Page 5 | DS doesn't want me to say our 'good night' things anymore

Brrrrrrrrrrrr · 01/07/2023 00:18

Hmmm it’s weird, I have family who say ‘love you to the moon and back and all the stars and back’ like an OCD mantra to each other whether it’s bedtime or saying goodbye. It’s very strange.

I just 😏 whenever I hear it.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 01/07/2023 00:18

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 30/06/2023 23:36

@DollyTheFluffyOne

I remember when I said to my son once "where has my little boy gone?" and he said "he's inside the big boy" . I still cry with that now and he's in his 30s.

Awwwwwwwwwwwww.

🥹💖

Smallyellowbird · 01/07/2023 00:28

I'm not allowed to sing the jammer jammer song anymore- 'with a clean face, toothpaste, a tinkle and a hug' but I'm still getting away with Night Night Baby bear and a nighttime kiss (she's 19).

RicherThanYews · 01/07/2023 00:30

Hell will freeze over before I give up "Night night Pumpernickel" or variations thereof. I call him that occasionally because of the Barney song about different bread types, he loved it 😁

Saschka · 01/07/2023 00:36

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 30/06/2023 20:04

Why would you think I am being sarcy @Toffeesgirl ?! There's a reason why your son doesn't want this 'special goodnight' anymore. Why are you being so snippy?

The eye-rolling emoji did make it seem like you were being a bit sarky…

oakleaffy · 01/07/2023 00:40

Toffeesgirl · 30/06/2023 19:46

I've said a special way of saying goodnight to him since, well forever, and now he's 15 and very nicely said he doesn't want me to say it anymore as he's not a child!!

I, obviously, didn't let him know I was heartbroken (lighthearted) and said Ok but omg, he's growing up and I'm not ready.

I know it's perfectly healthy and he is growing up and blah, blah, blah but he's my baby boy.

Please tell me I'm not the only one

Oh @Toffeesgirl I remember feeling really poignant when my DS also pulled away- but fear not - they have to 'Pull away to come back'...that's what my
friend's GP told her in passing..and that was a male GP!

Just do as your son wants- he probably feels embarrassed, I used to have a nickname for my son and would call him it, and he'd day ''I'm not ---, My name is {Name}''.

He sounds a nice young man, OP.

whataboutme77 · 01/07/2023 00:42

Oh @Toffeesgirl I hear you!!
I have an 11 year old and have said the same thing to him since I brought him home from the hospital.
(Basically saying I'll never stop loving him, because as a child I went to bed many times wondering if my parents had stopped loving me 🤷🏽‍♀️)

He's told me a couple of times over the years "no I'm too old for that"
But then slips back into wanting it when he's down or upset in some way. I'll feel sad when it's time to stop for good so totally get where you're coming from.

Maybe it's something that you can whisper quietly to his bedroom door once he's asleep or write it down ready to share it with your grandchildren when they come along 😆

oakleaffy · 01/07/2023 00:50

LyndaSnellsSniff · 30/06/2023 20:55

Last night my DS asked me to read to him because I hadn't done it for a while. He's nearly 14 and it was absolutely lovely.

That really is nice.

One very lovely mum I know had her teenager come to her after a night out once, and told the mum that teen was 'Tripping' and felt very strange.

Rather than panicking, the mum got an old childhood story book and began to read to the teen, who calmed right down.

Teen was fine afterwards- the mum did exactly the right thing.

Nat6999 · 01/07/2023 00:54

My ds is 19, he is moving into his first home tomorrow with his partner & gets married in August. Time goes so fast & they grow up in the blink of an eye, I miss the little boy who always held my hand, wanted a story at bedtime & to be tucked up with his dog & cuddly toys.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 01/07/2023 00:59

I can't type what our family thing was because I'll cry, but when my little brother was dying I said it every single time I left him. And towards the end when he was unresponsive, his eyelids would flutter and I would go home and cry. It was the last thing I ever said to him. These rituals are so important... but equally, it's OK that our DCs grow out of them.

SD1978 · 01/07/2023 01:02

@Toffeesgirl - ignore the snark. I have a private way of saying good night too, that isn't anyone else's business as to the contents, but a little 'ritual' we do every night together. My daughter still wants it, she's 11 and I'll always be a bit sad when I know that time is over. There is nothing to share with the vipers, it's private, and I know exactly what you mean!

SammyScrounge · 01/07/2023 01:26

Only a few weeks after he started school, at the school gates, my son wriggled out of 'the cya later hug' and the '3 kiss goodbye' with an exasperated cry of 'Mum!'. He didn't want the other boys to see him like a baby. It was like a knife in my heart. Mothers are ludicrous creatures sometimes.😘

CrazyArmadilloLady · 01/07/2023 02:19

I’m so sorry for your loss, @LaviniasBigBloomers 💔

I hate to be a Debbie Downer on what is really a lovely thread. But I always have a ‘there but for the grace of God’ heart-in-mouth moment when I read threads like this, or hear people say these sorts of things.

It’s normal to feel sad at the passing of time, and of children growing up. But it’s infinitely preferable to the alternative.

Every time I feel sad at the passing of some milestone, or the years slipping by, I think of all the parents who’d give anything to be watching the passing of time and children growing up and inevitably away.

Surlaplage · 01/07/2023 02:39

CrazyArmadilloLady · 01/07/2023 02:19

I’m so sorry for your loss, @LaviniasBigBloomers 💔

I hate to be a Debbie Downer on what is really a lovely thread. But I always have a ‘there but for the grace of God’ heart-in-mouth moment when I read threads like this, or hear people say these sorts of things.

It’s normal to feel sad at the passing of time, and of children growing up. But it’s infinitely preferable to the alternative.

Every time I feel sad at the passing of some milestone, or the years slipping by, I think of all the parents who’d give anything to be watching the passing of time and children growing up and inevitably away.

I feel the same. I was holding my 8 year olds son’s hand yesterday and was surprised he still wanted to take it. I told him that one day he won’t want to hold my hand and he looked horrified and said ‘why?!’ I told him it’s normal and that while I will miss his hand, I’ll be happy for him to grow up and become more independent. I gave his hand an extra squeeze because it sad as they grow up, but also as it should be.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 01/07/2023 03:02

You can whisper it op or just say it anyways! Unless he gets mad of course. I have a cassette tape (pre the days when everybody had mobiles and digital cameras) from when my dc was small, of our goodnight. It was story, song and bedtime prayer. Now you have reminded me, I need to find it.

The worst moment was when they moved out and Icwas buying chocolate for the kids Easter basket and my dh told me I didn't need to make them (dc age 18) one. I was holding back tears. It was as bad as when they walked into school for the first time.

NameforMN · 01/07/2023 04:43

I know exactly what you mean OP. My son is also 15 and over the last few months he's stopped asking me to go in to his room to say good night. The lead up to that has been a change in our routine from me hugging him every night to being told I had to just sit next to him..😳

He normally goes to bed about half an hour before me. Realising the lights are out as I walk past his door to my room, and he didn't ask me to say goodnight still catches my breath!

I miss that adorable little boy who held my hand everywhere we went. But I .very proud of the lovely young man he's become.

Fooksticks · 01/07/2023 04:50

Smartiepants79 · 30/06/2023 20:45

This place is like a parallel universe sometimes.
Firstly, I suspect this was supposed to be a bit of a joke.
Secondly, this is exactly what I’d do to my DD. Our relationship is such that she would roll her eyes at me, whine ‘muuuum!’ Give me a kiss goodnight and go to bed! No long lasting trauma or broken relationships. She knows I’m teasing.

Show quote history

Of course it's mean. Just because your DC accepts you acting like a dick, doesn't mean it's not a dick move.

What are you teaching her? That she has to put up with twatty behaviour by her family?

Someone asks you to stop saying something, and you continue to do it to wind them up, and you think it's ok? Yep, parallel universe....

Gytgyt · 01/07/2023 04:57

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 30/06/2023 19:48

Can you elaborate on the 'special way' you said good night?

Exactly. It sounds creepy. Look from your Son's point it probably took him a lot of courage to ask you to stop doing this OP. He's 15 don't mollycoddle him any longer.

Gytgyt · 01/07/2023 05:01

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 01/07/2023 03:02

You can whisper it op or just say it anyways! Unless he gets mad of course. I have a cassette tape (pre the days when everybody had mobiles and digital cameras) from when my dc was small, of our goodnight. It was story, song and bedtime prayer. Now you have reminded me, I need to find it.

The worst moment was when they moved out and Icwas buying chocolate for the kids Easter basket and my dh told me I didn't need to make them (dc age 18) one. I was holding back tears. It was as bad as when they walked into school for the first time.

What sort of disrespectful advise is this? OPs Son has requested his mother stop these special goodnights.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/07/2023 05:05

LyndaSnellsSniff · 30/06/2023 20:55

Last night my DS asked me to read to him because I hadn't done it for a while. He's nearly 14 and it was absolutely lovely.

Oh that’s actually made me well up. How lovely. I’d love that!

did you do all the voices? I would definitely do all the voices!

Seeleyboo · 01/07/2023 05:09

Awww. I still say our special night night. My sons are 28 and 25. When they visit now I use it as a goodbye. Both love it.

PomTiddlyPomPom · 01/07/2023 08:06

It wasn't a special way of saying good night that got me, I always hated 'children's TV' and swore I wouldn't let mine get into Cbeebies etc.
Anyway, mine both happened to bloody love In The Night Garden so we would all sit and watch it as a family before bed and that tinkly little song at the end meant it was time to go upstairs and go to sleep.
They loved it and it worked perfectly at settling them down and understanding 'bedtime' when they were little.
They started getting older and things changed, bedtime got later as they started doing hobbies in the evening and we just naturally stopped watching it, I didn't even think about it really until the tinkly little song from the end came on TV one afternoon!
Luckily I was on my own because I completely bawled my eyes out, I couldn't believe that one day we sat down as a family to watch that show together, the kids all bathed in clean pjs, soft and warm and snuggly and I didn't know that was it....never again!
Such a small silly thing and it floored me.
They grow up so quickly, so many things come to an end and you never know when you'll do something for the last time with them. It hurts whether they are five or fifteen so I suppose we have to make the most of it as much as we can before they grow out of special little routines.

Petalpup · 01/07/2023 08:34

That song floors me as well @PomTiddlyPomPom I watched it with my nephew when I babysat recently and it was nice but not quite the same.
we’ve got yr 6 leavers events coming up soon. I will be an emotional wreck!

PomTiddlyPomPom · 01/07/2023 09:26

@Petalpup it was my sons high-school prom last week, I'm still not over that bloody song😂

RicherThanYews · 01/07/2023 09:30

@LaviniasBigBloomers I'm sorry for your loss. I truly believe that the people we love and lose still hear us though, which is why I still say goodbye to my mum and sister in the cemetery, using the names that I had for them when they were alive. 💗