Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How can a child have so little time to just play?

111 replies

Whatsun · 03/07/2023 13:58

We are always rushing ever since she has joined school. Rushing to school, then after school we rush through dinner and then rush to go to bed. We are always late for this or that.

She does get an hour or two (depending on my work) on most weekend days before dinner but by the time she has wound down a bit (doing nothing) and set up her play it's time for dinner. I feel she regularly needs a block of a few hours to just play whatever she wants. She doesn't get that. Doesn't help that she is quite slow and dreamy in everything so going to the toilet even for a wee can take ten minutes, removing her shoes and washing her hands another ten minutes, etc, dinner (or lunch) takes up to an hour (these days we've brought it down to 45min). I tell myself that when she's day dreaming that is also her kind of play but then I (and her) feel bad that she doesn't actually get to play or craft anything concrete. She spends so long dreaming up ideas for playing or crafting but doesn't get time to implement them or finish them.

The weekends aren't much better. And I'm quite keen that we go out for fresh air and sun on the weekends but that again means she doesn't get time for unstructured unlimited play at home. I keep telling her when it's time for dinner or bed that she can finish it tomorrow but I know that on the next day she won't have much more time either.

I just don't know what to do about it. I could cancel all her clubs but I can't pick her up much earlier from school as I need to work. At the moment we are home usually either by 4 or 5pm. She doesn't seem to do a lot more clubs than other kids either. She only does one club on the weekend.

I know the summer holidays are coming up but I think she needs time to play properly every week and not for weeks together once a year.

Is this normal? Is everyone always so short on time and rushes through everything? This can't be healthy for such young children, can it? What are we doing wrong?

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatsun · 03/07/2023 13:59

She loves reading and is doing well academically but I don't even feel like asking her to do her homework or practice one of their extra curricular activities. At her age I think that's fine but the time situation will only get worse, won't it? And at some point she will have to do more homework.

OP posts:
massiveclamps · 03/07/2023 13:59

How old is she?

Original poster
Whatsun · 03/07/2023 14:02

7

Sorry, I thought I had mentioned that in my op. Pretty important info.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Pkhsvd · 03/07/2023 14:04

I know what you mean but I think you need to make weekends less structured; we are busy in the week in the same way and on a Saturday we often do things but she gets a good few hours at some point on Saturday and definitely on Sunday, even if we go to the park there’s lots of time.
Also they have play time at school.

PuttingDownRoots · 03/07/2023 14:05

What do your days actually look like?

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 03/07/2023 14:05

You need to make more time on the weekend, we have Sundays as a day of "rest" so my dc can do what they want.
It's to much for a 7 year old.

ZickZack · 03/07/2023 14:05

Can you maybe do one weekend a month at home? Or even one Saturday? So she can have the whole day just pottering around and playing at home?

ZickZack · 03/07/2023 14:06

I should add, unless we have an actual event to go to, Sundays are usually us at home to rest, get small things done.

Kpo58 · 03/07/2023 14:07

Are you sure that she's daydreamy rather than just exhausted? That is a very busy week for a 7 year old. Does she want to do all those clubs/activities that she's been signed up for?

MeinKraft · 03/07/2023 14:08

'I feel she regularly needs a block of a few hours to just play whatever she wants. She doesn't get that.'

Give it to her then. I don't understand why she can't have an afternoon to play at the weekend.

Original poster
Whatsun · 03/07/2023 14:09

Pkhsvd · 03/07/2023 14:04

I know what you mean but I think you need to make weekends less structured; we are busy in the week in the same way and on a Saturday we often do things but she gets a good few hours at some point on Saturday and definitely on Sunday, even if we go to the park there’s lots of time.
Also they have play time at school.

Yes, so we have kept Sundays free but then we often do things as a family or meet friends (or her friends) and if we are doing nothing else I feel she needs some fresh air and we go to the park or the playground. And even though that might just be a few hours it kind of takes the whole day away.

I know I've got an idealised View of childhood as When I was a child we finished school at 1pm and I basically had the whole afternoon to do as I wished every weekday. In reality both dh and me need to work so even if school finished earlier she wouldn't get to go home much earlier.

OP posts:
Reugny · 03/07/2023 14:09

And I'm quite keen that we go out for fresh air and sun on the weekends but that again means she doesn't get time for unstructured unlimited play at home.

Choose either Saturday or Sunday morning.

On that morning you get her up, give her breakfast then leave her to play, read and generally be bored so she entertains herself.

If she then decides she wants to go out after 1pm to do something, you take her out.

The only exception to this schedule is if there is another child's or close family members birthday party.

AbacusAvocado · 03/07/2023 14:10

I know you want her to have outside time on the weekends - do you have a garden? We have one day each weekend where we make no plans and the kids just play at home all day long, inside or outside as they choose so that’s easy. Or do you need to take her out? Even if out, can you just take her to the park and let her run around and play as she chooses?

OhBling · 03/07/2023 14:10

I am not sure I understand why there's no time to play. If you're home at 4:30 or 5, what time is dinner and what time is bed? Becuase even if she's in bed for 7:30, that's a few hours she can just be chilling. Ditto on weekends - sure, go out and get some fun but why not set up a craft or whatever she wants in the morning then go out later or vice versa?

My DD is 8 and does ridiculous numbers of clubs (her choice, not mine!) but she still has plenty of time to do other things. Admittedly, she goes to bed at 9 as she sleeps straight through until 7:30, so that does give her a longer evening. But, for example, tonight she won't be home until 6:30. She'll have dinner immediately and then from 7-8 she'll be chilling. Usually she's watching something on YouTube while simultaneously doing some drawing or whatever. Sometimes she plays roblux with her friends. Then she'll have a bath, then gets ready to bed and inevitably is making loom bands or similar etc before she starts reading.

On a Tuesday, she just comes home and is hanging out here - sometimes outside on the trampoline, sometimes inside doing something, sometimes on her iPad.

Reugny · 03/07/2023 14:11

I feel she needs some fresh air and we go to the park or the playground

You keep repeating about how you feel she needs some fresh air.

Do you want her to do unstructured play in your home or do you want her to play in a playground/park?

bussteward · 03/07/2023 14:12

I know what you mean but needs must in order to have a working day. Keep weekends as loose as possible and don’t make plans, maybe drop tje weekend club. It’s summer so after school pick-up even with wraparound it’s still light, can she play in the park/garden and have a later dinner and later bed?

Babdoc · 03/07/2023 14:13

I didn’t take my two DDs to any clubs whatever, apart from a piano lesson once a week for an hour after school!
It meant we had tons of time to do whatever they and I fancied. Living in rural
Scotland, that meant beaches, hill walks, castles, forests, tourist attractions, etc, along with trips to the swimming pool, cinema and theatre.
But lots of time just playing in the garden, or in the fields, or curled up with a book or jigsaw indoors. In winter, they would be outside making snowmen and chucking snowballs at each other. You just need a good balance between things you plan for her, and things she enjoys doing on her own or with friends.

Original poster
Whatsun · 03/07/2023 14:14

PuttingDownRoots · 03/07/2023 14:05

What do your days actually look like?

7am: get up, rush through bf and getting ready for school
8.30 - 15.30: school
16:00: home, unwind, play a bit
18: dinner
19: play and unwind
19.30: start getting ready for bed

Once a week she does swimming and on that day she has zero time before dinner. Once or twice a week she either does an after school club or wrap around care and then we are home by 5pm.

Saturday morning she does a sport for 90min but it's kind of late morning so there isn't a lot of time before. Sundays we have nothing planned but then end up going to the park or some other outing.

OP posts:
Caravanvirgin · 03/07/2023 14:14

Assuming she has about 12 hours sleep, says spends 2 hours eating, showering and getting dressed (probably less), then even if she goes to the park for 2 hours that still leaves 8 hours a day at a weekend to play.

OneCup · 03/07/2023 14:15

I was educated abroad where all the kids went to school all day. This was the norm and fine. We didn't do much by the way of after school clubs though so went home round 5 and chilled afterwards. There is the assumption here that anything beyond 9-3pm is too much for children but it was very much what we all did as kids.

Original poster
Whatsun · 03/07/2023 14:15

Reugny · 03/07/2023 14:11

I feel she needs some fresh air and we go to the park or the playground

You keep repeating about how you feel she needs some fresh air.

Do you want her to do unstructured play in your home or do you want her to play in a playground/park?

I want more time so we can do both :-)

OP posts:
RidingMyBike · 03/07/2023 14:15

We don't do clubs/activities at weekends and keep weekend afternoons free for unstructured play - so usually 3-4 hours. Plus sometimes a weekend morning depending on whether we need to go somewhere.

What does she do after school? Mine comes straight home so is back for 3.30pm, but it's usually 4 by the time she's had a snack. Then she gets about 2.5 hours of unstructured time until tea at 6.30pm.

BettyBoopy · 03/07/2023 14:16

Could you spend Saturday afternoons at home after her activity for her to relax and play? Maybe invite a friend over instead of her having to go out again?

arethereanyleftatall · 03/07/2023 14:18

This doesn't really make sense op.

There's plenty of time for her to play.

For example, you've written 'rush around getting ready' in the hour and a half available in the morning.

You've detailed 'play a bit' in the two hours after school and before dinner.

Is the problem that she's a day dreamer and 'wastes' all her play time deciding on stuff? Because that's completely normal, surely every single child ever does that?

CremeEggThief · 03/07/2023 14:19

It's normal for a lot of people, probably most, but it doesn't mean it's right for you and your family!

I would have absolutely hated it, and did not like DS doing more than 2 extra-curricular activities a week, but I am very aware that the life most people live is not the one I want to live! All this dashing about and completely relying on the car way of life that I keep reading about on here is my personal idea of hell.