What would you tell your 40 year old self?

[loyganroyal]

Approaching 40 and keen to hear from women and mums in their 50s and beyond, how can these next 10 years be great and full of joy, no regrets!

Lose the weight now. Don’t go back into nursing because of the pandemic and a sense of duty (left again now). Drink less wine.

At 40 I was breastfeeding twins.
At 42 I had a bilateral mastectomy because of cancer
I finished radiotherapy and started lifting weights.
Now about to turn 43 I’m stronger and happier with my body than I’ve ever been in my life.

now if I could just regulate my cake intake….

I would say, 'Don't throw yourself into that job. They won't appreciate it. You will be put on, derided for wanting to progress, and the MH/ menopause policies mean jackshit, you will be shit on and managed out'
It's not worth the aggro.
Look round for better jobs.

I still had young children at 40, so I would say that it all gets better and better the older and more independent your dc get. I left a job I hated, did an MSc and climbed the ladder in a new profession in my 40s. No regrets. 40 seems a very long time ago now that my next 'big' birthday will be 60, so I'd also say appreciate how young you still actually are and make sure you enjoy it!

I’m 60 now. I split from my then husband after 20 years at age 38.
I would tell my 40 year old self not to remarry too quickly if at all.
I would say live every day like it’s your last. Make time to eat well, sleep well.

Continue or start to do this if you can:

• maintain a healthy weight (eat fresh unprocessed food)
• Minimal alcohol (it affects sleep and stress levels plus it is v aging for the skin)
• Weekly cleaner
• Prioritise me-time (seeing friends, hobbies -whatever you like doing!)
• Don't be a martyr or a people pleaser - say no if you don't want to do something
• Accumulate less stuff and focus on experience accumulation

40s / 50s is great if you in good health and can make the time to enjoy yourself

Don't marry the idiot because you are lonely. Just live with him until you get fed up with each other. Would have been a lot less money and hassle.

Now I’m 50 I’d tell my 40yr old self:

• No you were right, 40 is the absolutely perfect age for you to have a baby. Old enough to be less anxious, still young and fit enough to cope fine.
• Well done for staying in reasonable shape, let’s keep it up for the next 20 years
• You really shouldn’t marry him. You don’t love him and despite the baby you shouldn’t stay together. (XH is still a friend but the marriage was both unnecessary and ill advised)
• Pay into your pension as much as possible.
• Don’t fork out for gyms, weight watchers or such like: get your own weights, Les Mills or Mossa and exercise at home. I’d be 1000s richer.

Facegym over botox. Honest.

Have lots and lots of sex!
Ideally with multiple people if you can

Be prepared around mid 40’s for horrendous peri symptoms. Read around & learn what lifestyle changes to make & seriously consider HRT if needed. I had an almost complete personality change & it affected everything in my life. I wish I’d been more knowledgeable.

I'm 49 in a few weeks. I've never been fatter but it's been a rollercoaster of a decade I had my 2nd child at 42 and my mum died a year later. I've never been so fat so I'm going to to focus on getting for as I want to see my little boy grow up

Loving this! Thanks @AhDad for the bump! As for me now, plans now are to give up drinking, it’s become a post-put-the-kids-to-sleep habit, and it’s expensive, draining and depressing. We’re lucky enough to be mortgage free. I’m accepting that I’ll be a lifer in my company. It works and I like it, doesn’t feel like work. Main thing now - exercise! Am thinking signing up to the local gym with a family membership - and somehow kick the other nasty mostly materialistic habit, always wanting more in a house. A hallway, a big garden!! Does it really make a difference?

@LegendsBeyond what are peri symptoms, what should I be ready for? 🧐

I'm late 50s and would say this
The menopause is only a stage. Like everything else it passes.
Don't think of 40 as old. When you're 50 it will seem young. You still have plenty of time to make your life exactly as you want it.
If you drink alcohol go six months without. You won't believe how much better everything is when you don't drink and will never want to go back to it.
The best is still to come.

Many exciting things lie ahead
Really, really don't sweat the small stuff
Don't let work take over your life
Grief will be part of your future, but you will cope
Declutter

From the perspective of 59.

It's perimenopause you are not losing your mind.

keep up those books with funny things they say, because you will forget and suddenly they will be adults.

go back to uni if you want. No learning is wasted.

Try to get through it without spading someone’s head off.

that is all.

Grabbing my 40 year old self firmly by the scruff of the neck:

You are still young. Worry less and do a lot more of the things you enjoy and that make you happy. Go places, just to see them. And if you're not settled in a place that makes you happy, now is the time to change it.

You have one life so live it - do not put off till retirement what you can do now . At 40 I felt great , at 50 it varies .. nothing to be afraid of , but make good choices now - exercise and eat right and get enough sleep .

Wear that bikini more for the next 10 years , and although you hate exercise try and tone those blinking stomach muscles now , you won’t stay a size 10 forever otherwise as I’m just finding out 🤣

Ps there is no substitute for the self confidence and serenity that aging and having more life experience can give you .

This thread is so inspirational, thank you for all the wisdom.

I'm 37 now and kind of looking forward to my forties.

I like to think that I follow the vast majority of the recommendations on here, apart from my teeth. I've neglected my teeth. I'm going to book a dental appointment for next week.

I just turned 40 and I can confirm the last of my fucks I give have left. Its amazing

Be prepared for a tonne of ageism - there's a load of it on MN, it can get depressing, but challenge it.
You'll get through the menopause
You don't have to take HRT (ducks down under parapet, yes I know some people swear by it....)
I agree about looking after your teeth, getting eyes checked regularly and having mammograms.
Don't change your style if you don't want to.
Having adult DC is the business - they really morph into incredible, close companions. Bliss.