How are people affording things atm?

[locomum83]

Bear with me.... I work 12 hours a Week, the rest of the time I look after our 3 young kids, DH works full time.
We can afford nothing at the minute, food costing us at least £700 a month (more than I earn) we run 2 cars as we live rural, and can't car share due to work commitments, our mortgage isn't even that much.
I'm looking at other jobs but we don't have formal childcare, just our parents, all in their 70's so not ideal, and to work more could mean having to pay childcare, so the extra money would be eaten up with childcare so what's the point?
this summer we haven't even been able to have any sort of holiday or even short break organised, we simply have no money left after bills, and often we have to take money from savings to help.
All my mum friends are chatting about their holidays to Disney, turkey, Spain etc, and their new build houses, etc.
My question... how do people do it?? Seriously, and not even people with really excellent jobs, those just with regular run of the mill jobs. Everyone around me is spending money, big money! And I have no idea how they do it.
Are people in debt up to their eyes, what kind of jobs are people doing? Maybe I can do the same! Really deflated at the moment and feeling totally useless.

Im really sorry but they earn more than you or they put it on credit. These posts are regular but the answer is always the same.

How we manage is... No kids, one car, both work full time. Me more than full time with freelance work. We live within walking distance of our city do dh has no commuting costs. Our mortgage is high ish just over 1k a month

You're not useless, but your circumstances are working against you.

Frontline emergency services aren't paid very much for what they do and pay has stagnated over last few years compared with CoL.

You only work 12 hours pw (not a criticism, merely stating facts)

It's difficult to work around a shift worker without needing childcare - anyone saying WFH while the kids are there aren't being realistic. No employer will allow this unless they're secondary age, or possibly older primary for a couple of hours a day (eg after school but not all the time)

You have 3 DC which adds to the cost of food, hot water for baths, showers, laundry, clothes, holidays etc, everything costs more than for families with 1 or 2 DC.

You live rurally so need to run two cars and are limited in what is available locally, although it is good that you can shop at Lidl, which is likely to be significantly cheaper than if you had to use Tesco/Morrisons.

All the above adds up to below average disposable income which is likely to have got worse over the last couple of years to the extent that you're now really struggling.

Don't compare yourself to other people with different circumstances, as well as them possibly earning more or having lower costs, there's other unseen factors like debt, inheritence or help from relatives - sometimes grandparents give money or pay for things like holidays.

However, have you checked if you're entitled to help with the cost of childcare? I would have thought that you are.

Also, can your DH pick up any extra shifts, bank work etc?

One thing to look at is a really thorough review of your finances. If you can find a bit of extra income and trim a few costs, it might free up a bit of spare money to make things a bit easier. Have a look at Moneysaving expert, and also get the weekly email for ongoing tips on making the most of your money.

Eg, for family days out etc, your DH can join various public sector 'clubs' which give things like memberships that will allow free entry to attractions, so you can take DC out without it costing anything - take a picnic of course.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/money-help/

How old are your children? Once they’re at school you’ll be able to work more without having to pay for childcare, I just started working more this past year when my youngest started school.

People always mention school holidays but I haven’t found it that bad (although I only have two). My husband and I split our annual leave and that then only leaves a few weeks so I usually pay for holiday clubs one week, use unpaid parental leave for another two, the kids go to grandparents for a week etc. For the odd day here and there I do childcare swaps with my neighbour who has kids a similar age.

We also have two cars but we’re very lucky as one was given to us by my father in law at a reduced rate when we got his new car, and the other one is a just a cheap second hand runaround which we’ve already paid off.

It perhaps also helps that I’m just not really that interested in holidays and never have been, I actually really enjoy camping 😆 I wouldn’t choose to go on one of these £5k beach holidays as it’s just not my thing and it would stress me out, I’d feel so much pressure to enjoy myself! But then we do spend more than others on day trips etc.

This is a really good idea. If you did something like cleaning work and they would agree that you went at a time where DH is at home to look after DC, but they didn't mind if one week on Tuesday morning, but the next week on Wednesday afternoon or similar, that could work?

What an odd thread. You asked how people can afford luxuries, and then got snippy and defensive when they told you 🤔

It's not complicated. They either earn more than you, have fewer outgoings, have family money/lottery winnings etc or put it all on credit.

Of course nobody is suggesting that you can reduce the number of children you have, but clearly choosing to have a larger than average family is going to considerably impact your finances. Likewise working 12 hours Vs families where there are two full time incomes. These aren't attacks or criticisms; they are - as you asked for! - explanations as to why you are feeling the pinch more than some others might be.

We share a car and have one child. My partner works full time and I work 19 hours and pick up extra weekend shifts (I'm a nurse). We can barely afford anything extra than just living. We can't afford a holiday. I want to work more hours but would have to put my son in nursery an extra day so it wouldn't be worth it.
How old are you children?
When do you work? Could you find some work on the weekends ? Even if it was half a day on a Saturday it would help you. Bills are extortionate and is food at the minute, it's hard.

Take on an evening job or a wfh role.
Prepare meals from scratch
No alcohol
Find free days out etc in school holidays
See if you are entitled to help with childcare if you could increase your hours.
I had 3 kids but they are well and truly grown up now. I did all of the above - worked an evening job once DP was home with the kids. We had hard times but nothing compared to the current COL crisis.

£700 on food per month seems expensive. I shop at Aldi and Asda 50/50. Family of four, 2 adults a 17 and 8 year old, dog and cat and we all eat really well including packed lunches. I never go over a budget of £100 per week.

DH earns well, this is the real reason. Two children. Cars were paid out right and are 10 and 20 years old and we don’t drive that often. We didn’t stretch ourselves with the mortgage which means we don’t have the house I want.

Loads of people have family money which helps with holidays.
I do think £700 on food is a lot as I'm assuming your three dc are young?

working more than 12 hrs probably not real when factoring in childcare costs.

This may not be what you want to hear:
DH is a high earner ( though we live in London so it doesn't go as far). I earn less but work more than 12 hours a week
We have two DC four years apart so less childcare bills. We had 0 childcare as parents are in another country
We are mostly veggie- occ eat fish- so don't spend much on food. Your food bill is very high. We spend only £120 or less for 3 adults including a teen boy cooking everything from scratch.
Don't' spend much on clothes or stuff, but we do spend on travel
We don't drink
We have had 0 family help with anything except that our educations were paid for.

You mentioned your partner is emergency services- use the blue light card anywhere and everywhere you can. Don't be afraid to ask. You can get online discounts and a few per cent off vouchers for most shops with it.

I'm a single parent of 2 and I spend 200 a month on food. Also I work full time in a fairly good job (finance).

1 kid, Dh is a high earner, plus we had her late so no debt and had almost finished paying off the mortgage when she appeared.

your mums friends would obviously be older with more financial freedom . People come from all walks of life at your age and all sorts of incomes . You have 3 kids , work 12 hours , 2 cars . Husband sounds average earner . Post covid cost of living has skyrocketed . It’s not really rocket science.

I'm not sure the OPs food bill is that high tbh. On Eat Well for Less they always said the average for a family of 5 was about £130 pw and that's a couple of years ago, so it will be quite a lot more now. £700 pm is about £150 pw, so probably slightly below average for their family size at today's prices. Remember this is MN where there's usually a lot of people saying 'we spend £250-300 pw and I couldn't possibly cut back because we only eat protein and high end fruit and vegetables'.

The OP might be able to cut back a bit, but not huge amounts, she's already shopping in Lidl, so unless they're buying a lot of steak, salmon and unnecessary things like drinks and expensive snacks, how much can they cut back?

You can definitely get your food spend down a bit.

We are a family of two adults and two hungry teens and spend £600 a month on food (fucking ridiculous! Used to be able to do it for £400!).

Otherwise, it does look like you should be looking at how you can fit some work around family life.

If you do your shopping in Lidl OP, do you have their app, I believe that gives you a bit of a discount/cashback or similar?

I’m currently working 2 jobs, a full time one and an evening one with 3 kids. I was part time after going back from Mat leave after my third and barely scraping by. It’s shit, I’m exhausted, I feel guilty about it. I’m hoping the two jobs won’t have to last too long, but yeah basically that’s how we’re doing it at the minute.

Sorry , read wrong about mum friends .

As my name indicates, I believe it is possible to get protein cheaply from other sources than meat, but this never goes down well on MN. 😉However, if OP says she barely eats anything herself, that's quite distressing and I think maybe some changes in diet may help. I eat well.

2 children, DP a high earner, I work PT but the FTE is hefty enough that it’s a reasonable take-home, one car owned outright (inherited old banger), reasonable mortgage as high equity (I had a stroke of luck, once) – we have days out and treats and things we need but no holidays, the cost is eyewatering. We could absolutely manage a couple a year I think if we tightened our belts but DP does the food shop and has no sense, and one of the children doesn’t sleep which cuts into time, so we’re more likely to make “get the kids’ clothes from 1 shop instead of Vinted bundles” choices.

It’s a combination of luck and choices isn’t it? DP is lucky to have met me and the luck I had to put equity into a house, we moved a few times and ported mortgage so having to refix this year only affected one small part of it; we’re choosing to stick at two children because we can’t afford more, mentally or physically, we’re choosing to live in a city near a train station so DP can earn well in London and we can walk everywhere. But we also choose to fritter our money instead of saving for holidays.

There will hopefully be WFH evening work you can do. There may be costs you can cut. But it’s a simple “money in needs to be more than money out” equation.

I sincerely doubt all the mums you know are in new build and Disneyland territory, you’re just hearing from and listening most to the ones that are. We’re both reasonably high full time earners, two kids in nursery two days a week, nowhere near as high a food bill as yours, lots of equity in our house, and although we are going on holiday, I would say overall we feel pretty cautious about what the next few years holds financially.