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Original poster

Are there things you always want to say on relationship threads?

129 replies

CurlewKate · 30/07/2023 17:03

Mine are "No-don't move in with him until you have actually seen the divorce papers and know for a fact that he has made proper arrangements for his children" and "Use absolutely rock solid contraception controlled by you until all the ends have been tied up and you're as sure as you can be that this is for the long term."

OP posts:
reesewithoutaspoon · 30/07/2023 19:47

Why did you choose to have kids with someone who was obviously shit father material and then be surprised that he turned out to be a shit father?
Especially if he has kids from a previous relationship to whom he's a shit father. Why did you think he would treat you and the kids any differently?

Hotgoose · 30/07/2023 19:51

“Stop putting the new man before your kids!”

it’s mad to me how many threads there where that is what’s happening, blows my mind! And I’d like to word much harsher than that

thecatsthecats · 30/07/2023 19:55

Why can't you talk about this with him?

I think that for some women, the habit of discussing generic male behaviour with other women is more of a reflex than... Talking to their actual partner.

patterpittercake · 30/07/2023 19:57

it's really easy not to get pregnant. Not using contraception properly IS trying for a baby you moron! (I don't write it but I often think it when people say that they got pregnant by 'accident')

FredWinnie · 30/07/2023 20:02

Why the fuck are you still doing his washing/cleaning/ironing/cooking etc? Stop it!

What sort of bloody example are you setting for your kids?

Tell him to get fucked

Do not move in with that parasite

Report him now to the relevant authority
Or
Tell him if he does that again you're reporting him and stick to it

Gather evidence - as much as possible

For Christ's sake do not let him move in with you

His kids, his domestic labour. You fuck off out and leave him to it

Charge him the going rate for nanny, cook and cleaner

UsingChangeofName · 30/07/2023 20:02

JaukiVexnoydi · 30/07/2023 18:37

I deleted and didn't post something earlier which boiled down to "FFS stop having unprotected/inadequately protected sex with men who aren't financially or emotionally capable of fatherhood."

If all these inadequate man-child losers literally couldn't get a shag because women had too much self-respect to go to bed with them we might see a proper improvement in the menfolk available so I would really like to make it "stop having sex with men who aren't financially or emotionally capable of fatherhood." but women have needs and a well-protected shag with a hopeless loser may be an acceptable choice if he's sufficiently aesthetically pleasing.

This ^

and this
"For god's sake WAIT to get to know him properly before having a child with him"

tbh, I can't understand jumping into bed with anyone you have been in a serious relationship with, and actually got to know as a person. Yes, I know I'll be shouted down as being old fashioned, but the consequences of sex with the wrong person, can be lifelong. Surely it's not that odd to think you should limit this to someone you really feel you know ?

FredWinnie · 30/07/2023 20:03

I rarely post on relationship boards - I daren't

frozendaisy · 30/07/2023 20:06

Bananas1350 · 30/07/2023 19:10

That sex is important. And without it ur just friends. Yes ur tired but u have to make the effort for ur marriage to work. No men don’t want to stay in a non sex marriage

Neither do most women

ginoclocksomewhere · 30/07/2023 20:06

WHY DID YOU HAVE A CHILD WITH HIM IF YOU KNEW WHAT HE IS LIKE!?!!!

CheshireCat1 · 30/07/2023 20:10

This is your situation, sort it.

crapactually · 30/07/2023 20:11

CurlewKate · 30/07/2023 19:43

@crapactually Not sure if you noticed that the thread title was things you always "want to say" not things you actually say. To be honest, I do quite often say mine about contraception, because it's good advice whatever the particular issue the poster is actually asking about......

No, I did notice the title. I don't want to say those things either.

Thanks for explaining but I can read.

Original poster
CurlewKate · 30/07/2023 20:12

Yes- the number of women who appear-or pretend-not to know where babies come from.....

OP posts:
xPeaceXx · 30/07/2023 20:17

Yeh, when somebody who is working up the courage to leave an arsehole is told that they deserve somebody better, I feel like saying ''that's not the point''. Leave because you don't deserve to be treated like shit, not because there might be a better relationship out there. I mean, there might be. But the fear of being single forever is what keeps some women in really shit relationships. I left knowing that it wasn't likely that I'd meet somebody else. I left with nothing but responsibilities, dependants and debts, so I wouldn't have been attracted to any man who might have considered me a date. I stayed single, got a pt job, got a ft job, got a better job, saved, woke up one day and realised, I have a secure place and it's my own and I even have a pension. So. Imo, don't leave one arsehole with the expectation that you might meet somebody else. Leave because you know you will be ok without him. Better without him.

FatNoMoreSue · 30/07/2023 20:18

“Can you even hear yourself? Ffs find some self respect”

DarkForces · 30/07/2023 20:23

If they're a crap parent/partner to their first child, why on earth did you think they'd improve after the 2nd/3rd/4th...?

Mumuser124 · 30/07/2023 20:24

It sounds like you may be a big contribution to the problem.

VyeBrator · 30/07/2023 20:29

Time and time again I desperately want to say "Why did you have more than one child with him??"

And whenever I read a well meaning poster saying to an OP, "Oh my love" I want to point out how terribly patronising it sounds.

But obviously I just sit on my hands Blush

mrsbyers · 30/07/2023 20:32

I always think how much people are fucking up their kids lives giving them really shitty role models while often living in a hospital environment

Caprisunny · 30/07/2023 20:54

Honestly I want to say something along the lines of ‘let’s be honest, you stayed because you wanted a baby or more babies. And that ‘want’ meant more to you than that a child’s need to have good parents.

I genuinely believe a lot of the ‘wtf are you doing’ threads are written by women who wanted children as soon as possible at all costs, so ignored poor behaviour and the warning signs. They could see them and accepted it as part of the deal.

chezpopbang · 30/07/2023 21:04

Robinbuildsbears · 30/07/2023 17:10

"You really should have chosen a better husband." Harsh and not especially helpful but it's ridiculous how often it comes into my head.

I think this all the time too. Which I'm sure is completely unfair and I never write it down. I always think there must have been signs he would be crap prior to you having three kids with him. He didn't just wake up one day and stop helping in the home or forgot how to put his clothes in the laundry. Tbh I know for a fact this is the case because I have a number of real life friends who complain non stop about their husbands help in the homes but these are the same women who used to go to their house prior to living together and clean for him.

Pansypotter123 · 30/07/2023 21:04

I cannot believe that in 2023 some women are still behaving like this...... grow up, set your bar higher, and get rid.

Purplecatshopaholic · 30/07/2023 21:05

If you are not going to listen to the advice, and are actually going to stay regardless with a loser/abuser/shit dad, and/or even ARGUE with people taking the time to post and try and help, then DONT ASK…

LolaSmiles · 30/07/2023 21:10

Marriage is not just a piece of paper. It's a legal contract that most men know the significance of.

If he's a Disney dad/permissive parent/does f all for his existing children, don't have a child with him.

BunnyBettChettwynd · 30/07/2023 21:12

Tell him, not MN.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 30/07/2023 21:13

ALWAYS ALWAYS BE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT!