Anyone else sick of kids excelling at sport?

[LaMaG]

My DS15 is quite talented at a particular sport and much as I support him I am sick to death at the extent it has taken over our lives. He plays locally but also for a county team so almost every weekend is spent travelling hours away, they never provide team buses. Dh goes to all the matches and no one ever car pools. DS was young when this kicked off and I had babies at home so DH got very involved and I stepped back. But I bring him to training twice a week for this and then he still has club level training and another sport too. He does gym work every day he doesn't have training so I'm constantly working my life around it, I can't even do an evening class. It affects meal times too. I feel guilty for complaining as some people are so passionate about this, I have a colleague who is quite in awe of it and many others tell us how proud we must be. DH says I just don't get it as I don't follow sport but I am proud I just resent how it becomes our whole lives. Its also dealing with the constant drama of losing and anger if he is left on the bench etc. Dh is worse than DS! There is a constant risk he will get dropped and every thing is analysed and obsessed about. Everyone was shouting this morning cos a training top went missing, it's always drama drama drama. Any other frustrated sports mums out there who understand?

A friend at school was very good at music (played three instruments, was in an orchestra and some ensembles). It was hard on her younger sibling who had to come to all the concerts and be in the car all the time (too young to leave at home).

Those “babies at home” are presumably older now. Do they get the same amount of attention from Dad, taxiing around, enthusiastic support for activities etc as DC1?

No absolutely not!! I go to everything and make a big fuss of every gym display etc but DH rarely does, usually cos he is away with DS. But there isn't much interest and this really annoys me. The reality is DS has a big talent and could go far with this, the others just have hobbies that come and go. In a way we are very lucky as we have 2 cars and we have literally never asked DD or DS2 to miss a commitment or party for DS matches. Many times we have been asked to go and I always ask them if they want to go. On another level DS is disappointed his siblings have no interest, its often entire families on the sideline and we are the exception.

Same here op. She 17. Dinners all over the place chasing our tails. Some days I hate it. Pulled all ways. Dual player football and camogie. She strong player. Takes over as u say

Yep even at grassroots level football the commitment is still expected or there’s that fear that that they will start off as sub.

my dds are football and dance and we’ve not been away for the weekend since 2018.

im fed up now but they get a lot out of it 🤷‍♀️

Haven't been through this myself (thank god) but I can totally sympathise, OP, and I don't think YABU.

I have known DCs who excelled at something but usually the whole family were fully behind it, but it always seems unusually demanding on the DC at the centre of it all.

Actually the worst of all were the choristers, every single weekend, Easter and Christmas was completely taken over by singing.

I've got four dc who are all into some kind of sport.
Dd1 is a black belt in ju-jitsu and is a junior coach
Dd2 county level netballer and plays football too.
Ds1 and ds 2 play football and Thai box and compete.

Between me and dh and a bit of lift sharing we manage to get them all where they need to be.
I'm beyond proud when I watch them play and I absolutely love watching them improve and how much they get out of it.
Although I'm must admit there are some sports like swimming/dancing that look they require an unbelievable amount of commitment.

I was basically presented a car as a 17yr old and a significant effort out into driving lessons. I played nationally, so even though I represented my local team (5 minutes from my house) they were in a national league that included Scottish and Welsh teams as well the travelling was an awful lot. Regional and national team training was always miles away. My dad got heavily involved and still volunteered at the club for several years after I moved away to uni, but my mum hated all the hanging on. I started as a 6yr old and have just given up playing competitively at 35 and enjoying having weekends again it has to be said. Mine is a niche sport that is basically not funded other than sourcing personal sponsorship.

It sounds like a drag but it has given me life long friends from childhood into adulthood, contacts across the country who I could call on and have helped out, as well as a good level of fitness, competitive nature to want to master things and an appreciation of time and costs that really motivated me to work to support. My car is glad to be only doing 10k miles a year now rather than 20k+. I do do a different sport now to tickle a competitive itch, but picking it up in my 30s thankfully I don’t think I’ll ever progress past local league!

we had two playing at county level and so pleased when they dropped it in late teens. One for another sport that was more enjoyable and the other got fed up and prefers the social level. It doesn’t add much to their lives in the end unless they progress to international level where the commitment eventually has a large pay off, particularly tennis, golf or a major team sport. Even then the injury risk is huge and these kids forfeit their education and are rarely in school apart from basics.

Reading some of these I feel that we've got off quite lightly! DS (17) is a very talented musician, grade 8 in two instruments, plays in an orchestra, a regional brass band and two bands of his own. He gets to most rehearsals himself and we just do a couple of 40 mile round trips a month late at night to pick him up from gigs.

He also plays a sport at good club level and manages that himself too, although the adults he plays with are fab at collecting him and dropping him off.

It is taking a bit of a toll on his A level maths so he is having twice weekly tutoring to get his grade back up. He's likely to apply to conservatoires so the music will have been worth it.

My SIL was a dance mum and there's no way I could have coped with that level of impact on my life. The dance daughter now does no dance at all now she is at university.

Another dance parent here. It's very time consuming, and immense commitment required especially when you have other children who do other things as well as dance.

I found myself feeling envious recently of the mothers who don't work, and have a partner, and can devote their time to the ferrying around.

It will be easier post 16, and then I shall probably miss it in a way.

Though I went back to dance myself recently, opting for a ballet class rather than another yoga class.

My SIL was a dance mum and there's no way I could have coped with that level of impact on my life. The dance daughter now does no dance at all now she is at university.

So many do this! Or they discover there's little to no money in it, after auditioning and trying to secure places/work, and give up at 18 after dance school. In my experience...

Another ex competitive swimming parent here. It’s all consuming and we only realised how much of a toll it was taking on us when DS had to stop due to covid. He went back after lockdown but never got they’ve back for it and decided to quit. I often see swimmers arrive for training as i’m in the gym early most days and I don’t miss it. DS is a lot happier and doing very well academically, which i’m
not sure would have been the case if he was still
swimming. I extremely small percentage of these kids will make it to the top and for those who don’t, I think the cost is very high not just for them but their families.

@XelaM Wow, your daughter must be very good. Where do you find ponies from that can compete at that level?

It's really not that bad. Try GB level at age 10 and all that that encompasses.

Gymnastics your kid is training 15 hours a week by the age of 6 - rising to 28+hours by age 10/11. Usually at a club that isn't particularly local to you if you want the 'best' for your child so you're either dropping and staying for 5 hour shifts, or dropping and recollecting a few hours later. Comps and/or grades every couple of months lasting bloody hours. Plus the shitty internal culture of that sport.

You seem to be doing a lot for only county standard at age 15? Is it really worth it? Sorry to sound horrid, but if he was 'quite talented' he'd be on a national team by now having done it since he was very young and then it could be worth it (still probably wouldn't be, barely anyone 'makes it' ) This sounds more like a hobby he has. I'd ask him to cut back a bit as it's obviously affecting family life for really not much point!

Non of my DDs play at this Level in anything and although I do encourage them to be the best they can be I also subtly and not so subtly encourage them not to get too involved, but even recreational activities are so money and time consuming especially when you have more than one child. Right now we are busy 7days a week with 3 of them, but I don’t let it effect birthday invites or holidays

My oldest DD keeps getting asked to enter gymnastic competitions but so far we’ve avoided them.

Football mum here. I also helped run the team when the manager absconded. I don't miss having to contact other managers, arrange refs and other officials, mark the pitch, put up nets, contact the league. As well as drive ds to training and matches. Oh, and do First Aid training. Now he's into mountain biking.
DD was a sprinter, so we did athletics training and meets for her too.

I have a dd who was good at one sport but Covid hit it hard. She was also always good at a second sport, and made the provincial team for the past 3 years so school, province and club training and matches to work around. And there is a separate indoor version that not everyone does but she does and enjoys. (She's just back from an international training camp for it). And she had trials for the national squad but wasn't selected.

Because she wasn't selected for that sport, she got into a 3rd sport this summer. Within the same 7 days, she got a winners medal for the National senior Cup (ladies - not junior) for main sport and came 3rd in national junior champs of the sport she'd just started.

She spends all her time training or at the gym, and eats us out of house and home in chicken/turkey/fish/veg/pasta/rice meals at all hours.

This summer, because she wasn't on the national squad, she was able to get a FT job (except this week) coaching her original sport. And can do that in the US on a J1 when in Uni rather than waitressing (it's in demand on the East Coast for summers).

I am persona non grata since starting secondary so DH does almost all the running of her and her gear (which is so big she can never get lifts with others - they just need a stick and ahi guard where she has a massive bag!) between the various locations and manages who needs to be where and what she can and can't do. He knows which are the good alcohol free beers as he's always driving late in the evening.

Shed is full of all sorts of gear, spares and tools. Her wardrobe is mostly sports gear. There are sports bags for different sports all filled and ready at various points around the house for different things, a drawer of different kinds of specialist shoes for the different sports, and there are lots of showers late at night when she gets in from everything preventing us from going to bed.

I was similar @TeresaCrowd

Recognise the commitment/cost of this and also the life long benefits. Another benefit was that I never touched drugs and maintained a healthy weight, as I was trying to gain strength. Had a sibling who was not into sport and got into drugs as an older teen, as well as a friend who struggled with an ED.

I encourage DC to try sports (the only one I pushed when young was swimming, for the safety aspect) for the many benefits they bring. Where we have to travel, we try to make the journey enjoyable - using it to catch up and to stop off on the way back from events.

My teenagers don't especially excel at their sports (play for their school, not their county) but between them it still takes up all of Saturday, most of Sunday plus 5 early trainings a week plus 5 after school trainings plus the older 2 coach younger teams 3 times a week. Gosh, when I write it down it is a lot.

Dd is now 17 and has started driving lessons.

YANBU. I used to nanny for a girl who was a junior competitive swimmer. I used to pick her up at 5am 3 days a week, to get her in the pool for 5:30am. She’d train until 7am, eat a packed breakfast I’d made her the night before that had to be tediously nutritionally balanced, drop her at school then go to my day job. 4 nights a week after work I’d pick her up from school at 6pm (fancy private school, she did prep there), she’d eat a snack I made the night before in my car on the way to the pool then she’d be back in the water at 6:45pm for 2 hours. Dinner would again be eaten in my car on the way back and I’d drop her home at around 9:30pm. Her mum and dad did the weekends. She was TWELVE. By the time training finished at night she was so tired I had to help her get dressed. Her parents paid me well, covered the petrol, food shopping for her meals, and she was the loveliest little girl but I have to admit I rejoiced when she quit at 15, and it could all stop. It’s a shame - watching her swim was like watching lightning. But it’s just not sustainable for any family unless you can afford a nanny without severely straining the family dynamic, and it’s so much pressure on the child!

I completely understand, and sympathise.
My eldest DS is an excellent golfer. He’s been playing since he was six, and it took over our lives fairly quickly - having to arrange days out around where he was playing in competitions / taking part in training events, etc.
Ex eventually prioritised it over everything - expecting schedules, meals, holidays - everything to be arranged to accommodate. Our other two DCs didn’t get a chance to discover what they might like / be good at, and they got very little time with their dad (who appointed himself coach / manager), and I barely saw eldest DS. It drove a huge wedge between us and was a definite cause of our eventual break up - Ex could swan around looking like hero golf dad whilst I was left to deal with and do everything else.
My son still plays golf, and there’s no denying his talent, but I do think these things need careful management within families

Harsh but true @ladyvivienne

The hours put in can be astounding. One girl from our old dance school, I think she's around 14 now, went to vocational dance school and her mother has her in every summer school she can fit her into for her summer 'break' that I'd go so far as to say it was almost abusive. The child is not the best, so there's no common sense applied from the deluded parent. What is the point.

I think that I have found my people!

Dd competes at the top end of national for her sport.

We are really struggling.

The impact on (younger) ds is our biggest concern. He also competes but doesn’t have the focus / desire to compete at the same level. (And probably not the same talent either although his recent 6th at the national championships amazed us all!) As a result we have turned into a “split family”. Dh takes Dd to events, I stay at home with ds. It is rubbish. But slightly better than dragging poor ds round the country for no reason.