My sons social worker.

[271726a]

So due to DS who is 16 violence and aggressive/controlling behaviour. I had to kick him out of my house. My younger 3 children have been badly effected by him and so have I. Social services do agree its domestic violence. At the moment we are at the start of Social services where they are doing assessments. Ds is at his sisters house at present.

The social worker who's doing the assessment is very unapproachable, she does not listen. Or really understand the situation. She talks over you and does not let people finsh what they are saying , there for shes not actually gettimg the full situation. My son, my adult daughter, both Said the same. Because of this we asked for her mangers information. We know we have a right to this without being over questioned about it. Anyway she asked me why and I just said I think there has been some mis communication and our situation is not being fully understood. She became very defensive and started making threats to speak to her manager before I do as I'm clearly making things difficult. So I still did not gey the mangers information. By the point I myself had asked 5 times, via email , message and verbally . Both my son and daughter had done the same. In the end my daughter said we will get it another way then.

Anyway I did manage to speak to her manager in the end . I told her that all 3 of us don't feel listend to or understood. I told her how the social worker made me feel intimidated in my own home . To the point I told her if she carries on she will have to leave my house. Which I have never had to do and I don't like the fact I felt that way. I said she's only half listening to things which means she's only getting half the story.

I told the manger If I ask a question. Or an idea, request etc she just starts ranting , it does not work that way bla bla, without no actual explaining or exploring, I can't understand unless she explains it. Instead she's just ranting.

I also told her as much as I don't mind her touching base with my younger children. Ie contact the schools, and talk to them. Buy she's not going to take over our lives and start giving me lists of what we most do etc.

So went through everything with the manger she apologised, and we ended up on the same page . And she's going to speak to the social worker.

But also the manger said this social worker is just doing the assessment. She said its likely my son will go on child in need plan. Then we will be given a new longer term social worker. Which will take a couple of weeks or so. So I'm thinking we should just keep her at arms length and then the new social worker will probably get to know us and the situation better.

Oh just a thought. Could the social worker not being getting half of what we say /nkt fully understand because she's typing as we talk?

In my experience you won't get a long term social worker you get the first one that's it

Apologies, misread the end of your post. I can see you have spoken to the manager.

Different local authorities have different transfer points, so it can work either way. The assessment that the initial social worker writes will inform the plan, so important for it to be full and right. Could you ask the manager to visit alongside the worker, or another trusted professional to be there at the next visit

No that's not true , there is an assessment period, They do an assessment on the situation, decide what the need is. If any the person /family them get allocated a linger term social worker, its a different department. The manger said this and so dud my daughter social worker.

Different trans have different ways of working, so it may be this worker is just for the initial assessment while they work out what, if any, further action is needed.

I think it’s incredibly rude to type while talking - ask her to put the laptop away, even a notebook is less intrusive and she can transfer her notes at another time. It will definitely get in the way of her listening to you especially if she’s working her way through a standard assessment with x number of areas to check. Not good practice at all.

This is what I believed to so they all must work differently. I know someone who had the same amazing social worker from start to finish. In 9 months. You just need to get through this by the sounds of it

@Theunamedcat Different Local Authorities operate different models - some have the same social worker from assessment to case closure, others have different social workers assigned during different parts of the process.

What is it you would like opinions on, OP? I am not clear from your post.

There should be a complaint email address you can send your concerns about.

I'm a little worried now. As I was just thinking let the current social worker get on with it . Then the longer term social worker. Will actually get to know us and whete we are coming from. But now I'm thinking the social worker will go by wants on the report. And it's likely to be wrong .

I'm not sure if a manager could attend

We're you the lady whose son threw a container of hand soap at you recently?

Yes

The assessment will inform the plan.

Realistically you don't have control or say-so on the assessment. The assessment centres around keeping your son safe, it doesn't centre around you. The SW is judging your parenting. In doing that they will assess how you parent (all of your children) and it likely won't feel very nice, friendly or comfortable to you. It's not especially your 'voice' that matters as a priority to listen to. They will of course want to understand your needs, but the needs and voice of your children will decide the direction.

To put it very directly, they are deciding if the reason for your son not living with you is because you are not parenting well enough.

No you Hever it totally wrong . You don't actually understand the situation.

What do you want from this thread @Ds16dv? What do you think the situation is and how has @Polik got it wrong? We need a clearer explanation to be able to try to understand and help you.

Is she giving you children to do lists? Or did I read that wrong

what part of your situation do you feel is being misunderstood OP?

That in essence is the probably

and why some many parents of SEN teens of violent teens are so badly failed , the victim of the violence is often blame, so an assessment based on victim blaming us largely worthless

This is exactly what the social worker is doing. This is why she's getting involved with your younger children.

You have two adult children, this child, and younger children. She won't just look at your Son alone.

He's at an age where soon they may look at a supported living scheme for young people who can't live at home for whatever reason - if this is available in your area.

These young people are support in a similar way to those leaving foster care or youth detention here. Some come from happy homes, some don't.

My 1st thread explains most of the situation. This is an on going situation. It's already known its not due to my parenting. The manager has said this already. But the assessment is to make sure my son and the family can get the help/support that's needed. Mainly my son as he's the one that's abusive and also scares my other children. I know they want him to do a domestic violence course. My son is quite honest and had told them the things he does and admits it's for no reason . But he does not know where he does it. There are no concerns from The school. Manager has said I have good insight of my ch8ldrens needs,emotions etc. My adult daughter has a social worker who also knows us well as a family.

As far as im aware.. a child in need plan meeting has all professionals or support there that will be involved, also whoever you want there as support. So hopefully raise your questions and correct her in front of professional witnesses? She will have to respond in their presence and if she gets defensive they will see through it. I think the assessment before a meeting should be relatively short, I presume she is gathering information atm?

I get what your saying sort of. Yes they are looking at the whole family . But not to see if I'm a shit parent. This has already been spoken about with the manger. Yes they speak ti the younger children. To find out their feelings, emotions and how the situation had impacted them .and spoken about what thry have heard/seen. All 3 kids have said they are scared of him. They have said that they are going to work with the family in order to get him home. By giving support And putting Ds on a domestic violence course.

They are not looking into him going into some sort of young person living scheme. Which is originally what we asked for . But want to support him to be at home . I don't know how it will work because it does not seem they are taking into account how urs effected my younger children.

But I think possibly the best thing is to wait till we have the longer term social worker.

The current sw is doing a single assessment. This will contain a recommendation at the end. It sounds like the sw has already suggested the recommendation is child in need plan. This is under section 17 of the children act and it's a voluntary engagement which the parent or carer has consented to.

The initial assessment period in my la is around 6 weeks as the statutory requirement is 45 working days.

In my la there would be a change of sw from the first child in need meeting but all la vary so I can't really say that for sure.

If you are not happy all la have a formal complaints procedure which you will be able to find on their website.

I can't comment on the concerns or anything actually based on the posts but I think it's important that parents understand their rights.

Thank you . That makes sense. I did already speak to the manger and she said she will talk to the social worker. She agrees there has been misunderstandings. So she's going to have a chat with her. I was more upset because she used the manger to try and threaten me like I was going to get in trouble. Bit she was actually really nice . So it did not work . But it is a worry some social workers are like that . And yes the manger said its likely to ve a child in need plan, which of course I will accept as the support is needed. There will be a different social worker so hopefully things will iron out.

Not trying to have a go at you OP, but the fact that two of your children have social workers points to something being less than ideal about the home environment/parenting...

The dc could have disabilities which might give them a SW without any kind of judgement on parenting.