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Original poster

Is it me or is this ridiculously unreasonable?

103 replies

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 17:53

A friend is organising a trip for his 50th birthday. It's to an event related to a hobby we share in a European city he has family links to.

In the original group, there is me, 2 couples, another male friend and the birthday boy. We've been away as this group before and it's always been good.

Air BnB has been booked that can accomodate 8, plan being one room for each couple, the two men share and a room for me. All good, although I'd be happy to share if a female friend wanted to come.

So, male friend (not organiser) has invited a young, glamorous, married friend and told the rest of us she's coming and will be sharing with me. None of us know her, I've met her twice and frankly the behaviour between her and friend/her colleague is cringey. They literally can't keep their hands off each other.

So now, I'm sharing with someone I don't know, the group dynamic changes completely and we have this very strange "platonic" colleague relationship between a single middle aged man and a married young woman going on in the middle if it.

Her flights were booked before any of the rest of us were told. The rest of us have already booked flights and accommodation is paid for (she will contribute a share).

It's not me, is it? This is a terrible way to carry on? WWYD?

OP posts:
readbooksdrinktea · 04/07/2023 20:22

I'm actually not sure I'd go tbh. I wouldn't want to share a room with a stranger or watch anyone fawning over each other in the setup you mention.

It's also incredibly arrogant that he just invited another person along.

Quiverer · 04/07/2023 20:25

I think you need to make it clear that you aren't willing to share with a relative stranger, therefore either there needs to be another arrangement or you will have to pull out.

Original poster
Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 20:27

readbooksdrinktea · 04/07/2023 20:22

I'm actually not sure I'd go tbh. I wouldn't want to share a room with a stranger or watch anyone fawning over each other in the setup you mention.

It's also incredibly arrogant that he just invited another person along.

Yes, TBH the room sharing is only a small part of the issue. It's changed the whole appeal of the holiday. But it is all paid for!

OP posts:
Pkhsvd · 04/07/2023 20:29

It does now sound unappealing and pretty out of order for him to expect you to share a room with someone you don’t know

Daffodilwoman · 04/07/2023 20:33

I would say you are not happy sharing with a relative stranger and that it inappropriate to invite people without first consulting the rest of the group. Then the ball is in this man’s court. I would not be sharing with the birthday boy e

Daffodilwoman · 04/07/2023 20:36

Posted too soon.
let the man who invited her sort it out. Obviously he is hoping he can share with her and you will share with birthday boy but I would not offer this at all.
Others might also back you up once you say something.

Original poster
Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 20:40

Daffodilwoman · 04/07/2023 20:36

Posted too soon.
let the man who invited her sort it out. Obviously he is hoping he can share with her and you will share with birthday boy but I would not offer this at all.
Others might also back you up once you say something.

I don't think he is actually. Or at least I find it hard to believe that they would sleep together in plain sight without any pretence.

Whilst he clearly enjoys the attention and having her close, I think he is working hard on convincing himself that they're just friends. God only knows why she wants come away with him and his middle aged friends.

I think I'd be even more offended if I thought it was a scheme to have me share with snoring birthday boy!

OP posts:
choccytime · 04/07/2023 20:54

No way would I share a room with someone younger and more glamorous than me 😬

dancinginthesky · 04/07/2023 21:03

You said you'd be happy to share with a friend, you didn't specify whose friend. He's done exactly what you said just not how you meant it

Original poster
Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 21:06

dancinginthesky · 04/07/2023 21:03

You said you'd be happy to share with a friend, you didn't specify whose friend. He's done exactly what you said just not how you meant it

I hadn't told anyone I was happy to share. I would have been if a friend had asked me or more likely,if I'd asked a friend of my choosing. Surely that's how it usually works?

OP posts:
dancinginthesky · 04/07/2023 21:06

Should be yeah, but this is a weird bloke

Songbird54321 · 04/07/2023 21:06

DustyLee123 · 04/07/2023 18:04

You’ve met her twice, she’s hardly a stranger.

I've met the receptionist at the car dealership where I bought my car more than twice. We've had lovely chats.
Still wouldn't share a room with her.

OP, YANBU. They need to sort a different arrangement.

SirChenjins · 04/07/2023 21:08

Yanbu - you get to choose who you share the room you’ve paid for with, not him. Tell him he’ll need to make other arrangements for her and in future to ask you (not tell you) first.

dancinginthesky · 04/07/2023 21:09

I wonder if she knows she'll be sharing with you or she's booked it under the impression of having her own room or sharing with him

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/07/2023 21:11

dancinginthesky · 04/07/2023 21:03

You said you'd be happy to share with a friend, you didn't specify whose friend. He's done exactly what you said just not how you meant it

She said that to us, not to that presumptuous lecher.

Original poster
Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 21:14

dancinginthesky · 04/07/2023 21:09

I wonder if she knows she'll be sharing with you or she's booked it under the impression of having her own room or sharing with him

Oh god yes, I wonder if she thinks she's staying in a hotel with a bit of privacy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 21:16

SirChenjins · 04/07/2023 21:08

Yanbu - you get to choose who you share the room you’ve paid for with, not him. Tell him he’ll need to make other arrangements for her and in future to ask you (not tell you) first.

Tbf I've paid 1/7 of the total cost, so I haven't really paid for the room (not my idea, I just paid what I was asked for). If/when she joins us then cost goes to 1/8 for everyone.

OP posts:
StopFeckingFaffing · 04/07/2023 21:17

I would not be happy either OP

I hate it when random extra people are invited to join a group trip without consulting the rest of the group

SirChenjins · 04/07/2023 21:19

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 21:16

Tbf I've paid 1/7 of the total cost, so I haven't really paid for the room (not my idea, I just paid what I was asked for). If/when she joins us then cost goes to 1/8 for everyone.

Show quote history

But the plan was a room for you - presumably you all agreed to that and payment was made on that basis? He doesn’t get to change that arrangement unilaterally.

dancinginthesky · 04/07/2023 21:19

I'd let him know there was only the couch left available so you hope he'd told her that before she agreed to come

WhamBamThankU · 04/07/2023 21:19

Tell them you're not happy to share with a stranger so she'll have to sleep elsewhere. Ie sofa

MiddleClassProblem · 04/07/2023 21:26

I think you should speak up but if it were me it might depend on how long we were away for. 2 nights I might lump it so I could be there for my friend’s birthday but any longer and that would be a no.

UncleRadley · 04/07/2023 21:27

How does this man get to decide who else is coming and where they're going to sleep? Shouldn't that be a group decision and run by you all first? And especially the person they'll be sharing with...I would be saying thanks but no thanks to this arrangement.

Original poster
Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 21:30

UncleRadley · 04/07/2023 21:27

How does this man get to decide who else is coming and where they're going to sleep? Shouldn't that be a group decision and run by you all first? And especially the person they'll be sharing with...I would be saying thanks but no thanks to this arrangement.

I don't know. We're generally quite a fluid group. There are a number of other people who could have been added without any great consultation, but it's never been someone none of us know before. This feels "bigger" because of their weird relationship though.

OP posts:
TheBigCheeeeese · 04/07/2023 21:45

I personally would be looking to find an excuse not to go , you havent even left to go on holiday and it seems to be complicated. I cant see the holiday getting any better