Not giving Year 7 child a phone … but

[EnergyJaguar]

They are able to contact friends via their iPad or via Teams.

Our school’s recommendation is not give phones until the kids are 13, many have them at year 6.

my DD is ok with this, she’s not asked for one. There are things she wants that she gets air up bottle, crocs. Whatever clothes she wants. Goes to hairdresser for hair cuts.

Some of her friends now wear make up, use tik tok and Instagram regularly I just want to keep her younger for longer but feeling a bit guilty about the phone situation: I’ll be dropping and picking at school due to distance of school and no buses.

Do people not live in a digital world? Mine have phones because their bus tickets to school and town are much cheaper on the bus company app. They did their banking online from age 11. They are expected to check times and any updated info of their extracurricular clubs before setting off.

I think I live in a different world sometimes.

Does she never go places? My kids took the bus (city) to school from age 10 and went to the shops, and regularly went to the museums activities whilst I worked. They didn't have smartphones as they were rare (and new) them, they had Nokias.

Not having a smartphone phone at 11 is fine, more concerning would be if she never got to do anything away from school or you

Just one word of warning, my dd went on school trips and I remember having to give her phone number on the forms, they weren't allowed to have free time wherever they were unless they had a (basic) phone eg she was 11 when she spend 4 days in London at orchestra camp and phones were expected.

The school have said they don’t need phones. She’ll nip to the local shop etc but doesn’t need a phone it’s not far. Overall as her/her friends commute from all over to her school there is less meeting up unless it’s play dates, banking so far is savings and any spending she does with cash saved! Think I need to move on a bit in the digital world! I have banking apps etc

My approach was to get a phone as we don't have a land-line. But it literally makes phone calls and is pay as you go. Don't have to jump straight in to tik tok etc.

Oh yes good point. They pay for buses/go to the shops with money on their phones here.

I can literally just ping £10 across if they need it for something or they want to get some bits to make a cake etc. We hardly have cash at home anymore.

I dont like how stalkery360 is if used with adults but as a family we all have it and it's fab - the kids like knowing how close we are on the way to pick them up from somewhere and we like the security of knowing where they are.

My older one has her sports pass on her phone too..

Ours bus all over to the school which is why they have WhatsApp to arrange meeting up at the weekend as its complicated- they can't just go knock on next door! You mention "playdates" ... I don't think you'd ever call it that in yr 7 and the kids arrange it not the parents. Senior school is SO different to primary.

There's no harm in recommending. It's not a compulsion. It's based on sound evidence, but parents can choose not to heed it.

I just want to share what we do in my house, because despite what many parents say - not all children have phones! It is totally fine to do something different regarding phones.

This has ended up being really long!

My children don't have phones. My eldest is almost 15. As a family, they have access to a shared Nokia phone which they can use to text friends to arrange meet ups or days out. They can occasionally take the Nokia out with them if they make a reasonable argument that it would be helpful for them to have it (eg, taking a train to meet a friend whose house they haven't been to before). They walk 2 miles to school each day, and 2 miles home, usually not together. They travel to their dad's house every other weekend - which involves a train, a walk across town and then a bus.

Safety: Regarding them being out alone and with no phone on them - my teens have both had problems when out and about. It obviously does happen. One time my son needed help. He went and knocked on the door of a child in his class. The mum helped him. Another time my daughter had left her bag at an after school sports event, had to turn back for it, and was then going to be home much later than she knew we were expecting her. She called into a shop and asked to use their phone to let us know. Problem solving and resilience building!

Socialising: If someone wants to meet up with them, they can send a text to the Nokia or phone our house. I know kids use WhatsApp, SnapChat etc, and that texts and phone calls are not the normal thing these days. But I taught my kids that if their friends care, a little inconvenience of having to make a phone call, or send an old school text isn't going to stop them. And it hasn't! My kids have great social lives. And they actually seem to have a lot more freedom and independence than many of their friends.

School: There is a definite assumption by the school that everyone has a smartphone in their pocket at all times. In some computing lessons, they have both been asked to take out their phone to access an app. And you know what - each and every time - they are not the only child in the class with no phone! And they either work with a friend for the lesson, or they use school devices. Re homework - it is set online, but we can access the site (most families seem to access it as an app, but the website works just as well). So they can use a laptop at home to access their homework and their school emails, etc.

How do they feel: They accept it to be honest! They know this is a non-negotiable hard no.

So honestly, it just isn't true that all teens have phones. Your child will be fine without!

It seems a funny place to draw the line, to me.. If she can contact friends on an iPad then I'm not sure how it's that different to having a phone with a carefully considered choice of apps, limits and monitoring. Except that having it on a phone makes it all portable and sets her up to stretch her wings and go out independently when she is ready, even if that's only being left at ballet lessons without you waiting with her, and you being able to text her if you're running late to collect.

At 12 one of my daughter's friends was denied WhatsApp on her phone but somehow got a secret laptop and was into some very dodgy self harming groups on the internet. There is a lot more to this than "phone bad, iPad good" and a lot more parental involvement and boundaries needed than just withholding one type of device. You can get WhatsApp on a laptop these days, and not having a phone wouldn't protect her from someone else filming her and sharing it.

My DS going into year 7 has a phone but only uses if he goes out. He has no whatsapp, youtube etc on there. He can use tablet/computer at home but no social media and whatsapp groups allowed.

With AI installed phones coming out next year, I would dial back tech asap.

Wow SUL those are good examples of why mine have phones. I am pleased that if a bus is late or they've forgotten something they can contact me!

And it will narrow their social circle. Just like with adults - you wouldn't bother to email someone all the points of a group chat.

I think its a shame to deny them this in this day amd age.

I agree @Imdrivinginmygetawaycar and I'm quite shocked by @SULfram9 's post. It sounds like those poor kids actually need a phone. I would not be ok with my kid stranded without any means of contacting me and relying on help from strangers and I wouldn't want her to be the kid in ICT who doesn't have a phone when it's needed for class work. Bear in mind that often kids whose parents were super strict rebel much more when they get older.

I am getting DD2 a phone because the school is miles away and from experience with DD1 when the bus breaks down etc .. it is useful for them to be able to contact me.

DD1's phone was very restricted for year 7-9, no social media apps, all blocked by child safe app.

Only just let DD1 have WhatsApp as going into Year 10, more aware of dangers of SM now and more responsible, plus I would rather her have access at the beginning when I can supervise more easily via Google Family and child safe app and block things if needed. She hands over her phone at bedtime. DD2 will have the same rules. She does not have TikTok, Snapchat or Instagram.

There was a lot of pressure from friends to have WhatsApp sooner, but DD1 uses it much less than I thought she would. I have her lockscreen code and can view all her messages anytime, this is part of the agreement to letting her have WhatsApp under 16.

There was a lot of pressure from friends to have WhatsApp sooner, but DD1 uses it much less than I thought she would.

That's because kids that age are mostly on Snapchat

Also - TikTok

I am definitely not super strict! My kids have loads of freedom - just not their own phones. And I could just as easily say 'I wouldn't want my kid to be groomed online, or tracked by spy ware, or have their social circle narrowed to online friends or their social activities restricted to online ones, or grow up with social media likes as life goals, or be exposed to pornography, or sexualise themselves inappropriately, or have no escape from mean comments, or have their self esteem damaged by social media....etc etc'.

What would your child do if they were out and about, and then had a problem but their battery was dead? It's just the same. They would solve the problem, and maybe that would involve relying on strangers.