What would you tell your 40 year old self?

[loyganroyal]

Approaching 40 and keen to hear from women and mums in their 50s and beyond, how can these next 10 years be great and full of joy, no regrets!

Get back into work. It’s great to be home with kids, but the current financial system is not set up to favour anyone who stays out of the workplace for years and years. And every extra year you take off, it’s another year of falling behind.

And have a plan. If you don’t know where you’re going any road will take you there, and you might well end up somewhere you didn’t want to be. Yes life throws curveballs and it’s good to remain open to opportunities that might come along, but to find yourself 10 years older and still floundering is hard.

You will encounter misogyny anyway might as well aim high. Not sure what planet you hail from, on mine 500k would be excessively high or a monumental brag. Are you an astronaut or a footballer?

I turn 40 next week and the two things I’m going to do are:

• deal with my anxiety and intrusive thoughts (I don’t know how yet, I just am- I cannot spend the rest of my life locked in with these thoughts). I wouldn’t even say I have especially bad anxiety but my mind is on overdrive all the time
• deal with my shitty relationship with food . I have spent 25 years battling with food/ weight/body image and again, I can’t give any more of my precious life to this.

i’m grateful for any tips and advice on how to achieve these.

Realise you are neurodivergent and get some help

You look great as you are, maintain your weight

Get into a good exercise routine

Get DSS some therapy before his mum screws up his teenage years

Go on more holidays or weekends away with DH whilst you still have babysitters

If/when you start feeling a bit weird in yourself talk to your female friends...its likely peri menopause and may start a lot earlier than you expected.
Weight and resistance train.
Start using night time serums.
Maximise earnings.
It's a privilege to experience your 40s but I'll be honest my 20s and 30s were a lot better.

Start doing things you have always wanted to do.

Leave now, you'll be better off in every way. It's OK to be single and you are stronger than you realise.

Turning 40 this weekend after an IVF failed (is failing now), I probably need to hear this.

One day you actually will want children. So have them now if you still can.

Worry less about the children, focus more on yourself. Buy a holiday home.

Make sure you are on top of your retirement plans - boring I know - but savings, pension and all the rest.

Keep exercising. Eating right - balance balance balance

Keep checking your boobs

And bloody enjoy yourself.

Forgot - don't think you have early onset Alzheimer's - it's perimenopause

Eat more protein and lift weights. Your metabolism hasn’t slowed down but you are losing muscle mass with age.
You can build muscle and lose weight quite easily of
you are consistent. Also, stop drinking alcohol. It’s doing you no favours.

What is it about 40’s that means you should quit alcohol? I’ve done 2 weeks today in a bid to start losing weight but just interested to know

Truly appreciate and don't take for granted your parents if you still have them/ have a good relationship. They won't be around forever.

That one too.

Several people have said maximise your earnings. An alternative, if you don't want to work harder or longer, is to reduce your outgoings. If you can happily live on less and have an easier life then that might suit you better.

Great thread. I'm 41 and really need to get my act together on the exercise front! I walk a lot (hour a day with a very active dog) but need to look at lifting weights. Thanks all x

I don't think there's anything that says you should quit alcohol in your 40s. I just think many people find it beneficial in terms of maintaining an even keel mentally, staying fit and a healthy body weight and in many cases it seems to reduce menopause symptoms and aches and pains. It saves a fortune, helps you make better decisions, means you have more time and energy for other things and you sleep better. Will be really interesting to see how you feel in a month or two...hope it makes you feel great.

Don't rely on him.
Save some money.
Keep up with the Mum friends. They may well turn out to be the best people.
You will be a good Mum. The children are going to be fine.
You are far stronger than you think.
Don't drink as much wine.

• it will get harder not to put on weight so try and get into good eating habits
• find an exercise that you enjoy to combat the aches and pains
• depending on how old your dc are, you might start to gain back some time for yourself to spend time with friends or take up a hobby
• stop giving a flying fuck what anyone else thinks...it's very liberating
• grow old(er) disgracefully

I'm much happier at 47 than I was at 40 for all those reasons!

This is a great thread, thanks for starting OP and for all the great contributions so far

Be warned in 5 years, you’ve going to suffer a awful menopause, not meet anyone after your divorce (22 yrs later still no mr right), then get hormonal depression and Parkinson’s.
Have work dramas
luckily I never knew the future

So much great advice. One critical question: is eye cream even worth it? 🫠

This is interesting!
I am 41, have 3 DDs aged 21, 16 and 8 ( different dad) Makes no odds to me! My older 2 dad lives in US and has done for many years leaving me to bring the girls up.
I love my life (most of the time!) Had a BF on and off for 3 years but it didnt work out.
Got my rescue pony 3 years ago and I love her so much, my 16 yr old has now taken to riding and wants to do equine studies. We have formed such a close relationship. DD1 is at uni and living her life. 8 year old ive started camping with and love it.

I do worry about my future, Ive rented my house orivately for 9 years and they have been very good to me. When DD2 goes to uni no maintance from her dad or tax credits, I worry and then get into a panic but then life is too short.

Might have to get second job next year or send my pony back to rescue sanctuary which would kill me.

I have no man in my life and feel quite content