Page 6 | Police asking for an apology from ds

Driventodistraction0 · 2023-07-03T13:24:06+00:00

DS (17) got into a scuffle at the weekend with a friend. Each hit each other once, no physical harm done. It was a stupid argument over a girl and we’ve said how disappointed we are and emphasised what harm for both of them it could have led to. He is feeling really bad about it, he has been really struggling with his mental health anyway. He has apologised to the friend and friend has accepted. The police rang last night and said they wanted to speak to DS (they were at the scene when it happened). The police have said that he will not be cautioned but that they want him to sign an apology. They said this apology would be seen on future enhanced CRB checks. He wants to train as a teacher so I’m gutted this is the case. We’re all for the police coming to talk to him but this is the first time he has ever been in any trouble ever. I’ve tried to Google how long this would stay on a crb but can’t find anything.

Mikimoto · 04/07/2023 08:14

So the son hit someone so hard, he fell to the ground. The police just happened to be there. Then "the friend and everyone else wanted to fight him".
Lots not being told, either by OP or the son ("they're friends again"...according to DS...).
This is the police teaching DS to control his violence. And if he can't do that, maybe he shouldn't be going into education.

June12 · 04/07/2023 08:20

OMG12 · 04/07/2023 05:19

So your son committed a criminal offence. It’s not that unusual for people to die from a single punch. Maybe if your sin is of a mindset to punch a friend over a girl he’s probably not in the right mindset to be a teacher?

Maybe this is a lesson to learn the consequences of his actions. I know it’s popular on MN to hate the police. But if someone had walked up to your son and punched him, he had fallen over and banged his head to be left with permanent brain damage what would you want the police to do then, it was pure luck this didn’t happen here.

The police have every responsibility to stop crime, your son committed a crime. Maybe he needs to accept the consequences. As for all the shouts of “haven’t police got better things to do” actually no, this is a crime which could have had fatal consequences- your son needs a sharp lesson to stop it ever happening again. Would you have wanted someone teaching your child who assaults people?

You clearly didn't read any of the OP her son did not throw the first punch. The friend punched him first, what was her son meant to do after that, Stand there and the friend beats him up or try to walk away and probably have friend follow him and still beat him up. You are allowed to defend your self when someone is attacking you.

Simplestead · 04/07/2023 08:21

While no official figures are available on one-punch deaths, the campaign group One Punch Can Kill has recorded more than 80 fatalities since 2007.

thedancingbear · 04/07/2023 08:38

June12 · 04/07/2023 08:20

You clearly didn't read any of the OP her son did not throw the first punch. The friend punched him first, what was her son meant to do after that, Stand there and the friend beats him up or try to walk away and probably have friend follow him and still beat him up. You are allowed to defend your self when someone is attacking you.

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No, he told his parent that he didn’t throw the first punch. Huge difference.

GodspeedJune · 04/07/2023 08:40

I doubt your son or his mate care how frightening it is to see young men behaving like this in public, but I’m glad the police aren’t turning a blind eye. It’s not just about your son and his mate making up, other members of the public shouldn’t be forced to witness and be frightened of getting caught up in their violence. It’s also absolutely not the disposition that is needed to work with children.

Ofcourseshecan · 04/07/2023 08:51

No wonder police have no time to investigate real crimes when they waste time on pointless gestures like this. Two teenage boys have a silly scuffle, then apologise and it’s all over with no harm done. Meanwhile women are raped and terrorised …

thedancingbear · 04/07/2023 08:54

Ofcourseshecan · 04/07/2023 08:51

No wonder police have no time to investigate real crimes when they waste time on pointless gestures like this. Two teenage boys have a silly scuffle, then apologise and it’s all over with no harm done. Meanwhile women are raped and terrorised …

It's not a 'silly scuffle'. The OP's son hit someone hard enough to put him on the ground.

This kind of behaviour and rape are part of the same phenomenon, namely male violence. You let one go, you encourage the other.

whodawhodaeho · 04/07/2023 09:00

I wouldn't sign anything, get legal advice if the police then threaten to caution.

IS there no real crime they can investigate, rather than 2 teens scrapping??

TheNoonBell · 04/07/2023 09:04

If DS isn't charged then he need to do nothing.

No apology needed.

IamnotHWhittier · 04/07/2023 09:06

Putting anything in writing is a formal admission of guilt.
If the friend hasn’t made a formal complaint I wouldn’t sign anything.

Nor would I correspond by email.
Keep everything over the phone if you have to contact them and as other MNs have said, get legal advice.

Crumpleton · 04/07/2023 09:10

RunningFromInsanity · 03/07/2023 14:47

A fight between 2 grown men leading to them physically assaulting each other?
That’s exactly the sort of thing the Police should be involved in.

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Exactly...
And hope its lesson learnt while both are still young and have their future ahead of them.

ReformedWaywardTeen · 04/07/2023 09:12

Ofcourseshecan · 04/07/2023 08:51

No wonder police have no time to investigate real crimes when they waste time on pointless gestures like this. Two teenage boys have a silly scuffle, then apologise and it’s all over with no harm done. Meanwhile women are raped and terrorised …

It probably ups the successful crime investigation rates. Another public service incentivised to warp figures via stupid things like this, same as when the benefit figures are released the sanction rate goes up.

Batalax · 04/07/2023 09:16

I think the police can add to their stats about resolving crime with that apology, same as with a caution.

Another thread about cations alerted me to the fact that you don’t have to accept one, and that they are wanted by the police for the reason above. I’d pay for a solicitors advice purely for the career he wants to go into.

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/07/2023 09:22

ReformedWaywardTeen · 03/07/2023 22:02

Do you know this makes me so cross. The police are always making excuses for poor investigation and conviction rates on serious crime yet waste time over a bit of silliness between two lads who have dealt with it at home.

Tell them no thank you, it has been sorted out between the two boys and their families, you do not think there is a need for police involvement and then see whether the other family have had the same. Because frankly, if they've not also asked the other lad to sign, that's out of order and they are apportioning blame for very little reason, which I would also question them about their biased behaviour.

I would then suggest a solicitor. As in my recent experience the police can get very nasty when told no.

Being punched so hard you fall over is not a bit of silliness. And it sounds like OP 's son is violent and out of control. He's only 17. Had he been drinking?

Not saying don't take legal advice but it's not ok to go round hitting people.

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/07/2023 09:25

Ofcourseshecan · 04/07/2023 08:51

No wonder police have no time to investigate real crimes when they waste time on pointless gestures like this. Two teenage boys have a silly scuffle, then apologise and it’s all over with no harm done. Meanwhile women are raped and terrorised …

Next time he might hit a woman... Violent men don't just hit other men, generally. Surely any kind of violent crime should be a police priority. Not only if it's against a woman

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 04/07/2023 09:29

Say no. Don't do it. They probably won't chase it up.

Fightyouforthatpie · 04/07/2023 09:33

thedancingbear · 04/07/2023 07:05

Yes, get on the phone and explain you’re a middle class family. Then it will all be fine.

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😂

NerrSnerr · 04/07/2023 09:34

I do wonder what level of violence people experience in their personal lives (whether it was from parents, siblings, partners etc) when people describe someone punching someone so hard they fall over as a 'silly scuffle'.

I don't think we have the full story. Were the police just wandering past or had they been called due to a bunch of youths playing up? Why did the friends want to fight him? Unless he is just a hotheaded thug you're not just happily walking down the street and decide to fight your mate.

PopsicleHustler · 04/07/2023 09:37

@RunningFromInsanity
A couple of 17yr old teenage kids are not two fully grown men.

Op, I would flat out refuse to sign it. They had a silly scuffle. They feel bad about it. It was one hit each. No harm done. And now the police have been involved they should both feel ridiculous. But I wouldn't want this to ruin his future to train as a teacher.

Wheresthebeach · 04/07/2023 09:38

Get legal advice. I suspect your son has learnt a very valuable lesson.

I wouldn't be signing anything, and sadly I wouldn't trust the police to give me the full information about why they are asking, and what the consequences are.

Simplestead · 04/07/2023 09:39

Silly scuffle? Punching someone to the ground is not a silly scuffle.

Violence should not be normalised.

Simplestead · 04/07/2023 09:40

If he had hit a female would you call that a silly scuffle?

Fightyouforthatpie · 04/07/2023 09:42

memyselfi · 03/07/2023 15:08

Nope nope nope .
I wouldn't be signing anything .

Yes, yes, yes definitely never take any responsibility for anything

thedancingbear · 04/07/2023 09:48

PopsicleHustler · 04/07/2023 09:37

@RunningFromInsanity
A couple of 17yr old teenage kids are not two fully grown men.

Op, I would flat out refuse to sign it. They had a silly scuffle. They feel bad about it. It was one hit each. No harm done. And now the police have been involved they should both feel ridiculous. But I wouldn't want this to ruin his future to train as a teacher.

Disagree. 17-year olds are substantially fully-grown men. I've a nephew this age who is over six foot and built like a brick shithouse.

ClaudiaWankleman · 04/07/2023 09:57

thedancingbear · 04/07/2023 09:48

Disagree. 17-year olds are substantially fully-grown men. I've a nephew this age who is over six foot and built like a brick shithouse.

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Being 6 foot and a brick shithouse isn't the be all and end all of being fully grown though. There are mental aspects to being fully grown which you are completely ignoring.