Stupid things you believed as a child

[Soubriquet]

Remember those aliens in goo, that everyone said if you held them back to back it would make a baby alien.

Or that the furby’s of the 90’s would be able to say your name and people would spend hours trying to teach the furby to talk

I genuinely believed that food couldn’t make you fat. For the longest time I thought it was complete nonesense that too much of something would make you put on weight. I think I was about 8 at the time. I’m sure it’s the reason I’m so fat!!

Oh wow, I'm pounding the desk here 😂That is priceless!!!

Hahaha! All of those! But especially the curly hair one - DM had curly hair and little sis refused to eat crusts because of the saying and she didnt want hair like DM. I ate them though!

Now in our 50s, I have curly hair (from eating crusts of course!) And DSis has poker straight hair (because she didn't eat them!!). 😆

Yep. Curly hair for crusts, or it “puts hair on your chest”

Kept telling my dad I’m a girl. I don’t want hair on my chest

That sitting on a hot or possibly cold radiator would give you piles.

That black pudding was to black pigs what regular sausage was to pink ones.

I loved Abba as a child (still do!). My older brother hated them. He would tell me that every time I played one of their records (showing my age) it forced them to sing and we needed to give them a break as they didn't always want to sing. I believed him for a while but then wondered what would happen if 2 people played 2 different songs by them. How would they sing 2 different songs at the same time?!

That if you touched a dead mouse you’d get Scarlatina.

That your parents had sex for the number of kids they had. Next door had one child so I thought maybe they’d done it once and didn’t like it.

When I started my periods my mother told me not to go near boys. No context, just don’t go near boys 🧐

That god was watching and he would ensure that everything would be ok (when parents fought over lack of money / we risked losing our home / drunken fighting).

All a bit sad looking back. My parents didn’t give a shit about our emotional health.

My dad was a truck driver. He told me that Londoners when in a transport cafe would always ask for 2 cups of tea and another, because they were all self conciousness about pronouncing the number 3, free, so would not do so in public.

As a child I had never met anyone from London so knew no better.

That the Sandman was real and scary and he would come if I didn't come to bed. My oldest brother used to pretend to telephone him when he was babysitting.

That monkeys lived in the pantry and I was not to be naughty or I'd go in there with them. Another brother's bright idea.

Swallowing apple pips would see an apple tree growing out of my stomach and up through my throat and ears.

Reading at the table whilst eating lunch would give me a heart attack.

I thought Enid Blyton was a man. I didn't know anyone called Enid.

When I was little, I used to believe that teachers picked their ‘teacher name’… that they could choose miss/mrs/mr name-of-their-choice.

I thought that the next door neighbours were called Mr and Mrs Nextdoor. Not helped by my parents referring to them as such and them sending Christmas cards with that name on.

I went through a phase when I was about 6 or 7 of believing that all dogs had rabies! I must have seen something about it on the TV and obviously didn't understand that it wasn't an issue in the UK. It took a lot of convincing from my DM for me to think otherwise!

Remembered another one. I thought that if you swallowed chewing gum it would go into your lungs and stick them together! It was a total revelation when I discovered that food doesn't go down the pipe that leads to your lungs! Well,I was only about 8 years old!

Strangely enough, a couple of these have truth buried in there...

Eating apple pips, particularly if you chew them, is a bad idea because they contain cyanide. Not a lot, but it's there.

Dandelion sap contains a diuretic, which makes you wee more.

I thought that 'jet packs' (as seen in 1984 LA Olympics opening) were an available thing and probably really expensive like.... £100! My best friend and I tried to save up money to buy one.

Never mind that such as existed were experimental equipment mainly that would probably cost millions of dollars and could only 'fly' for a few seconds!

My friend has actually flown one of those things!

He's a stuntman and my mind boggles at the things he's done.

When I was very young (early primary) I heard about people being mugged and genuinely thought it meant someone jumping out with a giant mug and putting it upside down over their head encasing their whole body. 😂

I thought I had several aunties, and only realised later that they were just friends of my mum's or elderly neighbours that I had to call Auntie Joan or Auntie Ann etc!

I read a lot. I remember my mum telling me that too much reading will make me go blind. She hated me staying in and reading all the time instead of fucking off out like my sister did

That concorde (super sonic boom boom at 8pm) was actually God telling me off for not being asleep.....

I also believed that brown specs on blades of grass meant goblins were nearby 😂

That you would be better off if you went to university.

Hahaha.

Bob’s your uncle?

I believed for over 40 years that my pet sheep Lucy Lamb had gone to live at a farm. Thanks to my brothers - until I was about 8 I thought that foxes were the same as wolves, just in a different country and would make every attempt they could to kill me.

That people sat in the traffic lights and observed the traffic to decide when to press the buttons to change the lights.

No one told me this, I just decided it on my own