How can a child have so little time to just play?

[Whatsun]

We are always rushing ever since she has joined school. Rushing to school, then after school we rush through dinner and then rush to go to bed. We are always late for this or that.

She does get an hour or two (depending on my work) on most weekend days before dinner but by the time she has wound down a bit (doing nothing) and set up her play it's time for dinner. I feel she regularly needs a block of a few hours to just play whatever she wants. She doesn't get that. Doesn't help that she is quite slow and dreamy in everything so going to the toilet even for a wee can take ten minutes, removing her shoes and washing her hands another ten minutes, etc, dinner (or lunch) takes up to an hour (these days we've brought it down to 45min). I tell myself that when she's day dreaming that is also her kind of play but then I (and her) feel bad that she doesn't actually get to play or craft anything concrete. She spends so long dreaming up ideas for playing or crafting but doesn't get time to implement them or finish them.

The weekends aren't much better. And I'm quite keen that we go out for fresh air and sun on the weekends but that again means she doesn't get time for unstructured unlimited play at home. I keep telling her when it's time for dinner or bed that she can finish it tomorrow but I know that on the next day she won't have much more time either.

I just don't know what to do about it. I could cancel all her clubs but I can't pick her up much earlier from school as I need to work. At the moment we are home usually either by 4 or 5pm. She doesn't seem to do a lot more clubs than other kids either. She only does one club on the weekend.

I know the summer holidays are coming up but I think she needs time to play properly every week and not for weeks together once a year.

Is this normal? Is everyone always so short on time and rushes through everything? This can't be healthy for such young children, can it? What are we doing wrong?

Your week sounds okay to me. Being at club = playing. Does she want more downtime? It doesn't seem that hectic to me

Mine have hours and hours and hours of free time to simply play and be children. The only club I signed them up for is scouts/cubs, which covers so much for them in terms of enrichment. I have a friend who would boast about how many clubs she did as a kid....but it's not been a benefit to her current adult life at all. And it really made me realise that children don't need a fuck ton of clubs to be enriched.

I reiterate, she gets plenty of time to play based on your update.

Is the problem that she's a bit dreamy so instead of sitting down and drawing a lovely picture, she's wafting around, getting some dolls out, then picking up a piece of paper to do a little drawing but then wanders off and wants to watch tv? Because that's pretty normal. DD has multiple activities at any given moment and often I have to tell her that no, she can't have another 15 minutes to finish that loom bracelet becuase she spent 20 minutes on the trampoline and now hasn't got enough time.

But the ops dd isn't doing a tonne of clubs!! She's literally doing swimming plus one club. There is about 4 hours free per school day in their schedule, and 10 hours free per weekend day. Then there's 13 weeks holiday, and I'm not sure about other schools but mine seems to have about 20 other inset days/occasional day/strike days/BH days. So, I'm not getting how that isn't enough time to play.

OP, what kind of unstructured play does she enjoy at home when she does get the time? Could she not do that outside? My DS is younger, admittedly, but I also really value outdoor time and we're forever just taking his regular toys and games to the local park - we do lego, board games, puzzles, play with stuffed animals, diggers, tea parties, paw patrol rescues... if he was your DD's age and artsy I'd happily take some paints and brushes and a bottle of water. There are very few things that can really only be done indoors!

It looks like plenty of time but you might be stressed in the morning that she’s actually doing unstructured play while you’re wanting her to put her shoes on? So mornings seem rushed to you – because it is stressful being the one who needs to get a child to one place and you to work; from her POV she might be happily pottering along. One club night and two after school clubs still leaves two evenings a week where she has from 4 til 6pm to just play. Do you have an preconceived idea of what that play should look like and it’s clashing with what she’s actually happily doing?

So actually she has 2 hrs per school day between 1600-1800 to play? Then another half hour after dinner. Is that not enough?

I'm not sure why dinner takes an hour? Is she too tired to use the time after school to play? Because there seems to be plenty of time there...

2.5 hours of play at home a day during the week is quite a lot I think. You could add half an hour in her breakfast slot if you can encourage her to get ready faster.

It doesn't matter if she's slow and dreamy, just let her get on with it. You might find that her slowness is due to her digging her heels in against your chivvying. Leave her be, and one day it will dawn on her that it's her own time she's wasting. If her dawdling makes her late for school, then let her be late and suffer the consequences from her teacher.

Make an extra half an hour playtime after school by moving dinner to 6.30, and then between dinner and bedtime you can read together, or play a simple board game or something.

This! Take her out or let her play at home but don’t do one then stress about the other!

Yes- if she's slow and dreamy just let her get on with it! Being slow and dreamy is being herself. She probably has to speed up a bit at school!

Thanks for all the replies. I will reply in more detail tonight. Today I'm picking her up straight after school so I'll try to observe where all her time goes once we are at home. I'll report back. Thanks for your help in figuring this out with me!!

I guard our weekends quite carefully. 100% no to any clubs/sports at the weekend. Maybe 1 in 3 weekends we'll be away or will be busy but 2 out of 3 I deliberately keep very low key, and at least one day of these we won't see anyone else and won't try to do a day trip - just have a walk in the morning (we both need that) and then potter through the rest of the day. DD is a dreamer with a wild imagination that needs time to do its own thing so we tend to have a chunk of a few hours on a weekend day where we don't even communicate with each other as she is busy doing a game or role play thing or making up a story.

Our weekdays are quite busy between mine and DD's commitments but I make sure we have 30–60 minute wind down after dinner where DD draws or we do a jigsaw or game before doing the bedtime routine. Bedtime has crept later to facilitate this so it tends to look a bit like:

6pm dinner ready
6:45pm DD gets ready for bed while I clear up after dinner
7pm game/jigsaw/drawing time
7:45 DD reads to me then I to her
8:10 I leave DD reading to herself
8:30pm asleep

OP, you are stressing for no reason. Your dd has 2 hours each day apart from swim day between 4-6 to play as well as in the mornings. Why are your mornings so rushed? Get up 15 minutes earlier, breakfast doesn't take longer than 20 min max, getting dressed, teeth and hair another 10-15. Depending on your journey to school that should leave your dd half an hour to play in the morning.

It's up to you whether you take her to the park, why not an hour at the park and then play?

My dc do an activity on every single day of the week, apart from one day. They actually do 2 activities on 2 days, one activity on 4 days and dh and I both work. We meet with other families or our extended family mainly during the holidays or occasionally on a Saturday afternoon / evening. It's busy but greta fun. My kids have always played hours and hours, they have little screen time.

You didn't mention if your dd watches TV or plays computer games?

In your situation, I'd also let her join brownies.

Which country are you from where school finishes at 1? My dc would be terribly bored if they had to sit at home day after day playing in their room.

I may totally be barking up the wrong tree, but something occurred to me reading your post. Of my 3 Dses, only one is like you describe your daughter. Dreamy & taking a long while to do anything. He is 12 now & we have to allow 1.5 hours to get ready for school otherwise he wouldn't be. He was diagnosed a couple of years ago with inattentive ADHD (used to be called ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder) - also autism but it is the ADHD that causes him to be dreamy. Is it worth you looking into that too? Look up the symptoms & see if it fits? Apologies if this is totally wrong, it could well be.

The trick is: no more than 2 clubs a week at that age. One physical, one musical or fun. That's it.

At weekends, surely there is time for her to play and get fresh air. Mill around playing in the morning while you have a leisurely coffee. Out to the park in the afternoon.

My DC used to wake up early. I was so shattered by lack of sleep that by the time they reached that age, I got into the habit of setting up something like a play shop or plasticine hairdressing the night before and told them to go downstairs and see what toys had come out to play overnight. that gave me an extra 30-60 mins in bed.

Remember you can be playful about anything. You can talk about Mr Salt and Mrs ketchup wanting to run away to sea and sing on a cruise ship. Or you can ask where that snail on the pavement is going and what he's thinking as you head to school. Unstructured play is improv and you and she can improvise at any time.

Why this need for hours of play on her own? Surely meeting friends and being outside is playing. Assume that her clubs are fun things that she enjoys with other children (if not, change them). She also has at least an hour every night.

why are you rushing around in the morning? Seems like you have plenty of time. I get up a little earlier than needed so there is an hour and a half to have breakfast, play, and get dressed. I can’t stand rushing in the morning so I just don’t.

I have older DC but when they were 7, we'd often go to the park or beach after school with friends, then walk/scoot home about 2 miles so we would get in quite late for me to start cooking their dinner, 5.30 onwards in spring, summer, early Autumn. Not every day obviously but almost. My DC would both straighy away be playing with their toys, DS was obsessed with storylines with Lego characters and star wars figures. DD was the same but with Peter Rabbit treehouse and characters, playdough cooking for teddy bears cafe, Sylvanian families and Playmobil. Sometimes together even though 4 years between them. They just made time both went out bed about 8.30 at that age but they would be up pretty early doing the same before school. I really think most DC who want to do that kind of play are pretty passionate about it so is she really interested? Playing in the park is play and crafts etc is obviously beneficial. I knew some DC that were friends and they just didn't enjoy playing with toys, inventing worlds however much their parents tried to encourage it.

You're right to notice it. I'd try to drop the Saturday sport or the Sunday outing, if you think she needs more unstructured play time then she probably does. Some people are homebodies. My dd1 gets energy from doing stuff outside with other people, my dd2 needs downtime, knitting and painting. We are all different.

Yes. Maybe. She needs to leave the house at latest 8am to be in school on time and takes thirty minutes to have breakfast. We can't cut it down. We have tried. And she is severely underweight so can't really afford to miss a meal either. The quickest might be to have something on the way to school but that's not ideal either.

Yes, I've thought about that and I think we need to start just doing whatever she wants to do at that moment but outside.

No apology needed and you are probably right. I am diagnosed with ADHD so it's likely she has it as well (though I've got all possible fingers and toes crossed that she doesn't..). Having said that whatever the cause is I still want her to have more time to do the things she wants to do. Yes, she loses a lot of time dreaming and taking forever to eat or wash her hands but then she's disappointed that she doesn't get enough time to do whatever she had planned or dreamed up. If she had more time in general she could afford to day dream and take her time a bit.

Right. So if she takes 30 minutes to have breakfast, there's still an hour in your morning routine for play? Maybe take out ten minutes for dressing, hair and teeth.

But planning the game is utterly normal op. Have you never watched other 7 year olds play? One hour debating who is Anna and who is Elsa, and then the bell rings.