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Original poster

Not giving Year 7 child a phone … but

93 replies

EnergyJaguar · 23/07/2023 07:37

They are able to contact friends via their iPad or via Teams.

Our school’s recommendation is not give phones until the kids are 13, many have them at year 6.

my DD is ok with this, she’s not asked for one. There are things she wants that she gets air up bottle, crocs. Whatever clothes she wants. Goes to hairdresser for hair cuts.

Some of her friends now wear make up, use tik tok and Instagram regularly I just want to keep her younger for longer but feeling a bit guilty about the phone situation: I’ll be dropping and picking at school due to distance of school and no buses.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 23/07/2023 07:38

If she won't be travelling to and from school alone this is perfectly fine.

DustyLee123 · 23/07/2023 07:39

Does she go out and about with friends, where she might need to contact you ?
Find my friends could be useful to you too.

HollyGolightly4 · 23/07/2023 07:40

Definitely!!

The only thing might be if she's delayed coming out of school etc- but you know the school and the pick up points and if that's viable.

Group WhatsApps are the bane of my life as a high school teacher- and what gets shared in them is truly shocking.

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Ambi · 23/07/2023 07:45

I know exactly what you mean, I was the same with DD1. Although she did have a phone at Y7 as she was walking to school and sometimes I'd need to get hold of her so she could pick up her younger sister on her way home.

DD2 is 10 and has had a phone with a sim for a year as she has been playing out with her friends. I need to know where she is and get hold of her. I like that she has a bit more independence than DD1 had at her age. She is more grown up than her peers due to having an older sister.

So, I get what you're saying, I did it with DD1 but couldn't do the same DD2 iykwim.

Original poster
EnergyJaguar · 23/07/2023 07:46

the school can always contact me. They’ve said they won’t need phones for schooling (access to a computer at home is fine). I have the school app and she’ll get set homework via teams/school organiser.

OP posts:
lemonyellows · 23/07/2023 07:48

My year 7 has a phone but does not have WhatsApp or instagram. Far too young.

Original poster
EnergyJaguar · 23/07/2023 07:49

Being out and about her own friends are still ‘young’ if that makes sense? They’re still flowery leggings and T-shirts although DD isn’t, she gets to pick her clothes (is more into sports wear, shorts T-shirts) there isn’t a thing she asks for and doesn’t get eg took her to Waterstones and she got all the books she wanted for the summer.

I don’t want to ‘lose’ her to her phone. I’m going to see what her friend’s mum’s do. I know one mum still hasn’t given her son a phone and he’s heading into year 8. If all her friends get one and she misses out on socialising as a result I’ll look into it then.

OP posts:
Greeneyewham · 23/07/2023 07:51

She will miss out on social opportunities but having seen the upset that phones have caused with my dd and her friends I’ve decided that’s a price I’m willing to pay with my younger child.
Its s minefield.
my dd was also all flowery leggings and unicorns at the start of y7. They change extremely quickly.

FFSwhatisthis · 23/07/2023 07:53

Why do you keep listing all the things she gets? It's completely irrelevant to whether or not you let her have a phone.

i don't even get the dilemma?

you don't want her to have one, she's getting door to door mum taxi. School would prefer they didn't have one. She's not asked for one.

PuttingDownRoots · 23/07/2023 07:53

The thing my DD needs her phone most fir is for extracurricular stuff as its odd pick up times. She doesn't need it for school.

She has WhatsApp as its a free messenging service.

fgsstopbs · 23/07/2023 07:53

I imagine she will be the only child without a phone which will work against her. My son started year 7 last year and we've had no issues with the phone usage. And I'm pretty strict with it compared to most parents.

PuttingDownRoots · 23/07/2023 07:55

Why would you lose her to a phone... its basically a small computer and she already has access to that by the sound of it...

Stokey · 23/07/2023 07:57

I don't think she'll be the only one without one but you may be underestimating the amount their social life happens on the phone in secondary. I'm reasonably strict with mine - no insta, tik tok, snap etc - but they do have what's app for socialising. Also if you don't live within walking distance of her school and friends, I'd think having a phone was more important to make arrangements. But you can just see how it goes.

Original poster
EnergyJaguar · 23/07/2023 07:57

I suppose I’m trying to indicate she’s not held back in other ways, has all she wants.

I don’t think all the kids will have phones, I know of 1-2 friends who won’t have them. The school is really asking for our support on the 13 rule but I know most kids in Year 6 have them. She’s very mature, grounded child and has access to her iPad for Minecraft etc I just kind of thinking am I over thinking it and she’ll be fine without it? Seeing her cousin in year 8 I know how quickly they grow up. Make up, gel nails etc I just want to keep her free of that world for a bit longer.

OP posts:
ohxmastreeohxmastree · 23/07/2023 07:57

Does she never ‘play out’ or go anywhere with friends? If no then I agree she technically has no need for one. If she is going out I would definitely be giving her a phone.

throwbacko2 · 23/07/2023 07:57

there isn’t a thing she asks for and doesn’t get

This don't really anything to do with when you choose to let her have a phone.

It is however indicative you are raising a spoilt child who will in all likelihood turn in to a horridly entitled teenager - there are daily threads in the subject from parents of teens who just don't know how their child grew up with such attitude. I would suggest you read them, or it will be you posting in a few years time.

toastofthetown · 23/07/2023 07:57

The only thing I’d be concerned about is if all her friends are on making arrangements as a group on WhatsApp, she could easily be left out, as she won’t be involved group chats arranging things.

Having other material possessions is irrelevant.

XelaM · 23/07/2023 08:04

I don't know any Year 7 child without a phone sorry. My own daughter is 13, but all her friends have had phones since Year 6 at least. I think it's very unusual for any Year 7 kid not to have a phone. I do hear about it on Mumsnet though.

Original poster
EnergyJaguar · 23/07/2023 08:09

She’s a very grounded child, wide interests. More interested in her netball or dance than anything else. Academic and sporty, also plays two instruments.

when I say she gets what she wants she doesn’t ask for a lot. At the moment is sensible and listens to us (most of the time!).

I think I’ll liaise with her friend’s mum’s. I know a lot of year 6 have phones but I also know not all of them. Like I said her school says not til 13 ideally.

i know my SIL started off with a no whatsapp Insta tik tok rule but that disappeared in the first year of Seniors.

OP posts:
Original poster
EnergyJaguar · 23/07/2023 08:11

ohxmastreeohxmastree · 23/07/2023 07:57

Does she never ‘play out’ or go anywhere with friends? If no then I agree she technically has no need for one. If she is going out I would definitely be giving her a phone.

If there is a point where she would go out and be without us or friend’s mums then I’d get her a phone for safety. I did catch two buses to school in year 7 without a phone but then again they didn’t exist then! Well not in the mainstream.

OP posts:
BCBird · 23/07/2023 08:13

Teacher here who sees the negative impact of phones on a daily basis. Start as you mean to go on. If you eventually decide to give her s phone,I would definitely take it off her at night and keep in your room. Most parents don't do this and it can cause a real hea8. You get kids falling asleep etc. Also make sure you have access to her phone,so that u can ask to look at any time. Beware of any messages she receives that have bern deleted. This may all sound alarmist but trust me,it will help avoid any issues.

GigiAnnna · 23/07/2023 08:16

I think it's OK for as long as she doesn't want one but I think that will change when she starts year 7. Most if not all will have phones. I know you want to keep her younger for longer in theory, but kids grow up and there's nothing you can do to stop that. There's a risk with phones but you can put restrictions on them and check them regularly as a compromise, when she does want a phone.

Original poster
EnergyJaguar · 23/07/2023 08:17

BCBird · 23/07/2023 08:13

Teacher here who sees the negative impact of phones on a daily basis. Start as you mean to go on. If you eventually decide to give her s phone,I would definitely take it off her at night and keep in your room. Most parents don't do this and it can cause a real hea8. You get kids falling asleep etc. Also make sure you have access to her phone,so that u can ask to look at any time. Beware of any messages she receives that have bern deleted. This may all sound alarmist but trust me,it will help avoid any issues.

Thanks @BCBird and PP who is a teacher. I know the safeguarding can get stressful I guess that’s also a concern. Have spoken to other mums who are secondary school teachers and they said they spend a disproportionate amount of time sorting out squabbles on phones. Part of it is they said the kids take everything so literally. I know my DD would take things very personally she’s so sensitive.

OP posts:
Original poster
EnergyJaguar · 23/07/2023 08:17

Maybe another thread but it’d be good to know how people monitor their kids phones? What apps they use?

OP posts:
dizzygirl1 · 23/07/2023 08:18

EnergyJaguar · 23/07/2023 08:09

She’s a very grounded child, wide interests. More interested in her netball or dance than anything else. Academic and sporty, also plays two instruments.

when I say she gets what she wants she doesn’t ask for a lot. At the moment is sensible and listens to us (most of the time!).

I think I’ll liaise with her friend’s mum’s. I know a lot of year 6 have phones but I also know not all of them. Like I said her school says not til 13 ideally.

i know my SIL started off with a no whatsapp Insta tik tok rule but that disappeared in the first year of Seniors.

Well parent better and keep restrictions. My DS had a phone in year 6 it helped him communicate when he was between parent houses (good morning/night, have I git x tomorrow)
But didn't get snap or tick tock etc until 13.
Neither phones are in rooms overnight apparently from dd16 whilst on holidays but back to 6th form and they are out.
My rules.
You don't want her to have a phone then don't let her, but be aware there are apps which are phone based for school (generally) and kids like to chat and communicate via what's app and text 🤷‍♀️
Year 7 they start growing up and going out into town etc.

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