My sons social worker.

[271726a]

So due to DS who is 16 violence and aggressive/controlling behaviour. I had to kick him out of my house. My younger 3 children have been badly effected by him and so have I. Social services do agree its domestic violence. At the moment we are at the start of Social services where they are doing assessments. Ds is at his sisters house at present.

The social worker who's doing the assessment is very unapproachable, she does not listen. Or really understand the situation. She talks over you and does not let people finsh what they are saying , there for shes not actually gettimg the full situation. My son, my adult daughter, both Said the same. Because of this we asked for her mangers information. We know we have a right to this without being over questioned about it. Anyway she asked me why and I just said I think there has been some mis communication and our situation is not being fully understood. She became very defensive and started making threats to speak to her manager before I do as I'm clearly making things difficult. So I still did not gey the mangers information. By the point I myself had asked 5 times, via email , message and verbally . Both my son and daughter had done the same. In the end my daughter said we will get it another way then.

Anyway I did manage to speak to her manager in the end . I told her that all 3 of us don't feel listend to or understood. I told her how the social worker made me feel intimidated in my own home . To the point I told her if she carries on she will have to leave my house. Which I have never had to do and I don't like the fact I felt that way. I said she's only half listening to things which means she's only getting half the story.

I told the manger If I ask a question. Or an idea, request etc she just starts ranting , it does not work that way bla bla, without no actual explaining or exploring, I can't understand unless she explains it. Instead she's just ranting.

I also told her as much as I don't mind her touching base with my younger children. Ie contact the schools, and talk to them. Buy she's not going to take over our lives and start giving me lists of what we most do etc.

So went through everything with the manger she apologised, and we ended up on the same page . And she's going to speak to the social worker.

But also the manger said this social worker is just doing the assessment. She said its likely my son will go on child in need plan. Then we will be given a new longer term social worker. Which will take a couple of weeks or so. So I'm thinking we should just keep her at arms length and then the new social worker will probably get to know us and the situation better.

Oh just a thought. Could the social worker not being getting half of what we say /nkt fully understand because she's typing as we talk?

Not trying to have a go at you OP, but the fact that two of your children have social workers points to something being less than ideal about the home environment

Sorry but this is so unhelpful. The remit and thresholds for involvement from Adult Social Care are so different they cannot be compared to Children's Social Care.

Also ASC is often delivered within a legal responsibility by the la.

Maybe you should ask whats going on rather than make assumptions. My daughter is an adult she is mid 20s and has not lived at hone in over 5 years. She has a social worker due to domestic violence. Which was very serious and put her life in danger. To such an extent that the council had to do an emergency move for both families under lifecin danger. Her abuser is a heigh risk offender.

I was more upset because she used the manger to try and threaten me like I was going to get in trouble.

The SW would/could ask her manager to go to a Section 47 assessment, which doesnt require your consent. Or to go to Child Protection conference, rather than CIN Plan, which similarly doesn't require your agreement or consent.

It is a real possibility if you are combative or resistant in the assessment and SW continues to have concerns. I wouldn't call it a "threat", more forewarning you of a possibility so you are not shocked if it happens.

I'm not sure If there's a misunderstanding so sorry if I answer wrong.

The social worker was definitely threatening. She often talks over us does not let us finish or explain what we are trying to say . This is from myself , my daughter and son. I'm seen separately fro my son/daughter and we all felt the same. Its also the fact the social worker should not have over questioned us about wanting the mangers details as we have a right to them. As I said we have now spoken to the manger abd its going to child in need. She has told us this . Not a section 47.

It certainly isnt rude to type while someone is talking, she is taking notes and if she's anything like me and a touch typist she will be writing it word for word and much quicker than if she tried to take handwritten notes

Typed contemporaneous notes are often requested in court/other processes and its not sufficient to have scrappy handwritten, unreadable, jargony/coded notes that only the worker can understand, much better to have them typed while in the actual setting.

She is trying to take on the information given to her by OP, often in chaotic and dysfunctional families there is a need to take control about how that information is gathered, which unfortunately does result in needing to be quite directive about the conversation. This worker might be doing that badly, only time will tell.

OP could you write your own chronology perhaps and give it to her, with key events in your sons life, also ensuring there are details about any diagnoses, meds, family members names and phone numbers, your own circumstances. You'll be asked to check her assessment in any case and put your views in it as well so it needs to be a collaborative piece of work

The SW would/could ask her manager to go to a Section 47 assessment, which doesnt require your consent. Or to go to Child Protection conference, rather than CIN Plan, which similarly doesn't require your agreement or consent.

This isn't correct. If there is a significant incident the social worker can convene a strategy meeting. This is a multi agency meeting with representatives from health, education and children's services and police. A manager will chair this meeting and consider the recommendations of the agencies as to whether a section 47 investigation (risk of significant harm) is required.
A section 47 investigation suspends the consent of parents.

A section 47 will conclude either risk of significant harm or not. If concerns are substantiated the social worker will request a child protection conference is convened.

What do you feel she was threatening you with?

Who is the victim here?

The child who has probably had 16 years of poor parenting and now has to leave home because of it?

What do you think his prognosis in life is?

The state wont be able to fix years and years of whateve he has experienced.

A strategy discussion doesnt necessary have to come out of a significant incident. It could be following months of intervention, nothing is changing and the professionals need to determine whether there is threshold for moving to S47/CP plans

A SW will discuss that with their manager and make a decision about whether that should be a next step or not.

Not sure what you're trying to achieve there pastypirate? I hadn't gone into explaining strat meetings to the OP. I was pointing out that it would be normal (certainly in my county) for a SW to have a conversation with her manager before stepping up to S47 or ICPC

OP: She often talks over us does not let us finish or explain what we are trying to say

It's not unusual that SW need to be very assertive with families and control the conversation to a degree. This I'd especially the case with assessment SW in my experience (moreso than MASH or district SW).

So I wouldn't necessarily take this as personal OP. They are not looking to debate a point and are not really going to be interested if you disagree with something said, or want to labour a point already made. In cases where this is happening, they may cut you off or very assertively (could appear rude) redirect the conversation elsewhere.

My best advice would be to cooperate fully. If you feel not listened to, write down the facts and hand it over.

Oh wow your post is disgusting.

The social worker has said this is domestic violence. My other children have spoken to social services. They have also spoken to the school. My son has admitted what he has Been doing. I have been fighting for years for my son to get help and support. N0 one would listen. It's been an awful time you have absolutely no idea.

Well if he is physically attacking his mum & siblings then they are the victims

there could be many things triggering this that aren’t his mothers fault

Although I agree with some of the stuff yoir saying. Some of it I don't. At the end of the day if the social worker does not filly listen she's not going to grt the full situation. So that's really not on. And as I have said several times u have spoken to the manger and she's agree with what I have said.

Of course its domestic violence, its violence in a domestic setting with people you live with.

The problem is there are large number of teen boys in the care system, having been thrown out of home following years and years of poor attachment, poor role modelling, lack of predictable and safe parenting and then the state has to try to manage this. Its not 'fixable'.

Perhaps OP is one of the very few where that picture is inaccurate and if so I apologise.

I'm a manager of social workers. How can she gather the salient information if she isn't listening to you? I would challenge the accuracy of the assessment on that basis. Doesn't matter if she won't be your long term worker.

Also anything recorded by this worker will be fact. And will be around for years for professionals to use as evidence. I would raise this again with the manager and ask how a future child in need plan can be informed by an assessment that is not person centred and holistic?

OP - accepting personal parental responsibility for your child(ren) not having a safe home will be part of your learning curve.

All of this thread you have placed that responsibility solely on your son. This may be why you are butting heads with the assessment SW.

Does your adult daughter have her own children living with her?

I give up ...

@bellac11 IME OP's other thread tells you everything you need to know about what is going on in this situation. I remember it when it was posted, you might have read it, it was the one who threw hand soap.
Without biasing one way or the other I would suggest you (and anyone else who wants the full picture and is placed to advise accordingly) take a look.

So your daughter who has a sw because she was a victim of domestic violence, has had your son who is a perpetrator of domestic violence placed to live with her?!

I don't have any advice OP but I do have experience in a different way. I was the younger sibling of a brother who was like this, he got involved with the wrong crowd and his behaviour really went off the rails both at home and our of it.

There are people insinuating that the only way a teenager can act like this and have SS involvement is if the parenting is bad, but that really isn't the case. My parents were not perfect but they were nice, caring, stable home, provided for us etc. My brother still ended up doing a stint in care amongst other teams and it was clear to SS and judges for his crimes that home life wasn't the reason he was like that.

I hope things get better for you OP and that you can repair your relationship with your DS over time 🌺

@Polik
Not sure what you're trying to achieve there pastypirate? I hadn't gone into explaining strat meetings to the OP. I was pointing out that it would be normal (certainly in my county) for a SW to have a conversation with her manager before stepping up to S47 or ICPC

Trying to achieve? Explain that sw don't make decisions about escalation alone.

I never thought of that. I thought once child in need plan gets started we can just move on from her.

She is seeing me and my 3 youngest together in my home. Then she is seeing my 16 year old at his sisters house . And since she is getting things confused and mixed up. It does concern me. And when I quested things she quoted back to me . Half of my sentence and left the rest of so she had not listened at all .

The manager did seem to have quite understanding and she was really nice to be honest. She did apologise for some of the stuff and said she will talk to the social worker. I think shes also spoken to my daughters social worker. Who knows us pretty well and she's nice to . So hopefully it will end up all good and my son will get the help and support he needs

Yep. Which is odd. But I can't override it. He's never laid a finger on her or Been aggressive in anyway. Her social worker obviously knows and has said its only sort term as she is vulnerable herself.

Sounds like manager has taken your complaint as a request to have a different social worker. Best to follow that up in writing and get confirmation that's what's happening. Personality clashes do occur (and some people have personalities anyone would clash with!). It's not good she's "only" doing the assessment. This assessment will determine your DS's needs. I agree with you keep this one at arm's length until a replacement can be found. Meet somewhere neutral if you can, no need to be feeling got at in your own home. Bet she wouldn't be quite as arsey sat in the park across the road or whatever where people can see. As for "it doesn't work like that", the law is the law and local councils can't make their own rules which go against the law but some try to, so don't believe everything you're told.

Thank you. That is similar to us. But my son has alot of mental heath stuff going on. So I'm not sure if that linked to it, probably is. But hopefully he can get the help needed