Are all MIL's awful?

[Notlookingforwardtochristmas]

I'm looking to hear positive reports on nice MILS.

Mine is a real nasty piece of work. A narcissist, shit stirrer within the family, a hypochondriac, a boaster that's selfish and just a general terrible human.

She treats my children different to the rest of the grandchildren yet boats to her friends that my children are her life, yet she rarely bothers with them. She's not met our youngest DC. She's met our oldest twice.

I thank my lucky stars everyday she lives abroad and I don't have to deal with her.

Does anyone have a nice one?

Of course they aren’t.

My ex mil was nice enough. Not someone I would choose as a friend. She was sometimes a bit irritating. But I didn’t choose her. I chose her son.

My mum was a fab mil. Dbros wife was genuinely devastated when my mum died.

are you going to be an awful mil? If you thought all Mils might be awful, you must have accepted that you will become a terrible person along the way. That seems a bit strange.

I also think, when you read the ‘I hate my mil’ threads, you are only getting one version of the story. I suspect, in a good portion of them, the dil is playing down their role in the problems.

and no, I don’t have dil problems.

I got along great with mine, we were close until I had my DD 5 weeks ago. She started to act quite controlling and I, who have little patience, stopped her too quickly. Now she acts very distant with me and DD. He doesn't take her in her arms and has only come to see her three times. (we live very close to her) And one was because she wanted to show it to her boyfriend, of course that day if he wanted to take her in her arms to show himself as a loving grandmother, although he immediately ignored her.

mine was lovely. miss her lots.

If all MIL are awful, then all women with sons are likely to be horrible 😂
My ex mil was lovely and DP’s mum was a wonderful woman who I still miss, she passed away ten years ago

DILs often become MILs 😉

I don't see my MIL, we moved abroad 19 years ago and DH visits and stays with her once a year. I don't go.
She used to look me up and down with a cats bum face and tried to play me and SIL (who I love like me I own sister) off against each other.
Too many other things to type.

My own Mum is hard work and DH is very intolerant of her. She followed us abroad a few years ago which is a whole other thread.

Mine was amazing. I miss her every day its 5 years since she died. My mum died 8 years ago and honestly it's rare I miss her.

Mil was engaged and interested in our lives loved all 8 of her grandchildren equally the rule was the sun shone out of all of them and don't you dare tell her differently 😉... she was supportive and kind.

If I manage to be half the mil to my inlaws that she was to me I know they wont complain

No. Mine is absolutely wonderful and I adore her. She is kind, generous, thoughtful, clever and one of my favourite people to spend time with. I'm very lucky that both my husband and I get on incredibly well with each other's family.

Mine was great- not always super-easy but a wonderful person. She had a (very impressive) job so was never a baby-sitting, helping out sort of MIL but she was always interesting, intelligent and kind.

A lesson I've taken from her is about the importance of having one's own life and interests and not expecting one's children to fulfil that role. I'm hoping to offer my children help with childcare if they want it but I'll be sure to keep my own interests as well.

My MiL is lovely and I love her. My own Mum is dead but I look upon my Mil very fondly. I had 3 children from my previous marriage and from day 1 she welcomed my children as well as me and treated my children exactly the same as her dgc. My kids are adults now but have a very strong bond with MiL who they call Gran. They regularly travel 150 miles to visit her and take her flowers. I got on well with FiL too but he died. I know she has put in her will if my dh dies before her I am to receive his share and if we both die my DC are to inherit. She had no DD's of her own so I don't know if that made a difference but I invited her to go with me to choose my wedding dress and she told me it was one of the happiest days of her life.

No mine is dead...

She died before I met my OH but she was an alcoholic so I'd imagine there would of been challenges.

My dad had an amazing MIL my mum had an awful one!

MILs are just people, some are awful some will be the most amazing people you could have in your life and many things in between.

My mil is pretty complex; this is recognised by all her family. One to one, she is generally very nice, but in front of her son, DH, she is 'off' with me. I find her convoluted and keep a reasonable distance, whenever possible. We tookl her on holiday with our adult children, this year, and she was lovely but on return home, she has reverted to her complex norm. Whatever; life's too short to sweat it.

Mine can be a little annoying but overall she is a fantastic mother to dh, a great grandmother to dc & very generous.

I had a wonderful one (I say 'had' rather than 'have' because she died a few years ago).

She was always complimentary and never criticised anything I did or interfered. Indeed, she was almost embarrassingly grateful for the smallest thing. She loved our children but wasn't a hands-on grandmother, partly because she didn't live particularly close by, and partly because she was already in her 70s when my children were born.

My husband was divorced when I met him. He and his first wife had one child together, and she went on to have more children. My mother in law treated all of them as if they were her grandchildren, always remembering them (and in turn their own children) at Christmas and birthdays.

Both my husband's ex-wife and I considered ourselves very lucky with our mother-in-law.

Mines an absolute beast 🤷‍♀️

I have a lovely MIL. She often tells me how much she loves me😍

I love mine, can’t imagine life without her to be honest although we are very different people. She was the first person I told when my mum was diagnosed with cancer 15
years ago and when it finally took her in 2020 she came to the house to make sure I wouldn’t be coming home from the hospital to an empty house (husband was stuck at work and as it was just before the Xmas lockdown started he couldn’t have came with me anyway), bringing milk, biscuits, tea bags and coffee, all the bits you need when you get a sudden influx of people coming to pay their condolences, cleaned up and prepared a meal while she was waiting for me or my husband to get back.

Mine is lovely! Drops everything if we need help with DC even though she lives 90 mins away, when I had DC she cleaned my house, did the food shop and my washing while I was in hospital and I will forever be grateful for her help. Wouldn’t let me lift a finger when I got home! She’s fiercely intelligent and great to talk to, when you go to PIL house she’s very much “my house is your house” attitude and really treats me and my SIL as her own

I'm certain they are a mixed bag, some lovely, some nasty and some neutral.

Unfortunately my mil falls into the type who wants to be in charge and judge whilst living in another country ( judging from afar in lives she has zero involvement with) so it turned nasty. My dh has no ability to confront her and that's where the issue rooted from. She called me a nasty witch in front of him in my own home so I exploded at her. He should have stepped in but chose to be inert.

I have told my sons to tell me in no uncertain terms when I step out of line once they are adults. Mil judges value on what looks good on SM so wants a pretty air head dil with not enought brains to question anything. So bummed out with me. What I find odd is that she strongly wants all women to submit to their men but her husband walked out for a fitter model but that wasn't OK? It's ironic really. As when her other son does it, it's always a great upgrade, and the last wife is a troll. I thinks it bizarre.

My first mil (17 years) was lovely, we were very different people but made an effort to find common ground and as a result we maintained a relationship after ex left for ow.
Current mil (19 years and counting) is lovely but dippy. She drives me potty at times but we have a good relationship.

I visit and phone my mil independently of dh.

If she lives abroad and has only visited twice since you had your eldest dc, I don't understand the impact she is having on you?

My MiL is a serious upgrade on my actual Mother. I moved 200 miles to be five mins from my MiL and five hours from my shit bag parent.

Mine is not ‘awful’ but she is terribly co-dependent and has made some poor choices in terms of men in her life, which has had a knock on effect for us and our dc (as in our dc are not allowed contact with her partner due to the risk he poses to children). And Dh is also banned from his family home by this man. And he’s otherwise terribly controlling of MIL. We try to be supportive from a distance but it’s draining. And has really affected poor dh over the years.

Mine was lovely, may she rest in peace. I'm a pretty good MIL myself.