How can a child have so little time to just play?

[Whatsun]

We are always rushing ever since she has joined school. Rushing to school, then after school we rush through dinner and then rush to go to bed. We are always late for this or that.

She does get an hour or two (depending on my work) on most weekend days before dinner but by the time she has wound down a bit (doing nothing) and set up her play it's time for dinner. I feel she regularly needs a block of a few hours to just play whatever she wants. She doesn't get that. Doesn't help that she is quite slow and dreamy in everything so going to the toilet even for a wee can take ten minutes, removing her shoes and washing her hands another ten minutes, etc, dinner (or lunch) takes up to an hour (these days we've brought it down to 45min). I tell myself that when she's day dreaming that is also her kind of play but then I (and her) feel bad that she doesn't actually get to play or craft anything concrete. She spends so long dreaming up ideas for playing or crafting but doesn't get time to implement them or finish them.

The weekends aren't much better. And I'm quite keen that we go out for fresh air and sun on the weekends but that again means she doesn't get time for unstructured unlimited play at home. I keep telling her when it's time for dinner or bed that she can finish it tomorrow but I know that on the next day she won't have much more time either.

I just don't know what to do about it. I could cancel all her clubs but I can't pick her up much earlier from school as I need to work. At the moment we are home usually either by 4 or 5pm. She doesn't seem to do a lot more clubs than other kids either. She only does one club on the weekend.

I know the summer holidays are coming up but I think she needs time to play properly every week and not for weeks together once a year.

Is this normal? Is everyone always so short on time and rushes through everything? This can't be healthy for such young children, can it? What are we doing wrong?

Yes, thanks for understanding..sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy and making a mountain out of a molehill. I've tried asking other parents but no one seems to agree with me or understand where I'm coming from.

Why does it take 30 minutes to brush her teeth and get dressed? That seems excessive.

My 7 year old DS has a lot of free time because I'm in charge of her schedule and I'll ask her what she wants to do. I normally keep weekday evenings free but may go and see family, out for dinner or to the shops (not often though) and we do lots of reading, Barbie's, playing games on the tablet. Sometimes she'll ask for a games night where we play board games together. On weekends I'll ask her on the Friday what does she want to do and then I'll plan that in. She loves going to the park but I wouldn't make her go every weekend if she just wants a chill day. If we already have weekend plans then I tell her what they are so she can factor them in.

Agree, I'd also be worried that it takes 20 mins to wash her hands. After 5 mins I'd be passing her the towel.

Meant DD not DS

My DD is a procrastinator. Giving more time won't solve it... they just procastinate for longer!

You are underestimating how much time your DD actually has for play... these clubs at school (while you work), resting when she gets home, daydreaming while brushing her teeth... she is having time. She just isn't using it how you want her to use it. She will also be having play time at school.

My children went to school 7.30-1 when we lived abroad... it was lovely having those long afternoons. But all the mundane stuff had to be done too.

Your other dc is 2? Well that explains it then. It's an attention thing.

She's not spending ages dilly-dallying taking her shoes off, washing her hands, cleaning her teeth and whatever else. She is digging her heels in so that you have to stop attending to her younger sibling and pay her some attention. She takes ages getting dressed because she thinks the longer she strings it out, the more likely she is to get attention from you. The more you push her to be independent so you can concentrate on your younger dc, the more she regresses in the hope that she will be 'babied' too.

That's my (totally amateur) diagnosis anyway.

And no kid that age can possibly be too tired to take their shoes off when they come home from school. She just wants you to do it for her.

If you can work from home and your work is flexible then why does she need to go to any wrap around care or clubs?

You could just take time out to pick her up and then bring her home, you get straight back into work mode and then leave her to occupy herself until you finish, with instructions not to interrupt you unless there is an emergency.

So she will get extra switch off time when

My job is not that flexible and I can't just take out an hour to do the school run at least not every day. Also I need to pick up dc2 at the same time and I definitely can't work with a toddler around

I completely agree with you. Free play is so important for a child's development, and it's just not valued widely in the UK. My solution was to choose home education - there's obviously a level of privilege involved, although I also reassessed and then extensively changed my lifestyle in order to achieve it.

From the example day you posted, she might benefit from a slightly earlier dinner and then an earlier bedtime? It sounds counterintuitive because it would reduce the overall time available, but being less tired after school could reduce her procrastination.

Could you fit your food shop in on the weekend, on your way back from her sport session, to free an evening back up?

Are your DH's work hours flexible at all? Or if you're finishing earlier for the school run, could he cover the children's bedtime those days so you can make up your hours?

Do you have a garden? If so let her potter about on a saturday ir sunday? In or out, her choice…