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Original poster

Is it me or is this ridiculously unreasonable?

103 replies

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 17:53

A friend is organising a trip for his 50th birthday. It's to an event related to a hobby we share in a European city he has family links to.

In the original group, there is me, 2 couples, another male friend and the birthday boy. We've been away as this group before and it's always been good.

Air BnB has been booked that can accomodate 8, plan being one room for each couple, the two men share and a room for me. All good, although I'd be happy to share if a female friend wanted to come.

So, male friend (not organiser) has invited a young, glamorous, married friend and told the rest of us she's coming and will be sharing with me. None of us know her, I've met her twice and frankly the behaviour between her and friend/her colleague is cringey. They literally can't keep their hands off each other.

So now, I'm sharing with someone I don't know, the group dynamic changes completely and we have this very strange "platonic" colleague relationship between a single middle aged man and a married young woman going on in the middle if it.

Her flights were booked before any of the rest of us were told. The rest of us have already booked flights and accommodation is paid for (she will contribute a share).

It's not me, is it? This is a terrible way to carry on? WWYD?

OP posts:
nebulae · 05/07/2023 10:42

YANBU. I hate it when arrangements are changed after I've agreed to go somewhere. It leaves you in a position where you're seen as difficult or a killjoy if you object.

It's happened twice to me in the last year as I have a friend who regularly invites additional people along after the arrangements have been made.

Gymtastic · 05/07/2023 10:42

SirChenjins · 05/07/2023 10:40

I’m finding you’re coming across as over-invested in the OP’s desire not to share a room with a near stranger. How odd you are.

Confused
SirChenjins · 05/07/2023 10:45

Gymtastic · 05/07/2023 10:42

Confused
Show quote history

And the same to you Smile

crazeekat · 05/07/2023 13:56

i'd be raging at this. tell them u won't be sharing with anyone, it's clear u meant ud share with a friend not a friend of a friend who was not originally in the plans that u hardly know. if they're not happy tell them u want ur trip reimbursed. the other girl can arrange to join herself and book her and her but on the sides own accommodation herself.

21ZIGGY · 05/07/2023 20:08

Do you love him?
Why do you care? Its a group trip. You get to split the cost of the room. You sleep there, thats it.
If you want to drop out of the whole thing then do. You cant commandeer the whole spare room, its childish.

SheilaFentiman · 05/07/2023 20:16

21ZIGGY · 05/07/2023 20:08

Do you love him?
Why do you care? Its a group trip. You get to split the cost of the room. You sleep there, thats it.
If you want to drop out of the whole thing then do. You cant commandeer the whole spare room, its childish.

What the actual fuck?

no one else on the trip is sharing with a near stranger. They are all old friends, birthday boy is sharing with the male friend in question and the other two rooms are couples. OP is not “commandeering the spare room”, she agreed to go on a trip with six good friends!

SheilaFentiman · 05/07/2023 20:18

And she has said that the cost of the
holiday house is being split 7 ways, the difference between paying 1/7 and paying 1/8 but sharing a room with a near stranger … I would pay 1/7 myself, regardless of who the new person was!

Lights22 · 05/07/2023 20:21

I'm with you. This is off

ohdamnitjanet · 05/07/2023 20:25

No-one, and especially not a man, tells me who I am sharing a bedroom with.

21ZIGGY · 05/07/2023 20:32

SheilaFentiman · 05/07/2023 20:16

What the actual fuck?

no one else on the trip is sharing with a near stranger. They are all old friends, birthday boy is sharing with the male friend in question and the other two rooms are couples. OP is not “commandeering the spare room”, she agreed to go on a trip with six good friends!

Show quote history

I genuinely wouldnt care so i dont get it. Unless its jealousy. I hadnt read anything than the first post when i replied but have now read the rest, she said she doesnt mind the sharing so its something else🤷‍♀️

SheilaFentiman · 05/07/2023 20:42

21ZIGGY · 05/07/2023 20:32

I genuinely wouldnt care so i dont get it. Unless its jealousy. I hadnt read anything than the first post when i replied but have now read the rest, she said she doesnt mind the sharing so its something else🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

If you’ve read all of her posts, I’m not sure how you missed this.

”I said I'd be happy to share with a friend, I don't know this woman.“

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 05/07/2023 20:45

She would have been willing to share with a friend, but not with a stranger.

Not sure why so many are having difficulty interpreting that. Also, she didn't tell the group she was "happy to share," she told the Mumsnet commenters that, it was part of her internal thought process, not an announcement she made when the holiday was planned.

User57632678373 · 05/07/2023 20:45

I mean this in the least patronising way possible, but do you fancy him OP?

The mention of her being young and glamorous and the irritation around them ‘fawning over eachother’ makes me think that may be the real issue here, and deep down you’re actually just annoyed she’s coming full stop… which is totally understandable! However, if this is the case, for your own sanity I’d either grin and bear or drop out of the trip altogether.

21ZIGGY · 05/07/2023 20:47

SheilaFentiman · 05/07/2023 20:42

If you’ve read all of her posts, I’m not sure how you missed this.

”I said I'd be happy to share with a friend, I don't know this woman.“

Show quote history

Saw that. But also saw this... context

But whilst I'm not happy about sharing I guess the truth is I just don't want to be part of this arrangement.

Yes, TBH the room sharing is only a small part of the issue. It's changed the whole appeal of the holiday. But it is all paid for!

This feels "bigger" because of their weird relationship though.

Confusion101 · 05/07/2023 21:04

YANBU to text your friend / group and say "I don't feel comfortable sharing a room with somebody I don't know". Even if others would be comfortable with it, you aren't and you know the group a long time so sending a message like that shouldn't be a big deal!

I get that it changes the dynamic of the group which is the tricky part of all of this so I suppose you need to decide do you want to miss out on the holiday altogether, and lose money, or else just go. I think I'd send a message like "I wish you had told us before she booked. I don't feel comfortable sharing a room with somebody I don't know".

DreamTheMoors · 05/07/2023 21:10

Surely saying “I’m not comfortable with this arrangement,” or “this bedroom arrangement makes me uncomfortable and I can’t agree to it” should be enough.

Why should you be required to provide a long list of reasons?

SheilaFentiman · 05/07/2023 21:28

Confusion101 · 05/07/2023 21:04

YANBU to text your friend / group and say "I don't feel comfortable sharing a room with somebody I don't know". Even if others would be comfortable with it, you aren't and you know the group a long time so sending a message like that shouldn't be a big deal!

I get that it changes the dynamic of the group which is the tricky part of all of this so I suppose you need to decide do you want to miss out on the holiday altogether, and lose money, or else just go. I think I'd send a message like "I wish you had told us before she booked. I don't feel comfortable sharing a room with somebody I don't know".

This.

nebulae · 05/07/2023 22:37

I genuinely wouldnt care so i dont get it.

This is the problem. Some people wouldn't care about sharing a room and can't see why anyone else would care about it. Exactly the problem I have with one of my friends. But I need my space. I'd rather pay more and have a room to myself. But friend seems to think that if there's space it must be filled.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 06/07/2023 11:44

Is it possible that you are the "chaperone" to make everything look innocent to the woman's husband?

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 06/07/2023 11:46

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 18:06

I've been there twice while they fawn over each other. I've maybe passed a couple of dozen words. There's no way she's a friend. I think I know who my friends are.

Show quote history

Well it sounds like it's not you she's going to be sharing with!

SheilaFentiman · 06/07/2023 13:36

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 06/07/2023 11:46

Well it sounds like it's not you she's going to be sharing with!

Show quote history

The man in question is sharing a room with the birthday boy.

Moederhen · 06/07/2023 22:51

Definitely this

Bunce1 · 06/07/2023 23:13

tricky!!

YANBU- your old male friend is being an idiot and this is a total dick move. I’d be telling him no way no day and he can unbook and uninvite.

if that’s too scary- say oh shite can’t make it. I have a feminist seminar on male entitlement and boundaries that week. Can’t be missed!

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 08/07/2023 08:02

Worst case scenario, and you end up sharing. Take a recording of the loudest snoring you can, and play it when you all go to bed
see how long she still wants to share

SurfingNovice · 08/07/2023 20:09

I sincerely hope you are paying more if you are insisting on having the room to yourself, when everyone else is sharing.