How are people affording things atm?

[locomum83]

Bear with me.... I work 12 hours a Week, the rest of the time I look after our 3 young kids, DH works full time.
We can afford nothing at the minute, food costing us at least £700 a month (more than I earn) we run 2 cars as we live rural, and can't car share due to work commitments, our mortgage isn't even that much.
I'm looking at other jobs but we don't have formal childcare, just our parents, all in their 70's so not ideal, and to work more could mean having to pay childcare, so the extra money would be eaten up with childcare so what's the point?
this summer we haven't even been able to have any sort of holiday or even short break organised, we simply have no money left after bills, and often we have to take money from savings to help.
All my mum friends are chatting about their holidays to Disney, turkey, Spain etc, and their new build houses, etc.
My question... how do people do it?? Seriously, and not even people with really excellent jobs, those just with regular run of the mill jobs. Everyone around me is spending money, big money! And I have no idea how they do it.
Are people in debt up to their eyes, what kind of jobs are people doing? Maybe I can do the same! Really deflated at the moment and feeling totally useless.

Higher incomes, spend less on food (£700 is a lot, I spend less and we are 4 adults sometimes 6 when boyfriends are here, a lot).

Might seem unfair but the col situation isn't equal, I'm better off because my savings interest is now more than I earn in wages each month (divorce settlement, was going to invest but still sitting in bank in good rate savings account). We don't have a mortgage

@WomanAtWork haha your tip about a dog is so true. We have only been abroad once since we got our dog as I don’t want to leave him for long. We just have spent about 3/4 less than we used to in holidays since we got him.

Thing is, you haven’t asked ‘How can I reduce my outgoings? How can I increase my income?’, you asked ‘How do other people manage?’ and in some cases, the answer to that is ‘Work full-time and only had one child’. That doesn’t mean you should sell two of your kids! That’s just how they manage.

You say that working full-time would eat up all the extra income in childcare, and that might be the case - but you’d also be contributing more to your pension, and you’d be investing in the future. Your kids won’t need childcare forever, but if you have a better job, you’ll reap the rewards once the children are older.

Lots of people seem focused on the £700 a month food spend (which seems about right) as if all your problems would be solved if you spent £500 a month instead.

You have 3 DC and only one works FT - you're not bringing in much money. That's it.

We both work FT in high paying jobs. Have 2 DC who we pay wrap around care for only and we run one car. We're feeling the pinch in places, of course, but overall we earn enough to take holidays.

You are not useless - you are working and caring for 3 children. You have limited childcare options. Dont be too hard on yourself. When kids are a bit older maybe you can work more hours?

I really feel for you because I had PND and my career could have gone this way with it too. Knowing this, you are absolutely not useless. I managed to keep working but it took a lot longer (3 years) for my mental health to recover.

What is your degree in? That might help us find some wfh options for you.

For other mums that you see going on holiday, the thing is you never really know how much they actually earn unless they tell you. For example in my case, when I went back to work after mat leave in 2019 I was earning x amount, I have now just got my second promotion since then and have almost doubled my wages since 2019. None of my mum friends know this.

We're going on hols soon. We've afforded this holiday because of my work bonus.

We also booked a winter sun holiday for November and we are paying monthly for this so money is put aside weekly as soon as wages comes in. It was 1100 for 2+2 for a week.

The ways I save money are:

• no drinking or smoking
• if we eat out or get takeaway, that comes out of the food shop spend. So say I put aside 150 a week for shopping, if we get a takeaway for 20, then I will only spend 130 on shopping
• massive saving for me this year is not buying coffees out any more. I bought a decent travel mug and make coffee at home or work. I also take lunch to work with me.
• book holidays way in advance to find the best deals and pay monthly so that we aren't paying a large lump sum at once
• no overnight stays here (in ROI) because to me the cost is far too high

Luckily our mortgage rate is fixed at the minute so we don't have that to deal with that. When our fixed rate ends later this year, my latest promotion will pay for the increased amount.

I haven’t read the full thread OP but have seen some pretty blunt comments early on which arent so helpful!

I don’t think £700 for a family of 5 food is uncommon, sadly that’s what food costs now. We’ve reduced ours by shopping online with a delivery pass but it means we have to be very organised so we don’t run out of things in between. One week tends to cost less as we”use up” what’s left over and then top that shop up with toiletries.

as for working, we both work full time but we only have one child. We’re also in a lot of debt which means we’ve no choice but work full time- own fault for being crap with money when younger and we’re paying the price now . People thought we had money- new build house, holiday etc. in truth we didn’t. We’re both 30 now and accept we were daft but we’re wiser now and hopefully be debt free in a couple of years.

it sounds like you’re doing everything you can and personally, I’d love to have three children even at the cost of holidays every year. We’re holding off for more kids until debts gone which pains me each day tbh! Things will hopefully get easier for you financially as they get older and go to school etc.

in the meantime if you feel you need more income, could you use your secretarial skills and do some typing as extra? Many places online need people on an ad hoc basis so you could work around your husbands shifts

As a side hustle could you pick up additional churches, I used to work for 3 different ones plus the deanery, one I went there for the others I did from home thoygh could take kids with me on rare occasions I needed to go in. I currently do 22 hours a week for one church plus arrange powers of attorney, wills, benefit claims for attendance allowance and similar as a sideline

3 answers:

1. people can’t afford holidays and are in credit card debt
2. people can’t afford abroad holidays aren’t going - I know this to be true of a family with 3 kids and both parents working in “professional” jobs above the average pay here in NI and have yet to travel with kids (their eldest is 8)
3. as others have said - working full time and/or with side hustles, lower bills (no/low childcare as family help), one car, less children = less expense.

I think in NI has an average family size bigger than the rest of U.K. I can count on one hand the number of “complete” families (ie. Have stopped having children) I know that have 2 children or less. Everyone else has at least 3 if not more. So don’t give yourself a hard time about having a “big family” as it’s just so common here and seems normal.

However, family size in NI is decreasing because of affordability.

What other U.K. posters may not realise with their above suggestions, is that in NI we don’t get essentially any of the childcare benefits that the rest of the U.K. have - like 30 “funded” hours etc. so it makes it a lot more difficult to get back into work even for a few hours in the day. We get “12.5” educational hours per week which again isn’t even guaranteed due to spaces - tell me what employer is going to give you a 2 hour shift every day to fit around 2.5 hours in nursery school? 😂 Have a look at that Melted Parents NI Instagram page and you’ll see you’re not alone.

You have my sympathies OP, but if families of 5 I know where both are earning well but are also struggling then I think it’s the reality of life at the moment until your little ones are older and you can work more.

We've cut right back for the small childcare years and are topping up with savings. There's a lot of things like Groupons for holidays around and special offers of you look.

We also made damn sure we lived near reliable childcare so we could continue to work. Expensive but it's worth it long run.

Also remember the people talking about holidays are the ones going, those not are keeping quiet!

You’re just one of the unlucky ones OP who is at a very specific, inflexible point in life when this COLC has hit. Other people might be moments outside of that perfect storm of small kids/childcare/countryside location etc. that you have. Which means they are ok financially when they wouldn’t have been at a different time.

You have my sympathies it sounds tough, living rurally does mean it's harder to shop around for food as well. Nearest supermarket to us is more expensive for same items in different branches, its the only supermarket in the town!

I think despite what the media reports a large section of the population is not affected by cost of living. Cafes, restaurants holiday cottages here are very busy. I was at an expensive beach cafe a few weeks ago and all tables were full. Two people I know are waiting a long for new cars as the salesman explained they can't keep up and have waiting lists.

High salaries, investments and family money would be my guess.

Im a self employed travel agent and people look down on me and 'cant understand' how we afford everything we do (4 holidays a year, 2 cars etc). In reality, after building my business and working bloody hard I earn £50-£60k a year. I work around 60 hours a week but because its my business and I work from home I choose when those hours are. Ultimately, working 12 hours a week is your issue. In covid my business was burnt and I owed back comission, lots of comission, to survive I had to get a part time job, I did 20 hours a week and we covered bills and maybe a couple of take aways/wine, but thats it

How do you know what they earn? My DH will give a vague answer when asked about his job, making it sound run of the mill (it is really), but he earns £70,000…

I’m not sure if this applies in NI but Dsis moved from being an NHS paramedic to private and practically doubled her salary. Can you look at this as an option? It’s not very ethical I know.

You could look at ironing/cleaning job later that might be more flexible?

I know people who are working in their holidays. Working agency work for two weeks in their 3 or 4 week hols.

Personally I think we are definitely eating a bit less. We can't afford to spend more on food so are spending roughly the same but eating differently. Lots of potatoes 🥔 fishfingers and salad at the moment.

Maybe menu planning might save on food costs.
This is what my mother did to save on food costs during the 1990 down turn - I remember shopping and cooking with her.
Use your freezer and consider buying meat in bulk.
Change what you purchase - never buy packaged treats but use the savings to have a take away once per fortnight.
Buy cheaper in season fresh vegies and fruit or frozen vegies, canned corn and fruit.
Buy large tubs of yoghurt and divide into smaller containers for school lunches
Home make Anzac biscuits, savoury muffins, scones, pikelets.
Buy dry biscuits and cheaper sliced wholemeal bread.
Buy cheaper cheese and easy spread butter.
Make your own Houmous.
Packet cakes are sometimes cheaper than baking cakes from scratch for kids - you can add some wholemeal flour, bananas or apple.
Say yes to home grown lemons and neighbours' windfalls.
Grow your own herbs, lettuce, zucchini and broccoli.
Buy fresh whole milk and also low fat powdered milk - it makes up (in a jug) to taste a lot like whole full fat milk.
Eat more rice, lentils and kidney beans.
Have two meat free days - maybe eggs and vegies, and cheese on pasta and vegies
Eat cheaper meat - mince steak, sausages, chicken, canned tuna, rolled roast, casserole or slow cook cheaper cuts of meat.
Buy fewer but filling cereals - Rolled Oats and Weetabix.
Buy fewer spreads and make some jams to use alongside Marmite, Peanut Butter and honey.
Obtain old cook books (ask Granny) and use them - Make it with Mince. Presbyterian Cook Book, Cheap Nutricious Casseroles Stir fries. etc. by Womans Weekly.
Use left overs on Saturday night to make pizzas or frittatas.

@travelallthetime off topic but can I ask where you arrange holidays too??

Two kids, full time jobs.

People are being blunt but there is no getting away from the fact that you chose to have 3 kids and work part time instead of the new build house and the holidays.

you would definitely be able to find a work from home customer service job there are lots around online

£700 a month on food could be cut back. go through all your outgoings and see where you could save.

how do people do it

Both work closer to full time hours or do an extra evening/weekend part time job, one or both to get a full time WFH job.

Share a car and use public transport/share the car/give eachother lifts more often - hopefully the cars aren't new/leased. Cars last an average 13 years at the moment, so money saving to buy (on HP or loan) and keep several years rather than change every 2/3 years on leases, however "cheap" you think the leases are.

Cut back on all the monthly d/d's (expensive phone contracts, netflix, spotify, sky sports, etc), cut back on takeaways, eating out, coffees, bought lunches, etc.

£700 per month on food is a lot, even for 5 people. We spend about £300 for three of us and that covers packed lunches for work. Are you meal planning? How much food waste do you have?

As for other people, they're probably working longer hours, maybe higher paid jobs, maybe lower mortgage (or no mortgage), maybe up to their eyeballs in debt, maybe help from "bank of mum and dad", maybe drug dealing or money laundering, or maybe scam merchants, doing "naughty" things on the internet, who knows really, lots of possibilities.

Just concentrate on yourselves and don't worry about other people. "You do you".

Doesn’t take Columbo to work it out does it 😂

Would you be if you factored in childcare though? Do a calculation with some rough childcare costs in there and see what it says (so that you can work more)

You need to look at your outgoings and cut anything that's not essential.

Are you in the cheapest phone plans?
Do you own your cars or pay car payments?
Do you pay for multiple streaming services?

It'll get easier once kids are in school and you can work more.