Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Is it me or is this ridiculously unreasonable?

103 replies

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 17:53

A friend is organising a trip for his 50th birthday. It's to an event related to a hobby we share in a European city he has family links to.

In the original group, there is me, 2 couples, another male friend and the birthday boy. We've been away as this group before and it's always been good.

Air BnB has been booked that can accomodate 8, plan being one room for each couple, the two men share and a room for me. All good, although I'd be happy to share if a female friend wanted to come.

So, male friend (not organiser) has invited a young, glamorous, married friend and told the rest of us she's coming and will be sharing with me. None of us know her, I've met her twice and frankly the behaviour between her and friend/her colleague is cringey. They literally can't keep their hands off each other.

So now, I'm sharing with someone I don't know, the group dynamic changes completely and we have this very strange "platonic" colleague relationship between a single middle aged man and a married young woman going on in the middle if it.

Her flights were booked before any of the rest of us were told. The rest of us have already booked flights and accommodation is paid for (she will contribute a share).

It's not me, is it? This is a terrible way to carry on? WWYD?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 04/07/2023 17:56

But you said you’d be happy to share if a friend went along ? You can’t really dictate who.

Ponderingwindow · 04/07/2023 18:00

I’m confused because you say you are happy to share, but also say you are not.

I personally would want a room to myself and would be willing to pay to get it, but that is just me.

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 18:00

DustyLee123 · 04/07/2023 17:56

But you said you’d be happy to share if a friend went along ? You can’t really dictate who.

I think I can define friend and it's not someone I don't know.

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 04/07/2023 18:00

Maybe they can share a room?!
Would you share with the organiser?

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 18:00

Ponderingwindow · 04/07/2023 18:00

I’m confused because you say you are happy to share, but also say you are not.

I personally would want a room to myself and would be willing to pay to get it, but that is just me.

I said I'd be happy to share with a friend, I don't know this woman. Plus all the other issues around her.

OP posts:
Oofs · 04/07/2023 18:04

Just say 'sorry but I'm really not happy to share with someone I really don't know that well, you really should have consulted the group before she bought tickets with the assumption I would share, but it's done now so can we make other arrangements for her? "

DustyLee123 · 04/07/2023 18:04

You’ve met her twice, she’s hardly a stranger.

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 18:06

DustyLee123 · 04/07/2023 18:04

You’ve met her twice, she’s hardly a stranger.

I've been there twice while they fawn over each other. I've maybe passed a couple of dozen words. There's no way she's a friend. I think I know who my friends are.

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/07/2023 18:08

DustyLee123 · 04/07/2023 18:04

You’ve met her twice, she’s hardly a stranger.

Come on! The OP is not obliged to share with anyone, and she gets to define who constitutes a "friend."

It would ruin the holiday for me, OP. Can't the two of them find other accommodations?

What does the rest of the group say?

SavedbytheBe11 · 04/07/2023 18:11

Ugh

NickyEsther · 04/07/2023 18:14

Yes of course this is unreasonable!

How awkward for everyone!!

Why don’t you say you don’t know her so not comfortable sharing but you’ll share with the birthday boy. That way she has to share with the guy that invited her which they probably secretly want anyway!!

But yes they are using this trip as an excuse to continue their affair/almost affair.

Rogue1001MNer · 04/07/2023 18:14

Oofs · 04/07/2023 18:04

Just say 'sorry but I'm really not happy to share with someone I really don't know that well, you really should have consulted the group before she bought tickets with the assumption I would share, but it's done now so can we make other arrangements for her? "

Absolutely this

Tulipvase · 04/07/2023 18:14

Doesn’t sound like she would be sleeping in your room any way….. but I wouldn’t be happy either.

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 18:24

Birthday boy snores loudly 😆

But whilst I'm not happy about sharing I guess the truth is I just don't want to be part of this arrangement.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 04/07/2023 18:25

It's his 50th he's invited god friend. You said you'd be happy to share. No problem...

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/07/2023 18:31

NickyEsther · 04/07/2023 18:14

Yes of course this is unreasonable!

How awkward for everyone!!

Why don’t you say you don’t know her so not comfortable sharing but you’ll share with the birthday boy. That way she has to share with the guy that invited her which they probably secretly want anyway!!

But yes they are using this trip as an excuse to continue their affair/almost affair.

Why should she share a room? That's not what she agreed to.

Tetchypants · 04/07/2023 18:38

I’d share with the birthday boy instead. Take earplugs to block out the snoring a bit!

IceCreamQueen86 · 04/07/2023 19:48

Why is she being young & glamorous relevant?

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 19:50

IceCreamQueen86 · 04/07/2023 19:48

Why is she being young & glamorous relevant?

Oh I don't know, middle aged man inviting his young and attractive colleague on holiday with his friends, how could that possibly be relevant?

OP posts:
IceCreamQueen86 · 04/07/2023 19:57

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 19:50

Oh I don't know, middle aged man inviting his young and attractive colleague on holiday with his friends, how could that possibly be relevant?

You clearly said they have something going on & that she’s married - that is what I’m assuming is making you uncomfortable along with not knowing her that well. I’m not sure what her looks or she have to do with it unless she’s underage or something?

If she was old & unattractive would that change how you feel? If it wouldn’t, then no it’s not relevant.

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 19:58

IceCreamQueen86 · 04/07/2023 19:57

You clearly said they have something going on & that she’s married - that is what I’m assuming is making you uncomfortable along with not knowing her that well. I’m not sure what her looks or she have to do with it unless she’s underage or something?

If she was old & unattractive would that change how you feel? If it wouldn’t, then no it’s not relevant.

I think it would change the liklihood that she'd been invited 😆

OP posts:
Neverinamonthofsundays · 04/07/2023 20:01

Well naturally your friend is going to assume you will say no she cannot share with you as you do not know her and the only thing he can come up with will be that he will share with her and you can share with the birthday boy who you do know. And you will all be unwilling accomplices to an affair. I would be livid.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 04/07/2023 20:09

Just to clarify, it's not the birthday boy who has invited her, no? And he didn't ask b'day boy if it was OK before he invited her? Who does that?!

Does b'day boy know her?

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 04/07/2023 20:10

How do the other people feel about her coming?

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 20:17

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 04/07/2023 20:09

Just to clarify, it's not the birthday boy who has invited her, no? And he didn't ask b'day boy if it was OK before he invited her? Who does that?!

Does b'day boy know her?

No it's the other man. Birthday boy has met her in the same way I have. TBF he's a very laid back "more the merrier" type though.

At least one of the couples is not impressed - they vaguely know her husband

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread