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Original poster

Urgent help: what to do about trip tomorrow

138 replies

Whattodoabouttrip · 25/07/2023 22:40

DC is 5. As part of holiday club tomorrow they're meant to go to an adventure park 2.5 hours away. DH has only just taken the time to look into it and has said he'd prefer him not to go. It's too far, he won't know anyone, has never been anywhere like this without us, might get lost etc.

I just don't know what to do. DC had been looking forward to it but didn't really know what it entails. They also only know 2 other children at club who won't be there tomorrow which I've not sure they've realised.

I think it's quite a bit undertaking and to be honest I've been very stressed and tearful about it myself but had come to conclusion they'd be fine.

I'm really annoyed DH has only just now decided to chip in.

I'm meant to wake DC at 6am if they're going to go. If I don't wake them up and they wake later and are really upset as they wanted to go, I'm going to feel so guilty.

There's going to be a fallout either way. I have to idea what to do.

OP posts:
Brightandshining · 26/07/2023 16:45

If you thought it was fine before your DH chipped in then I think let them go. Id be seriously pissed off if my DH chimed in last minute to say he wasn't happy with something.. presumably he knew about this and just hadn't bothered to check what it actually was before now...
Id let my 5yo go if there were even younger kids going and it was appropriately staffed. My 5yo went to an adventure farm on a school trip when she was only just turned 4.. that was a couple of hours away and a big place and she absolutely loved it. If your kids want to go then let them.

peachgreen · 26/07/2023 17:06

No way in a million years would I let my 5 y/o do this but maybe my opinion is coloured by the fact that she’d hate it!

Canthave2manycats · 26/07/2023 17:09

Would anyone posting here want to get up at sparrow's fart to spend 5 hours on a bus in this heat, for the sake of what, a couple of hours at a playpark? I certainly wouldn't. A 5 year old would be bored stupid, and shattered. He's obviously not too bothered about not going. He probably didn't have a clue what to expect.

And for those of you whose kids went on residentials practically straight from the womb - has it made any significant difference to them that other activities might equally have brought about? Do they even remember them?

I think the OP's DH was remiss in leaving it until the eleventh hour to have his input. They should have sat down and talked about it when the trip was first mooted.

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Thegoodbadandugly · 26/07/2023 17:16

So basically yous don't need to be there but he said he would go? Now he doesn't want to, let your children go anyway.

Wemetatascoutcamp · 26/07/2023 17:17

I totally understand why you made the decision you did in the end and i’m sure your little one will have lots of other opportunities over the course of their life and aren’t going to remember the trip you didn’t send them on when they were 5!
However I would say I don’t think the holiday club would arrange a trip like this if they didn’t think the young people would cope and i’m sure they have plenty adults and a robust plan for the day. Yes 2.5 hours travelling sounds a lot but its amazing how you can amuse young people whilst travelling- eye spy, drawing, singing, spotting things out the window even watching a movie on the coach- its totally different from 2.5 hours in the car. On the way home i’m sure they’ll all be so tired they’ll sleep most of the way.

babyproblems · 26/07/2023 17:23

I mean disappointing your kid for an hour vs. a 2.5hr car journey?? It’s an obvious choice!! Also I don’t understand why you think it’s outing saying that you’re abroad..! Imo your child is too young for the day that was planned and such a long trip. Just accept their disappointment and move on from it doing something else. They’ll be over it in a v short time.

StopStartStop · 26/07/2023 17:30

Wake up late, all go on a fun day out instead. Lots of treats to make up for your 'mistake'.

Bunnycat101 · 26/07/2023 17:44

I’m all up for stretching children with new experiences but I wouldn’t have been keen on that trip. It seems like a long journey for the age etc. if he didn’t seem that bothered then you can trust you made the right decision for your child. I’m quite surprised at some people talking about residentials in y1. Ours start in y3 which seems early compared to other local schools. Mine is pretty resilient and gets chucked into all sorts of camps but would have struggled with a residential or a very long trip at5.

saffronsoup · 26/07/2023 17:46

I am all for independence but I wouldn't do that. Too long of a day for an already over tired 5 year old. Easy for them to have fun without spending 5 hours traveling. In a country that is different from where you live and safety protocols may be really different. Just wouldn't do it. I don't really see the benefit and too many downsides for a 5 year old.

I was at a small theme park last week and there was a large group there with 5-6 year olds and it was somewhat disastrous. They had parent volunteers with each group of 5 and a staff person overseeing two parent volunteers and 10 kids. At one point a parent was trying to get them to line up for the bathroom and one kid didn't want to, one was hungry and kept leaving the line to go get a snack from their bag, one was teary and upset, one was distracted and kept leaving the line to go see a friend in another group, the other two stayed in line but the poor parent was very frazzled and at that point there wasn't a staff around. The parent was also trying to get them to keep their hats on and their backpacks on but they were taking them off. I saw the group multiple times throughout the day and I would say 80% of the time, it was about trying to herd the kids or keep the kids on task or happy in line or staying together etc. I am sure the kids had moments of fun on the rides and seeing the animals and getting a treat but they were too young for it to really be a great field trip.

FairAcre · 26/07/2023 17:55

It is good to listen to your gut feelings. We lived in France for a while and it was typical to take kids on a school 'classe verte' at the age of 4 (three days and nights away). My child really didn't want to go and I was very reluctant but seemed to be the only parent worrying about it so - against my better judgement - she went. She really coped badly and wouldn't go to a sleepover at a friend's until she was about 14! I wished I had listened to my gut instinct and not sent her.

Thoughtful2355 · 26/07/2023 18:07

Personally i wouldnt be letting my 5 year old son go, it would be way to much for him.

DNLove · 26/07/2023 18:09

Have you told the child about the negatives and asked them if they want to go?

Twillow · 26/07/2023 18:28

I wouldn't send a 5 year old either.

IWantOutDoI · 26/07/2023 18:35

I don’t know where you are Op, but when I was growing up abroad, a trip to a place 2.5 hours away was merely a trip to the next city!

I find it ridiculous that people find a 2.5 hrs trip away difficult or even cruel for a five year old. It was not unusual for us to be stuck in traffic for that time from time to time and we coped.

My son went to private school in the UK and they were taking them around in activities out of the city since they were 4. Parents were welcome to come if they wished, some did, some didn’t but the children were fine. Obviously, accidents can always happen but they can also happen when your children are with you and there is often nothing you can do to prevent them.

FairAcre · 26/07/2023 18:40

IWantOutDoI · 26/07/2023 18:35

I don’t know where you are Op, but when I was growing up abroad, a trip to a place 2.5 hours away was merely a trip to the next city!

I find it ridiculous that people find a 2.5 hrs trip away difficult or even cruel for a five year old. It was not unusual for us to be stuck in traffic for that time from time to time and we coped.

My son went to private school in the UK and they were taking them around in activities out of the city since they were 4. Parents were welcome to come if they wished, some did, some didn’t but the children were fine. Obviously, accidents can always happen but they can also happen when your children are with you and there is often nothing you can do to prevent them.

That’s your opinion. But clearly a lot of people don’t agree and that’s their prerogative. It’s like people sending their kids to boarding school at 7 years old. It might be your choice but others wouldn’t be at all comfortable with it.

hippityhophop · 26/07/2023 19:03

If you're off work, go somewhere fun together as a family instead.

ElizaMulvil · 26/07/2023 19:04

Countries differ. Times change. Children from 4 in Paris go to the Loire Valley for a week or more for their Colonies de Vacances while their parents stay at home working. They seem to enjoy it.

Kids of 7 cycle to school on their own in rural France.

It's the norm and been going on for decades.

My sister and I ( she 8 , me 6 ) together used to get the bus to our piano lesson in Manchester many moons ago. I used to do the shopping for the family aged 8. My friends aged 9, 8 and 7 used to go into the centre of Manchester every Saturday by bus to meet their mother from work.

My father was working in a factory from (nearly) 12 ( France). My aunts and uncles from 13 ( Manchester.) It certainly taught them to be independent and confident. (Not recommending it btw!)

But we go to the other extreme and baby children nowadays. Children of 11 never having got a bus on their own eg. They are much more capable than we give them credit for and take things in their stride if it's presented as the norm to meet new children and go places without their parents.

hippityhophop · 26/07/2023 19:05

IWantOutDoI · 26/07/2023 18:35

I don’t know where you are Op, but when I was growing up abroad, a trip to a place 2.5 hours away was merely a trip to the next city!

I find it ridiculous that people find a 2.5 hrs trip away difficult or even cruel for a five year old. It was not unusual for us to be stuck in traffic for that time from time to time and we coped.

My son went to private school in the UK and they were taking them around in activities out of the city since they were 4. Parents were welcome to come if they wished, some did, some didn’t but the children were fine. Obviously, accidents can always happen but they can also happen when your children are with you and there is often nothing you can do to prevent them.

Well.... In lots of countries people think it's shocking that we even send our children to school at age 4, let alone on a trip with strangers several hours away.

Reigateforever · 26/07/2023 19:14

hippityhophop in France children start free at 3 years old.

Mayhem3 · 26/07/2023 19:23

Next time speak to each other about it before saying yes to DS.

Not allowing him to go is ok but allowing him to get excited about it and then saying no on the morning is very unfair.

Next time ask if you can go too, either as a helper or just close by in case of an emergency.

LaBelleSauvage123 · 26/07/2023 19:45

A 5 round trip isn’t one I’d want to do in a day either!

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 26/07/2023 20:17

Think I would have let my dc go.
I am slightly confused though OP. Are we talking 5yr old twins?or more only you keep saying they in the context of more than one. But also say him. ?
If it is more than one child then yes definitely let them go as they have each other as their friends won’t be there.
If your dc is one child then I would ask what your dc wants to do.

CandyflossKing · 26/07/2023 21:16

You should have dealt with this a lot earlier! That said, has your child never been away with school, club (cubs etc)? I'm sure they would be fine!

carly2803 · 26/07/2023 21:42

No - too much and too far for that age! madness

do something lovely with your DC tomorrow! closer!

Gillbil · 26/07/2023 21:58

nocoolnamesleft · 25/07/2023 22:42

Surely if your DH is not happy for him to go, then your DH is planning to take the day off work to look after him, and have a compensatory fantastic time with him?

This