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Original poster

Is it me or is this ridiculously unreasonable?

103 replies

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 17:53

A friend is organising a trip for his 50th birthday. It's to an event related to a hobby we share in a European city he has family links to.

In the original group, there is me, 2 couples, another male friend and the birthday boy. We've been away as this group before and it's always been good.

Air BnB has been booked that can accomodate 8, plan being one room for each couple, the two men share and a room for me. All good, although I'd be happy to share if a female friend wanted to come.

So, male friend (not organiser) has invited a young, glamorous, married friend and told the rest of us she's coming and will be sharing with me. None of us know her, I've met her twice and frankly the behaviour between her and friend/her colleague is cringey. They literally can't keep their hands off each other.

So now, I'm sharing with someone I don't know, the group dynamic changes completely and we have this very strange "platonic" colleague relationship between a single middle aged man and a married young woman going on in the middle if it.

Her flights were booked before any of the rest of us were told. The rest of us have already booked flights and accommodation is paid for (she will contribute a share).

It's not me, is it? This is a terrible way to carry on? WWYD?

OP posts:
ButterCrackers · 04/07/2023 21:50

Tell the group that you paid for your room and are not sharing a room. You don’t know this person and you don’t want to have her in your room that you paid for and agreed to have. The other woman can stay at a local hotel.

SheilaFentiman · 04/07/2023 21:57

dancinginthesky · 04/07/2023 21:03

You said you'd be happy to share with a friend, you didn't specify whose friend. He's done exactly what you said just not how you meant it

What the heck is this nonsense?

If I say “I’m going to the cinema with a friend” then I clearly mean “a friend of mine” not “someone else’s friend”

And that goes triple for room sharing!

InTheMiddleOfIt · 04/07/2023 22:12

Yanbu. I'd hate that.

OsirisservesAnubis · 04/07/2023 22:14

YANBU for loads of reasons

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/07/2023 22:20

So what is the plan? Are you going to approach him about finding alternate accommodation for her, or have a group chat, or ??

Part of the fun of a holiday is the anticipation and now that part is ruined for you. I'd be livid.

SheilaFentiman · 04/07/2023 22:39

The more I think about it, the more pissed off i am with the male friend. Even if it was someone you know well, he shouldn’t have added a woman to the group and let her book her flights and assume she was sharing a room with you without checking at least with you and the birthday guy, and really, the whole group.

Shoemadlady · 04/07/2023 22:43

Why not just book another little Airbnb or hotel around the corner?

Hawkins0001 · 04/07/2023 22:45

@Dotandtime are they having an affair ?

SheilaFentiman · 05/07/2023 08:56

Shoemadlady · 04/07/2023 22:43

Why not just book another little Airbnb or hotel around the corner?

Do you mean the Op or the new guest?

rookiemere · 05/07/2023 09:25

I think you can say that you don't particularly want to share a room with someone you don't know.
Hopefully others will chip in with their reservations as well.

Original poster
Dotandtime · 05/07/2023 09:27

Hawkins0001 · 04/07/2023 22:45

@Dotandtime are they having an affair ?

I don't know. I don't think so, not physically anyway, but he has told me she messages him in the middle of the night when she's not happy with her husband!

I can't quite make him out TBH. I've known him a long time and he's always been thoroughly decent to me, one of the kindest people I know, always remembers to ask after whatever crisis we last spoke about, always first to offer help with a practical issue, but he does have a bit of a history with "unobtainable" pretty young women.

I can't quite decide if he's a player, man looking for love in all the wrong places, or actually a commitment phobe subconsciously chasing relationships that can't come to anything! It's possible he's taken a sad young woman under his wing with a genuine desire to help her...maybe. Fascinating but also possibly a bit tragic to watch.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 05/07/2023 09:35

rookiemere · 05/07/2023 09:25

I think you can say that you don't particularly want to share a room with someone you don't know.
Hopefully others will chip in with their reservations as well.

I’d lose the “particularly” and go with “don’t want to”!

Gymtastic · 05/07/2023 09:51

You sound like you’ve an issue with her, what’s the fact she’s young and glamorous got to do with anything? And then the whole can’t keep their hands off each other. The dynamic changes, I can’t decide if you’re jealous of her or one of these disapproving over active imagination types.

SheilaFentiman · 05/07/2023 10:00

Gymtastic · 05/07/2023 09:51

You sound like you’ve an issue with her, what’s the fact she’s young and glamorous got to do with anything? And then the whole can’t keep their hands off each other. The dynamic changes, I can’t decide if you’re jealous of her or one of these disapproving over active imagination types.

Looks and youth aside, don’t you think the dynamic of the holiday changes if a person who most people don’t know is added to a bunch of old friends? Even without the sexual tension and the OP being required to share a room with a near stranger?

SheilaFentiman · 05/07/2023 10:01

And op is entitled to not particularly like a friend of her friend, whatever the reason, and to not share a room with someone she’s not comfortable with.

Original poster
Dotandtime · 05/07/2023 10:15

Gymtastic · 05/07/2023 09:51

You sound like you’ve an issue with her, what’s the fact she’s young and glamorous got to do with anything? And then the whole can’t keep their hands off each other. The dynamic changes, I can’t decide if you’re jealous of her or one of these disapproving over active imagination types.

I think I'm allowed to not particularly warm to a married woman who's very obviously flirting with another man?

OP posts:
Gymtastic · 05/07/2023 10:17

Dotandtime · 05/07/2023 10:15

I think I'm allowed to not particularly warm to a married woman who's very obviously flirting with another man?

Show quote history

Yet you warm to the man who is flirting with a married woman?

Original poster
Dotandtime · 05/07/2023 10:20

Gymtastic · 05/07/2023 10:17

Yet you warm to the man who is flirting with a married woman?

Show quote history

I've knownhim for a really long time, he's been a good friend to me, I have more than this experience to go by....and he's not married. I don't hold OW responsible for a man who cheats either, but yes I'm disappointed in his behaviour over the whole thing too.

OP posts:
Gymtastic · 05/07/2023 10:23

I dunno op . I can’t work it out, if you’re jealous of her and feel put out she’s younger than you, glamorous and gets his attention instead of you. Or you really are very puritanical and blame her for what you perceive as flirting. And just as they may flirt, or in others eyes are good mates, doesn’t mean they will do anything.

by all means tell him you don’t wish to share. It won’t go down well and she will still come. They will just rejig the rooms to work.

SirChenjins · 05/07/2023 10:26

Then let them rejig the rooms with the OP’s agreement - it’s not the OP’s role to facilitate their holiday plans.

Gymtastic · 05/07/2023 10:28

SirChenjins · 05/07/2023 10:26

Then let them rejig the rooms with the OP’s agreement - it’s not the OP’s role to facilitate their holiday plans.

Agree.

im just not sure the issue is really the op doesn’t wish to share with someone she’s only met twice. I suspect the issue is the op doesn’t want her to come, as using her words, she’s young, glamorous and this man she thinks flirts with her/gives her attention,

Gymtastic · 05/07/2023 10:30

Dotandtime · 04/07/2023 19:58

I think it would change the liklihood that she'd been invited 😆

Show quote history

Is this what you’re hoping for? As that ship has sailed she’s already invited and coming, they will just have to rejig the sleeping arrangements. She may even share with him.

SirChenjins · 05/07/2023 10:34

Gymtastic · 05/07/2023 10:28

Agree.

im just not sure the issue is really the op doesn’t wish to share with someone she’s only met twice. I suspect the issue is the op doesn’t want her to come, as using her words, she’s young, glamorous and this man she thinks flirts with her/gives her attention,

Show quote history

So what? The OP can choose who she shares a bedroom with for any reason she so wishes. She was not asked, she was told - and equally he can be told no.

Gymtastic · 05/07/2023 10:37

SirChenjins · 05/07/2023 10:34

So what? The OP can choose who she shares a bedroom with for any reason she so wishes. She was not asked, she was told - and equally he can be told no.

Show quote history

I’m finding you’re lashing out and attacking anyone who questions the ops motives quite unusual. This is a chat forum, we are allowed to discuss and question, and no one said she wasn’t allowed. If the thread is causing you issues, maybe take a step back?

SirChenjins · 05/07/2023 10:40

I’m finding you’re coming across as over-invested in the OP’s desire not to share a room with a near stranger. How odd you are.