Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Urgent help: what to do about trip tomorrow

138 replies

Whattodoabouttrip · 25/07/2023 22:40

DC is 5. As part of holiday club tomorrow they're meant to go to an adventure park 2.5 hours away. DH has only just taken the time to look into it and has said he'd prefer him not to go. It's too far, he won't know anyone, has never been anywhere like this without us, might get lost etc.

I just don't know what to do. DC had been looking forward to it but didn't really know what it entails. They also only know 2 other children at club who won't be there tomorrow which I've not sure they've realised.

I think it's quite a bit undertaking and to be honest I've been very stressed and tearful about it myself but had come to conclusion they'd be fine.

I'm really annoyed DH has only just now decided to chip in.

I'm meant to wake DC at 6am if they're going to go. If I don't wake them up and they wake later and are really upset as they wanted to go, I'm going to feel so guilty.

There's going to be a fallout either way. I have to idea what to do.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 26/07/2023 08:37

Are you in Spain, @Whattodoabouttrip? I was constantly amazed about the trips my Spanish family's kids went on, and how much they enjoyed them. The adults were always politely baffled about my children not being up for the same sort of thing-and sad that they were missing out. They used to go on residential trips from about Year 1 age, and had a brilliant time!

StartSWagaintomorrow · 26/07/2023 08:38

I was like you so I am not judging however, my husband was the opposite to me (he was made to walk to school on his own when he was 5). I had to really push my anxieties down and let my children go. They went on trips to ski school, Paris, camping, numerous theme parks and zoos all before they were 10 (EU country). It was complete agony for me but they loved it. Don’t feel bad about this trip but as a fellow mother who is glad her husband convinced her to let her kids go on all these trips I would recommend that you keep an open mind to future adventures.

1983Louise · 26/07/2023 08:43

He'll get over it...............

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
cocksstrideintheevening · 26/07/2023 08:43

I feel for the people running the trip, sounds like a nightmare!

GraysPapaya · 26/07/2023 08:43

Don’t let your husband’s anxiety rub off on your child! They’re expecting to go on the trip, let them go!

WimbyAce · 26/07/2023 08:45

I am glad you cancelled. As an aside just curious why if you are all on holiday you are booking your 5 year old into holiday club? Can you not do things as a family?

PopsicleHustler · 26/07/2023 08:50

There is no way on this planet I would let my daughter, who is 5, go somewhere two and a half hours there and two and a half hours back on a bus with strangers! No thanks.

And I would respect my husbands decision/opinions and thoughts.

NeedToKnow101 · 26/07/2023 09:13

2.5 hours each way for a trip for 5 year olds is nuts! I'd decline and take him myself, maybe with a little friend or family member.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/07/2023 09:18

WandaWonder · 26/07/2023 04:28

I think the child should go but women's anxieties and hormones get blamed for every so why the double standard?

Show quote history

No double standard. It wasn't the mother holding him back due to anxiety this time, it was his father.

There's a lot of it about.

Natsku · 26/07/2023 09:23

WimbyAce · 26/07/2023 08:45

I am glad you cancelled. As an aside just curious why if you are all on holiday you are booking your 5 year old into holiday club? Can you not do things as a family?

Perhaps so the child can make friends and have other children to play with.

Could be worse, one year we were on holiday and my mum sent me and my brother to the local school! Not holiday club, but actual school lessons, and my language skills in the local language were very poor so wasn't easy (but I did have fun)

Catspyjamas17 · 26/07/2023 09:28

What sort of paid holiday club takes children on activities which are inappropriate for their age? Of course it's ok for him to go and he'll be absolutely gutted to miss out. Tell DH to butt out or take responsibility for all of it himself, you will have no part in it.

sparkleshin · 26/07/2023 09:57

theyre too young

Cyclebabble · 26/07/2023 10:03

Depends on the five year old and how you think he will cope. If he has been looking forward to it I would have made him aware that it was a long way and asked how he felt. If he said okay I would have let him go. DH is chipping in late and unhelpfully.

Appleass · 26/07/2023 10:03

Husband is right, a 5yr old 2 1/2 hrs away, dear lord no way !!!

AsterixAndPersimmon · 26/07/2023 10:31

Let your child go.

Have a word with your DH and remind him that he can’t do a U turn like this at the last minute. Your dc might be unhappy and cry now. In a few years time, they will get very resentful of that sort of behaviour (yes you can go. Oh actually, no I’ve changed my mind, you can’t)

Fwiw, raising a child bi National/bi lingual/bicultural comes with difficulties such as that one.
You get used to a certain way if doing things and then go back to your country and rules are different. And sometimes, they are letting children do things you’d never accept in the U.K. Both you and your DH will have to agree before hand what are YOUR limits. Don’t assume that your dc can’t do X or Y because they haven’t done it at home - in a completely different setting. But evaluate what you find ok or not.
Your DH also needs to remember that your language isn’t a foreign language to him. It might be his minority language but it’s not foreign. So any difficulties he can see with spending the whole day away blablabla are probably not relevant to his child.

AsterixAndPersimmon · 26/07/2023 10:39

Also please remember that you are asking MN, a typically British website and posters with a typically British outlook.

Of course they won’t see a 5yo having a day out like that acceptable.

But …
1- MNters are more likely to think that whatever British people do is best (because that’s their experience only). Not every country parent/look after children the same way. Some countries expect much more independence from children than the U.K. does. And it’s ok too.
2- rules and relationships between kids vary a lot from one country to the next. In my own home country, children are very used to go to holiday club, see very different children each time and to simply get in with it and make new friends. The barriers people see here just don’t exist there.
3- your dc is Bi national. They’ll fit in in a way that will surprise you, even it seems impossible to outsiders.

Basically, if you were asking that same question to people in your own country, the answer would be completely different!

eg in my own country, at 5yo, children would go away for a week with school on a discovery class. Pretty normal. So a day put like you describe would be seen as totally normal and ok!

Lovemyones · 26/07/2023 13:49

Can't you all go if you are both off work too? I really wouldn't be letting a 5 year old away without me on that trip, especially not when it's not their home country. Obviously it's annoying that you're husband's saying this now but I can fully see his reasoning.

waterrat · 26/07/2023 13:53

Im quite gung ho OP and think you were right to make the decision not to send him.

Btw. dont think of him as missing out - he has a lifetime of this stuff ahead of him

I think with children we can so easily as adults let them get very over tired and then their little brains can't learn and grow!

ThePix · 26/07/2023 14:38

underneaththeash · 26/07/2023 07:03

That's not normal though!

Im not sure about a 5 year old, but you shouldn't have said no at the last minute. I would take him myself when he wakes up. He can always go home with the holiday club staff.

Show quote history

What’s not normal?

NewNovember · 26/07/2023 14:40

I keep reading this thinking I am missing something. My dc went on their first 3 day residential age 6. Struggling to understand why a day trip a year younger is an issue.

CurlewKate · 26/07/2023 15:31

@AsterixAndPersimmon yes-I said something like that earlier. This would be entirely normal and usual to my Spanish family. And, if I understood correctly, the family are not living in the UK.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 26/07/2023 15:42

NewNovember · 26/07/2023 14:40

I keep reading this thinking I am missing something. My dc went on their first 3 day residential age 6. Struggling to understand why a day trip a year younger is an issue.

Same here. I'm in the UK and my school had residentials at the same age. They even did trips to France from year one!

JLou08 · 26/07/2023 16:26

I would let him go, this seems way overprotective to me. I'm guessing he is with childcare professionals who would have risk assessed the trip and would not let a 5 year old out of sight to get lost. If you dont think they can keep him safe on a trip then you shouldn't be leaving him with them at all. Would you stop him going on a school trip? The ratios of staff to children would likely be lower on a school trip.
As for not knowing anyone, most children that age will play with anyone and it is good to build on their social skills and confidence.

Viviennemary · 26/07/2023 16:30

They are a bit young to go on this trip without you. Can't you arrange to go.

gingerguineapig · 26/07/2023 16:38

I can't remember whether we did anything like this as a child, but I don't think so. DS only went on a two night residential in Y4 and then four nights in Y6 (which I think is normal and I didn't go on any residentials until the final year of primary either).

British parents are a bit overprotective compared with other countries but this does seem like a very big trip for a 5 year old.