Dear major UK supermarket ...

[LindorDoubleChoc]

What would you like to say to the chief exec of the supermarkets you use? I'll start ...

If you are going to sell spinach in plastic bags, please at least direct that they are stored in the refrigerated section rather than on the general unrefrigerated vegetable shelves along with the potatoes and onions etc.

Thank you Sainsburys.

Literally every food shop has loyalty cards and offers. What is so offensive about that and why single out Tesco?

I think it's a lot worse at Tesco, because you don't just build up points with your shopping that maybe equate to half/1 percent of the value; Tesco have two separate prices for 'good' people (those with a Clubcard) and 'bad' people (those who don't) - and they can differ by several pounds.

I was in Tesco yesterday and wanted some batteries. The ones I wanted were £8.50 with a Clubcard or £11.25 without. I refused to overpay so much, so I didn't buy any and went to get them from Asda instead on my way home.

The irony is that I DO have a Clubcard, but it's registered on an old tablet with a cracked screen and a reluctance to charge. I tried to find what my number was when I managed to boot it up at home, but it only gave me the last few digits - like banks do with a credit card! I presume I'll have to phone them (and wait in a queue, because my call is important to them) to discover my esoteric number and have it transferred, but I always have so many more things to do on my priority list.

In ye olden days, they gave you a physical card that you could carry with you - it didn't rely on a battery or keep trying to log you out, having demanded a difficult-to-remember password that you couldn't remember every time you arrived in the store - and you could keep it in your purse/wallet and easily transfer it to another one. Progress, eh?

@veryfluffyfluff no I don’t have any implants. I’ve always had this problem around electrical items. Several very early tower system computers have met early unexplained deaths from me being next to them. It’s like an expensive superpower - although modern tech seems less susceptible to it then older or cheap (less shielding?) tech.

One thing I will say about the irritating Tesco clean/unclean price tiers, is that if you DO have a Clubcard that you've just forgotten and you will be able to take it back in within (I think) two weeks with your receipt, they will give you your points and refund the non-Clubcard tax you paid - probably give you a gift card to the value rather than just refund it to your card, though. Of course, that means you have to go and queue at customer services when you next go in.

All this faff is clearly because the customer is king/queen and always right...

@veryfluffyfluff maybe related - but I give out fabulous static shocks apparently. Even when wearing rubber soled shoes.

I would love to use greengrocers, butchers etc. but there is nothing like that in my town which has (according to 2021 census) a population of 60000.

We have a Lidl, Aldi, Morrisons, Tesco, Sainsbury and Iceland so that clearly covers the towns needs. There is a market with greengrocer stall but has very limited hours and their selection/quality is poor and there is no close parking as the centre is pedestrianised.

Stop putting so much of your stuff, either on shelves or in fridges, so high up that I have to hunt down a kindly, willing tall customer, assistants being rarer than hens’ teeth, to reach things down for me. Failing that provide small portable steps we can use.

Is it just me that spends a ridiculous amount of time at the self scan checkout at Sainsbury's ineffectually waving my scanner at the QR square.

I go in, I go out. I go right up close and side to side. Suddenly the action I've already executed several times works. By then I've lost track of the winning action, so next time go through the palaver again.

So sick of hearing people moan about things like this, what's 'easier' for them while this climate crisis is being ignored at all (albeit worse at governmental) levels.

TBH, I’ve never understood the plastic bag thing. I used mine either as pedal bin liners; or I emptied the cats’ used litter into one, and then put it into the black bin bag - seeing as personal waste is suppose to be double bagged. How is it saving the planet, now I have to buy bags for life, nappy sacks (for just one cat’s poo); and bin liners when it’s all soiled, and needs fresh litter?

If I let my cats go all over my neighbours’ gardens, they could be complaining on MN next week, about how disgusting it is!

Is it just me that spends a ridiculous amount of time at the self scan checkout at Sainsbury's ineffectually waving my scanner at the QR square.

All of them - at all supermarkets - will randomly obstinately refuse to scan or recognise some of your items. They will happily leave you contorting for ages before they will deign to scan it; but if YOU don't put a scanned item into your bag within half a second, they scream to call an assistant and all but shout 'Thief!"

It also hugely irritates me when they question the weight of any bag that's sturdier than a standard bag for life and call for an assistant to verify them. I'd understand if you were using a 150l camping backpack, but I'm just talking about a couple of the jute/Aldi-type stiff ones. Don't they want you to use strong bags again and again?

I obtain poking devices. There will always be something in your trolley / on the aisle to use to poke it off. So baguettes, wrapping paper, broom handles, cucumbers.

admittedly Tins are more of a danger.

@Twillow Aldi doesn't do loose fruit and veg

@bonfirebash My aldi does loose fruit and veg

@Quisquam I'm with you on the free carriers - I used them as bin bags too . Or I reused them.

Yes. This.

Could you please ask cashiers to tell us the total at checkout?
It just comes across as really rude when they stop scanning and just stare.

They do! The guinea pigs get through it in 2 days!

Dear supermarket package designers,

This may come as a surprise but very few customers are psychic, or have X-ray vision. You may also be interested to learn that customers don’t always have, or want to use, two ovens to cook one meal. Therefore, please do not place the cooking instructions on the reverse of the label so that cooking times/temperatures are a complete mystery until the item is bought and opened.

Thank you.

Dear Tesco, all I want is some sort of machine to buy coins for the trolley at the entrance to the store.

Pay the farmers a fair fucking price. Pay your staff a fair wage and stop using a stretch target, it harms people as they are not machines. Make sure your managers are following employment law and treating staff with respect.
Start thinking more about your place in the food chain and reason for being, and less about short term profiteering.

Dear local branch of Waitrose, you're in a borough where four banks have closed down in the last year or so and you're one of the few places with a cash machine. Any chance you could fit it with the ability to give receipts? it ran out about 2 years ago and no-one's seen fit to sort the issue out.

You can buy them in the store

The order of the aisles should be something like household stuff, tins/jars/bottles, packets, boxes, veg, frozen, chilled and then bread/biscuits/cakes.

Not veg, chilled, packets, tins/jars, bread/biscuits, boxes, frozen and then household!

Why on earth can you not seal up the packet on baguette sticks? Drives me insane that I have to cut off the top but as it’s inevitably fallen out of the pack or touched something that I don’t want it to! Surely there must be the tech for a machine to quickly seal it when it’s been put in the pack or put hoods on them fgs!

I wish mine did! Bananas are loose, that's the only thing

As someone who works on the self service machines at tesco I have to say the majority of the problems are user error sorry 😬🤣

As someone who works on the self service machines at tesco I have to say the majority of the problems are user error sorry

How is it my fault when I scan a barcode in Asda and it comes up on the screen what the item and price are - but then claims that it can't recognise the item and tells me to scan it (and be charged for it) again?

How is it my fault when I press 'brought own bags' in Tesco, put two of my large standard (rigid Aldi-style) bags on there and it demands that I wait for an assistant to verify that they are bags and not a heavy item that I'm trying to nick before it zeroes the scales?