Are all MIL's awful?

[Notlookingforwardtochristmas]

I'm looking to hear positive reports on nice MILS.

Mine is a real nasty piece of work. A narcissist, shit stirrer within the family, a hypochondriac, a boaster that's selfish and just a general terrible human.

She treats my children different to the rest of the grandchildren yet boats to her friends that my children are her life, yet she rarely bothers with them. She's not met our youngest DC. She's met our oldest twice.

I thank my lucky stars everyday she lives abroad and I don't have to deal with her.

Does anyone have a nice one?

My son in law has a fantastic MIL 😅

Mine is a horror. She has three sons and is one of those women who carries a lot of internalised misogyny. If my DD is upset because she’s had a falling out with a friend at school, MIL will pull a face and say something like “ugh girls, I’m so glad I had boys”.
At the same time she’s also extremely overbearing, she texts me constantly to poke her nose into all areas of my life.

Of course they're not all horrible. They are just people. You might be one yourself one day. I think it's probably more generally a case of DILs being unreasonable judging by the stuff i read on here. And I'm not a MIL before you ask.

You can never be sure though.

I had a horrific experience with my first in laws, so when I met now dh, I wanted to make sure that his parents weren’t like them.

At first they were great. But it took a few years for the racist remarks against my race to creep in, they seemed to get more “comfortable”. Then the remarks on how I raised the children. Then we had to move near them for financial reasons. That’s when it ramped up and it was hell. I knew they were controlling over dh sister, but I was always told it was because she was stupid. No, it was because they had to be in control. Dh hadn’t experienced it as he’d lived 3 hours away since he was 20, SIL lived in their street (In a house they chose and pressured her to buy, just like they tried to do with us, all
hell broke loose when we chose our own home in a few miles away!)

We lasted a year of living here before we only saw them once every few months and now, me and the children haven’t seen them in a year. Dh still does birthdays/mother’s day/father’s day as again, all hell would be unleashed if he didn’t.

It takes time for some peoples masks to slip. If I’d commented on this thread a decade ago, I would have told you they were great.

Mine was fine. Her and fil were independent and had good social lives. We saw them once a week for dinner usually.
Since fil passed away, mil has become very needy. She calls daily, wants to see us all the time, dh has to step in and do so much for her. She lays on the guilt trips and makes everything about her now. It's not her fault she's lonely, grieving and lost but it's taking it's toll.

I cannot stand my MIL she’s the most self centred person I have ever met. When I first got with DH she told me that she was the matriarch of the family and I’d soon learn their ways.

she constantly stamps her feet and complains she’s not ‘involved’ in our lives which means that she’s not in control of our lives. We made plans to meet up with friends on NYE; she wished that we discussed it with her first as she wanted us to all go to her local pub for a disco.

I think it boils down to if my mum is being unreasonable I can call her out/tell her she’s being ridiculous/end the phone call. With MIL I tried to imagine her as a colleague I wasn’t a huge fan of. Going out for dinners I imagined as work events with a horrible boss that would be over eventually. Tried my hardest to be friendly but not overly familiar/grey rock but she demanded us to be ‘close’ aka her knowing exactly what was going on in my life. It’s beyond hard to have someone in your life that you can’t call out, demands contact every day (she wanted to see us twice a week and to text me every day!) and someone you really really dislike.

But it’s not all MIL as I truly loved my Ex-DP mum. She was brilliant, we got on like a house on fire, she’d never interfere and if anything just treated me as a friend. I probably stayed with EX DP for way too long as I loved his family and didn’t want to break up with them.

Sorry wanted to add - because she was such a lovely mother in law, I'm happy to help her out even though it's becoming a struggle. I wouldn't want to add more misery to her life.

@Notlookingforwardtochristmas "
Do you have DIL issues?"

🤣 No. I just know that there are often two sides to a story, and we only get one side on Mumsnet!

Mine is lovely. She and FIL have been really good to DH and me and are brilliant grandparents to our DC.

I got on OK with my mil. We were very different- different generation, background, religion, politics, interests, so we were never going to be friends. But her primary relationship was with her son and my children. They were the ones with the shared history. She and I were cordial, and I certainly didn't want or expect any more. She was a good grandmother to my children and mum to my partner and they all loved each other. I think sometimes both sides can have unreasonable expectations. That's where (unless there is proper pathology to deal with, in which case all bets are off) things can go wrong.

Mine is amazing. I have tricky relationship with my own DM and I am closer to my MIL. We have similar interests and outlook and I consider her one of my best friends.

My mum's MIL was her favourite relative - because she was a lovely woman . Mum's own mother was toxic.

Mum had apparently been scared of granny (dad's mum) to start with but they soon became close .

Dad was the eldest of three and she treated all her children equally (although I never knew my uncle as he died in a farm accident when I was very young and we were already living in a different country emigrated because of political reasons )

My dad however won't let anyone "out in-law" him : my mum's parents denounced him as a communist (dangerous in that country at the time), told the secret service we were leaving the country/selling up (when the only people who knew were them and my dad's mum), tried to have him imprisoned and us put into care

They tried to do the same to my mum's sister and her husband when, a few years later, they were in the process of leaving the country. (Tried to trash sister's dh's reputation).

The sun, however, shone out of my mum's brother's arse He could do no wrong which later included stealing thousands from his mother and her estate

😂its exhausting though. Angels and devils fighting on your shoulders all day.

Very true. I have seen my SIL take huge offence at some off hand comment from mil. Mil once said "oh I love yellow on babies" while looking at a baby outfit I had just bought for a friend. SIL decided this was a huge dig at her as her toddler was dressed in pink at the time. Just ridiculous.

OP, is YOUR mum awful?

Because she is your husband's MIL, no?

Of course all MILs aren't awful. FFS.

My in laws are lovely. My MIL is funny, supportive and incredibly good at managing the various blended relationships in her family. If it came to it if I hurt her son she’d probably kill me….but a bit of jeopardy keeps things fresh.

Mine is absolutely lovely. I'm very lucky

Mine is vile, we're NC, but mostly everyone she's ever met refuses to be around her so it's not specific to her being a MiL.
Her kids, parents, siblings, she has no friendships or real relationships. She's deeply disgusting in the way she behaves.
Now, I had a mil who was "hard work", but I miss her terribly. She was a pita but soooo worth it!

I have a testing relationship with my own DM so I'd really have loved a nice mil selfishly, but more so, I wish DP had a lovely mum for him.

i am terribly fond of my mil, she’s a sweetheart. We’re very different people but we’re very close. She can be a little too opinionated as to what we should do with our lives but she means well and only wants the best for us. I can’t fault her for that.

Yes we are. We all hate our DIL and resent our sons being taken away from us. We would all secretly like to take our GC away from our DILs as they’re making such a hash of raising them, we could do a far better job.

The MIL trope on here is just so depressing. We’re just people, good, bad or just humans with flaws.

My MIL is amazing. She lives with us (I suggested it first in lockdown) and is the closest thing to a mother I’ve ever had.

This weekend she’s in London with my DD (her step-grandchild) who had a hotel/theatre/spa break booked with her best friend who then let her down last minute because she had a better offer despite the fact the trip was a cheer up after DD got cheated on. MIL swooped in and Dd is having a ball.

She gives advice but is never offended or says “I told you so” if you don’t take it.

Im also very luck as I have my Other-MIL. She was DH’s first MIL. She is a wonderful, wonderful woman who has been amazing to me, and helped so much with my relationship with her grandson. She is the one when DS asked to call me Mum who took me aside and said that her DD was most heartbroken after her terminal diagnosis at leaving DS without a Mummy, and she firmly believed that her DD would be happy that DS had a Mum that made him feel loved and secure.

If I can be half as good to my children’s spouses as those two ladies have been to me I’ll be very happy (and I’m sure they will be too!)

My MIL taught me everything about being a mother and grandmother, without knowing she was doing it. Given the mother I had, I have no idea who I'd be now, if it wasn't for my wonderful MIL's example.

I miss her so much. It's almost exactly a year since she died.

I think it really depends on the MiL, the DiL or SiL and the personalities involved.

My husband is an only child to his Mum, she is a difficult person at best. For 20+ years I’ve tried , ignored the behaviour. We’ve included her on family holidays, Christmas etc.After a particular incident this Christmas I have had to go NC with her, as has both my children. My wider family have also had to put up with her behaviour and the relief all around that another holiday or special occasion won’t be ruined by her selfish behaviour.

My MiL isn’t bothered by the loss of her Grandchildren, my husband still in contact with her - that’s all she wants is the full undivided attention of him.

My husband step mum - is lovely. Treats all equally, her own sons wives all get on with her as well as me.

The number of nasty MiLs is probably similar to the number of nasty DiLs.

Mines lovely. She's a very similar temperament to my own mum, easy to talk to, we go shopping together occasionally, she regularly checks in about ds, we've had some lovely chats over the years.

She's become a friend in the same way my mum became more friend than parent in my late teens, it's just an easy relationship.