How are people affording things atm?

[locomum83]

Bear with me.... I work 12 hours a Week, the rest of the time I look after our 3 young kids, DH works full time.
We can afford nothing at the minute, food costing us at least £700 a month (more than I earn) we run 2 cars as we live rural, and can't car share due to work commitments, our mortgage isn't even that much.
I'm looking at other jobs but we don't have formal childcare, just our parents, all in their 70's so not ideal, and to work more could mean having to pay childcare, so the extra money would be eaten up with childcare so what's the point?
this summer we haven't even been able to have any sort of holiday or even short break organised, we simply have no money left after bills, and often we have to take money from savings to help.
All my mum friends are chatting about their holidays to Disney, turkey, Spain etc, and their new build houses, etc.
My question... how do people do it?? Seriously, and not even people with really excellent jobs, those just with regular run of the mill jobs. Everyone around me is spending money, big money! And I have no idea how they do it.
Are people in debt up to their eyes, what kind of jobs are people doing? Maybe I can do the same! Really deflated at the moment and feeling totally useless.

Quite a few people are doing it on the never never I think. I notice quite a lot in my area are getting the latest clothes/trainers etc (deprived area).

I work two shifts a week and get a small UC top up but it is still tight. If you rent you can earn quite a bit and still be entitled.

If you look at education board website. A general classroom assistant only needs 3 months experience.

This is what worries me and I suppose you have wraparound care to pay for the eldest at school probably if you’re working full time, as well as nursery fees for the younger. Ouch. Can’t see a way we will comfortably have the finances for 2

How ? That is less than 2 people in minimum wage

I’ve been shocked recently how much easier it is to access cheap food in London. I can still easily do a £70-80 weekly shop and eat ok for a family of five. I’ve been expecting this in other places, it’s not

When my 3 dc were very small, I was like you. DH worked shifts for a supermarket and I worked 12 hours a week.
DH changed jobs which was 9-5 but with commuting he was out of the house till 6:30.
I worked weekends so we never really saw each other!
We only had 1 car because we couldn’t afford 2, in fact we still only have 1 car and DH uses public transport.
We were on the bones of our arse at times, I used to sell baby stuff on eBay for extra cash, I also did mystery shopping which brought in extra money and I found that interesting.
I always used cashback apps like Quidco and checkoutsmart it didn’t bring in much but it all helped.
My DC are all at high school, things are much easier. I now work full time and DH has progressed in his job and has a descent salary and we live very comfortably, I’m still pretty frugal though, old habits die hard!

The ops household income is no where near that. She said she doesn't even cover food costs with her salary so she's bringing in less than £700 a month and her dh is way below £35k.

I have friends with 3 kids who have a household income around £60k and that works for them.

By not having three children.

It's not 30 years ago now.
Tbh I don't remember anyone I know 2 x average salaries ever living the life of Riley.
It's a myth.
Even with one salary, the women worked in the home and out of it, their contributions where just not recognised.
My DP were frugal, one car and so were we, doing extra shifts where possible.
DP grew their own veg, mended socks, clothes and holidayed with family.
People aren't being rude, they are exasperated with these type of threads where Ops are wide eyed and blinking that one below average salary and 3 young children to support doesn't equal lots of holidays.
It's very very expensive when DC are growing out of shoes,petrol, food etc.
Trying to live your life with strange expectations doesn't help,look at the reality.

@Oblomov23 - do you feel better after your unpleasant posts?

We have 4 children but I kept working even when the children were little. I worked flexibly so did the school runs and then worked again for several hours while they were in bed. So it might have looked like I was sahm/part time, in fact I was putting in long hours at work around the children and climbing the career ladder.

We also prioritise holidays, activities and overpaying the mortgage over things like fancy cars (we each have a small unglamorous car, we could each easily have big aspirational cars).

£700 might be normal for some but if there’s somewhere to cut back this is a good starting point.

We aim for pasta meals a few times a week and don’t eat lots of meat. If OPs kids graze then making homemade fruit flapjack (oats and frozen fruit) is cheaper then buying. Some things like cakes are more expensive to make at home it’s about finding what the kids like.

As others have said OP needs to pick up more hours if possible. Most family’s have two working parents either full time or part time (24hrs plus) that I know. Being a SAHM is a luxury / working part time is too.

We have booked a holiday and it was DH bonus money plus some savings.

3 young children here, 2 very early primary and one not at school yet. Average jobs.

We juggle, we constantly juggle! We pay all bills monthly to spread the cost. We rarely buy alcohol, don’t smoke, no monthly subscriptions ie gym/hobbies. And our holiday this year was a 5 day break in a caravan during term time on the south cost of the UK.

Our Summer holiday plans are a mixture of a couple of big days out, park and picnic, and hoping for good weather so the paddling pool in the garden.

Not everyone is off to Turkey/Spain or long haul and some children I know will be spending most of the summer holiday with grandparents or in childcare.

You’re not alone OP. x

It does seem as if the only wiggle room in your budget is food.

Cooking from scratch can be really expensive when buying lots of ingredients. Can you make some simpler meals in some days? Eg baked potatoes, cheese and beans, simple pasta or omelettes perhaps? All still fairly healthy.Maybe the odd day of fish fingers and chips?
If they are eating tons of fruit, perhaps reduce the availability of that once they have eaten the recommended healthy amount? Once it’s gone it’s gone sort of thing. As long as they eat healthily most of the time, a couple of cheaper less healthy meals might be a compromise. As a pp said, if you can reduce that to £600 then that gives you £1200 for a holiday.

She probably didn't consider this COL crisis. And she'd hardly be alone.

What's unpleasant about it?

It's reasonable to point out it's a bit weird for people to be astonished that they are on a tight budget if they have 3 children and one parent only works 12 hours a week

The only way we can afford luxuries/holidays etc is with credit cards, and we have no savings, so you are correct to wonder about that. Our debt is definitely building significantly.

I work low paid part time hours at about 25 a week and I have 3 children, a partner who does night shifts and works away and elderly grandparents who can't help with childcare, and daily morning and after school club fees and the car I'd need to get them there on time would be counter productive to me working 15 more hours. I was lucky to eventually find a job that is school hours, but before that I was a self employed cleaner for a couple of years when my youngest started school, in the north in the UK it is £15/hour. I also used to sell a lot on Vinted, some people make this a full time job. I know someone who sells for other peoples clothes on Vinted and shares profit 50-50, as you have a car you'd be able to collect from people.

We work full time, earn a decent wage and have 2 kids. In the past we have been able to afford basic holidays and treats without thinking about it. Really having to actually budget properly now and be careful. No idea how people on lower incomes are going to manage. Everything is so expensive and getting worse!

Tbh your DH earns a low wage. Not trying to be snippy. He probably contributes more to society than I do. But that is a low salary for a large family.

I'd share my diet plan to keep food costs to less than £120 for 3 adults per week and maybe £150 when uni DS joins in but we don't eat a typical British diet so....

I do Vinted but it's just my own outgrown stuff I sell, it's a few pounds here and there, although I was hell bent on being able to afford some small gifts for my husband for Father's Day this year, so saved up my Vinted income over a couple of months and had £45 which I felt really pleased about.

We are very adventurous eaters and love international cuisine, I'm a confident cook, so would be very interested to see that list? I have one very fussy eater (ASD) yes, two kids with suspected ADHD and one with suspected ASD, good fun!

Your husband has no right to resent you, he impregnated you.

‘According to The Times, the average cost of raising a child from birth to 18 in the UK in 2023 is £202,660. This includes housing and childcare costs’
Everything you do each day is increased in price because of having three kids. More electricity, heating, washing, driving, feeding, clothing, activities etc. Not even including the £1000s parents have to pay towards university.

Since you didn’t ask how to reduce your outgoings, just how other people cope- We are childfree, husband a high earner.

I WFH and know my company is recruiting in autumn, (NI) but you wouldn’t be able to do the job with a kid in the room, you’d still need childcare.

I cant imagine the people you're seeing going on holidays have the same circumstances as you OP.

Today's aspirational lifestyle that includes overseas travel has always needed 2 incomes for the general population (unless 1 is v high earner). Add in the mix 3 kids, 2 cars, no family childcare, shift working husband (which drives the need for 2nd car, childcare falls on you etc) and very part time work would stretch the budget of any household.

To feel less down and more in control I would tackle 2 things. First your food bill, can you food plan and batch cook etc (there's a board on here with get tips somewhere). And how you can bring a bit more money in. Even 24 hours would bring in £1k a month which would really help your situation.

I'm a single parent with 4 kids and I spend £1000 a month on food. I work full time and have a fair bit of disposable income as I earn a lot(senior leader in education). People who spend more, generally earn more.

I’m another one who doesn’t believe that people on low incomes, working as teaching assistants and the like, with multiple children, are having £20k holidays every year. Maybe as a one-off after a windfall of some kind, but unlikely to be a regular thing.

OP, forget about other people, comparison is the thief of joy etc. You have prioritised having a lovely large family that no doubt brings you joy, it doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing.