop blaming his ex for him not seeing his children I have two exes who I have children with I went above and beyond both times to keep a relationship between them eventually I gave up I stopped pushing and BOTH TIMES their current partner blames me for them not seeing them I mean I LITERALLY dropped off and collected the children when he lost his licence and couldn't come get them himself I changed my plans a thousand times to accommodate them and they ghost

It's not me

Amen.

Oh gosh yes this!!

‘Where do yis find these bozos?’

Ffs not every single woman is after your decidedly average husband/partner. Some of us single women have standards and morals. If you don't trust him that's your issue, don't project it on to me and every other single woman that just happens to talk to a man.

If you’re just ’friends’ without sex, then just be fuck buddies, for goodness sake don’t move in together, get financially tied to someone and for love of everything unholy do not bring children into something so fragile.

I agree @thecatsthecats - probably my number #1 thought, which I do voice, is 'Have you spoken to him/her about how you feel'? They're not psychic, maybe if you talk about it you'll find you have nothing to worry about/that they'll work on the problem etc.

The most sad and frustrating ones are when someone asks advice about an obviously abusive partner (side note, I do get annoyed at other posters who seem to label anything that isn't sunshine and kittens in a relationship as 'abusive') but then refuses to accept any advice. Though I'm aware that's often the effect of abuse, that the partner just won't see it and has been gaslighted to the point where they think it's their fault that they need to fix.

On the 'do you think he fancies me' threads where the OP gives a detailed account of every recent interaction with 'him' and the nuances she has read into it: if you have to ask on Mumsnet, he probably doesn't.

On the 'how can I stop thinking about him' limerence type threads: not posting 1000 word essays about him would be a good start!

And if you are giving up work to look after the kids don’t just drift into it without sorting out how you will jointly share the income he is earning. It’s likely that marriage will benefit you financially so if he’s putting it off be very wary.

Don't move to a rural area (or anywhere other than a major town/city, tbh) unless you can drive, are happy driving a lot and have your own car (as opposed to a family car your DH drives to work every day, leaving you stuck in the middle of nowhere with toddlers).

Have seen far too many threads where the OP is totally isolated for this reason.

Yes!!!!

Why are you calling him your partner when you have been together for 2 months and its a bit rocky ?
Why are you having yet another baby with yet another man whilst living with his mother in an overcrowded flat and she's chucking you out ?
Where's your self respect ?
No its not better to be with just anybody than being alone.
Despite all the shit in your relationship and all the good advice you get from here you're going back because 'you love him' so why bother asking ?

I can’t believe that people can write in detail about how badly they are being treated but need to ask if this is a normal relationship.