Stupid things you believed as a child

[Soubriquet]

Remember those aliens in goo, that everyone said if you held them back to back it would make a baby alien.

Or that the furby’s of the 90’s would be able to say your name and people would spend hours trying to teach the furby to talk

I thought canned condenced milk came from Elephants. My grandad used to have it on his cornflakes in the morning and it was always referred to as Elephant milk by my mum and grandmother too. I never had any reason to question it until teenage me had an embarrassing conversation with a customer when I got my first retail job!

Bob Marley was half-white. I didn't realise this until a few years ago, but once you know, you can totally see it in his face.

My granda told me that the 7th wave was the biggest, on reflection he probably told me this so I'd count waves and not ask incessant questions.

I used to think when we die we could take things in our coffins. I planned to take a gameboy, books, magazines and snacks and just hang out for the rest of eternity.

I used to think my dad was the producer of the soaps because he could tell when the commercials were going to come on until he told me there was a little grey & black box thing in the right corner of the screen that came on just before the commercials.

The aliens having baby's, I used to hold it up to the light and I swear I could see a baby in the stomach but it was obviously all in my head because I desperately wanted it to have a baby.

The light being on inside the car was a criminal offence and thought I would get arrested if I was caught switching it on.

I knew you had two tubes in your throat.. one for food/drink and one for breathing..
But I thought they were side by side with the food going down the right hand side.. I'd only chew my food on that side...

Quite boring compared to some others...

I thought mince pies contained minced beef.

I've never eaten one to this day because I'm convinced they're minced beef.

For years I believed that prisoners were only given dry bread and water to eat and drink. I was really surprised when I discovered they were given regular meals.

I believed all teachers lived at school.

I thought the black market was a normal town marketplace with black awnings.

I was terrified if you crossed your eyes they'd get stuck.

I was terrified if you hoover up the cord of a hoover it'd all sort of implode catastrophically.

I was told wearing a crop top would give you rheumatism because your kidneys were not covered up.

I thought if I laughed hard enough I'd float to the ceiling, like in Mary Poppins- I spent ages standing on the sofa laughing and waiting for something to happen! Did similar staring at things after I watched Matilda. Also thought that accountants watched golden coins go past on a conveyer belt and just counted them off, and that my mum was psychic cos she'd say when the traffic lights were about to change! Think I thought dogs were boys and cats were girls at one stage, as well..
I remember sucking on a marker cos it had dried up when I was about four, and my teacher told me to take it out of my mouth because it was poisonous. (Maybe 'poisonous' wasn't the exact word she used but that's how I interpreted it anyway!) I remember just sitting in school waiting to drop dead at any moment, and later staring at myself in the mirror wondering why I hadn't died yet 😬

That if you swallowed orange pips a tree would grow up from your tummy and put your mouth.

I also believed the smash aliens were real.

Oh yes, Bob Marley! You've reminded me, I remember being confused when I found out he was a singer- I was convinced he was from the Christmas Carol! Mixed up Bob Cratchit and Jacob Marley

That my dad was officially the most handsome man in England (that's what my mum told me!)

My dad once told me that the stuff inside after eights was made from spiders webs (obvs because he didn't want me to eat them all so he could) I believed it for about five years and still second think it now before eating them 🤣

I was told by my dad and thoroughly believed him
that if you drink a capful of undiluted squash you will loose 7 seconds off your life

It’s not your heart you should be worried about. This is the real reason why you should never swallow your chewing gum🤣

I cut a patch of fur off my teddy bear to prove to my mum he was alive. 30 years later it hasn't grown back so he must have had early onset baldness.

I remember seeing porn for the first time as a young teen in the early 2000s and for a long time I thought they pretended to have sex (maybe wearing nude tiny underwear and dry humping?!) as my innocent young brain didn’t think people would really be having actual sex with someone they weren’t in a relationship with.
I remember realising the truth and feeling really upset.

I have one sibling. A brother. He has an outie bellybutton and I have an innie.
I therefore assumed all boys had outies and all girls had innies. I only learned the truth when I started swimming lessons

I use to believe this! I remember crying because my mum said she swallowed a pip 😂.

I also remember thinking burglars were like so form of alien species. I couldn't believe that actual humans could do something like that. I once had a dream that a 'burglar' came into our house and looked very much like ET 😆

I believed that people with blue eyes had 20/20 vision and people with brown eyes were short-sighted. Coincidentally, that’s exactly how it was in my family. Remember feeling very confused when I first noticed a blue-eyed person wearing glasses.

Many moons ago,you could buy these dolls that where meant to be flower fairies-they where just dolls in fairy outfits with either blonde or black hair

If you collected enough of the tokens on the packaging you could send off for a 'tooth fairy treasure box' (a tiny purple treasure style box)

My mother decided I had to have it so bought the 5 or so dolls needed,cut out the tokens and sent off for it

I lived with my darling grandad at the time-the tiny box arrived and we put it away ready for the next tooth to drop out

It did some time later so 7 ish year old me popped the tooth in the box and put it under my pillow

Woke up the next day and there was my 10p but the tooth was still in the box

I asked grandad why-his answer?

'Oh the tooth fairy has arthritis in her hands and couldn't manage the fiddly catch on it'

I believed him until I was about 15!

After all,he would never lie to me...

I used to think that you could only get ice cream from the ice cream man if he stopped directly in front of your house. Every day I would watch him drive past and see if it was our "turn" but it never was.

I thought only royals and famous people got divorced and any "normal" single mums that we knew must be widowed.

After reading "are you there God it's me Margaret" I thought periods were a massive deal and it was a bit of an anti climax when I started.

My friend told me that everyone who lived on the council estate near us did drugs and if you took a wrong turning and ended up there you would definitely get stabbed.

Also if you didn't pass your 11+ you had to go to the local secondary school which was exactly like grange hill.

I believed that "fallen off the back of a lorry" - had literally been found on the M5 and sold on.......

I had no idea it meant stolen goods until I was at University 😂

Genuinely thought that cat burglars stole cats.