Anyone else sick of kids excelling at sport?

[LaMaG]

My DS15 is quite talented at a particular sport and much as I support him I am sick to death at the extent it has taken over our lives. He plays locally but also for a county team so almost every weekend is spent travelling hours away, they never provide team buses. Dh goes to all the matches and no one ever car pools. DS was young when this kicked off and I had babies at home so DH got very involved and I stepped back. But I bring him to training twice a week for this and then he still has club level training and another sport too. He does gym work every day he doesn't have training so I'm constantly working my life around it, I can't even do an evening class. It affects meal times too. I feel guilty for complaining as some people are so passionate about this, I have a colleague who is quite in awe of it and many others tell us how proud we must be. DH says I just don't get it as I don't follow sport but I am proud I just resent how it becomes our whole lives. Its also dealing with the constant drama of losing and anger if he is left on the bench etc. Dh is worse than DS! There is a constant risk he will get dropped and every thing is analysed and obsessed about. Everyone was shouting this morning cos a training top went missing, it's always drama drama drama. Any other frustrated sports mums out there who understand?

Not sports perse but my eldest dances and it takes over our lives too. Competitions, auditions, exams, shows - I hate it but she loves it. My mum discouraged any hobbies because she didn’t want to be running us places or giving up precious drinking time so I vowed I wouldn’t be like that. It’s looking as if it may be something she can do professionally so I try to justify it that way.

I think this is one of the reasons that Private school graduates are over represented in top level sport... the parents had the money to throw at the youth commitment.

Its a large drain on family time and money.

It's the siblings I sometimes feel sorry for as they often have to take a backseat, in terms of things they would like to do/places they'd rather go.

My best friend grew up playing second fiddle to her very talented gymnast sister. It meant she was often dragged around the country at weekends and rarely attended birthday parties/sleepovers she was invited to.

As soon as her sister went to Uni, she didn't bother with it anymore anyway.

I was just about to mention dance, but I see that someone else got there before me!

Yes! My daughter dreams of a show jumping career and her (and my life) revolve around the livery yard where she spends every day (at the detriment to everything else especially school). She can never go away of holiday like a normal person because there are always weekend shows or training that we would miss and the ponies have to be kept fit and I'm risking the wrath of her coach. Weekends/holidays and weekday evenings are always taken up by it and it always involves me driving and paying obscene amounts of money for the whole privilege and the costs just get more obscene as time goes on. I am very proud of her dedication to the sport and resilience, but it completely takes over your life. This summer we had to cut a trip short by half because she had to be back for training/a show.

We have never had this but I was also warned by parents with older children about the sheer commitment to sports that take over your life with training and fixtures. My friend's nieces both swam which meant getting up at 6am for practise on school days, thoughts are that the younger one started just because she was already being dragged out first thing in the morning anyway.

The oldest blamed her swim timetable on not getting the higher grades in her A levels and settling for a university rather than getting her first choice. This in turn made the younger one drop the swimming altogether (2 year age gap) and then cue parental outrage at all the time, money, especially the money, travelling to swim meets etc and how dare they just drop it altogether. There was a lot of anger and sunken costs. Neither of them swim anymore but it highlights how much toll it can take on a family.

Music in this case - costs of instruments and lessons courses orchestra tours upgrading instruments etc etc. Buying a car big enough to transport very large instruments etc. Never being able to go away for a weekend due to Saturday Music school. Always having to make sure that there is a piano that can be used for practice if we go on holiday..... All smart clothes needing to be black. Parents evenings at school were a nightmare as we were constantly told they should give up music so they could concentrate on their academic work (despite wanting to be a musician). Having to send them away to board at specialist music school as the attitude at mainstream was impacting their mental health. (Then having to let their young sibling board as otherwise it would be unfair.)

Now has an almost full fees scholarship to the leading conservatoire in the UK and still wants to spend their life playing.

Yes. One child has played 3 county sports and 2 regional, the other 2 county sports.

It's tied up more weekends and holidays than I could imagine. I think my least favourite is cricket - endlessly long games, up to 150 miles away, and often your child ends up not batting or just bowling a couple of overs. Plus cricket seems to attract some seriously scary dads.

I’ve actually stirred dc1 away from competitive swimming for that reason!

I watched my SIL doing all the running astound for her dcs. Her knowing she was getting burnt out but considering it was part of the parcel with children doing well at sports. And being somehow proud that she was on her knees because of that. It terrified me so I gently told dc1 it wasn’t a good idea (dc1 found another sort to be competitive in that isn’t as involved)

When her dc went to Uni, they simply stopped swimming…. All that effort…

Her other dc has done their A levels last year, they weren’t considered ‘that good’ at swimming but followed because what else was there to do? They were supposed to start Uni last Sept but have decided they won’t ‘to concentrate on swimming’.
SIL who was so proud of her dc1 results, their dedication etc… is now gutted and deeply worried that her dc2 won’t have anything to show at the end if it…..

And this is why I'm glad I had such unsporty children! I could not be doing wirh every weekend taken up with driving/sitting/waiting around. Plus DH works weekends so it would have been up to me all the time 😕

They both like the gym which suits us just fine!

Yes I see this with some friends who always seem to be somewhere with their kids who are in swimming clubs. But even recreational football was a big pain in the neck when my son was small with matches every week (why every week at that level (he played from 6 to 9 years old)).

He did athletics but that was less demanding and there weren't constant competitions in his discipline, it was maybe once a month. But then they weren't always very close so we had to travel around quite a bit, whereas if he had been a runner most meets would have been close to home.

DS liked swimming but only recreationally and now works as a lifeguard while a student.

I think a lot of kids stop when they go to uni (ds did) but hopefully they and he will return to it in some way. DS has taken up a different sport at uni so is not a complete couch potato.

We had to cancel our first foreign holiday in 2 years because of PC Champs 😄. Of course she wants to stay for the full week and watch all the other competitions instead of just going for 1 day for her single comp!

But I bring him to training twice a week for this and then he still has club level training and another sport too. He does gym work every day he doesn't have training so I'm constantly working my life around it,

He's 15. Why can't he get himself to training/gym and back at least once a week?

And surely some matches he could travel to alone?

I’ll be honest I just wouldn’t do it, unless it was a potential career for them.

I’m happy to do some running around, but not the extent you describe where it is basically ruining weekends and evenings for the rest of the family.

I wish he could. His club training is about 10 mins drive and to go on public transport he needs to get a bus into a nearby town and another bus to the pitch so about an hour as buses are not regular. We sometimes drop him half way or let him make his own way home but its awkward. We moved house a few years ago and he was well established in the club at that point. It also means he can't share lifts as no one else is going this way!

As for the gym he can only train in an underage gym but he is 16 in a few weeks and can join the local one, he can cycle or walk then, even driving him would fit in as it's on our way into town.

If he stays at this level we'll get him driving lessons and on car insurance as soon as we can

If it’s 10 min drive then would he be able to cycle?

10 mins on big dual carriageway! There is a cycle route and a safe path not too far away and he does cycle sometimes although we are at the top of a massive hill, so it does take ages. If we are out or busy he will cycle and complain but if we are home it's just another argument. I often put the foot down but DH will bring him, he says the cycle might affect his performance ffs. It doesn't help that he acts like an entitled brat about it. When i refuse to bring him I'm accused of being unsupportive 🙄.like I said earlier it's just all drama all the time!

Sounds like DH needs to organise his life around it if he thinks it’s so crucial.

I think you are right there!

My son is younger and currently not massively into sport so I don't have this issue but I do know other parents who literally never stop and their while lives revolve around ferrying their dc to training/competitions etc.

Now your DS is older, it may be worth looking at whether he can get himself to/from some things - maybe not all but he could probably do some? Train/bus if walking/cycling isn't an option? Have you directly asked another parent about lift shares? May be worth a go?

Obviously a while ago now but my mum swam competitively as a child/teen. Her training schedule was very, very intense - literally 7 days days a week, often twice a day and I know my Grandad did the taxi service to various competitions etc. I think it's just the way it is with competitive sport and you either make the sacrifice or tell them they can't do it.

Just stop, you'll be doing his independence a favour. Seriously, at 16 he is old enough to facilitate this himself with DHs help if DH feels so strongly about it. Stop being a martyr. Do you think DH would feel this strongly if this was a DD involved in something like dance? Bet her wouldn't. He's old enough to join the army and definitely old enough to get himself to sports stuff.

DS "retired" from swimming at 16 as he wanted to focus on A Levels and future studies. Only at that point did we all realise how it had overtaken our lives: holidays involved finding a pool, trips were always to places with competitions or training facilities, I was driving 25 miles each way to his club as it offered better coaching and potential than the local one- the times meant that public transport was not available and the distances involved were impractical.
He'd got to national level, was pleased he realised his dream and was happy to walk away and have a life away from the pool. We got a dog and have got ourselves hobbies of our own.

Absolutely. I was happy when my DD stopped her sport (5 days a week training) at 13, as the idea had never been to do it professionally. If it had been possible to reduce and do 2-3 times a week, it would have been preferable to stopping, but it was not an option.
I was the involved parent and even though she went to training on her own, it had a big impact on everyone - financially, dinner times, school work. During the season, competitions every 2-3 weeks (for a weekend, with staying over). She is an only, but it would have been even more difficult with siblings and their needs would have been neglected.
As it happens, her boyfriend is very involved in his sport and I do think it is affecting the family (not to mention that managing school, pretty high level training + games, plus first love is quite demanding).

His club training is about 10 mins drive and to go on public transport he needs to get a bus into a nearby town and another bus to the pitch so about an hour

My 11 year old does a lot of sport and come September she will be doing exactly this to get herself to training once a week. I've told her she needs to be more organised with her homework, she can take her reading/revision with her to look at on the bus or whilst she's waiting at the bus stop. She will have to leave home at 5 to get to training 545 to start at 6. DH will collect her and do the reverse trip with her as I feel she's too young to be out at 8pm in the centre of town alone.

I will go with her once or twice, then once or twice to the town and let her change bus alone, then she can go completely alone. It's not sustainable otherwise.

My son swam competitively until he was 15 and was aware of the need to focus on his A levels and also weekends not dominated by swim meets - he had got to regional level and was happy - he just stopped. The majority stop at 14-16 they burn out/want a social life/need to study. I am glad he did it but was equally glad when he stopped.l